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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24702253">You Make Lovin' Fun</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/homosociallyyours/pseuds/homosociallyyours'>homosociallyyours</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Age Difference, Based on a True Story, Butch/Femme, Cruise Ships, Cunnilingus, Daddy Kink, Dildos, Eleanor Calder/Oli(ve) Wright, F/F, Girl Direction, Harry Styles &amp; Lizzo friendship, Louis Tomlinson Calls Harry Styles Pet Names, Masturbation, Niall Horan &amp; Liam Payne Friendship, Polyamory, Silver fox! Louis, Slow-ish burn, Strangers to Lovers, Zayn Malik &amp; Harry Styles Friendship, each chapter has specific ones, everyone else from the band is cis female, harry is american, poorly negotiated polyamory, sorry for these wacky tags, trans male Zayn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:54:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>109,915</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24702253</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/homosociallyyours/pseuds/homosociallyyours</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is a 28 year old travel writer at a gay magazine who gets the assignment to go a lesbian cruise. She figures it's a nice chance to have some fun in the sun, but she's not expecting much else-- even if her partner and best friend are both encouraging her to hook up with someone while she's there. </p><p>When she locks eyes with a gorgeous silver fox from across the room, she starts to think she could've been wrong. There are lots of things standing in the way of anything real happening with her and Louis, but that doesn't stop them from falling for one another. True love isn't always easy, but they do make lovin' fun. </p><p>Featuring artwork by the incredibly talented <a href="http://stelloulas.tumblr.com">stelloulas</a>!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Original Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>66</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>139</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>One Direction Big Bang Round 3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Assignment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>When I read <a href="https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/shannonkeating/lesbian-cruise">the article</a> this story is based on, I immediately knew I wanted to turn it into a fic. Foolishly I imagined it would be shortish and sweet, but as I started actually writing it I realized there was a lot more to it than I'd first thought. I never believed I could write something this long, and I'm so excited to finally share it! </p><p>The artwork in this fic was done by the incredibly talented <a href="http://stelloulas.tumblr.com">stelloulas</a>! She was a dream to work with, and created art that fit perfectly with the story. I'm so excited to get to share her work with everyone! </p><p>Please see the end notes for special thanks :) </p><p>Hope y'all enjoy reading!</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This fic takes place from March-June 2019, with an epilogue set 3 years in the future. Because it's based on a true story, I kept relatively close to the timeline that the author gives, though I took a lot of liberties with the story. This should go without saying, but please do not share this story with the author of the article or anyone else connected with her.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tags: Harry/Original Non-binary Character; American Harry; American Zayn; Harry &amp; Zayn friendship; poorly negotiated polyamory; masturbation</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>“Alright, and the last thing is an honest to God travel assignment, so that’s all you Harry. Harry. Harry Styles.” </p><p>Harry looked up from where she had her phone hidden-- perhaps not very well hidden --in her lap. Her boss was staring at her like she was waiting for something, so Harry scrambled for a pat response. “I agree,” she said finally, forcing herself not to look down when she felt her phone vibrate with her partner Ash’s response to the text she’d just sent moments earlier. </p><p>They’d been in the middle of an almost fight about when they could go up to Vermont to look at houses, and it had taken most of Harry’s will to stop herself from leaving the weekly team meeting several times already. Her phone buzzed again and she took a little breath, trying to smile at her boss.</p><p>“I should hope you’d agree to a travel assignment since that’s what you’re actually paid to write here,” Jamie said, comically widening her eyes at Harry. It got a small laugh from everyone and Harry felt herself blush. “Would you like to know anything about it?” </p><p>“Ahh, yeah. Yeah I would.” Harry leaned forward, elbows on the table and fingers poised to take notes on her laptop. She wasn’t their main travel writer, and as such had mostly covered local travel more than anything else, her most liked post to date being one about the hidden gems of Staten fucking Island of all places. Anywhere would be better than that. </p><p>“Right, so history lesson for you millenials on staff: once upon a time in lesbian history, there was a whole ass record label just for women’s music.” Jamie leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest like she was holding court. As if she herself wasn’t only <em> just </em> in Gen X by the skin of her born in 1979 teeth. </p><p>“Uhhh, Mr. Lady?” Maureen asked. She was new, and as such clearly did not understand how to read a fucking room. Harry ducked her head so it was hidden by her computer screen, raising her eyebrows at Maureen’s valid (but really dumb) comment. </p><p>Meanwhile Harry’s best work friend Zayn poked her in the elbow, waiting for her to turn around so they could share a look with one another. They would absolutely be talking about this in the group chat later. </p><p>“Mr. Lady?” Jamie tutted, shaking her head and sitting up in her chair. “Contrary to popular belief, cool shit didn’t just magically start happening in the 1990s, you know. No, Mr. Lady actually wanted to be as cool as Olivia Records, but they didn’t quite succeed. Now Olivia was a feminist record label before it was cool, we’re talking early 1970s. They’ve had their struggles, but they’ve been reborn. Like a goddamn phoenix.” </p><p>Harry looked over the notes she’d just typed for herself, glad they were for her eyes only. Her paraphrasing of Jamie’s little speech so far was basically: Olivia records, pre-Mr. Lady, god Jamie is such a pretentious ass about feminist shit as if any of us care about her tired second wave opinions. </p><p>Maybe the move to Vermont couldn’t happen soon enough. In which case Harry could try cutting Ash some slack. She tuned back in just as Jamie got to her point. </p><p>“And that is how they became the biggest lesbian cruise operator in the world right now.” Jamie pointed at Harry. “That’s where you come in. Olivia is giving us an all access pass to their next cruise. It leaves in three weeks, so you’ve got plenty of time to finish up the piece you’re working on, the, um,” Jamie snapped her fingers in the air a few times as if that would actually recall information. “Um--” </p><p>“I’m doing the Coney Island piece right now,” Harry finally supplied. </p><p>“Right, finish up Coney and get into research: history, activities, everything. Your liaison is a woman named Niall, so you’ll talk with her of course. This could be a really great piece; Olivia is definitely willing to pony up some advertising dollars for the magazine, not just with this issue but possibly for the entire year. I’m looking forward to seeing your best work so far, Harry.” </p><p>Harry nodded, typing in the last of the notes she’d taken down. They had one more check-in about an increase in paper usage and then the meeting was adjourned. Harry shut her laptop and tucked it away to go back to her desk, Zayn sidling up next to her as they left the room. </p><p>“So that’s fucked up,” Zayn whispered, eyebrows raised. Harry looked back at him with confusion. “Some 1970s woo-moon shit, they’re probably transphobic as hell.” </p><p>Harry hissed through her teeth. “I was barely paying attention, but you’re probably right. Ew, here I was thinking it was worth getting excited over.” Zayn nudged her shoulder. </p><p>“It <em> is </em> still a cruise, at least it’ll be nice. And you and Ash are still trying the whole open thing, yeah? Maybe you’ll find some random hot piece on the trip, even things out a little.” They reached Harry’s desk and she checked the time; it was ten minutes til one and she was still due a lunch. </p><p>“Come on, let’s go get salads from the mix it place, we can talk more there.” Harry grabbed her wallet and pushed Zayn toward his own desk to get his things. She was half hoping to avoid talking about Ash, though she was almost certain Zayn wouldn’t let her off so easy. He’d probably seen Harry texting them during the meeting. </p><p>Harry glanced down at her phone, remembering their text exchange. She opened it up to see what Ash had sent and then promptly closed it again; they were being an absolute unreasonable ass and texting was definitely not going to solve anything. </p><p>“They pushing you to go up to Vermont again this weekend?” Zayn asked, pressing the button to call the elevator. Harry sighed. </p><p>“Yes. Even though I’ve told them I’m on deadline and can’t spend a whole weekend in a fucking car, driving up there and back <em> and </em> in between however many small towns have places for sale in our price range.” She looked down at the last text they sent and then held her phone up so Zayn could see it. </p><p>Ash: ur being really selfish rn and it sucks<br/>Ash: u need to get more excited for this move tbh</p><p>Zayn read the words out loud and Harry made a face before shoving the phone into her trouser pocket. “So you can see what kind of stress I’m under,” she said, shaking her head. It was always easier to joke about stuff like this. Not that Zayn ever let her. </p><p>Harry had been in her last year at NYU when she met Zayn at Henrietta Hudson’s of all places, several years before Zayn transitioned. It took them one week of dating (read: fucking in Harry’s tiny ass dorm room during the short Thanksgiving break) to figure out that they were far better off as friends than anything else. Harry could read Zayn’s moods better than most, and Zayn knew when Harry was actually feeling goofy versus when she was making light of things to avoid stressing. </p><p>Working together had tested their friendship more than once, but they’d always come out stronger than before. Which was why Harry didn’t try any harder to hide how she was feeling, letting her head thunk back against the wall of the elevator. “They know this move isn’t going to be that easy for me. And it’s not like I didn’t offer to facetime in on houses they like, because I did! But sometimes I swear they’re just asking for more and never giving in on anything.” </p><p>“You feel that way because it’s true, babes.” The elevator doors opened and Zayn let Harry go out first, quickening his pace to keep up with her. “Ever since they cheated on you it’s like everything they’ve done is a test to see how much shit you’ll take.” </p><p>Harry cut her eyes at Zayn, frowning. “I forgave them for that. And besides, they’d talked about non-monogamy before and I just didn’t wanna listen.” </p><p>“Because you’re monogamous…” </p><p>“<em> Because </em> I’d only been in monogamous relationships until now.” Harry shook her head, pausing for a moment to check for traffic on the one way street before darting through the crosswalk, Zayn keeping pace. “Anyway, that’s irrelevant. I’m going on a cruise for <em> work, </em> it’s not like I’ll have time to find a fuck buddy or something.” </p><p>Later that night, Harry told Ash about her work day over a meal kit dinner they’d prepared together, one of their new date night activities. </p><p>“You should hook up,” Ash said, gesturing with a bite of fish at the end of their fork, “while you’re on the cruise. Heh, <em> cruise. </em> What if you flagged on the lesbian boat? Take your pink hanky.” </p><p>“Oh my God, shut up! Nobody single is going to bring a dildo on a fucking cruise, hoping to hook up.” </p><p>“You should.” Ash laughed, and Harry wadded up her napkin, tossing it so it bounced off their head. </p><p>“So...you want me to get together with somebody while I’m there?” Harry looked down at her plate, pushing a green bean toward her last bite of fish before looking back up at Ash, trying to hide the way her stomach twisted as she waited for their response. </p><p>“Jesus, Harry, I don’t want you to like, find another girlfriend. But it’s okay if you meet someone, maybe make out, hook up. Just like...have a fling.” Ash pushed their socked toe into Harry’s calf under the table. “That’s part of why we’re doing the open thing, right?” </p><p>“Right,” Harry agreed, spearing the green bean she’d been playing with earlier. “So, free ass pass.” </p><p>Ash stuck their tongue out, pulling a face and then chuckling quietly. “Weirdo. Yeah, you can call it that. As long as I don’t hear about it, anything goes.”</p><p>Harry updated Zayn on the situation the next morning over coffee at the office. She could’ve predicted Zayn’s reaction. </p><p>“God I hope you meet some complete snack and fuck their brains out on the lido deck or something.” He smirked as he said it, clearly pleased with himself, and Harry elbowed him in the side, not quite hard enough to hurt. </p><p>“You’re such an ass.” Harry sipped her coffee, vague thoughts of hooking up with some swaggery butch a little older than herself swimming through her mind. She quickly shook them from her head. “<em> If </em> I met anyone it’s not like it would go anywhere. I mean I’ll probably make out with someone if I can, but I really don’t expect to meet someone I actually want to have sex with on a lesbian cruise.” </p><p>Zayn waggled his eyebrows. “Tell me you wouldn’t love to get some lido dick,” he said before taking a big sip of coffee, eyebrows raised as he stared at Harry and waited for her reaction. </p><p>“Neither of us even knows what a lido deck is, Zayn. So lido <em> dick </em> is out of the question.” </p><p>At just that moment, Jamie walked in carrying her “#1 Lesbian Mom” mug and humming a song Harry didn’t recognize. She greeted them both with a nod and a smile, and Zayn gave Harry a playful nudge, mouthing the words “lido dick” at her with his eyes shining like he was holding back a laugh. Harry just rolled her eyes. </p><p>The next few weeks seemed to fly by. Harry made contact with Niall, her cruise liaison, getting page after page of information about each activity on the cruise itinerary and every port they’d be stopping in. She researched the history not only of Olivia records, but of Olivia cruises, reading a few passenger travel diaries that she found online and comparing them with those from people who’d been on similar-- yet heterosexual --cruises. </p><p>She even managed to find a weekend to go up to Vermont with Ash, dealing with the hassle of renting a car and booking an AirBNB to stay in that wouldn’t leave them driving all over to look at houses. It was a nice trip, albeit a little boring, and Harry took notes on some of the cuter things she saw, hoping that she might be able to use it for a piece about traveling the Northeast for a future issue of the magazine. </p><p>Her flight was scheduled to leave JFK at 6am on a Friday morning, so Harry asked for a half day on Thursday to get her final packing and travel arrangements done. Jamie didn’t mind (though Zayn expressed his extreme annoyance), and Harry spent her afternoon doing outfit triage in order to fit enough clothes into only one suitcase for the whole ten day trip. By the time Ash got home from work, Harry was tucking her toiletry bag into the front of her suitcase and double checking her packing list. Which was a good thing, considering she’d planned a date night for the two of them before going away. </p><p>Ash grumbled about leaving the house as they got ready to leave an hour or so later. Harry tossed a pair of clean socks at her, shaking her head. “Babe we’re just going to the place down the street, ‘s not like we’ll be gone all night.” Ash plopped onto the bed to pull their socks on as Harry pulled her hair up into a messy bun, eyes flicking to check her reflection in the mirror on the bedroom door. </p><p>She could see Ash in profile in the mirror, and she watched them carefully as she chose her next words. “I was thinking we could come back afterwards and, umm, Netflix and chill, maybe?” Harry pulled a couple of tendrils of hair out to frame her face as she watched Ash’s expression sour slightly. </p><p>“Sure, hon. We’ll put on one of those cheesy rom coms you like and see what happens, yeah?” They stood, brushing away non-existent lint from the front of their jeans, and went to the closet to slip on their shoes. “What time’s your flight tomorrow? It’s early, right?” </p><p>“Yeah,” Harry said, allowing herself to pout into the mirror for a moment before schooling her face. “I’ll have to leave here at 4am to get to the airport, but I’m planning to just sleep on the flight. Plus I have a day in a hotel before the ship boards, so I’ll get a chance to crash in Miami for the night before I need to be on.” </p><p>“That’s cool.” Ash emerged looking effortlessly cute, their short, dark hair still perfectly done in its usual messy-yet-professional style, dark jeans and a button down undone just so. “You ready?” </p><p>Harry looked down at herself; her outfit wasn’t one of her favorites and her hair looked less cool femme hipster and more busy femme teacher. Even though she’d spent just as much time getting dressed as Ash, she somehow felt woefully underdressed. “Lemme throw on some lipstick.” Ash sighed quietly, pulling their phone from their pocket and leaning against the doorframe to wait. Harry slicked on a coat of her favorite red and checked her reflection again, instantly feeling better. </p><p>“Good?” Ash asked without looking up. Harry nodded, and they headed out to dinner.</p><p>The restaurant was a favorite of theirs, a relatively tiny place that served a prix fixe menu Tuesdays through Fridays. They always had a wine special, and by now the servers knew both of them by name. Harry thought that Ash might’ve even had a date with one of them, though they didn’t share that information with each other-- that only happened when things got serious, if they ever did. </p><p>It hadn’t happened yet. </p><p>Their server came to take their order already holding the bottle of wine they'd planned to ask for and dropping it off with a wink. Harry and Ash exchanged a look with one another and laughed; even in a city as big as New York (well, Brooklyn, technically), it was always possible to feel like you were in a small town. Especially with a neighborhood spot like this. They’d just gotten their appetizer-- an asparagus and sorrel soup --when the sound of someone tapping a fork against their glass made everyone stop and turn. </p><p>Harry recognized the couple right away, though she didn’t know their names. The two men were regulars in the restaurant just like she and Ash were, standing out in the way they always chose to sit on the same side of the table instead of across from one another. Ash called them ‘the same-siders’. Harry just called them adorable. </p><p>The taller of the two stood up, tapping a piece of flatware against his glass once more. “I’m sorry to interrupt everyone’s dinner, but I think everyone should hear what I have to say.” He raised his glass as he looked around the room, subtly signalling that everyone else should follow his lead. Most of the patrons did. </p><p>“This place has been one of my favorites ever since moving here ten years ago, and most of you may not know this, but it’s not just Magda’s perfect roast chicken that keeps Stephen and I coming back. The two of us met here one night five years ago, and it’s felt like our place ever since.” </p><p>Collectively the whole restaurant awwed softly. The man turned to flash a smile before looking back toward his partner. </p><p>“When we met, I just needed someone to split a bottle of wine with. I never thought that a bottle of Pinot Noir would bring me the love of my life, but it did. Stephen is warm and funny and has never once walked past someone asking for money without giving them something. He’s the kind of person who calls his friends on their birthdays. All of them, every single person. He’s a connector and a builder and he makes me want to be a better person every day I’m with him. I think I am a better person. Anyone who knows him is better, right away.” </p><p>Harry felt tears welling up in her eyes, and she did her best to hold them back, fixing her eyes on the wine in her glass. </p><p>“He’s the sort of man I want to be able to sit with every day, just to admire what he’s like. And that’s why I wanted to ask him, in front of all of you strangers and potential friends here in our favorite place in the neighborhood we call home--” The man went down on one knee, but Stephen was already standing, pushing back his seat to throw his arms around him as an answer. “Stephen, will you please marry me?” </p><p>“Yes, Miguel. Yes.” </p><p>Seeing tears in the two men’s eyes was all it took for Harry to let loose her own as she raised up her glass, cheering and toasting before she took a sip of her wine. As she watched them embrace, sharing kisses, she thought back on some of the times she’d seen the two of them in the restaurant. Miguel always pulled out Stephen’s chair first before taking his own seat, and Stephen was always the one to hold the door or shelter the two of them under an umbrella in the rain. They often smiled at Harry and Ash, giving them a friendly nod if they passed one another on the way to the farmer’s market or the good coffee shop nearby. </p><p>She didn’t know them, but in the moment it felt very much like she did, and Harry sniffed back her tears with a pleased smile as she turned back to Ash. “God, that was beautiful, wasn’t it?” </p><p>Instead of being met with Ash’s gaze-- and perhaps their own tearstained eyes --Harry found herself looking at the top of their head as they stared down at their phone. “Hmm?” They asked, eyes barely flicking up as they finished the text they were writing. “Sorry, were you...oh,” they nodded toward Stephen and Miguel, who’d taken their seats once more but who were still looking at one another intensely. “Yeah, that was sweet.” </p><p>“Did you think?” Harry tried to make herself sound casual, though she was feeling anything but. “That it was just, uh...sweet?” </p><p>Ash looked at Harry, raising an eyebrow. “Yeah? I just said it was.” They paused for a moment, staring at their wine as it swirled in their glass. “I mean. Might’ve been a little overboard for a Thursday night.” They pursed their lips, leaning in to whisper, “I mean I kinda wonder if they were just like, trying for a free meal or something? Like, who does <em> that </em>?” </p><p>Harry took a gulp of her wine, looking into the pale green of her soup and feeling suddenly queasy. “Definitely not everyone,” she finally managed to say. Ash nodded in agreement, slipping their phone back into their pocket and holding up the bottle of wine to offer Harry more. She could certainly use it. </p><p>And she absolutely drank more than her share. Ash didn’t seem to mind, letting Harry have her third glass before they’d even finished their first. The meal was filling enough that Harry wasn’t quite tipsy as they walked home, though when Ash held out their arm Harry was grateful to loop her own through it, leaning into Ash’s side as they made their way back. </p><p>When they got up to the apartment, Harry immediately went to change into her soft clothes, doing all of her basic pre-bed routines aside from brushing her teeth. While she didn’t plan on sleeping just yet, she figured there was no reason to be uncomfortable while netflix and chilling (or possibly netflixing and chilling? She wasn’t sure who to ask). Ash was still in the bathroom while Harry picked out a movie, and by the time they came out Harry was resting her head against the back of the couch, the wine and rich meal sitting heavy in her belly. </p><p>“Oh, it’s a Netflix original rom com kinda night,” Ash said as they sat down on the couch perpendicular to Harry. They shoved their toes under Harry’s thigh and wiggled them. “The Boys one, I like that one. Asian heroine, that doofy guy. Good choice, babe.” </p><p>Harry scrunched her nose, sleepy and fond, and hit play. She stroked slowly over Ash’s ankle as the movie started, gradually leaning closer across the couch. Her touch went higher with each progression of the plot, first over the sparse hair of Ash’s well-muscled calves and then up to their thighs. By the time the fake dating plot arose in earnest, Harry was lazily sliding her hand up Ash’s inner thigh, just dancing against the hem of their sleep shorts. She turned to move closer and saw that Ash’s head was back, mouth open in a quiet snore. </p><p>Craning her neck to look at the kitchen clock, Harry saw that it was just after 10pm-- not late, but also not so far off from the typical bedtime she and Ash observed --and she rolled her neck from side to side, stretching and considering her options. She could wake Ash, maybe see if they wanted to at least get off together even if they didn’t fuck. She could also just try and <em> initiate </em> sex, wake them up and make a move that would turn things from cold to hot in one little moment. </p><p>Or she could get ready for bed and then wake them up when she was finished to join her in sleeping.</p><p>It wasn’t like she didn’t <em> want </em> to have sex with Ash. She looked over at the way their thighs had fallen open and thought about how she used to leave matching hickeys on either side before going down on them, little marks that she’d poke at, giggling, when Ash leaned over to kiss her goodbye the next morning. That was back when Ash would sneak behind Harry and walk their hands over the laurel tattoos near Harry’s hip bones until their fingertips were grazing the waistband of whatever bottoms she was wearing. </p><p>Harry shivered at the thought of Ash sliding their fingers under her panties and teasing her until she was begging to be fucked, desperate and wet and grinding back into them. They used to pack a lot more back then, before the two of them had moved in together and gotten more professional and settled. She looked over at Ash, biting her lip and questioning herself for not taking the initiative to just wake them up and tell them how badly she wanted to be fucked. </p><p>They let out a snore and Harry huffed quietly, spreading her legs a little wider as she put her hand down her pants. She was wet from the thoughts she’d been having, and moved her fingers over her clit with more intensity than she normally would as she brushed over her nipples with her free hand. This wasn’t going to be a slow build of an orgasm. That was not what she deserved. At least that’s what she told herself as she slid her fingers into her slick and rubbed quick, harsh circles against her clit. </p><p>She ground down into the couch, biting back the sounds she wanted to make as she pinched down on her nipple and tried to imagine teeth-- Ash’s --and a clever mouth and strong, compact hands pushing inside of her. She came as fast as she’d hoped she would, silently allowing herself the pleasure of feeling her own cunt pulse around her fingers while she came down before letting her head fall back against the couch. She hit play on the movie and let it go while she berated herself for getting off with her partner inches away from her, probably willing to have sex if not altogether ready. </p><p>When she’d settled, Harry got up and went to the bathroom, finishing up her bedtime routine. Ash was still dozing on the couch when she turned the movie off and touched them gently on the shoulder to wake them. Ash went to bed without protest, giving Harry a kiss of the lips once they’d both gotten under the covers. Harry slept fitfully, tossing in bed until she finally drifted off sometime after 1am. </p><p>Harry silenced the alarm that rang at 4am, waking up with a start when the extra loud emergency alarm she’d set blared to life a half hour later. That barely gave her enough time to brush her teeth and throw on travel clothes before calling a car to drive her to the airport. She kissed Ash’s forehead before leaving their room, vaguely hoping that they’d wake up to kiss her goodbye properly. When they didn’t, she gave them one more small peck and rolled her suitcase out, double checking her carry on bag for her chargers and snacks and portable electronics. </p><p>It was all perfect, right where it should be. And though she had to rush, Harry made it to her gate in time to board and take her seat, pulling out a sleep mask as the plane began to taxi down the runway. The wine she’d had the night before was starting to make her head ache, and she thought about checking her bag for ibuprofen, maybe drinking some water instead of falling asleep. She quickly dismissed that idea as the plane trundled along on its way to takeoff. Once they were in the air, Harry leaned her head back and fell asleep thinking, as she often did when traveling for work, about who she was and where she was going in life. </p><p>Everything was as it should be. She had a good job at an actual LGBTQ+ magazine; an attractive and steady partner; and the very real possibility of owning a home off in the woods somewhere. She might even write a novel and actually get it published in the next few years at this rate. And yet here she sat on a plane to go to an all women’s cruise, eyes covered to keep out the early morning sun, her stomach sour and head cottony, stuck on the steady, sickening thought that she wasn’t completely happy with any of it. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Miami and Meetings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tags: social drinking, Niall &amp; Liam friendship, light Liam/Harry flirtation, and burgeoning Harry &amp; Niall &amp; Liam friendship (aww)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When the plane landed, Harry replaced her sleep mask with sunnies-- a nice wide pair that made her feel like a cross between Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s and an unapproachable alien --and walked to baggage claim without bothering to turn her phone on just yet. She looked longingly at the Dunkin on her way out of the terminal, almost treating herself to a massive iced coffee before remembering that she’d planned to sleep as soon as she checked into the hotel. All she had to do was get her bag, hop on the shuttle, and she’d be on her way to bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wasn’t expecting a pair of women to be waiting for her, one of them holding a sign that had “Harry Styles” written in block letters and the other leaning against an almost full luggage trolley and smiling down at her phone. The woman with the sign seemed to recognize Harry almost immediately, a curious feat considering Harry had no idea who she was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harry, hi! It’s Niall, your contact from Olivia?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry almost slapped her own forehead at her stupidity; she and Niall had talked about meeting up when they realized their flights were arriving within a half hour of each other, but they’d never completely solidified the plans. She mustered the brightest smile she could and held out her hand to Niall, who shook it once, firmly. All business. At least there was that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s so good to meet you, Niall. I nearly forgot we were meeting; I’m glad you thought about a sign.” Harry gestured toward the sign that the other woman was now holding. “I’m Harry, and you’re?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The second woman looked up from her phone, shoving it into her pocket and shaking her head in apology. “Sorry, I’m Liam.” She shook Harry’s hand the way Harry imagined politicians would: too effusively to be strictly business and too firmly to be casual. She didn’t appear to be Niall’s partner, and Harry was about to ask how they knew each other when Niall volunteered the information. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Liam is a good friend of mine from home. My partner couldn’t make the trip at the last minute, and Liam has a flexible enough schedule that she could make it work.” Niall clapped Liam on the back and she responded with a soft shoulder bump in return. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m a dog trainer,” Liam volunteered. “And I apologize in advance for how much I’ll be on the phone today but one of my favorite girls just had puppies yesterday and I’m getting all the updates now.” She pulled her phone out and opened it up to show Harry some of the images, and Harry did her best to be as excited as she normally would for such adorable creatures. Sadly it just wasn’t happening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re so cute, really,” Harry said. She could feel herself fading and wondered if it was coming across to the other women. “But I think my bags are probably here-- should we…” She nodded toward baggage claim and their group began to move that way, Liam pushing the little trolley and Niall talking about how great it was to meet Harry and how much she was looking forward to the trip. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they set out for their hotel, the Miami sun was already hotter and brighter than Harry had expected it to be even through the slightly tinted glass of the shuttle van. Liam was chatting with the shuttle driver and Niall was occupied with looking out the window, so Harry took the opportunity to take her phone out of airplane mode and snap a quick selfie, tipping her glasses down just so. She had texts waiting for her from Zayn and Ash, and she sent both of them her selfie along with replies that she’d landed safely and would check in later. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time she reached her hotel room, Harry felt as though she’d already lived through several days since she slept last. Even without jet lag, traveling always made her a little moody at first-- usually because she let herself get bogged down in thinking about the end of the journey just as it was about to begin --and whenever she traveled with someone she found that she either needed every ounce of their attention or none at all, so she was grateful to step into the cool quiet of her own space. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her plan had been to faceplant into the bed and fall immediately asleep, but one look around told Harry she’d need to wait just a moment. The room was nicer than she expected, with a large balcony that looked out onto the water. She could see where the ship was docked and pulled out her phone to snap a picture of it, then sat down on the chaise lounge, eventually allowing herself to lie back and drink in the sun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe having Ash along would’ve been nice. Harry could have napped for a bit while they lounged in the sun, and then the two of them would’ve gone down for dinner in the hotel restaurant or ordered room service so they could stay in. They could’ve kissed with the ocean behind them and the sun on their bare shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a moment Harry thought of the men from the night before-- Miguel and Stephen --and imagined the two of them here, standing on the balcony of this big, beautiful room overlooking the ocean. She couldn’t picture either of them feigning sleep to avoid talking to the other, though that was something she’d done with Ash on a trip before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry stood, taking herself inside and shutting the door behind her. She slipped her sunnies off and wiped at her eyes, annoyed with herself for getting teary-eyed over two near strangers. For all she knew, they could fight all the time. Or maybe they fought especially hard on trips and would hate this room and the ocean view. Probably not. But she couldn’t let herself get worked up over it regardless. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stripping off her travel clothes, Harry cranked up the air conditioning and burrowed under the fluffy white comforter and soft sheets. The fact that they didn’t smell like home lulled her to sleep quicker than she would’ve thought, her last waking thought that she was now being taken care of by the hotel, and she liked it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t bother to set an alarm, which is why when someone knocked on her door several hours later she sprung up in bed, dazed and frantic, first convinced she’d missed her flight and then that she’d missed her cruise before realizing it wasn’t even dark yet. Niall’s voice came through the door followed by another knock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Harry, tried calling but I think your phone’s on silent. Thought you might want to get an early dinner with me and Liam.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry cleared her throat before responding, but it didn’t stop her voice from coming out in a croak at first. “Meet you down there in twenty?” She rubbed at her eyes, trying to clear the sleep from them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s make it thirty,” Niall said. Harry could hear a laugh afterwards and she figured Liam and Niall were both out there, probably looking rested and put together. Harry didn’t even want to look at herself in the mirror right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great, thanks. See you there.” Harry flopped back into the bed, throwing the blanket over her head and kicking her legs swiftly as she groaned into the fabric. It took her a few minutes to leave the bed, but by the time she stepped under the shower spray she was already feeling much better than she had all day. As usual, the nap had helped. Had been necessary, really. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She threw on a blue dress that she loved and checked her reflection in the bright lights of the bathroom mirror. She swiped on a little lipstick and a bit of mascara, leaving her still slightly damp curls down to air dry but sliding a hair tie onto her wrist in case she changed her mind. She made it downstairs with five minutes to spare, spotting Niall and Liam in the lobby. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them looked like an advertisement for office casual butch women’s wear, if that sort of clothing ever actually got proper ads made for it. Niall wore bright ocean blue bermuda shorts and a lightly patterned short sleeve button down that was totally buttoned up-- it was only missing a bow tie, really --while Liam wore dark, straight leg trousers and a peach linen button down that was left open over a plain t-shirt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seeing them, Harry immediately wondered if she was overdressed. Her dress wasn’t a fancy one, but she could already picture them fawning over it a little as if it were. They’d probably notice the makeup, too. Realizing that their backs were still to her, Harry made the split second decision to sneak into the bathroom and take the lipstick off at least. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was silly. She was completely aware of that. There were plenty of femmes in the world of LGBTQ+ women, and she was one of them. But somehow it always felt like she was either too much or not enough, constantly struggling to figure out which side she wanted to lean toward when she was going out into the world. The dresses usually got her pegged for femme (or femme of center, at least), but a little makeup, even if it was what she wanted, could easily propel her into whatever people decided the next tier of femininity was. Maybe femme. Maybe just a straight girl in makeup. Or a gay girl in makeup, whatever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Niall and Liam seemed nice enough, but she’d learned that you couldn’t always tell who was going to decide you were too girly or definitely femme or not femme enough or...whatever they thought. It wasn’t as though anyone ever admitted it aloud. It was just a shift in the energy, in the topics people brought up and the ways they reacted to her answers to questions. It was subtle. But it was still annoying as hell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lipstick gone, Harry straightened her dress and left the bathroom, making a beeline to Niall and Liam. They still had their backs to her, and when she approached Harry realized it was because they were both reading over a packet of cruise materials together. She cleared her throat and they both turned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, wow! You look amazing, Harry. You got so dressed up!” Niall’s smile was friendly but Harry rolled her eyes internally, silently grateful that she’d made the decision to take the obvious makeup off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing, really. This thing doesn’t wrinkle so I bring it on every trip,” Harry said, smoothing her hands down the front of her dress. “Dinner?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once they’d sat down and ordered, Harry reached out for the cruise itinerary Niall and Liam had been looking at before she arrived. “Can I? That’s the finalized one, right?” Niall nodded, and Harry opened the folder up to look it over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were musicians performing almost every night and daily gatherings for different affinity groups aboard the ship. There were also a couple of island excursions that needed to be pre-booked-- Harry was doing one of those --and various water-based activities like water skiing and parasailing. Harry wasn’t quite sporty enough to be interested in most of those, though she had promised to give them a try. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you most excited for?” Liam asked. “I’ve always wanted to go parasailing.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And she’s going to dominate at karaoke night,” Niall added. Liam gave her a playful punch in the arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m into karaoke too.” Harry looked up at Liam and smiled, glad that she’d have at least one non-staff friend already. “We’ll plan a duet.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Islands in the Stream!” Niall clapped her hands together, making both Harry and Liam laugh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have a fan already,” Liam kicked at Harry’s foot under the table and Harry giggled, resting her chin on her hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fortunately I’m very familiar with Dolly’s entire catalogue, so if they have it I’m ready to sing it.” Whoever had decided to make Dolly cool for hipsters deserved a medal, frankly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Li loves her too. She even dragged me to Dollywood last year.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry turned to Liam, mouth agape. “You’ve been to the Promised Land! Tell me absolutely evvverything!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The conversation flowed easily from there, the Dolly talk slowly turning into sharing about their favorite music and the best concerts they’d seen, which naturally bled into a favorite topic amongst queers everywhere: exes and dating. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve got a girlfriend, right Harry?” Niall signaled the waiter to bring another round of drinks to the table and then turned back to look at Harry, waiting for her to answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Partner, yeah,” Harry said, nodding. “But we’re, uh, doing this kind of open thing right now? So I’m kind of looking to hook up on the cruise if I can. Or, well, I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> looking to hook up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you’ll totally be able to, if you want.” Niall nodded her head toward Liam. “She’s on the lookout too, or should be. Best cure for getting over someone, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Liam looked mortified. “Marisa and I might still get back together. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>cannot</span>
  </em>
  <span> keep doing that.” She narrowed her eyes at Niall for a moment before turning to look back at Harry. “I only dated Marisa for about six months but she’s the first woman I’ve been with in a long time and I really think there’s something there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pussy,” Niall coughed. Harry’s eyes widened as she held back a bark of laughter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my God, Niall Jane Horan.” Even in the dim lighting of the restaurant Harry could catch Liam’s blush. “It is not just sex making me miss Marisa.” Liam looked to Harry, shaking her head apologetically. “It really isn’t,” she said, leaning a little closer to Harry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry nodded, still having to hold back her laughter. “Well, if it happens, it happens, right?” She said after she’d collected herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And if you </span>
  <em>
    <span>want it</span>
  </em>
  <span> to happen, it happens,” Niall added. “At least in my experience on these cruises.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Liam huffed, clearly annoyed, and Harry changed the subject back to the recreational activities they were planning on doing as part of their cruise experience. It turned out that Liam and Harry were booked on the same excursion to St. Thomas, where they’d spend part of the day on a catamaran and then do some snorkeling before lounging on a private beach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They stock the catamarans up really well with booze, so you’ll have a blast no matter what,” Niall said. The waiter had just arrived with the drinks, and she was fishing her card from her wallet as she spoke to cover their final bill, waving off Harry and Liam when they tried to pay their share. “And that’s my favorite beach you’ll get to see. Tell her hi for me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure we will.” Harry tossed back the last of her previous drink. The final one that had just arrived might very well push her firmly into tipsiness. “God, a beach really does sound good right now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’re getting paid to go to one, can’t get much better than that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry lifted her new glass in the air to toast. “You’re right, Niall. Here’s to going to the beach and getting paid.” They all clinked their glasses and sipped their cocktails, and Harry felt a twinge of warmth at the new friends she’d made already. She wondered vaguely if any of this would make it into her article, and if she might come off as too Carrie Bradshaw if it did. But that was a problem for future Harry. Current Harry was just a lesbian among lesbians, having dinner and drinks and a good time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They kept talking, but when the waiter returned with Niall’s receipt a few minutes later, none of them lingered much longer. It wasn’t really late yet, but Harry was ready to call Ash and text with Zayn, and Liam was definitely antsy about the puppies, peeking at her phone under the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they parted ways, Harry walked to her room and collapsed onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling for a moment and appreciating the silence. She wondered if the boat would be quiet like this, and if she’d be able to feel the movement of the water beneath her or not. She’d find out soon enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pulling her phone from her pocket, Harry opened her chat with Zayn and sent him a gif of a kitten falling over asleep suddenly while walking captioned with “it me” and waited to see if he was around to respond. When she didn’t see anything right away, she decided to call Ash. The phone rang twice before they answered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey hon,” they said through a yawn. “Good to hear from you. How’s the trip so far?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright. Miss you though.” Harry rolled over onto her stomach, slowly kicking her legs up and down. “How’s your day?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good enough. Worked late and then went out for a drink. Watching Mr. Robot now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry hummed. She could hear the television playing faintly in the background and she pictured Ash in their sleep clothes, lying on the couch and half paying attention to both the phone and the TV instead of sticking with one or the other. They always liked to have two things going at once. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You like that show.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Haven’t been able to catch up in a while, figured I’d binge it while you’re gone.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. You’ll get all caught up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ash was silent for a moment. “Huh? Oh. Yeah, I will. Think I might turn it off now, though. Go to bed.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, we didn’t get much sleep last night, did we?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was fucking beat today,” Ash said, their voice more colorful than it had been during their entire call. “Slept through my alarm and had to get shitty cart coffee outside the office.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bagel too?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes! Cart bagel.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ohh I’m sorry, babe.” Harry could picture Ash’s face-- their tongue stuck out and eyes rolled up in mock disgust --and laughed quietly. “Know how much you hate cart bagel.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but at least tomorrow I’ve got brunch plans. Makes up for it.” The television sound was gone and Harry could hear running water in the background of the call. “Gonna brush my teeth and call it, I think.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Love you,” Harry said before making a kiss noise into the phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You too.” Ash made the same kissing noise and then said good night before hanging up the phone. Harry tossed her phone gently behind her head and sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She missed Ash, definitely. But part of her had wanted to talk about not having sex last night. About Ash not waking up with her to make coffee before sending Harry off like they’d done after they’d just moved in together. Things were still new then, sure, but Harry wondered if it had to be like this, if that was just what happened in relationships. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There had been a few times like this where she’d felt compelled to google lesbian bed death to try to figure out if that was what was going on with her and Ash. The only conclusion she had ever come to was that it was a sad thing and something she hoped wasn’t going on for her and Ash. But maybe it was. Reaching behind her, she grabbed a pillow and pulled it over her face to scream into it-- not loud, but enough to feel as though she was getting something out. It helped, and when she tossed the pillow back, she grabbed for her phone, checking to see if Zayn had texted her back yet. He had. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zayn: yeah that’s u alright</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry: still awake tho!!! Talk to meeeee</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zayn: ok please chill for like 2 sec</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry: need to be real with you and i want you to be really honest w me</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zayn: uhh ok???</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry stared at her phone for a moment, questioning whether or not she should actually say what she wanted to. Right now she could still back out, maybe write something like “should I get bangs” instead of asking what she wanted to. She finally screwed up her courage and went for it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry: do you think Ash and I are having lesbian bed death? Like is it really a thing and if so is it a thing that’s happening for us? Given what you know about my sex life, which is A LOT lbh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zayn didn’t respond right away, though Harry could see he’d read her message and was typing. She finally tossed her phone aside and went to pee, taking her dress off and setting it aside to wear the next day. When she got back she had a string of messages from Zayn. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zayn: damn ok you’re really asking me that lol. Right so from what I know you two have sex like once a week maybe? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zayn: anyway if that’s right then it’s not as much as you wanna have sex or as much as Ash wanted to when the two of you got together. And you’ve said you feel like Ash doesn’t initiate the way they used to, which isn’t great. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zayn: DUDE did you walk away after asking me something like that wtf?? Anyway maybe not death but I think your lesbian bed might be sick. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry: Sorry sorry!! Watching you typing was killing me so I went to the bathroom. Once a week is close to it. But even when it’s more it’s like. Flat? Ugh idk how to put it</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry: I’m a writer this shouldn’t be that hard!!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zayn: why are you asking this NOW? Did you already meet someone? Are u thinking about fucking somebody? Is it that Niall person???</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry: LMAO she’s married and a full golf lez there is no way in HELL</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry: Think her friend might have been flirting with me for a second but idk?? She’s cute but not like. My type. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zayn: well u know I think u should just go for it with someone. What if what u and Ash need is that new sex energy? Maybe having sex with a new person will introduce u to a bunch of new ideas. Or maybe u can finally get the silver fox butch of your dreams to turn u out</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry barked out a laugh. She always did have a thing for older butches. But the thought of actually connecting with one seemed ridiculous, even on a lesbian cruise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry: Yeah right</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry: I should sleep. But thank you as always. It helped to talk with you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zayn: love you [[heart emoji]]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zayn: no matter what happens with you and Ash you’re still a good person. I don’t always know if they appreciate you enough. But I do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry: [[weeping emoji]] </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry: ilysm</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry: I’ll keep you posted I PROMISE. You will be the third to know if I actually meet someone I want to have sex with on this cruise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zayn: I know...you love telling me too much. Night babes!!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry texted back goodnight with a few heart emojis and then went to brush her teeth. She had to be at the boat by around noon, and she knew she wanted to get a bit more dressed up for the first night on the boat even if there wouldn’t be a ton of stuff going on, so she’d need a little extra time in the morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She crawled into bed and flipped on the television, feeling indulgent with the span of cable tv options available. She finally settled on an episode of Real Housewives, lying back in bed with the lights off as the women of Beverly Hills-- a cadre of blondes with a lone brunette --went on an island vacation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>While their drama unfurled in front of her, Harry fantasized about being on a tropical island of her own, surrounded by women as well, but not women like these. Instead she’d be with women like her, at least in spirit. A bunch of lesbians and dykes and queers, lying on the beach and splashing in the water. Maybe there’d be a handsome butch sitting to the side offering to rub sunscreen on her back. Maybe she’d feel properly glamorous and exciting as she frolicked on a private beach and snorkled in crystal blue water. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She flicked off the television and rolled over, double checking her alarm before closing her eyes to try to sleep. Her fantasy helped her get there in the end, sleep closing around her as she told herself the story of how she kissed a beautiful woman in the sand, a little drunk on rum punch and sunshine. </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. We're On A Boat</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tags: Harry Styles &amp; Lizzo friendship; lesbian comedians; discussion of trans inclusive spaces; social drinking; locking eyes across a crowded room; Older, Wiser Lesbians</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Her hotel sleep was actually just what Harry needed. She woke up with her alarm, not even feeling compelled to hit the snooze button, and pulled on a comfortable pair of leggings and an old vintage t-shirt to head down to breakfast. When she didn’t see Niall and Liam, she breathed a tiny sigh of relief-- not that she disliked them, but knowing that she’d need to be around people and ‘on’ almost constantly for the next week meant that she wanted one more morning of solitude. She made the most of it, propping a book against her coffee cup in a way that she knew Ash hated and lingering at the table long after she’d finished eating, relishing the feeling of having nowhere to be for a little while and no one else’s schedule to consider.</p><p>When she got back up to her room, she pulled her laptop out to go over her notes one last time. Everything was in order, from the questions she’d been asking herself leading up to the trip-- would this cruise still be relevant? Would there be any young people? Would she end up being completely surrounded by terfs with no like-minded lesbians around her? --to the little details like the names and job titles of all the Olivia staff she was expected to meet on the trip. </p><p>Opening up a new document, Harry decided she might as well give herself something fun to think about as well. She had to stop and start a few times, but in the end she came up with five personal goals she wanted to accomplish in addition to her work-related ones. </p><p>
  <b> <em>Olivia Cruise-ing: </em> </b>
</p><p> </p><ul>
<li><em>Eat and drink with reckless abandon at least one night</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>Dress up as much or as little as I feel like</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>Make a friend I’d want to stay in touch with (in addition to Liam and Niall)</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>Flirt with/kiss a hot butch/sexy older woman/dreamboat</em></li>
</ul><ul>
<li><em>Have a Titanic moment</em></li>
</ul><p> </p><p>It was a modest list, though she figured that the last one might be stretching it a bit. Possibly the fourth item as well. Still, she knew she’d do fine with the first one (it was a gimme; she loved to eat) and felt good about the third and okay with the second. </p><p>She checked the time and realized she should get showered and dressed if she wanted to make it out on time. Checking her phone, she saw a text from Niall about wanting to meet up to take the shuttle to the dock together, and she hurriedly tapped out a response as she turned on the water and waited for it to warm up. </p><p>Niall knocked on her door a while later-- about five minutes earlier than Harry would’ve liked, but not so much that she wasn’t ready --and Harry rushed to gather her things and check her makeup. She’d actually done more than usual, and hoped Niall and Liam wouldn’t make too big a fuss over it. </p><p>Of course Niall wolf whistled when Harry walked out. Harry shoved her gently, Niall acting as though it had been much more forceful than it was and bumping into the wall. Liam just smiled, ducking her head in what was either a greeting or shyness, Harry couldn’t quite tell. </p><p>“I’ll have to announce to the other ladies we’re gonna have a fox in the old hen house for this trip,” Niall said as they made their way to the elevator. Liam walked ahead of them, pushing everyone’s luggage on a cart. </p><p>“I doubt I’ll be the only woman in makeup and a dress. I’m barely wearing heels.” Harry gestured down at her modest kitten heels with their not quite half an inch of added height. She’d brought a pair of higher heels, but she didn’t feel the need to mention that at the moment. </p><p>“You look really nice,” Liam said, turning her head to smile back at Harry. “Niall just hasn’t changed her wardrobe since college.” Liam snickered, and it made Harry laugh too, while Niall scoffed loudly.</p><p>“I am<em> truly </em> offended, Liam. I’ve bought all of these clothes within the past year. <em> And </em> I packed a suit for Lesbian Prom, too.” </p><p>“Excuse me, I saw nothing about a prom,” Harry said, holding the elevator door so that Liam could wheel their cart inside. </p><p>“Staffers call it prom, but it’s just the final dance. Lots of women go all out, though, bring their nice suits and dresses and have the prom they never got as kids.” </p><p>Harry smiled softly, barely holding back an aww. “Well, my own prom was mediocre at best so I’ll have to go even if I don’t have any formal wear.” </p><p>“Same here,” Liam said. “No suit, but I’ll go just the same. We can have a dance, huh Harry?” </p><p>“Alright gals, we better hurry if we want to catch that shuttle.” Niall’s interjection kept Harry from having to respond (she wasn’t entirely sure what she could say; her vague suspicion that Liam was trying to flirt with her was definitely growing stronger), and she sighed in relief as they made their way outside to load up. </p><p>The ride to the dock wasn’t too long, and before she knew it, Harry was boarding the ship for the first time. It was larger than she expected, though she knew that was silly. It was a cruise ship. Of course it would be large. She parted ways with Liam and Niall, agreeing to meet up with them at the Generation O mixer-- a meetup for millenials and younger women on the cruise --a couple of hours before the ship’s first dinner. </p><p>As she wheeled her suitcase to her room, everything started feeling more real to her. This was a cruise! For lesbians! Some of the rooms she passed were already inhabited, and she could hear the sounds of people unpacking in addition to seeing signs and dry erase boards and artwork hung on the outside of a few of the doors. She stopped, snapping a few pictures with her phone, and felt secretly a little envious of the women whose names she saw in pairs: Alice and Anna, Tara and Grace, Judy and Marta. The last two even had a heart between their names. Ash would’ve gagged. </p><p>When she reached her room, she realized just how eager she was to see it. The cruise had given her one of their nicer state rooms, and if the description was anything to go by she expected it to be pretty fancy. She wasn’t disappointed. </p><p>The room was a decent size-- the few she’d passed that had their doors open had been substantially smaller --and had its own private balcony that looked out onto the water. She’d had an image in her head of a lesbian cruise ship having the look of a dusty women’s bookstore, but this room looked like it’d been pulled out of a picture book of four star hotel rooms: fluffy white duvet and pillows, tasteful art on the wall above the bed, and a large flat screen television that was hidden inside a cabinet. Everything was <em> nice </em>. </p><p>The only thing that would clue someone in to the fact that this was a lesbian cruise was the welcome basket that sat on the desk. In addition to having stationery with the Olivia logo and a rainbow pen, there was a catalogue of women’s music that was available for purchase, a pair of pink framed sunglasses, and a welcome pamphlet that had two intertwined women’s symbols emblazoned on the front. It also held a couple of oranges and bananas, one of which Harry opened to munch on as she started the process of unpacking her things. </p><p>Her dresses went into the closet while her more casual outfits and underthings went into the drawers. Looking at what she’d brought and thinking about the events that would be coming up, she wondered if she’d actually have enough clothing to make it through the week without repeating anything noticeable or going out looking like a ragamuffin. At least she had plenty of underwear. And <em> one </em> actual lingerie set that she’d shoved in at the last minute in spite of herself. She unpacked that with special care even though she doubted it would get any wear this week. </p><p>When she’d finished with all that, she treated herself to a nap. It felt as though she’d earned it in spite of doing very little so far, especially when she remembered that she was going to the millennial mixer later. She’d need to be fortified if she was going to actually be present for it, and she felt like that was important. </p><p>The ocean breeze drifting in from her veranda a couple hours later was enough to make Harry feel refreshed and ready. While she’d slept, the ship had set sail, and though it had definitely disturbed her at first, she’d fallen back to sleep easily enough, not minding the movement of the boat as she’d worried she might. The sun was on the verge of setting, and when she looked out of her window she could see it slipping down into the water on the far horizon, leaving a trail of brilliant orange and purple to drift over the waves. </p><p>She sighed, content to just be for a moment. Unfortunately the person knocking on her door had other ideas, the sound disturbing all her peace and quiet in spite of the noise of the sea. </p><p>“Harry, it’s time for the mixer-- we’re  gonna be late if you don’t hurry up!” Niall had a teasing lilt to her voice, and Harry shook her head fondly, not able to stay annoyed with her. “You look good enough!” </p><p>“Alright you heathen, hold on!” Harry checked her reflection in the mirror. Her dress was rumpled and her hair was a little messy, but her eyeliner and mascara had stayed put, thank god. She combed her fingers through her curls, shaping them into something that looked a bit like her typical style, and smoothed her hands down her dress to at least pretend to clean up a bit. Finally she put on some lipstick and grabbed her bag, shoving her tablet in at the last minute in case she felt like taking more thorough notes than she could on her phone. </p><p>Niall was looking at her watch when Harry stepped out of her room, locking the door behind her. Liam was standing next to Niall, staring at her as if she, too, were studying the time. Harry chuckled. </p><p>“C’mon, you two, we’re gonna be <em> late </em>,” Harry said, a mocking note of urgency in her voice. Niall cackled at her. </p><p>“Shut it, you!” She moved ahead of Harry, leading their group through the ship to reach their final destination. Harry realized that she wasn’t entirely sure where that was, but before she could ask Niall was opening the door to a large room that seemed to be near the center of the ship. “I might’ve lied about being late,” she said, holding the door open and waving Harry and Liam in. </p><p>There was nobody-- millennial or otherwise --inside the gathering room, and Harry turned to Liam, pulling a face and thumbing in Niall’s direction. Liam laughed, the sound echoing just a bit in the empty room. “What if it’s just us?” Harry whispered theatrically. </p><p>“Help, help, we’re being kidnapped by lesbians!” Liam made a face like a girl from a horror movie and Harry barked out a laugh and bumped her shoulder into Liam’s </p><p>“Would that really be bad though? C’mon Liam, consider the possibilities.” Harry waggled her eyebrows and giggled at Liam’s blush. She was almost sure they were flirting. Possibly. She didn’t know if she actually wanted that, though. </p><p>“Okay jokers, come help me set up.” Niall held a box full of rainbow colored items in both arms as she kicked a second box forward carefully. “There’s a free water bottle in it for you.” </p><p>“Is there a free water bottle in it for everyone who comes tonight?” Liam asked as she picked up the box from the floor and carried it over to the table that Niall had laid her own box on. </p><p>“Well you’ll have to wait around and see, won’t you?” </p><p>Harry and Liam exchanged a look and an eyeroll and then got to work helping Niall set up. It went quickly, and although the 6:30 start time came and went without any additions to their group aside from a woman named Sam who also worked for Olivia, by 7 o’clock they were starting to see a steady trickle of faces. </p><p>Harry grabbed a drink from the bar and surveyed the crowd trying to spot anyone who vaguely reminded her of home, figuring that was the best way to meet someone she might like. A lot of the women seemed a little too HRC for Harry’s taste-- one of them actually wore a t-shirt with Ellen DeGeneres’ face on it, an absolute deal breaker for Harry --and she bristled at the thought of trying to hold down a conversation with someone at that place in their gay life. </p><p>A raucous laugh from the other side of the bar caught Harry’s attention. She decided she had to get closer when she saw that the woman it came from looked like someone she might actually see on a fun night out in the city. Once she got closer, Harry was struck with a twinge of envy-- the woman was serving up the kind of high femme look that Harry didn’t think she herself could pull off --and she had to force herself to push it away in service of making a new friend. </p><p>“Hi, you seem like the most fabulous person in this room and so I had to get to know you,” Harry said after introducing herself with a small wave. Up close, the woman looked even more striking than she had from afar, with gold toned makeup that accented her outfit and made her brown skin shimmer under the bar lighting. She also sported an ombre lip that Harry had tried and failed to do time and again. “And god, your look is really everything!” </p><p>“Ohh that’s sweet,” she said, lifting her glass. “Cheers, bitch.” Harry held up her empty glass and the woman took it from her, shaking her head. “Need a drink to cheers. Whatcha want?” </p><p>“Vodka soda?” </p><p>The woman ordered her a Grey Goose and soda, handing it over with another cheers and sipping her drink with a smile. </p><p>“You already made a friend, Lissa? Told you this cruise would be a breeze for you.” Another woman put her hands on the fabulous woman’s hips, her chin resting on her shoulders. </p><p>“I’m Sasha, one of Lissa’s partners. You’re?” </p><p>“Harry. I’m writing an article about Olivia cruises for a gay magazine and I, uh, decided to come talk to someone who looked fun.” She quietly congratulated herself for finding a polyamorous femme couple on her first try. Take that, Ellen-loving women. </p><p>Sasha laughed then stole a sip of Lissa’s drink before responding. “Well you hit the jackpot there, right babe?” Lissa stuck her tongue out and giggled. </p><p>“I try,” she said, playing coy. Harry liked her already. </p><p>“Okay, we’ve got a good crowd now, so if everyone wants to come gather round we’ll have a little chat and then get back to socializing, right?” Niall was stood in the middle of the room, waving everyone into the circle of chairs she’d set up while Harry was busy looking for someone cool to talk to. </p><p>“You’re sitting with us,” Lissa said, linking her arm with Harry’s. Harry let herself get dragged along happily, barely suppressing a giggle. </p><p>They took their seats, Harry looking up and spotting Liam sitting next to Niall on the other side of the circle. She put her hand up to wave and Liam’s expression went from a vexed frown to a pleased little grin immediately as she waved back. Niall didn’t notice any of it, caught up in conversation with Sam, the other Olivia employee, about who should start. </p><p>“Right, I’ll start,” Niall said, standing up from her seat as Sam leaned back in her own. “We’ll just do a go around, say your name and where you’re from and then what made you decide to come on this cruise. I’m Niall, originally from Ireland but I’ve been in Southern California long enough to feel like I’m from there too. I work for Olivia and I’m trying to get more millennials to join us on cruises so that’s part of why I’m here.” </p><p>Everyone laughed awkwardly even though Harry didn’t think Niall was making any kind of joke. The reality is that going around a circle was almost always uncomfortable and most people didn’t know how to do it well, Harry included. She did her best to listen and absorb people’s introductions, but if she was being honest most of the women who spoke felt like faceless background characters in a story until it was time for Sasha and Lissa to introduce themselves. </p><p>Where most of the other women who’d spoken said they came for vacation or because they’d always wanted to be on a cruise without men, Sasha opened with something Harry hadn’t expected. </p><p>“I grew up with two moms, one of whom is trans. They were great and we had an awesome community in Chicago, but when I moved away I realized just how amazing it was. And I missed it. I tried finding inclusive women’s spaces, but it’s not easy.” </p><p>Harry glanced around the circle as Sasha spoke, noticing a few people scrunching up their faces with annoyance or disdain while a few others nodded along. She made a note about it-- she’d planned on discussing how trans inclusive or exclusive Olivia was, in practice and in theory, and it looked as though she might get a bit of data now. She kept making notes as Sasha continued. </p><p>“I first heard about Olivia at the Ohio Lesbian Festival, and I asked if they were inclusive and they said yes, so I gave it a shot last year, and this year, I brought my girlfriend back with me.” If anyone had a problem with what she’d said, they didn’t voice it now. Harry glanced over as Lissa started to talk. </p><p>“I’m Lissa, I live in Minneapolis now and I’m the girlfriend Sasha brought. Hiii!” She lifted her cocktail glass in the air and everyone in the circle smiled or laughed, clearly charmed. “So I’ve known about Olivia for a long time. I attended Michfest for a while, but I stopped because of their trans exclusive policies. I’m here for all my sisters, okay?” She raised her glass again, but this time it drew a few less smiles. </p><p>“Anyway I love lesbians, I love women’s spaces, and I love vacation, so here I am! We own a sex toy store back home and I’m here to have fun and to play, if you know what I mean. Come find us, room J-421!” </p><p>That got the laughs back, though Harry was pretty certain that Lissa was <em> not </em> joking. She tried to use the energy to make her own introduction as smooth as possible. </p><p>“I think we’ll all see each other outside room 421 later, huh?” Harry smiled at her own joke and was pleased when the rest of the circle laughed along with her. “I’m Harry, I live in New York City, and I’m actually here writing an article for a gay magazine, so if you see me taking notes, that’s why. I won’t directly quote any of you without your permission, though, so don’t worry about that. Um...yeah. Oh, and I’m a lesbian, obviously.” </p><p>Her piece said, Harry put her head back down for a moment and then nodded to the person next to her to signal them to start before zoning out a bit. </p><p>It turned out she wasn’t wrong about the conversation on inclusion happening: Niall actually kicked it off once they’d finished doing their go around. Thankfully she started out by saying that Olivia welcomed all women without question, though that didn’t stop a few women from loudly stating their shitty and wrong opinions about how awful that was. </p><p>Harry had a little to say about it herself, as did Sasha and Lissa. A couple other women were explicitly in agreement with them too, which felt pretty good. But the majority of the women were just confused and undereducated, asking clarifying questions that made Harry cringe internally. Lissa seemed most prepared to handle them, and Harry marveled at her just a little, already certain she and Sasha would get mentioned in her article. </p><p>By the time the meeting was over, they’d talked about a lot in addition to the inclusion of trans women-- mostly outreach to other millennials and how to get more young people on cruises --and Harry was more than ready to unwind. </p><p>“That went alright I thought,” she said to Niall as they stacked the last of the chairs that they’d moved into the space. Liam was leaning against the bar chatting with Sam and Lissa and Sasha, waiting for Harry. </p><p>“I was worried for a minute, but that woman you were next to was great. Might try to see if she wants out of the sex toy business and into Olivia.” Niall nudged Harry lightly, clearly in good spirits after one of her first major duties was done. “Shall we all sit together tonight, then?” Harry nodded, and their whole group made their way to dinner. </p><p>“Oh god, there’s a <em> comedian </em> too?” Harry groaned, pretending to collapse with exhaustion against the wall. She found most stand up comedians absolutely unbearable. It was something she and Ash had bonded over before. “I might have to have dinner in my room.” </p><p> “Uh uh, it’s Elvira Kurt, she’s funny as shit!” Lissa pulled Harry’s arm until she was standing up and then threw her own arm around Harry’s shoulder. “You’ll see, trust me.” </p><p>Dinner was good and the comedian was better. Harry laughed more than she ever had at a stand up routine. Everyone at her table was enjoying themselves, but Lissa, tipsy to the point of rowdiness, made it even better. The highlight of the night was when Elvira launched into a bit about older dykes. </p><p>“Older, Wiser Lesbians. OWLs.” The comedian made a hooting sound that was surprisingly authentic, catching Harry by surprise. “You hear about cougars a lot, but I think we need to give it up for the OWLs.” </p><p>“YES! Date me OWLs!” Lissa yelled from their table.</p><p>“And here we have someone actually <em> giving it up </em> for the OWLs. OWLs, you know the table to go to after my set. And the OWLs, girls-- they’re over there.” Elvira waved her hands like an air traffic controller directing a plane, and Harry’s eyes followed the movement as she tried to catch her breath. “I see some silver foxes in that owlerie, yowza.” </p><p>The room shouldn’t have been bright enough to really see anyone that the comedian had pointed toward, but the light glinted off of one woman’s silver hair and Harry found herself staring at her profile, caught up in the sight of her. Her face was pixie-ish, with a slightly upturned nose and a nice chin and eyes that disappeared into slits as she laughed. Harry stared at her for a little longer than she should have, and the woman turned to look in her direction, making eye contact with her from across the room. Harry turned away, face heated from laughter and embarrassment. </p><p>When Elvira finished her set, Harry did her best to try to spot the woman whose eyes she’d caught, but there wasn’t much use. The room was full to capacity and far larger than the one the millennial chat had been held in, and Harry, who’d had quite a few drinks with dinner, was too tipsy and tired to try actually searching for a stranger. Instead she gave Lissa and Sasha her room number, telling them to stop by any time, and made promises to spend time with Niall and Liam the next day. </p><p>She didn’t consider writing or trying to get in touch with anyone when she finally made it back to her room. It was all she could do to wash her face and pull her dress off, leaving it in a heap on the floor as she crawled into bed. Even without her eye mask she fell asleep immediately, comforted by the steady sounds of the ocean just outside her window. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>An important note: Lissa = Lizzo, since Lizzo is actually a nickname off of Lissa. And (fun fact?) the person she's filling in for from the article is actually a friend of mine!  Her toy store is in New Mexico, not Minnesota, and is called <a href="http://https://www.selfservetoys.com/">Self Serve</a> if you want to check them out &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The OWL is a (Silver) Fox</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The slowish burn finally has a little pay off!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tags: social drinking; flirtation; not quite meet-cutes</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>(Sunday)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry startled awake around 6:30 in the morning thanks to a gull crying loudly as it flew past her window. She got up to look out at the ocean, wondering if she could safely step onto her deck naked or not before deciding to just go for it. She threw a robe on just in case, letting it fall open as she breathed in the warm ocean air. This moment might not make it into her article, but it was definitely getting filed away as something fantastic and unexpected that she’d gotten from this cruise: a chance to be safely nude outside without anyone leering at her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The wind was strong, though, and after a few minutes Harry found that she was ready to go back inside, this time pulling her eye mask on as she burrowed under the covers to get a little extra sleep. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she woke up a second time it was at the slightly more vacation appropriate time of 9:00am, and she allowed herself the luxury of jerking off before getting out of bed. She could hear people walking by her door as she touched herself, and the idea of being overheard made her feel that much more on edge and excited, her orgasm all the better because of it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It really was a pity that she probably wouldn’t end up having sex with anyone on this trip-- between being able to be nude outside and the chance of getting caught or overheard with so many other people around, she had no doubt that cruise sex could be pretty fucking memorable. She sighed, mentally pouring one out for the loss, and forced herself to get out of bed and dressed for the day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She ran into Lissa and Sasha on their way into breakfast, and the three of them sat together and came up with the brilliant idea of loading up their plates to be shared instead of individually, one of them getting fruit, another getting sweet breakfast items, and the third person grabbing savory breakfast. It was brilliant, and Harry made a mental note to tell Zayn about it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What did you DO?” Niall practically shouted when she saw them walking back from the buffet with their three unique plates. “That is the smartest-- Liam, we’re doing this. We’ll go back for fruit, c’mon.” She dragged Liam away before Liam was able to do anything more than give Harry a half-hearted wave.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Over breakfast, they all shared their plans for the day. It was the first day of the cruise, which meant they were sailing for most of the day, not making their first stop until that night and then docking the following morning, so they were limited to whatever the boat had to offer. Fortunately that was a lot. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry had plans to check out the spa while Lissa and Sasha were eager to get to the pool for some sun, and Liam was looking forward to visiting the “sports courts” even if she admitted she didn’t know exactly what to expect from them. Niall had work to do-- meetings, mostly --but said she’d be around after 3 o’clock or so. She made all of them promise to go to the onboard casino with her before dinner and karaoke and dancing at night. It sounded like a lot considering this was supposed to be the somewhat “slow” cruise day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starting it off with a massage and a sea salt scrub down and mani/pedi was easily the best decision Harry had made in her entire life. When she was done, she sat in one of the chairs just outside the spa, slumped back and utterly boneless. She wore her sunglasses even though the light from the ship’s atrium wasn’t quite so bright as it would’ve been if she’d been properly outside on one of the decks; it made it easier for her to surreptitiously people watch as she zoned out publicly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry was debating heading off for a nap when the sound of a woman’s laugh caught her attention from across the room. The atrium wasn’t completely silent by any means, but Harry thought the woman would be considered loud anywhere with her distinctive and unbothered “hahaha” laugh. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was hidden from Harry’s sight by a pillar, and Harry tried her best to look nonchalant while still attempting to get a glance of the woman. When her little group started walking again, Harry stretched, turning her body this way and that as they made their way through the atrium. When they came closer, Harry realized a couple of things. First of all, the woman whose laugh she heard was British, her accent noticeable from a distance even if Harry couldn’t quite make out what she was saying. Second, and most important, she was the same woman Harry had made eye contact with the previous night. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Getting a look at her suddenly felt extremely important. Harry pretended to gather her things-- she’d bought some scrub from the spa and had a little purse with her as well --as she looked her fill from behind her sunglasses. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was the absolute picture of a silver fox butch, everything that Harry would cobble together in her mind if someone asked her for the Platonic ideal of a silver fox. Her body was tight and compact, albeit slightly hidden beneath a soft looking green polo shirt and a longish pair of shorts. Her hair was cropped short, the back cut in a fade that glinted like New York City sidewalks in the sun and the front styled just enough to look intentional without being fussy. She wore no makeup, but her skin had a naturally tan warmth and glow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had a few tattoos on one arm, and Harry wondered what they were, annoyed that she couldn’t quite see them from this distance. As the woman and her friends got closer, Harry bent over, sad to take her eyes off her fox but keen to listen in on whatever she might be able to overhear. All she caught was one of the other women talking about going to the shops, and then they’d passed Harry. She huffed, annoyed at having her spying thwarted, and took a last look as the woman walked away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If Harry had been annoyed before, she wasn’t once she caught a glimpse of the woman’s ass. It was round and lovely, with a slight jiggle even from a distance, and Harry felt her jaw drop just a little as she thought of how nice it would look in a sleek little boxer brief or nothing at all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am such a fucking creep,” she whispered to herself, shaking her head as she forced herself up and out of her seat. She should mention this to no one. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have a crush on an OWL,” Harry said after she and Lissa and Sasha had sat down at their table. Liam had stopped by dripping sweat, apologizing for losing track of time, and they’d sent her to her room to shower before joining them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Spill!” Lissa said, leaning toward Harry. Sasha scooted her chair a little closer and leaned on Lissa, also eager for details. “Please,” Sasha added. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry told them everything, realizing after she started speaking that she had very little content to actually give them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, so we’re on the lookout for a British silver fox with a fine ass and a loud laugh. We are gonna find this woman for you.” Lissa sounded so sure of herself that Harry couldn’t do anything but giggle nervously. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They were interrupted by a server who came to get their orders, and by the time they were almost done Liam came rushing back, needing to give hers. By then they’d moved on in conversation, Harry’s crush on the backburner as they filled each other in on their various activities and talked about their plans for karaoke. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Should we do our duet tonight, Harry?” Liam looked at her eagerly from across the table. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We should wait and see what their selection is before we decide, I think. And I know I wanna sing something on my own first, get warmed up a little.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right, yeah.” Liam nodded, hesitating for a moment as if she was about to speak but then clamping her lips shut. “I’ll have to think about that too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lissa’s gonna slay at karaoke tonight too,” Sasha said, leaning in to kiss Lissa’s bare shoulder, “she used to host queeraoke back in the day, did you know?” Lissa pretended to pose, head tilted down with a coy smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re really puttin’ me on blast, Sash.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry smiled to herself. She hadn’t expected to find friends so quickly here, but she really had. It felt good. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What didn’t was the fact that seeing the affection that Lissa and Sasha shared didn’t make her miss Ash. It was quite the opposite, really-- if Ash were here, they’d kick gently at Harry’s foot with their own, maybe raise their eyebrows at her. Open and public displays of affection never sat well with them, even if Harry thought they weren’t too showy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their group easily passed over an hour at the lunch table, chatting about their lives back home and getting to know one another better. It was an odd feeling, not really needing to be aware of the time or having any particular place you were required to be, and while Harry had expected to feel uncomfortable with it she was actually finding it pretty great. When Niall came to drag all of them off to the casino, Harry went to play the obligatory slot machine before begging off to take a nap. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Instead of going to her room, she headed to the lido deck to walk around and look out at the ocean. As she leaned out to watch the waves, she thought about how strange it was to have something so peaceful happening here as the boat sliced through the water below. She didn’t know much about how ships worked-- she’d looked up a few basics during her research but hadn’t actually retained any of the knowledge --but she knew they were moving pretty quickly. Meanwhile, the deck was populated with women who were enjoying slowing down, taking their time to have a stroll in the late afternoon sun. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Harry turned away from the water to people watch, a bright glint of silver caught her eye. Her fox was right there on the opposite side of the deck, looking out at the water just as Harry had been. She shifted her weight, and Harry once again admired her from afar. Her ass really was lovely. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Would it be weird to walk over and start talking to her? Maybe Harry could make a comment about how pretty the cloudless blue sky was overhead or say something silly like ‘come here often’ with a flirty little smile. She took a breath, gathering her courage, and was immediately stopped by the touch of a hand on her arm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry, right? How’s your first day been?” It was Sam, the Olivia employee she’d met at the mixer the night before. She was holding a clipboard and wearing her full uniform, her hair pulled back into a neat ponytail. “The first day can be a bit odd sometimes.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s been great,” Harry said, waving her hand to dismiss the possibility that she wasn’t having fun. She felt as though this was a business conversation, and she didn’t want anyone with Olivia to think she wasn’t having a good time. “Had a whole morning at the spa and lunch with friends, and I just wanted a little more sun before I get ready for karaoke later.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s a dance too! Totally casual, but it’s my favorite one. Have you ever been to a dance where they play Melissa Etheridge? It’s the best.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can’t say that I have!” Harry didn’t mention that she didn’t actually regret not having been to a dance that played Melissa Etheridge. Sam seemed so genuinely happy about it that she didn’t want to rain on her parade. “But I’m planning on going tonight, at least for a bit.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s great. I’ve gotta run, but it was good catching up!” Sam squeezed Harry’s shoulder and then she was off, barely giving Harry a chance to respond before basically speed walking to the stairs. Definitely a work chat, then. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry looked back to where her crush had been standing a few minutes earlier, but she was gone. There was no trace of her silver hair or pretty face anywhere on the lido deck. So much for fate, Harry thought as she took one more stroll through the sun. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she got back to her room she really did take a nap, not even bothering to get undressed before she climbed into her bed and only remembering to set an alarm when she was on the verge of drifting off. She wanted to give herself time to get ready for dinner and karaoke </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> a dance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>By the time Niall knocked at her door a few hours later, Harry was dressed and ready, curls down and her favorite red lipstick on to compliment the cherry patterned maxi dress she’d picked out to wear. It wasn’t fancy, but it was pretty, and Harry liked that it was long enough to actually feel like a long dress on her tall frame. Niall and Liam liked it as well, Niall telling her she was going to make them all look bad and Liam saying she looked “so, so pretty” with a slightly worrying blush on her cheeks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sasha met them for dinner, explaining that Lissa was eating in their room so she could have more time getting ready for karaoke and the dance. The four of them grabbed dinner at one of the restaurants on the ship instead of at the eatery, wanting to have a slightly fancier experience for the night. It paid to have Niall along; she knew the best things to order and really seemed to get along with everyone on board, getting hugs or fist bumps from all the staff. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Lissa met up with them near the end of their meal, it was apparent why she’d taken the extra time getting ready. In addition to a form fitting sequin dress, she’d also managed to change her hairstyle completely and do an impressive face of makeup. She looked like she could be one of the ship’s paid performers and not just another person along for the cruise. She kissed Sasha before sitting down and left a pretty pink lip print on her cheek that made something warm swell up in Harry’s chest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well now I see why you took the time,” Niall said, raising her glass and waiting til Lissa picked up Sasha’s so they could do a proper cheers. “You look amazing! The OWLs will be on the hunt.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hoo HOO!” Sasha imitated the owl noise that the comedian had made the night before, both she and Lissa dissolving into giggles when she was finished. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you know what you’ll sing?” Harry asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aretha, I think. How ‘bout you, femme? You look FINE tonight, by the way!” Lissa sent an air kiss her way and Harry grinned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have a few things in mind, but I was thinking about Stevie,” she said, taking a sip of her drink. “But ‘Landslide’ is too sad. I’ll just see what they have.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And we might do a duet,” Liam piped up. “Right Harry?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Couldn’t forget Dolly and Kenny! Of course.” Harry raised her hand and Liam gave her a high five that made Niall roll her eyes with a fond sort of amusement before she downed the rest of her drink and stood from the table. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’d better get there if we want to have a chance to sing. Finish your drinks, ladies! We’ve got karaoke to smash!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The room wasn’t packed when they got there, but a crowd was certainly beginning to gather. Niall snagged a couple of karaoke books for their group and brought everything over along with sign up slips, and they each took turns flipping through and making choices about what they’d sing before Niall walked everything (minus one book, which they wanted to hold onto) back over to the KJ, who promised they’d be up pretty quickly and could plan on getting in a second song or duet if the crowd wasn’t too huge. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It didn’t take long before the KJ was getting started, more people trickling in steadily and quickly filling the lounge space. Harry was glad they’d gotten there early enough to grab a table as she watched a few of the women around her standing around awkwardly, seeking out a good place to set their drinks and still keep an eye on the stage. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The first person from their group to get called up was Niall, who sang a pretty steamy rendition of “I’m on Fire,” her voice dipping low as she pointed at one of the staff standing near the front when she crooned about “a bad desire.” Everyone cheered for her when she was done, and she blew kisses out to the crowd, looking cocky as anything in her khaki shorts and button down short sleeve shirt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Liam came next, shocking Harry-- and everyone, really --with how good she was singing Michael Jackson’s “Human Nature.” It was soulful yet sweet, Liam resting her hand on her heart as she sang, and Harry couldn’t help but nudge Niall, pulling her closer so she could say, “I feel like this song could actually get Liam laid. Be on the lookout for anyone making googly eyes at her.” It made Niall grin, nodding her head in agreement, and when Liam came back all smiles Harry couldn’t help but pull her in for a hug and tell her how great she’d done. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Because life was unfair, Lissa went next, Sasha jumping to her feet to cheer for her loudly. When her song came on, Harry was surprised that instead of an Aretha Franklin song she’d picked a Tina Turner number. But of course she killed it, somehow managing to mimic Tina’s signature dance moves </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> her stunning voice. Midway through the song, she’d charmed the audience enough that everyone was dancing or clapping or both, and if her smile was any indicator she was absolutely loving it. When she finished, everyone at their table stood to cheer, Sasha bouncing up and down and yelling, “that’s my GIRL” loud enough to be heard even over the rest of the crowd. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry was proud of her new friend, but she did not want to be the one who followed her. That didn’t stop the KJ from calling her name, however. Her friends cheered and she went to the stage feeling a bit more nervous than she usually did for karaoke. Often she was one of the best performers, but here she was at a table full of karaoke stars, apparently. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As she stepped onstage, she tried to let her nerves go, looking out to see if she could catch the eyes of one of her friends. She couldn’t-- it turned out they’d sat right below the spotlight --but what she did see was a familiar head of silver hair standing at the bar. Her back was turned, but there was no mistaking it: Harry’s fox was here. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The first notes of “Dreams” began to play and Harry shut her eyes, trying to let the music wash over her. The song was one of her favorites, and she’d listened to it often after Ash had cheated on her but before they settled on opening up their relationship a bit, so the verses in particular always felt a bit heavier. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she hit the chorus, she finally opened her eyes, looking out into the lounge and immediately finding her silver fox leaning back against the bar, watching her closely. Harry couldn’t read her expression, but she immediately felt warm. She looked down and away, one hand dropping from the mic to skim over her body as she moved to the music. She couldn’t quite find it in herself to look up and out again, at least not where she had before. There was something about her silver fox’s gaze that pulled at her chest-- a sort of stickiness that made Harry feel like if she got too close she’d never get out, if she’d even want to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She finally dared to look back to the bar on the last round of “you’ll know”s, a little surprised but pleased to see the woman was still standing there, her eyes right on Harry. It didn’t look as though she’d moved since Harry had actually started singing, and it sparked something like courage in Harry, making her brave enough to sing right to her till the end, smiling when the woman grinned up at the stage and clapped as Harry replaced the microphone on its stand.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Back at her table, Niall and Liam and Lissa and Sasha were standing and cheering for her, all ready to tell her how well she’d done. She hugged all of them but didn’t bother sitting down, excusing herself to head to the bar in the hopes of catching her silver fox for a second. When she got to the spot where the woman had been standing, it was occupied by someone different though, and Harry sighed, more disappointed than she thought she should be over something so trivial. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Leaning against the bar, Harry waved at the bartender, hoping to get her attention and order another drink. The woman who’d just taken the stage was just getting into her rendition of “Total Eclipse of the Heart” and Harry zoned out as she listened to the slightly off key version while she waited. The crowd was joining in, and she bobbed her head along with them, surprised when she felt a light touch on her shoulder and heard a British accented voice speaking into her ear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So I know I can’t buy you a drink, really, since they’re included. But I thought I’d offer after you absolutely crushed it up there, darlin.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry’s heart raced as she swallowed back a smile, turning to find herself face to face with none other than her silver fox. She was even prettier up close than she had been at a distance, the crow’s feet at the corners of her eyes creating a little hatchwork that deepened when she smiled and her long eyelashes nearly shadowing her eyes in the odd light of the bar. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m Louis,” she said, her accent rounding out the sound at the end to a soft ‘eh’ instead of a hard American ‘ee’. Harry stopped trying to contain her smile. There was no use. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry,” Harry said, giving a little nod. “It’s nice to meet you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you.” Louis placed her hand gently at the base of Harry’s elbow. “What’ll you have?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry turned to see that the bartender had finally made her way down to them, and she hastily ordered a gin and tonic even though it wasn’t what she’d been drinking already. Part of her was glad she hadn’t blurted out “sex in the cabana,” the name of the special cocktail she’d started the night out with. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll take two of those, extra lime.” When the bartender walked away Louis turned to face Harry, her posture open and inviting. Flirtatious. Harry knew she must look the same. “So, do you sing professionally, Harry? You’re good enough.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis’ accent softened the end of Harry’s name too, and she giggled a little, not able to contain the amusement and delight that bubbled up inside her when she heard it. “No,” she said, shaking her head. “I write, actually. I’m here doing a story for a gay magazine.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ooh, all expenses paid, then? Posh.” Louis raised her eyebrows, a little smirk on her lips, and Harry giggled again. Fuck, she was so fluttery over this woman it was ridiculous. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Harry admitted with a shrug. “I’m in one of the big state rooms with a verandah and everything. It’s huge. Kind of weird, really. It’s pretty rare to get that kind of stuff at this gig. It’s not like I’m at Conde Nast or something.” </span>
</p>
<p><span>“Oh no, </span><em><span>definitely</span></em> <span>not Conde Nast!” Louis’ eyebrows were raised again, her eyes dancing with amusement even in the low light, and Harry gave her a playful shove, laughing quietly. </span></p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck off! It’s just not all that fancy even though it sounds like it, I promise. This is an aberration.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aw, well that’s too bad darlin’. You deserve the best.” Louis smoothed a hand down Harry’s shoulder, ending with a little squeeze of her arm. Then she reached over and grabbed the drinks that the bartender had dropped off-- Harry hadn’t even noticed -- and handed Harry one before taking a sip of the other. She put down a ten as tip and nodded toward the table of Harry’s friends. “Alright if I join you?” Harry grinned, Louis nodding at her barely audible “yeah” in response. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They made their way over, Harry waiting for the end of the song to insert herself into the conversation and introduce Louis. When she did, she got a look from Lissa that absolutely screamed ‘we’re gonna talk about this later’ and slightly confused but welcoming smiles from Niall and Liam. She and Louis sat at the outside of the booth, Louis warm against her side as they all listened to the karaoke and tried to chat at a respectful volume while still hearing each other. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t make an effort to put in another song, though Liam had added their “Islands in the Stream” duet to the list at some point and they were called up to sing together, both of them a little embarrassed when they both tried to sing the Dolly part on the first verse. After a moment they got it straightened out, even getting a couple of harmonies right when Harry took the lower parts and Liam went high. As they sang the last chorus, Liam put her arm around Harry’s waist and they shared the mic, swaying to the song. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was plenty of applause when they finished, and when they returned to the table Harry was glad that Louis had stayed put. She raised her eyebrows at Harry and looked over toward Liam questioningly, and Harry shook her head a little, taking the whole thing as a question of whether she and Liam were more than friends. When Harry sat back down she gave Louis’ thigh a little pat. It was nothing much, but Louis leaned into her after the gesture and so Harry felt alright about it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Niall was the one to suggest they leave if they wanted to make it to the dance that was starting up soon. She explained in a lull between songs that people usually crowded in after karaoke and that it was, once again, more fun to arrive early and scope out a table to sit at than to wait and come in with everyone else. Their group agreed, and when they got up to leave their table was quickly snapped up by a group of ponytailed women in snapbacks who had done a couple of songs together already. Harry wasn’t sad to miss whatever they were planning to take on next. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once away from the noise of karaoke, the six friends chatted idly on their way to the dance, most of the basic getting to know you questions directed at Louis. It turned out that she was originally from Doncaster and had just moved back there after living in London for a long time. She was a computer programer and this was her first cruise on Olivia or anywhere. She’d come with her close friends, Olive and Eleanor, who were regulars at Olivia Cruises, and was in a room that adjoined theirs on one of the lower decks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They’re probably in bed now,” Louis explained when Liam asked where they were. “They love doing all the little excursions and that, shopping and what not. We’re all around the same age but I never feel quite so young as when I’m with them. Might as well be ten years younger when I’m out with them, honestly.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t seem old at all,” Niall said, clapping Louis on the shoulder. “Can’t be over your mid 40s or so.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis stopped, jaw dropping open, and looked at Niall aghast. “I’m thirty-fuckin-five,” she said as Niall blanched and the rest of their group shared a look with one another. She quickly broke the tension by bending over laughing, shoulders shaking with it before she stood back up to say, “nah, was just kidding. I’m fifty-one this year. Shit, your face, mate!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Niall had a hand over her mouth as she shook with laughter while the rest of them shared a round of giggles. “I thought I’d really stepped in it.” Niall gave Louis a playful punch in the arm. “I like you, Louis.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they got to the dance it was barely starting up, the room still mostly empty and the DJ only just beginning to play music. The lights were still bright enough that they could all see each other well, and Harry took the chance to lean into Louis’ side and ask if she felt like getting the drinks for the table. Louis agreed, and they made their way to the empty bar for a round for everyone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>While Louis ordered, Harry leaned against the bar, hips out and elbows resting on the counter, taking the chance to admire her. In this light Harry could see that her eyes were impossibly blue, reminiscent of the ocean or a perfect sky or a cloudy piece of seaglass you’d find as a child and keep secret and safe like a pirate’s treasure. The wrinkles by her eyes were more like crinkles in the brighter light, soft but evident, and her mouth had smile lines around it too. She was so much more beautiful up close, her warm skin dotted with a constellation of freckles and her cheekbones sharp and prominent. Her silver hair still managed to look soft, too, and Harry wondered what it would feel like under her fingers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will you carry some of the drinks, or are you one of those Americans who thinks Brits with accents like mine are all some kind of magical Downton Abbey house elves?” Louis’ eyes sparkled up at Harry, her tone teasing, and Harry stuck her tongue out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course you’re not a house elf, how would you even be here?” Harry said as she grabbed three of the drinks, careful to keep them together. “You got a sock or something?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rebelled against the author, more like.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry sighed. “Yeah, that’s-- that’s actually fair. She’s awful, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Terrible. Absolutely in the worst possible company. Should’ve known when she basically okayed slavery and said Dumbledore was gay without ever even mentioning it in the text.” Louis rolled her eyes and Harry found herself laughing again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re old enough to have missed the frenzy though, right? I was just the right age to grow up with those books so it felt like a betrayal for me. Millennials aren’t allowed heroes anymore.” Harry tried to do the math in her head about when the books had come out and how old a fifty year old would have been when she read them, but it wasn’t happening for her-- she was a writer, not a numbers person. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah-- yeah, actually. Read ‘em to my sister’s kids around the time the last one came out. We’d babysit a lot for her and they’d get a few chapters every night. Course it’s easy to get pulled in no matter how old you are.” Louis gave a little shrug as she deftly set her glasses on the table, taking Harry’s from her hands and adding them to the mix without Harry asking her to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not that Harry minded; she was slightly stuck on Louis’ use of the plural pronoun. She couldn’t quite ask ‘who’s we’ of course, especially not with the music moments away from starting and her own unusual situation to mention. Not to mention that, of course, flirting (which she was fairly certain she and Louis </span>
  <em>
    <span>were</span>
  </em>
  <span> doing) wasn’t a direct line to anything else, from feelings to activities. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was distracted from her thoughts by the steady lowering of the overhead lights and the addition of a glittery disco ball, its little points of white light dancing around the space. The DJ started the music, Kool and the Gang’s “Celebrate” roaring to life with very little warning, and Niall immediately started doing a cheesy set of dance moves, turning to Liam to egg her into joining along. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry turned to Louis and shared a look with her, picking up her glass and Louis’ so they could toast and have a drink before they thought about entering the mostly empty dance floor. Lissa and Sasha seemed to be doing the same, but then they downed their drinks quickly when the next song started up, heading to the dance floor to join Liam and Niall. Harry followed Louis out a couple songs later, dancing for a couple of songs before she realized her heart wasn’t in it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Think I’m gonna go,” she shouted over the noise. Louis gave her a questioning look and Harry inclined her head toward the door, silently asking her to join. Everyone else gave Harry-- and then Louis --quick hugs, Lissa taking a bit longer so she could whisper-shout into Harry’s ear to ‘get that OWL’ before Harry followed Louis out the door of the ballroom. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The comparative quiet once they’d let the door fall shut behind them was beautiful, and Harry sighed appreciatively, not thinking twice before she entwined her arm with Louis’ to walk away from the dance. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That was not the mood for the evening,” Louis said as they began to walk toward the center of the ship. Harry wasn’t sure either of them knew where they were headed, but she didn’t really mind that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It really wasn’t. Not for us at least.” Harry’s words hung between them as they kept walking in silence. She wondered if the ‘us’ was too much, even though it didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> mean anything. Louis finally hummed quietly, leading them to the central atrium of the ship where she stopped by the staircase that could take them lower-- likely toward her room and not much else --or higher, toward the promenade deck, the lido deck, and Harry’s room. She let go of Harry’s arm and leaned against the railing, quietly taking Harry in. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re quite lovely, Harry,” she said after a silence that had begun stretching on too long for Harry’s comfort. “Funny and charming and gorgeous.” Harry blushed at the praise, but didn’t respond, the look in Louis’ eyes telling her Louis wasn’t finished just yet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When you were up there singing tonight I thought I was imagining you looking at me. That’s why I walked away, thought it was better I clear out than be disappointed by you not coming over. But I stayed close enough to look, and there you were. Someone else would’ve taken my place in a minute.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t have liked that,” Harry admitted, her stomach flitting with butterflies as she stared back at Louis. “I was pretty set on you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why’s that?” Louis asked her, chin tipped upward in a sort of defiant stance. It was almost as though she wanted Harry to prove she meant what she said. Needed her to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I noticed you yesterday,” Harry said, hand moving to tuck a curl that wasn’t even there behind her ear. “When Lissa said something about OWLs and the comedian caught onto it.” She looked down at the ground and then out at Louis through her eyelashes, intentionally coy. It reminded her of flirting at nineteen, so pointed and obvious and yet somehow absent of any real strategy. “And then I actually saw you again today, outside the spa earlier.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you?” Louis cocked her head to one side, voice lilting pleasantly upward. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” Harry laughed quietly at Louis’ teasing tone. “Heard you laughing with your friends.” She leaned forward slightly, enough that she could speak in a whisper and still be heard easily. “Might have developed a crush.” She rocked back on her heels and made a pinching gesture with her fingers. “Little one.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, well then!” Louis’ pleased laugh made Harry laugh too, and she finally went to stand next to her, leaning against the railing but turning her head toward Louis’ so they could keep talking. Louis did the same. “I do quite like you as well you know,” Louis said after a moment’s silence. “Might be nice to get to know you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That might’ve been part of my reason for leaving the dance with you, y’know?” Harry was the one to raise her eyebrows this time, pleased when Louis burst into laughter in response. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s fair. Promenade with me, then?” Louis pushed off of the railing and held out her arm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry nodded once, linking her arm with Louis’ and following her up a level to the promenade deck. They had to be a little quiet, the deck close enough to rooms that it was possible to disturb anyone who’d already gone to bed in spite of the not too late hour, but they were still able to talk, neither of them keeping track of time. Eventually they settled in some chairs, bodies angled toward one another as they chatted about their lives. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Harry started to yawn, Louis teased her about being ‘too old to stay out so late,’ Harry rolling her eyes but still conceding that she actually was pretty tired. She also had a lot planned for the following day-- mostly sightseeing in Puerto Rico, along with joining in with a couple of ship activities that she needed details on --and hated the thought of waking up sleep deprived to do it all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let me walk you home then,” Louis said, standing and holding her hand out to Harry to help her up. She didn’t need it, but she took it anyway, the soft warmth of Louis’ touch enough to make her happy she had. They didn’t have too far to go to get to her room, and when they reached it they paused, turning to face one another. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you for escorting me,” Harry said, doing her best imitation of a curtsy. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, you’d have made it back.” Louis shook her head softly. “But I would’ve had my butch license revoked, and it’s an absolute nightmare to have it reinstated. You wouldn’t know, of course.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t, no.” Harry looked down at her feet, something warm fluttering in her belly at Louis’ teasing. It had been so long since she’d actually had someone call themselves that-- butch --and it lit a spark in her that she couldn’t quite understand. “But you can tell me all about it tomorrow, maybe?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I have to keep </span>
  <em>
    <span>some</span>
  </em>
  <span> secrets. But I’m sure we’ll still have plenty to talk about tomorrow.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I look forward to it.” Harry inched forward, opening her arms to offer Louis a hug goodbye. Louis accepted, her lips brushing against Harry’s cheek in a warm, dry little peck that Harry imagined she could feel burning on her skin like a brand. “Tomorrow,” she said, stepping back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tomorrow,” Louis said with a nod. “Goodnight, Harry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Harry made it inside her room, she flung herself onto her bed face first, grabbing a pillow and bringing it to her face to muffle her quiet squeal of excitement. She kicked her feet briskly for a moment and then rolled over onto her back. She hadn’t bothered to turn the light on, and so her room was illuminated by the moonlight only, everything cast in a blue that made her miss the color of Louis’ eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She stood after a few minutes, taking her makeup off and using the toilet before stripping off her clothes and going back to the bed. She hadn’t taken much advantage of her room’s included wifi yet, but she did now, opening her computer to compose an email. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Zayn--” it began. “I uhhh. Think I met someone.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Old San Juan and New Feelings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tags: social drinking; flirtation; kissing; olinour; past Louis/OFC; masturbation</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Monday: San Juan, PR) </p><p>Harry rolled over in bed, the touch of something hard and cool against her hand jolting her awake. She peered out from underneath her eye mask to find her computer lying next to her, right where she’d left it after emailing Zayn the night before. It was early, but not ridiculously so, and though her alarm hadn’t gone off yet Harry decided she might as well get up and begin her day. </p><p>She started with a mediocre cup of coffee from the little pot in her room and a banana, opening the door to her verandah and stepping out into the warm air to stretch and get used to being awake. Now that the ship wasn’t moving, it felt different to look out and see everything-- the boat, the ocean, the sea birds that dipped into her line of vision --it all seemed much more real. </p><p>When she was done with her fruit and still sipping her coffee, she decided to check and see if Zayn had read her message. She didn’t expect a full response, really. If anything she figured he might’ve seen it and written back with a few dozen question marks and a simple request for further explanation. What she found instead was a somewhat lengthy message that began with Zayn yelling at her for revealing any news like this over email. As if Harry had a choice. </p><p>
  <em> H-- </em>
</p><p>
  <em> What the FUCK are you doing messaging me at 11pm to tell me that you have a crush on some “gorgeous silver haired British butch” and not sticking around for even five minutes on the off chance I’d be around and read your message and immediately want to chat with you?! Do you even know me? It’s not even midnight!! I’m AWAKE!!!! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Anyway you’re clearly not in your right mind at the moment so you’re forgiven.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I can’t believe that you flirted as hard as you did with her. It’s not really like you? NOT complaining, please keep up the good work. The ship can’t be that big with how much it sounds like you saw her yesterday, so hopefully you’ll run into her again today. If not, just walk the lower decks calling out her name until she answers you. It sounds like she would.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And this time get her room number.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You’d better hook up with her. You owe it to yourself. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I expect a FULL report, and please remember idgaf about all the cool shit you’re getting to do for free with a bunch of lesbians. I care about YOU, especially any dates you might have with SILVER FUCKING FOXES, you lucky asshole.  </em>
</p><p><em> xx </em> <em> <br/></em> <em> Z </em></p><p>Harry scrolled to re-read her own message, cringing at how desperate and over the top she sounded. With a few hours of sleep and the light of day shining on everything, her feelings from the night before felt a little blown out of proportion. Had she really been so over the moon about a tiny kiss on the cheek? Was she maybe overselling it to Zayn when she claimed her time with Louis felt “charged and different and kind of almost magical”? That had to be it. </p><p>The fact that they hadn’t exchanged room numbers meant that they might only find each other if Louis came looking for her at the right time. She decided to let lesbian Jesus take the wheel; if they were meant to find each other again, they would. And this time Harry would be prepared to look at how she was feeling a little more objectively than she had last night. </p><p>Although the ship was docked, passengers weren’t allowed to leave until 10 am. It was currently 8 o’clock, and having stood outside for even a few moments had left Harry glistening with sweat. She hopped in the shower and then got dressed, picking out a pair of high waisted shorts and a sleeveless shirt that tied in the front, an outfit Ash called “summer hipster chic” because they’d once walked past a girl in McCarren Park wearing the exact same thing, much to Harry’s dismay. Harry reasoned that it was comfortable for what she’d be doing for most of the day-- walking and sweating --and hoped she was safe from a repeat incident of finding an outfit twin. </p><p>She didn’t bother with makeup, not really feeling it for the day, and tossed a tube of sunscreen in her bag before popping her sunnies on her head and walking out to get breakfast. She spotted Liam and Niall right away, each of them carrying a single loaded plate back from the buffet, Liam’s piled with savory breakfast and Niall’s with sweet. </p><p>“Harryyy!” Niall yelled, tipping her head up in greeting. “Go get a plate full of fruit and join us!” Harry nodded, making a beeline for the chilled fruit display and stacking up all the melon slices and citrus that she could. When she joined Niall and Liam, they’d already made a sizable dent in the sweet and savory breakfasts they had and looked excited to tackle the fruit. </p><p>“So did we come up with the official millennial style Olivia breakfast, or what?” Harry asked as she sat down. She speared a pancake and took a few slices of bacon for herself and looked up to see Niall nodding. </p><p>“Reckon so. Haven’t passed it by the brass yet, but they’ll wanna name it after you I’m sure.” </p><p>Harry rolled her eyes affectionately and poured herself some coffee. Before she could take her first sip, Liam cleared her throat. </p><p>“So, uh, where’d you get off to last night?” Liam looked up at Harry through her lashes, all puppy dog eyes. Harry shrugged and looked down at her breakfast, trying to tamp down the little frisson of excitement that rose up inside of her at the thought of her answer. </p><p>“Ended up walking around with Louis-- the woman I met last night? --and just chatting. She seems pretty cool.” It was the understatement of the year, but Harry knew that if she said more she’d probably end up gushing. She chose to shove a piece of bacon in her mouth instead, looking up to find Niall grinning at her like the cat that got the canary. “How ‘bout you?” Harry asked with her mouth half-full. </p><p>“The dance was great! We stayed for an hour or so, right Ni? I was beat pretty early, but I think Lissa and Sasha stayed.” </p><p>Niall nodded her agreement. “Yeah they’ll be pretty hungover today I’d bet. Doubt they’ll get in much sightseeing. You have plans for anything today Harry?” </p><p>“I’m interested in seeing Old San Juan, really just walking around and taking pictures. Spending money everywhere I can, I guess. Hoping it helps.” Harry had done a bit of googling when she saw that the cruise was docking in Puerto Rico, unsure of what to expect. From what she’d found, Old San Juan had recovered from the recent hurricanes enough to support tourism, and she hoped to at least pump a little money into the economy. “How about you two?”  </p><p>“I’m going to the ‘Let’s Get Fiscal’ workshop with Suze Orman,” Liam said, a bright smile on her face. “It’s all about preparing for retirement, but I’m hoping to get in some questions about small business ownership.” Harry schooled her face quickly, but it was a close thing; she never expected to hear someone she thought of as a friend speaking admiringly of that particular motivational speaker , but apparently becoming a cruise goer was expanding her horizons. </p><p>“And I’ve got work to do on the ship, lots of calls to make. I’ll be around to laugh at your sunburn later, tho.” </p><p>“Ha ha,” Harry deadpanned. “I brought sunblock. And I tan. Eventually.” She probably would end up with a red nose and shoulders at some point on the trip, but she refused to believe it til it happened.</p><p>They kept chatting a bit longer, until Harry looked down at her watch and noticed that it was nearly time to disembark. She said her goodbyes and rushed off, joining in with the crowd of people queuing to get off the boat. It wasn’t easy, but she forced herself not to search for Louis among the women lining up. If they were going to run into one another, it would have to just happen on its own. </p><p>Of course less than half an hour later as she stood taking pictures of a building, wondering why she found it so captivating, she realized it was because its blue hue was a close approximation of Louis’ eyes. And ten minutes after that, when she heard a British accent passing by and immediately whipped her head around to try to spot where it came from, she knew there was no use denying that she was hung up on Louis. </p><p>She dipped into a restaurant with a sign that touted their excellent coffee, taking a seat, iced coffee in hand, at a table that allowed her a view of the street. The coffee was bright and acidic with just a hint of sweetness, and as she took a sip she pulled out the little journal she’d brought along to take notes in. Normally she’d write on her phone or an i-pad, but the paper notebook just felt right somehow-- putting pen to paper like some classic novelist and not a moderately paid travel and events writer for a gay magazine. </p><p>Harry let herself get lost in the words, painting a mental picture of the colorful buildings and the atmosphere around her, the melodic sound of tourists and locals speaking Spanish and English and the taste of coffee on her tongue. It was strange that she took the particular moment that she did to look up and out onto the street, but she didn’t question it. Instead when her eyes settled on a head of silvery hair, she stood, shoving notebook and pen into her bag and nearly upending her chair to dart across the street. </p><p>“Louis?” Harry’s hand was at the woman’s shoulder before she even had a moment to question whether or not she’d spotted the right person. Not that she was terribly doubtful-- Louis’ face was etched into her memory already with shocking clarity --but it wasn’t until she’d said her name that Harry worried she might have the wrong person. </p><p>Fortunately it was Louis who turned, pleased grin on her face at the sound of her name. “Harry,” she said, voice soft and bright and soothing. Harry sighed with relief. “Was hoping I might run into you out here, but I didn’t know if it’d happen.” </p><p>“Yeah, me too. I was just in that cafe over there,” Harry gestured vaguely behind herself, cheeks coloring when she realized she’d just walked into outing herself as the sort of person who ran across the street at the possibility of having seen someone they’d only just met in a passing crowd. “And I, uh, thought I saw you.” </p><p>“I’m glad you did.” Louis brushed her knuckles over the back of Harry’s hand, stoking the little flame of excitement that was burning in Harry’s chest. Harry bit back a grin. “Are you out here alone? Care to join us?” </p><p>It was only then that Harry realized two other women were standing nearby watching them. She recognized them as the same people who Louis had been walking around with the other day. “Oh, sorry to interrupt--” </p><p>“It’s alright, love,” Louis said, stepping next to Harry and putting a comforting arm around her shoulder. “Harry, this is Eleanor and Olive. Ladies, this is Harry.” </p><p>“We gathered.” Eleanor, the more feminine of the pair, nodded once with a wry grin. She was well dressed and incredibly thin, and the dress she wore looked nicer than any Harry had packed for herself. “Louis hasn’t shut up about you.” Next to her, Olive laughed, sliding her sunglasses up into her short ginger shag. </p><p>“Innit?” She gave Louis a little slap on the shoulder before turning to address Harry. “You made an impression on Lou, can’t lie. It’s rare, though, you should be proud.” </p><p>Her accent matched Louis’ in many ways, but it didn’t sound nearly as nice coming from her as it did from Louis in Harry’s opinion. She nodded a greeting to both of them, leaning into Louis’ touch. “Suppose I am, then.” Turning her head, Harry found Louis looking at her with the tiniest smile that made her mouth a little V. She had to swallow back a giggle and turn away. </p><p>“Well! We’re off to do a lot of shopping and won’t be the best company,” Eleanor said, voice  a bit too bright and loud. “So perhaps we’ll just meet up later? Right back here, around 16:00?” Olive turned to look at her, confusion written across her face, and Eleanor pursed her lips and widened her eyes, effectively cutting off any question. Next to Harry, Louis coughed as if covering a laugh. It was not the most subtle way to get the slip from her friends. </p><p>“Harry? Care to join just me, then?” Louis asked, her arm dropping from Harry’s shoulder as she waited for an answer. Harry nodded, already thinking about how much she missed the feel of Louis’ touch and trying not to question why that was. </p><p>“Yeah, though I was thinking of walking around the shops as well, so we might run into you?” </p><p>“Oh, we’ll just be spending ages in the same places, very boring.” Eleanor nudged at Olive’s arm. “Shall we?” </p><p>“Right, ‘course.” Olive put up her hand in a wave. “See you later, Lou. Don’t have too much fun.” Then she and Eleanor were off, soon blending in with the other tourists. </p><p>“My friends are nothing if not incredibly obvious,” Louis said once they were gone. “Sorry if you felt cornered into spending time with me. There’s no pressure, really.” </p><p>“No, no, not-- there’s no pressure from me either? But I’d like to spend the day with you after last night…” Harry trailed off, feeling as though she’d showed her hand a bit too much. “It was just great talking with you, and I’d love to get to know you more, you know?” </p><p>“Yeah, yeah, me too.” Louis held out her arm and Harry looped her own through it gratefully. “Let’s go, then.” </p><p>They ended up walking back the way that Harry had already come from, Harry insisting they turn onto the side street where she’d found the building she liked and take a selfie in front of it. Louis was awkward with the front facing camera turned on her, unsure where to look and playing with her hair, claiming it looked terrible until Harry insisted it didn’t. </p><p>From there, they wandered around a bit, weaving in and out of the more crowded streets. Louis seemed fine indulging her desire to wander, willingly taking every turn in stride. They talked as they walked, sometimes sharing their thoughts on architecture or the differences between the landscape here and in their own cities, and after a while the conversation naturally turned to their own lives a bit more. </p><p>It turned out that Louis had lived in London but moved back to Doncaster where she’d been raised about a year ago. She and Olive were childhood friends who’d drifted apart for a while but grew closer when they both came out, and it was Louis who had introduced Olive to Eleanor after meeting her at a networking event for lesbians. </p><p>“I was pretty much married at the time,” Louis explained when Harry asked if she’d ever considered dating Eleanor herself. “And she’s not really my type, if I’m honest. I like being the bossy one.” Louis laughed at herself and Harry joined her, only half wondering how that bossiness manifested itself in Louis’ relationships. </p><p>“When was that? I really couldn’t tell if they’d been together for twenty years or five.” </p><p>Louis paused, her hand resting at the small of Harry’s back, and surveyed the street for a moment. “D’you wanna sit down, have a bite? Just realized how hungry I am.” </p><p>Harry agreed, sticking a pin in the fact that Louis had dodged her question and unsure why she’d done it. They found a restaurant easily, and though it was busy they were able to sit down at a table without much trouble, Harry placing their order in the best Spanish that she could muster. They both got beers to drink, Louis clinking her bottle against Harry’s before they both took their first sips. </p><p>It was cold and not too bitter, refreshing after walking around in the sun for a while. When Harry set her bottle down, she looked up to find Louis picking at the label on the bottle, a serious look on her face. Before she could ask what was wrong, Louis started to speak. </p><p>“I wanted to be honest about something, Harry.” Louis stared down at her bottle, and Harry felt a knot tighten in her stomach. “Just-- it’s not really huge, but --when we were talking about when Olive met Eleanor, I realized I hadn’t told you yet and I think I should.” </p><p>Harry took a slow sip of her beer so she’d have something to do other than chew at her lip and stare at Louis, willing her to talk faster. She didn’t know what to expect, only that it seemed like something big. </p><p>“I’m divorced.” Louis gripped the bottle in front of her tightly, still picking at the edge of the label with her thumbnail. “It started going that way a couple of years ago, and it was made final at the end of last year, about a week before my birthday. We’d been together for ten years when we took some time apart, and then we got back together for a bit but it never really worked after that.” </p><p>With the bones of Louis’ story on the table, Harry felt a bit lighter. She couldn’t explain it, but there had been a part of her that was worried Louis would mention a lover back home or some other thing that would keep her from pursuing whatever was developing between them. Not that anything was. </p><p>“D’you wanna tell me more?”</p><p>Louis huffed a little laugh. “Suppose I could, if you’d like. I don’t talk about it all that much because Olive and El were right there through it and it doesn’t come up elsewhere.” Louis took a long pull from her beer. “Oh, and they’ve been together about eight years now. I know what you mean that it’s hard to tell if they’ve known each other forever or five minutes. But it works for them, yeah?” </p><p>Harry nodded, resting her hand on Louis’ wrist to encourage her to keep talking. Louis looked down at it and smiled. </p><p>“Right, so, Lisa and I met out at a show the summer of...2009? Yeah, that’s-- anyway, she bought me a pint, I bought her one, and then we went home together. We were both out for a one night stand, I think, but, yeah, it just didn’t work out like that. We kind of fell into dating, and then after about a year it made sense to move in together, so we did.” </p><p>That was something Harry could relate to, both in her own life and in the lives of friends-- that sense of needing to move ahead on the game board, following a path that was laid out because it seemed the right thing to do even if you weren’t entirely onboard with it. She gave Louis’ wrist a squeeze. </p><p>“We got married right after it became legal in the UK, May 2014. By then we’d been together long enough that I think my proposal was something like, ‘we should get married, now it’s legal’ and she said, ‘sure, why not’ or something like that. Not very romantic.” </p><p>“Did you want it to be?” Harry asked. She did it without thinking, responding how she might to a friend dissecting their latest fight with their partner. Louis’ face twisted a little in response. </p><p>“I would have, actually. When I thought about how I’d want to propose to someone, I figured on talking about it beforehand a lot and then doing it somewhere special. At the very least I would’ve got a ring, yeah? But when it happened I was glad of it. No regrets, it is what it is, y’know?” Louis put a hand to her collarbone and shook her head. “It was really good for most of it though, can’t complain.” </p><p>The food arrived then, bowls of mofongo for each of them, and Harry nodded her thanks but pushed it aside, wanting Louis to continue. “So what happened? If you feel like--”</p><p>“It’s alright, love. Yeah, it was a lot of things. She never really got on with Olive, and after we got married she never wanted me to go up to Donny to see her-- said she’d rather I not travel on me own --but she didn’t want to go with me, neither. That caused a few fights. And we’d both take the piss a lot, but she hated when I’d get soppy. Didn’t let me hear the end of it sometimes.” </p><p>Louis shook her head with a little laugh. “I planned a date one time-- proper romance, picnic in a park and that --and it rained right in the middle of it. She caught cold, and from then on when I told her I had a date planned she’d ask if this one would end with a visit to the NHS.” Harry scoffed, offended on Louis’ behalf. </p><p>“It wasn’t so bad! We had a laugh about it for a while. But it started to feel like she really meant it, and I stopped planning dates.” </p><p>“And then you realized she never planned dates either?” Not that Harry was speaking from experience. It was just the way these things went. </p><p>“Got it in one.” Louis raised her eyebrows and tipped her beer toward Harry, voice a little higher than usual. She took a sip and leaned back in her chair. “It really is okay, though; we’re still friendly. Sometimes things just don’t go quite the way we expect them to.” </p><p>Harry leaned forward, resting her chin in her hand, and nodded. “It’s true. Life keeps moving along and you never quite know if what you’re expecting is what’s really ahead. And you plan and plan for something, and then reality just flips you over.” Louis leaned forward, mirroring Harry’s position, and smiled at her. </p><p>“Deep talk from the under 30 set over here.” </p><p>“Heyyy!” Harry kicked playfully at Louis under the table. “I’m not that far under 30.” </p><p>“Lemme guess, you’re 28?” Louis’ eyes danced as she looked back at Harry, who was trying to hold back a laugh. </p><p>“Shut up.” </p><p>“Saturn return, eh? It’s alright, we’re both lesbians, you can tell me love.” </p><p>Harry pulled her bowl of food forward and shoved a bite into her mouth. “Cah tak, ah ea-ing,” she said, pretending her mouth was fuller than it was. Louis cackled across from  her, laugh high and bright in the small restaurant. It made Harry have to cover her mouth to stop herself from joining in. </p><p>“Alright, alright, so we’re eating. Saturn return talk later, under the stars.” Louis pulled her bowl towards herself and winked at Harry before digging in. They ate without much conversation, mostly just talking about how good the food was and whether or not they’d had anything like it before. Food and beers finished, they left the restaurant and headed out to see what sorts of shops they could find in Old San Juan. </p><p>The time passed quickly, their conversation lively and playful as they went into any store that looked interesting to one of them (which ended up being quite a lot). Louis told Harry a bit more about her family, who she seemed to be buying a lot of souvenirs for. There were quite a few of them, and Louis was full of stories about things her nieces and nephews had done or said as well as tidbits about her sisters from childhood. </p><p>At one store, Louis was struck by the desire to buy herself a guayabera-- a loose linen button down that many men were wearing --and proceeded to hold up each one in front of herself, asking Harry for a rating of zero to five stars. Harry complied, of course, enjoying watching Louis hold up the shirts and strike what must’ve been her modeling pose, a serious, far off look in her eyes as she gazed toward the middle distance, lips slightly pursed. </p><p>Very few of the shirts rated below four stars, and Harry was fairly certain it was all down to Louis’ face. </p><p>She ended up buying one that was a marled cornflower blue, the color highlighting her eyes perfectly. Harry considered getting one for Ash, but couldn’t think of a color that would be fitting for them. And even if she could, the thought of bringing up Ash felt a bit like a bucket of ice water being tossed on this lovely day. </p><p>It shouldn’t, of course. Ash had encouraged Harry to hook up with someone, and she felt pretty certain that if she called Ash right now and told them about Louis they’d laugh at her for being ridiculous and tell her to go make a move. Still, she couldn’t shake the <em> wrong </em> feeling she had rolling around in her gut. When she bought a bottle of Coquito knowing it was for Ash, she ended up telling Louis she was just buying up a stock of useful presents for all the people back home, hoping the half-truth wasn’t coming out as false as it felt. </p><p>They walked back to their meeting place with Olive and Eleanor after stopping at a stand so Harry could get a fresh fruit drink loaded with some of the most gorgeous tropical fruit Harry had ever seen. Louis teased her about it at first, but when Harry offered her a sip she admitted it was good enough that she wanted her own, so they circled back and got her one, making themselves a few minutes late in the process. </p><p>Olive was taking a picture of Eleanor when they arrived, El posing with her body angled and legs crossed in front of herself as she stared dreamily at a mural painted on the side of a building. Beside Harry, Louis laughed under her breath, whispering, “watch this,” before she shouted “Oi Oiiii” as loudly as she could, startling her friends as well as the other people passing by on the street. </p><p>Louis doubled over laughing as Olive fumbled the phone, nearly dropping it, and Eleanor turned to flip her off with both hands. </p><p>“You’re a right shit, you know?” Eleanor said, fixing Louis with a look before she turned her attention to Olive, resting her chin on Olive’s shoulder so she could look at the pictures Olive had taken before they were interrupted. </p><p>“Oh c’mon, I’m sure that was the best one yet.” Louis nudged Harry, who was watching with a fond amusement that she only felt growing. Louis might be over twenty years her senior, but she didn’t feel old in any of the ways Harry would’ve expected. She was fun and silly and not stodgy at all. And it was probably a sign of some awful ageism that Harry should interrogate within herself that she expected all of those things from a fifty year old woman, but for the time being she let herself be pleased at how Louis made her feel instead.</p><p>“You two ready to head back?” Olive asked as she picked up the shopping bags she’d left at her feet to take photos. Apparently she and Eleanor really had taken the whole day to shop if their bags were any indication. </p><p>“I am. You, Harry?” Louis’ hand rested on the small of Harry’s back, Harry leaning into the touch. It seemed to make her body realize that she’d been out in the sun, walking around all day, and she suddenly felt very ready for a nap. </p><p>“Yeah, actually-- might need a nap if I’m going to keep up with you.” Harry turned to Louis and winked, ignoring the little cough she heard from Olive and Eleanor as they looked on. </p><p>The four of them headed back to the boat, taking their time to get to the dock. The ship would stay there for a few more hours yet, allowing anyone who’d done an island excursion or who wanted to experience the beginning of any nightlife to take a bit more time getting back. Harry couldn’t remember what was planned for the night as far as activities went, but she really was looking forward to a shower and a nap before anything else. </p><p>When they’d made it on board, Harry remembered that she still didn’t have Louis’ room number. She very much needed to remedy that. Before they parted ways, Harry paused, pulling Louis aside. </p><p>“Lou-- I was hoping you’d tell me where you’re staying? I realized I didn’t ask last night, and I was a little worried I wouldn’t find you again.” Louis’ friends cleared their throats and excused themselves, leaving Harry and Louis standing alone in the corridor. </p><p>“You thought I wouldn’t come find you? Oh, darlin'-- there’s no way.” Louis smiled, studying Harry’s face. She tucked an errant curl behind Harry’s ear before continuing. “I’m in D528. Adjacent to those two, so I can’t be too loud after midnight. They made me promise.” </p><p>“You think I’d come by after midnight?” Harry put her hand to her chest in mock horror. “What do you even think of me?” She laughed, but part of her wanted Louis to answer honestly. To offer some kind of declaration. It was over the top and ridiculous, and Harry couldn’t even bother to feel ashamed for it. </p><p>“I think you’re lovely, Harry. Absolutely lovely.” </p><p>In that moment, Harry could feel herself melting, everything external falling away to leave nothing more than a wide smile and a heart that was beating loudly in her ears. She couldn’t even bring herself to answer, looking away as she felt her cheeks heat with a blush. </p><p>“Too much?” Louis asked, her hand moving to graze Harry’s elbow with a grounding touch. </p><p>“Just right. Just enough,” Harry said, shaking her head softly. </p><p>“Good.” Louis looked at her, eyes searching for a moment, and then gave Harry’s elbow a squeeze before dropping her hand and stepping back a few inches. “I’ll get you for dinner, if you’d like? We can go with your friends or just the two of us.” </p><p>“Yes! I’d like either, I mean.” It felt like it might be too much to say that she really wanted it to be just the two of them, seeing as they’d spent the entire day together. She hoped it would be easier later. “D528, that’s you. I don’t want to forget.” </p><p>“AA128, that’s you. I couldn’t possibly forget.” </p><p>“We both have the 28,” Harry said as the thought came to her. Louis held up her hand to show a tattoo of those very numbers. </p><p>“It’s my lucky number so I requested mine, actually.” She wiggled her fingers before letting her hand drop to her side. </p><p>“And I just got lucky I guess.” Harry bit back a smile at the play on words, a laugh bubbling out of her when Louis rolled her eyes and shook her head. </p><p>“Go take a nap before you cause trouble, yeah?” Louis stepped away, that little V of a smile back on her face. “I’ll get you around 19:00-- shit, 7 o’clock American, I forget you lot can’t always tell time properly.” </p><p>Harry huffed. “I understand military time, Lou.” She pretended to be more exasperated than she really was. “I’ll be waiting for you.” Louis nodded, and then turned to walk away. Harry stood and watched her go, half for the view (her ass was truly something) and half because she didn’t want to accept that she’d be spending the next couple of hours alone, thinking about nothing but Louis, Louis, Louis. </p><p>-</p><p>It was five minutes till 7 when Louis knocked on Harry’s door, and Harry stood from her bed, giving herself a quick once over in the mirror. She’d napped briefly upon getting back to her room, but ended up spending most of the time showering and shaving her legs and choosing what to wear, a little too hyped up for her own good. In retrospect she probably could’ve used all that extra time awake and alert typing up some story notes or emailing Zayn (or Ash, honestly), but at the time all she could manage was getting herself together and then cycling through all the possibilities of what could happen on her date with Louis tonight. </p><p>Because it definitely was that-- a date --and that meant that, at least if all the other first dates she’d been on in her life were any indication, anything could happen. Part of her wanted to get lost in the fantasy of it, just thinking of what it might be like to kiss Louis (would Harry initiate it, or would she?) or to get her hands on the plush swell of Louis’ ass. But another part of her-- the bigger part, honestly --couldn’t get past feeling like she was doing something wrong. Lying, basically. </p><p>Which meant she had to bring up Ash, the sooner the better. But of course that put everything with Louis at risk, so it wasn’t actually the simple solution Harry kept trying to tell herself it would be. Because for whatever reason she didn’t really want to examine, Harry very much did not want to see the thing that was developing between her and Louis come to an end right now. Not yet. </p><p>Harry opened the door to find Louis standing there in her guayabera and a pair of comfortable looking trousers. Her hair was soft and unstyled, parts of it still damp from a shower, and her skin had a dewy glow from the sun she’d picked up during the day that most women would’ve paid good money for. Fuck, she was lovely. Handsome and pretty and delicate and strong all at once. Harry couldn’t hold in her smile. </p><p>“You’re a sight,” Louis said, reaching up to touch one of Harry’s curls, thumb delicately pulling it away from the others so gently that Harry could barely feel it even as her skin warmed at the proximity. “Sure it’s me you’re meeting with tonight?” </p><p>“Yeah, I’m sure.” Harry ducked her head. “Wouldn’t wanna see anyone else but you.” </p><p>Louis raised her eyebrows at that, only slightly feigning shock. “You’re havin’ me on, love. You know you could have your pick already.” She chuckled, shaking her head, and Harry took a step forward, taking Louis’ hand in her own. </p><p>“I pick you, then.” Harry squeezed Louis’ hand and Louis rubbed her thumb against Harry’s tenderly. For a moment, they let the silence between them say what they couldn’t quite get out. </p><p>“Ready for dinner?” Louis asked after a beat. Harry nodded. “Just us? Will your friends think you’ve disappeared?”</p><p>They might, Harry realized. They’d been coming for her pretty reliably, and would probably be stopping by any minute. “I’ll leave them a note, actually.” Harry stepped inside her room, holding the door open for Louis. “C’mon in.” She went to the desk and grabbed the branded stationery and pen and scrawled out a little note for Niall and Liam, telling them that she’d gone to dinner with Louis and would see them the next day. When she looked up from writing, she realized that Louis was standing at the door to the verandah, hand on the glass as she looked out. </p><p>“We can go out there if you’d like. Forgot your room is pretty different from this one, yeah?” </p><p>“That’s putting it lightly! My room doesn’t have anything like this. And it’s quite a bit smaller.” Louis turned away from the door, shaking her head. “But we’ll look out there another time. Dinner now?” </p><p>“Dinner now,” Harry said with a single decisive nod.  </p><p>Louis held out her arm so Harry could link her own through it, and after Harry had locked up and left the note resting on the door handle so that Niall and Liam would see it easily, the two of them headed out to the nicest of the specialty restaurants together.</p><p>They’d just opened their menus when Harry heard Louis scoff and then groan quietly. Harry lowered her menu to look at her, unsure what it was that would cause Louis to be annoyed. </p><p>“<em> Sushi </em>,” Louis said with a hint of disgust to her voice. “Of course a proper fancy place has sushi, they’ll want to stay on trend.” She rolled her eyes, turning the page of the menu as Harry watched her with a bemused smile. </p><p>“Not a fan of sushi, I take it?” </p><p>“I just hate it when posh people decide what’s going to be the big exciting thing and we’re all just expected to go along with it.” Louis looked back down at her menu, lip curling a little in disgust. “I’ll find something to eat, I’m sure.” </p><p>Harry looked down at her menu, trying to keep her voice light. “Have you ever eaten sushi? Or you just don’t like the thought of it?”</p><p>“Well it doesn’t sound so appealing, does it? I don’t go to the chippy and ask them to leave me fish raw.” </p><p>“It’s a little different than that,” Harry said, her voice edging higher as she came to defense of what was honestly one of her favorite special meals. “It does look like they have a few other things here, not just sushi. But you really should give it a try.” </p><p>“I’ve offended you.” Louis’ eyes crinkled in amusement across the table. “I talked shit on sushi and you’ve taken it personally.” She giggled, and Harry started to shake her head, about to explain where she was coming from when Louis cut her off. “S’alright, love, I’ll try it if you’d like.” She bit her lip as she looked at Harry. “Can see you’re worked up right on your face, darlin'. It’s quite cute.” </p><p>Harry raised her menu up to cover her face. “I love sushi,” she said through a slight frown. It was a silly thing to get worked up over, and yet she couldn’t help it. She lowered the menu enough to look at Louis, who was watching her with a small smile. “I’ll only pick the best things.” </p><p>“Yeah, course you will. And I’ll try them.” Her foot grazed Harry’s under the table, and Harry hooked her own around it, unable to hold back the smile that crept over her face. “There she is,” Louis said softly. Harry stuck out her tongue. </p><p>When the server came, Harry ordered a few things from the sushi menu-- for herself and to share --while Louis ordered a steak from a different part of the menu. Harry had to restrain herself from teasing Louis about ordering beef in the middle of the Caribbean, where the ship was likely getting the freshest fish possible anywhere they docked. All the food onboard had been pretty good so far anyway, and she was sure their dinner tonight wouldn’t be any different. </p><p>True to her word, Louis tried the sushi that Harry offered her. Her face was skeptical at the first bite, but in the end she admitted to liking two or three of the things on offer, though she claimed she might’ve been influenced by Harry feeding it to her in addition to the taste. Harry found herself making note of the things Louis had seemed to like best. Maybe they’d come back to this restaurant again, and there was no harm in remembering what they could easily share. </p><p>Over dinner, Louis asked Harry about her life-- her childhood, her friends, her job --as she sat and listened. It had been so long since Harry had been on a date that she couldn’t remember if it was typical, but it felt <em> good </em>. And though Louis was leading the conversation in a lot of ways, it still managed to feel like a give and take, both of them comparing the things they’d done and hadn’t, the people they’d met and loved along the way. </p><p>Harry talked about her first girlfriend, Mariah, who she met at sixteen in a coffee shop in her hometown and had a volatile relationship with for two years before they parted ways to go to different colleges and never spoke again. And Louis shared the story of Eve, the slightly older butch bartender she pursued for a few years before getting into a rather dramatic (and terrible) relationship of her own. </p><p>When Harry brought up her first boyfriend, Kaden, she had a moment of worrying that Louis might immediately get up and leave. Harry usually identified herself as queer-- it was easier in some ways, even if part of her felt like it wasn’t a word for her sexuality so much as for her <em> self </em> --but she knew her dating history was easily categorized by some as bi, and that often came with a lot of baggage for some women. But Louis didn’t disappoint her, just listening and nodding and laughing along when Harry told the story of him unknowingly hitting on Harry’s roommate out at a bar and blowing up their relationship. </p><p>Of course the talk of relationships led Harry to think of one thing: Ash. They were there, hanging like the sword of Damocles that could potentially destroy whatever she and Louis seemed to have with one another. It came to a head when Harry was talking about Zayn, telling a story of the two of them going away on a trip to Vegas together and almost deciding to get married while very drunk one night. Louis laughed, leaning back in her chair a moment to shake her head and stretch before leaning in across the table and asking, voice a little low and awed, “how are you still single?” </p><p>Harry paused, biting her lip as she considered how to respond. Louis sensed the shift in her energy, a look of confusion on her face as she began to put pieces together, about to draw her own conclusions. If she hadn’t left yet, surely she’d leave once she decided Harry was not single-- that she was cheating or leading her on in some way. Harry had to spit it out. Finally. </p><p>“I’m in an open relationship.” It came out all in one breath that Harry had been holding in, and she gasped after letting it go. “I should’ve said. I’m sorry. I should’ve-- it’s a lot to explain.” </p><p>“We have time,” Louis said. The lovely crinkles by her eyes were sagging a little, her face missing the light it had throughout their day together. “We can walk, if you’d like.” </p><p>“Come back to my room? We’ll sit on the verandah?” </p><p>Louis nodded, standing up and offering Harry her arm. Her chivalry in this moment made Harry’s chest tighten; she could’ve been angry or cold, she could’ve pushed back and let Harry get up on her own. Instead she kept right on putting herself out there for Harry to grab onto. It was almost unbearably kind. </p><p>They walked back to the room in silence, Harry’s arm through Louis’ and her other hand resting atop Louis’, thumb moving over her soft skin in gentle strokes. </p><p>Harry’s note was gone when they got back to her room, and she assumed that meant Niall and Liam had come and gone and weren’t worried about her, which was good. Of course it was likely she’d be seeing a lot more of them if this conversation with Louis went how she feared it might. </p><p>The ship was moving again, having pushed off from the port at San Juan to head to their next destination overnight. Harry vaguely remembered that tomorrow was the day of her excursion, and she figured that at least if she was going to be avoiding Louis for the rest of the trip she’d get to start out by spending the entire day out with a bunch of women who weren’t her. </p><p>Louis sat in one of the chairs while Harry grabbed a shawl for herself, and then the two of them angled toward one another, both in silence for a moment. </p><p>“So…” Louis looked at Harry expectantly, waiting for her to explain herself. Harry sighed. </p><p>“So...I have a partner, Ash. We’ve been together, um, a little over three years now. The open thing-- it’s kind of new. I should’ve told you, I know.” </p><p>“Would’ve been nice,” Louis said, tucking one leg underneath herself. “But...go on.” </p><p>Harry bit her lip. “They told me to hook up with someone while I was here. So it’s not-- I’m not <em>cheating</em> on them. If I told them I’d met a hot older butch with an accent and didn’t try anything, I think they’d actually be upset about it.” Harry coughed, turning away to pretend she was covering a laugh that wasn’t quite there. It was funny, she knew, that Ash would probably react worse to the news of Harry passing on someone like Louis than they would to Harry hooking up with her. But it still set Harry ill at ease. </p><p>“How long have you two been open?” Louis asked, reaching out her hand to graze Harry’s arm. “You said not long, but--” </p><p>“Few months. They <em> did </em> cheat, actually. Just once, it wasn’t some kind of like, secret relationship. But afterwards we decided maybe we needed to be able to explore being with other people. But still be together.” Harry turned her arm up, exposing the ticklish inner part to Louis’ touch. It was just enough to make Harry feel grounded, somehow. </p><p>“You both decided?” In the dim light, Harry couldn’t quite see enough of Louis’ face to read her expression, but her voice sounded genuinely curious. </p><p>“I mean, we fought. Neither of us has done this before, so it wasn’t really the first place my mind went, y’know? But I love them. It didn’t feel right to just leave.” </p><p>“Course not, love,” Louis grasped Harry’s fingers in her own, giving them a gentle squeeze before returning to touching Harry’s arm. “It’s not a clean straight line, being with someone. There’s all sorts of twisted bits that you’d never expect from the outside. The two of you have figured out a way to make it work, and that’s gonna look how it looks.” </p><p>“Very wise,” Harry said, tipping her fingers up to touch Louis’ arm and then grasping it lightly, almost holding her hand but not quite. “But it’s not fair that I didn’t tell you.” </p><p>Louis eased her hand down til she was gripping Harry’s gently. “Not the best way to handle it, maybe. But would it change things?” </p><p>The wind whipped around Harry, and that combined with the sensation of Louis’ touch and the moment that was passing between causing her to shiver. Louis squeezed her hand and then stood, helping Harry up and moving the two of them inside. There were chairs-- Harry’s state room really was quite large --but both of them chose to sit on the bed instead, the light from the bedside lamps now bright enough that they could read each others faces. Louis looked soft, open, expectant, not angry or even terribly disappointed. Harry swallowed back her fear. </p><p>“It wouldn’t, for me. Change things, I mean.” Harry’s knee brushed against Louis’ as she shifted to face her more. “I know this is just a week on a boat, but I do like you a lot already. It can’t go anywhere, so maybe that’s why I didn’t say anything sooner? But I do think you’re…” </p><p>Harry trailed off at the feel of Louis’ hand on her knee, her palm warm through the fabric of Harry’s dress. “It doesn’t for me either. Maybe it should, but I can’t say I wouldn’t have wanted to talk to you even if I’d known. Or that I would’ve stopped if you told me. Unless you wanted me to.” </p><p>“I don’t.” Harry let her hand fall on top of Louis’ as she looked her in the eyes. “I don’t want you to stop talking to me or having dinner with me or flirting with me.” Her heart raced in her chest at just how strongly she wanted Louis to keep doing those things-- and more, hopefully. They might only have a week, but maybe it could be a really good week. The kind of thing she thought about for years and didn’t want to forget. </p><p>Louis wet her lips, and Harry tracked the motion, her own lips parting slightly in response. “So we have this, and we enjoy it, hm?” Louis’ hand shifted out from under Harry’s, her touch rising up Harry’s body as she spoke.  “I’ll keep talking to you. And having dinner with you. And flirting with you. And all that.” Her hand came to rest at Harry’s cheek, and Harry closed her eyes and took a breath, savoring it. “And you’ll do the same for me?” </p><p>Harry nodded. “Mmhmm,” she hummed quietly, letting herself succumb to Louis’ gravity field. As she tipped forward, eyes still closed, she murmured, “kiss me?” in a voice that came out far more pleading than she intended.</p><p>Louis complied, guiding Harry toward her until their lips were pressed together. It was soft and needy but not messy, Louis’ mouth warm and barely parted as they began. Harry couldn’t tell whose tongue had entered into things first, only that when she opened herself to Louis she grew unbearably heated, the gentle insistence of Louis’ tongue against her own making her want to spread her legs to find how it would feel inside of her. </p><p>She moaned, and Louis responded by touching her, hands drifting up and down Harry’s body, stopping to squeeze her waist and graze her nipple. </p><p>When Louis pulled away, Harry followed after her, mouth open as if she were hungry and begging for more, and Louis shut her eyes and exhaled, one hand against Harry’s chest. It was all Harry could do not to whine. </p><p>“M sorry, love, but I should go tonight.” Louis took a breath as she let her hand fall from Harry’s chest, eyes following the motion as if she were touching Harry with her vision as well. “It’s-- I don’t want to,” she said, running a hand through her hair. “But I think I should. We’ll sleep on it, and if it still feels right tomorrow then we’ll--” she raked her eyes over Harry once more and huffed a breath through her nose. “Yeah.” </p><p>She was right, Harry knew. If they had sex tonight it was possible that one or both of them could wake up tomorrow regretting it, though Harry was almost certain it wouldn’t be her who would feel that way. And that was actually the worst thing Harry could think of, having a night with Louis and then knowing that was all and that Louis <em> regretted </em>it. She sighed, heart heavy and nodded. </p><p>“You’re right,” Harry said quietly, forcing herself to lean back a little. “But that might mean you need to go now, because the longer you stay the more I want you.” </p><p>Louis groaned, rising from the bed, and gave Harry a longing look before turning away. It was too much; Harry stood and crossed to where Louis stood by the door, putting a hand on her shoulder as warning before she turned Louis, pushing her against the door with a slight thud, and leaned down to give her a heated kiss. It gave Harry the opportunity to reach down and cup Louis’ ass, squeezing it with one hand as she kept the other against Louis’ cheek, fingers just brushing the softness of her hair. </p><p>“Ah, fuck,” Louis breathed when they pulled apart. “You’re dangerous, aren’t you?” </p><p>“I’m sorry, I couldn’t--” Harry was a little out of breath as she rested her forehead against Louis’. “If I’d let you walk away without getting to touch your ass and kiss you one more time, I would’ve hated myself forever.” </p><p>Louis laughed, tipping forward to peck Harry’s lips just once. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Harry chuckled too and nodded, taking a single step back so Louis could open the door to leave. “Hope you’ll behave yourself between now and then,” she said, standing in the hallway just outside Harry’s room. Her eyes sparkled just as they had earlier in the day, that teasing lilt back in her voice. Harry felt hope crackle in her chest. </p><p>“I will.” Harry watched Louis walk away, smiling at her back-- and then at her front when she turned around to walk backwards so she could look at Harry too --until she disappeared at the end of the hall, at which point Harry shut her door so she could collapse against it, part of her unwilling to accept that she’d let Louis walk away but most of her grateful to have any chance with her at all. </p><p>She brushed her teeth and got ready for bed, itching to get under the covers and get off thinking about the kiss she and Louis had shared. As she set her alarm she remembered her excursion was set for the following morning. She wasn’t certain when they were leaving but she knew it was early and that she’d likely be one of the first off and definitely wouldn’t get a chance to see Louis until dinner at the earliest. </p><p>It had been a half hour since Louis left, but Harry picked up her telephone anyway, following the instructions for dialling between rooms and punching in Louis’ room number carefully. </p><p>“H’lo?” Louis’ voice sounded a little rough, and Harry cringed, worried the call had awakened her. </p><p>“Hi, Lou, sorry to call. You sound like you were sleeping.” </p><p>“Wasn’t,” Louis said. Harry could hear her shifting in the bed. “Was just lyin’ here, thinking of you.” Harry’s breath caught in her throat at the implication, and she squeezed her thighs together tight, humming quietly. </p><p>“I was going to do that too,” she said softly, lying back against the pillow. “But I needed to tell you I’m doing an excursion tomorrow, so I won’t see you til the evening.” </p><p>“That’s too bad, love. I’ll miss you.” </p><p>“I’ll miss you too.” Harry twisted the phone cord around her finger. “Come get me for dinner?” </p><p>“Course, darlin'. Same time?” </p><p>“Mmhmm, that’s perfect.” </p><p>Louis sighed softly on the other end of the line. “Should go to sleep, love.” </p><p>“You have to get off then?” Harry held in a giggle, shutting her eyes at her own silly pun. </p><p>“Already did.” Louis’ words shot straight to Harry’s clit, and she fumbled the phone, cursing quietly as she brought it back up to her ear to hear Louis chuckling to herself. “Harry?” Louis said after a moment. Harry answered back with a questioning hum. “Hang up the phone, love.” Harry whined softly. “And get off, hm?” </p><p>Harry huffed, almost wanting to voice her displeasure when Louis whispered, “goodnight.” </p><p>“Night, Lou.” Harry heard the click of Louis hanging up and put her own phone back on its receiver, switching off her light as she squirmed under the covers. When she touched herself she pictured Louis’ hands on her body and Louis’ mouth on her clit. She came with Louis’ name on her lips, sleep swallowing her up a few minutes later. </p><p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Catamarandies and Magic Hands</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tags: drunkenness; drinking games; miscommunication; awkwardness; kissing; brief and awkward Harry/Liam; sunburn; flirtation; cuddling/canoodling; Louis calls Harry pet names (really kicks off now, will continue throughout)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Tuesday, St. Thomas USV)</p><p>
  <span>Harry overslept the next morning, Liam’s knock on her door pulling her right out of a dream. She rushed to get ready, throwing on her bikini and grabbing her things quickly so that the two of them could make it to their excursion on time. Fortunately for Harry, Liam was thoughtful enough to bring along a breakfast sandwich she’d put together from the buffet. She even managed to keep it warm through some kind of gay fanny pack sorcery, and when Harry took her first bite she laid her head on Liam’s shoulder and moaned as she chewed, silently thanking her lucky stars for having a friendly companion along for the excursion. </span>
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  <span>They boarded the catamaran along with around twenty other women, all of them climbing into the boat and taking a seat in the central part that was partially shaded from the sun. It was already hot in spite of it only being 10 am, and Harry dug around in her bag looking for sunscreen, only to realize she’d carried a different bag the day before. She cursed quietly, waving Liam off when she asked what was wrong, and tried to focus on what the guide was saying. </span>
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  <span>“We’ll start out with a ride to Coki Beach, where we’ll do our snorkeling. You should have the opportunity to see some beautiful coral reefs, and the fish here are particularly friendly, so you’ll get some great photos and memories today.” The guide wasn’t someone who Harry recognized, and all she could think was that the woman was almost cartoonishly chipper. </span>
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  <span>“Maybe we’ll find Nemo,” Liam whispered in Harry’s ear. “Or Dory, with this group.” </span>
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  <span>Harry burst out laughing, drawing the attention of everyone on the boat and silencing the guide. She quickly schooled her features, ducking her head in an apology and shoving her elbow into Liam’s side only to hear her let out a quiet giggle. Yeah, Harry was definitely grateful to have her along. </span>
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  <span>“As I was saying, we’ll snorkel for a while, and then we’ll have lunch on the beach followed by cocktails and a trip around the island to look at the gorgeous coastline. In honor of our mode of transportation we’ll be serving the “Catamarandy,” a special rum punch cocktail. And we have a non-alcoholic version, too, if you’d rather not imbibe. Now if all of you will just fasten your life vests…” </span>
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  <span>Liam nudged Harry’s side. “Are you catamarandy, baby?” She whispered in her best Austin Powers impression. Harry had a hard time holding in her laughter yet again. </span>
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  <span>Once the boat got going, the women on board all began chatting with one another, mostly talking about what they’d done so far and what they were planning to do. Harry decided she’d rather catch up with Liam. </span>
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  <span>“So how was the rest of your day yesterday? Sorry I didn’t join you and the others for dinner-- did you miss me?” </span>
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  <span>“I did!” Liam said, grinning and nudging Harry’s knee with her own. “It was a good day, the Suze Orman lecture was amazing-- I learned so much! --and after dinner Niall and Lissa and I went to the casino for a while. I won $20, but then they both convinced me to bet it all at the craps table and I lost it.” Liam seemed to consider something for a moment. “So actually maybe I didn’t learn that much from Suze Orman.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry laughed. “I mean you know what you did wrong! That’s gotta be half the battle.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopefully.” Liam shrugged. “I’m really trying to put aside money to buy some land somewhere rural, so I need to buckle down and save. Can’t spend forever thinking about it and not actually do anything to make it happen, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buying land-- that’s the dream, huh? Queer farm goals.” It was something Harry was kind of trying to do with Ash, so she didn’t really have a reason to joke about it. And yet it still felt like someone else’s life and dream. Liam’s or Ash’s or an Instagram influencer whose brand was #sustainability. Harry really did like being able to get falafel at 3 am and good lattes any time, though. Sustainable or not. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Liam, undeterred by Harry’s slight sarcasm or maybe missing it entirely, responded with a rather earnest nod. “Yeah, a queer farm sounds great. With horses and a little dog rescue, maybe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw, Li,” Harry said, putting her arm around Liam’s shoulder. “I hope you get it.” Liam’s answering grin made even more affection blossom in Harry’s heart. “I’ll come visit when you do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They kept chatting for a while, eventually joined by a couple of women near them who overheard Liam talking about the puppies that had been born before she left for the cruise and wanted to share their own dog stories and-- in lieu of photos on their phone, the boat bouncing a little too much to make passing them around possible --as many stories as they could. Harry didn’t mind it, the combined enthusiasm of the women around her enough to keep her entertained even if she didn’t follow the particulars of whatever breeds they were discussing. Harry’s dog experience was limited to thinking all dogs were cute. It didn’t require any specialty knowledge at all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually the boat slowed, the motor slowly getting quieter as they began to putter toward a small dock a short walk from what looked like the beach area the guide had mentioned. She stood as they slowed, grasping a bar so she could keep her balance and waving her free hand to get everyone’s attention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, so we’re about to dock, and we have equipment available through the dive shop just up the beach. For anyone who needs help with snorkeling, we also have a couple of instructors who’ll be ready to help you. Stay safe and please, please don’t feed the fish any human food!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you give a fish a cookie,” Liam whispered. Harry batted at her arm, shaking her head to get her to stop. She refused to laugh while the guide was talking again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Liam helped Harry off the boat when they’d finally docked, walking alongside her to the dive shop to pick up their gear. “I never asked what you got up to last night,” Liam said, slowing to let a couple of women pass by. “I mean of course we saw your note, but, uh, what happened?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry wasn’t sure how much to say. Part of her-- a big part --wanted to gush about Louis endlessly. But another part wanted to keep the information a little private for now. Maybe even downplay it so she didn’t end up feeling like a complete idiot for having the feelings she did. The worst thing she could imagine was spilling her guts and finding someone looking back at her and shaking their head, telling her she was being silly or overreacting or moving too fast. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well. Zayn could tell her those things. But he was the only one she’d trust to not say it automatically, and he wasn’t here. So she chose to keep it low-key. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You remember Louis from the other night, yeah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Liam nodded, waiting for Harry to continue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We ran into each other in Old San Juan, and decided to go off for dinner together. She’s, um….” A series of words ran through Harry’s mind: amazing, fascinating, lovely, beautiful, funny, sexy, brilliant. None of them said enough and all of them said too much. “Really cool and fun to talk to.” It wasn’t a lie, but it fell so short of the truth that it made Harry cringe inwardly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s so cool you’re making friends with someone older! Intergenerational relationships are the neatest thing about queer community, I think.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That made it sound like Harry was visiting a nursing home. She chuckled half-heartedly, looking away in the hopes the subject would die. Fortunately they were close enough to the dive shop that it did, a massive distraction coming in the form of getting snorkeling gear and figuring out where their group would go to explore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once they were out in the water, nobody did much talking. Liam loved snorkeling and even did some scuba diving, which was obviously much more extensive than anything they were doing at the beach. She showed Harry the ropes, and when it became evident to the other women around them that she knew what she was talking about she ended up leading a small group around the reef. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry enjoyed it, but realized pretty quickly that snorkeling was not her ideal beach activity. She much preferred floating-- the sea was actually quite calm, and the gentle waves allowed her to bob in the water without swallowing mouthfuls of salt water --so after a while she let Liam go off with a trio of women who were very excited about looking for sea turtles and opted to casually float instead of exploring all around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, the time passed quickly. It was the perfect day for being in the water, and Harry really let herself enjoy it, even if she was thinking about Louis at least half the time. Each little lovely experience was one more she filed away to share later, stomach buzzing when she thought about how Louis would react to hearing about it and what stories she’d have to share with Harry, too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Liam interrupted her reverie with a splash of sea water and a playful smile, her scuba mask still over her eyes and her little breathing tube hanging off to the side. Harry splashed her back, and Liam put the tube back in her mouth and went underwater, putting her hands above her head to mimic a shark fin as she moved closer to Harry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though she didn’t really feel like playing, Harry went along with it, moving along slowly in the water to try to get away while planning a counter-attack the moment Liam resurfaced. When she did, Harry pounced, trying to put all her weight into dunking Liam underwater. It didn’t quite work-- Liam was much stronger, actually --but it had both of them laughing as they headed back to shore to dry off and have some lunch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They came back to a taco bar, the promised Catamarandies being handed out alongside the food. The drink was served in plastic pouches that looked not unlike Capri Sun, right down to the sharp little straw that you had to stick into the pouch in order to get the drink out. The ingredients weren’t listed, but the drink was a lurid pink color that stained the lips of anyone who drank more than one, as Harry soon found out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they boarded the boat a short while later, even the butchest of the women looked like they’d been playing around in a makeup kit, mouth and lips Barbie pink, and most of their group was tipsy. The cocktails weren’t even that strong, really; they were just incredibly easy and fun to drink. Harry carried her third in hand as she took a seat between Liam and an older woman with grey hair that didn’t sparkle at all like Louis’. Harry giggled at the thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few seats away, someone who looked just a little older than Harry suggested they play a game of Never Have I Ever as they rode around the island. It was silly and childish and perfect for the mood of the boat, and most of the women were eager to join in, sharing the things they’d never done one after the other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry had done most of the things they mentioned, for better or worse, and that meant that she was finishing her drink before it was even her turn to speak. Fortunately Liam saved the day with a new round of Catamarandies, pretending to clink her pouch against Harry’s as she sat down. Harry laughed, leaning into Liam’s side, the wind whipping through her hair. She took a sip of her drink and thought about the way Louis’ hair had felt under her hands the night before-- so soft and lovely --and wondered what she’d look like out on a boat like this one, skipping over the water.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sun chose that moment to reflect off the water at just the right angle to hit Harry’s eyes, sharp little pinpricks of light making her miss her sunglasses. They were in her bag, which wasn’t at her feet. She sighed, annoyed, and put her hand on Liam’s thigh, giving it a light squeeze before using it to help keep herself steady as she stood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sunglasses,” Harry muttered in Liam’s direction, hoping she’d understand, and set off to the place that she thought her bag might be. She passed by their guide, nodding at her and trying to keep her composure as her actual level of drunkenness became more apparent with each step. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bags were exactly where she thought they’d be, but she bypassed them to use the little bathroom onboard the catamaran, seeking the comfort of sitting down to pee and regretting her choices. There was no line, only a crew member of the catamaran leaving the bathroom as she arrived. He smiled at her, friendly at first and then with an awkward twist as he stared at her tits. Only a few days in and she’d forgotten what that was like. She scoffed, face wrinkling with disgust, and he turned away, chastened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry was about to go into the bathroom when she felt a hand on her shoulder, touch light enough that it didn’t register as out of the ordinary to her tipsy mind. She turned to see who was touching her and was happy to see that it was Liam and not a random stranger or another creepy man. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harry, I, um…” Liam’s face was red, partially from the sun and partially from a blush that crept up her neck. “I just…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Liam’s face moved toward Harry’s, everything went simultaneously in slow motion and too fast to keep track of. Harry was aware of Liam’s mouth getting closer to her own, lips parted slightly, and there was a part of her that knew what was coming and was already making light of it, turning it into a ridiculous story she’d tell at parties eventually: ‘Did I ever tell you about the time my friend made out with me in a boat bathroom during a lesbian cruise? No?? Well…’ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the rest of her was stunned, trying to process what was happening. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why</span>
  </em>
  <span> it was happening. Liam had been flirting with her, yes, and it was possible she’d flirted back. But this? This was not what she’d expected to happen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Liam’s mouth was against hers, a little sloppy and not quite firm enough, tasting wrong and feeling wrong and being the last thing Harry wanted. It took the sensation to shake Harry from her daze and make her push Liam away, hand held out to keep her at arm’s length. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck, Li?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-- you-- ahh--” Liam fishmouthed, sputtering out a string of incoherent noises until she shook her head, seeming to come to her senses. “You said, up there, ‘some kisses,’ and I, I don’t know? I thought you were asking me for them? I--” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“SUNGLASSES,” Harry half-shouted, over enunciating the word. “I needed sunglasses, not some kisses. Oh my god, I feel awful--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, no, oh my god Harry, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>feel awful. I should’ve asked consent first and not just gone ahead and thought-- fuck, I’m an asshole. I’m a consent violating asshole.” Liam’s face crumpled, and Harry shook her head and pulled her into a hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we’re both drunk,” Harry said as she pulled away. “And if we weren’t we would’ve handled that a lot better.” She closed her eyes and let her head fall back against the wall with a quiet thunk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Liam crossed her arms in front of her body, a frown wrinkling her forehead. “I do kind of like you. Like that, I mean. And I was excited you might feel the same way.” She turned her head, looking back toward the rest of the boat for a moment, Harry watching her and waiting for her to continue. When she didn’t, Harry reached out and put her hand on Liam’s arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly? I might have been into it before, but I--” It felt strange to say she’d met someone, but those were the exact words that were on the tip of her tongue. She couldn’t quite deal with the ramifications of them, of what they might indicate about her feelings for Louis, but she said them anyway. “Think I met someone.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Liam’s eyes went wide. “Louis?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry nodded. “Yeah, we, uh, we kissed last night.” She looked down at her feet, painted toes wiggling as she thought about the kiss again. “I really liked it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about, um--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ash?” Liam nodded, and Harry’s toes stopped dancing as she looked back up at Liam’s face. It was clear from the concern on her face that she didn’t like the way Harry was talking. Harry had to swallow back the desire to get defensive. “They told me to have fun. And I wanna have fun with Louis.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does </span>
  <em>
    <span>she</span>
  </em>
  <span> know?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, yeah. I told her about Ash last night. She said it didn’t change things for her.” That memory was a nice one too, and Harry felt her heart flutter at the thought. “It’s not serious, okay? I just. Like it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. But-- don’t take this the wrong way --just be careful. Yeah? You don’t know everything about her or what she’s really like.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m a big girl, Liam. I can handle it.” Harry had to restrain herself from rolling her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but she’s older, right? You just don’t know if--” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry cut her off with a look, Liam’s mouth snapping shut. “I need to use the bathroom, actually. I’ll meet you back up there?” Liam nodded, letting Harry go inside before heading back to the rest of the group. Inside the cramped little bathroom, Harry peed and washed her hands and rested her head against the cool porcelain of the sink, doubt rising up inside of her like the tide. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stopped to grab her sunglasses before joining the other women, still a bit tipsy but definitely a little sobered after her talk with Liam. She pasted on a smile as she sat down, throwing her arm around Liam’s shoulder to show her that everything was okay between them. She could feel Liam relax, her smile brightening up her features. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Apparently the game of Never Have I Ever had turned into sharing wild stories, and one of the women was in the middle of recounting what sounded like a fisting orgy that had most of the other women’s rapt attention. Harry turned her focus to the coast line as they zipped past it, the blue water and sky meeting to surround the island in a soft embrace. That kept her focus for the rest of the ride. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they got back to the dock, Harry had visions of breaking away and hurrying back to her room where she could fling herself onto her bed and brood over her feelings about Louis. The more she’d thought about it, the more she’d worried they were too much, too big, and too soon. Not to mention what they meant in relation to what she had with Ash. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was allowed to flirt and kiss and fuck. And she wanted to. But having permission couldn’t stop her from feeling like she was doing something bad, especially when she wanted to do those things with just one other person. It felt like she was breaking the rules even when she knew she wasn’t. It was unsettling to say the least. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Liam calling her name stopped Harry from following through with her getaway plan. She stopped, waiting for her friend to catch up to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, can we maybe go sit somewhere? Talk or something?” Now that they were out of the sun, Harry could see the red on Liam’s nose and cheeks. It made her look younger somehow, a little child-like, and combined with the sad look in Liam’s eyes Harry couldn’t find it in herself to turn her down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They ended up at the quietest of the bars on board the ship, a small one with a questionable tiki theme that made Harry wrinkle her nose. She hoped she’d remember to make note of it being in poor taste to someone who mattered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The one good thing about the bar was that the tiki drinks required a lot of juices, and so the bar also served a nice variety of smoothies and fresh juice blends. After so many Catamarandies Harry was grateful for the change in pace, and she and Liam both ordered tropical fruit smoothies that were cool and refreshing. As they took their first sips, Harry decided to break the ice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just wanted to say that it really is okay between us, yeah? We’re only new friends but I do really like you and Niall, and I don’t want anything to change for us on the cruise.” Harry waited for Liam’s response, hopeful that it wouldn’t include a refusal to continue hanging out as friends. She didn’t think it would, but then she hadn’t really thought they had much else to discuss after they’d talked on the boat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Liam reached out and squeezed her hand. “That’s really kind. And of course nothing is changing for us! Hopefully we don’t even have to bring up the uh--” she leaned in to whisper, “kiss,” and then leaned back, looking around before talking at a normal volume again. “Especially not around Niall. She’ll tease me about it forever.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, she absolutely would,” Harry said, shaking her head at the thought of Niall forever telling Liam that she was going to the bathroom and didn’t want to be followed for any awkward kisses. She cringed internally. “I won’t tell her if you won’t.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good,” Liam sighed, relieved. “It’s actually, um.” Liam paused, face twisting in thought, and leaned in to suck at her drink, taking a moment. “Do you remember what Niall said about me and my dating? At dinner at the hotel?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry racked her brain. She vaguely remembered Niall making a joke about Liam liking pussy, but not much else. She shook her head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that’s good I guess. So, I’m bi. And mostly I’ve dated men, but I had a girlfriend most recently.” A couple of women came into the bar to sit down, and Liam waited until they’d passed to continue talking, her voice a little lower. “She was the first woman I’d been with in a few years, and I fell really hard for her.” Liam’s face softened a little as she spoke. “She was just really great, you know?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t, but you can talk about her if you’d like.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Liam chuckled to herself, shaking her head. “No, I get in too much trouble. We only dated for a few months, but I liked her right away. I knew she was someone I wanted to be with for a long time, exclusively.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She didn’t want the same?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, not at all. She said I was too needy.” The look on Liam’s face was one of fresh heartbreak and sadness. Harry reached out to comfort her, waiting for her to continue. “It’s okay,” Liam said after a moment. “It’s been, uh, a few months since the breakup. Niall thinks I should be over it.” She rolled her eyes half-heartedly, feigning a kind of lighthearted annoyance that clearly ran much deeper. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It sounds like you were in love with her, though. Were you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Liam shrugged. “Yeah. Maybe. I think so.” She sipped at her drink, sucking enough up through the straw that she reached the bottom of her glass, making a loud noise that drew the attention of the other women in the bar. She stopped drinking and pushed her glass away. “If you can fall in love with somebody right away, that’s what I did.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can, I think. Sometimes you just know. And if you know and they know, then you can just go ahead.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Except she didn’t love me, and she knew pretty soon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry’s heart ached for Liam. She rested her chin in her hand and considered what to say to try to help her feel a little less sad, but nothing came to her. “It would be great if you were over her,” Harry said finally, Liam looking at her expectantly. “But there’s no timeline for falling in love and there’s no timeline for getting over heartbreak. You can still be sad.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, so getting laid won’t cure me?” It was a flip sort of statement, but Harry could sense the hint of pain behind it. She pursed her lips, pretending to consider it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s no cure for loving too hard, sorry babe.” Harry patted Liam’s shoulder, wincing internally at how cheesy what she’d said sounded but happy that it seemed to be something Liam was glad to hear, a smile crinkling her face. “Seriously, though. You’ll meet someone when you’re ready, and you’ll know and they’ll know and it’ll happen. And it could be a woman on this cruise or it could be a man back home, or anyone anytime really.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think you’re into Louis? Like </span>
  <em>
    <span>into her,</span>
  </em>
  <span> into her?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry’s eyes widened a little. It was her turn to focus on sipping her drink instead of answering, the cold drink almost giving her brain freeze. “Maybe, yeah.” She chewed at the tip of her straw. “Not that it matters, y’know? This is one week.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I fell in love with Marisa in one week,” Liam said with a little shrug of her shoulders. Harry pinched her bottom lip between her fingers, unsure how to respond and somewhat in awe of how easily Liam had turned the subject away from herself and onto Harry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not you. And I love Ash.” It was Harry’s turn to shrug as if nothing was bothering her. “That’s all that matters.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still think you should be careful,” Liam muttered under her breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I think you could be less careful. Here anyway. Not like Niall is saying-- I don’t think you need to fuck someone --but you can’t assume you won’t just figure out how to love whoever comes along and is ready for you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They talked a little more, but Harry felt herself waning. As much as she hated to admit it, she was very ready for a nap, the life of leisure apparently extremely tiring for her. Zayn would never let her live it down. Which reminded her that she still hadn’t responded to Zayn’s last message yet. She’d have to do that soon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After parting ways with Liam, Harry’s plans changed a little. Instead of going up to her own deck, she found herself taking the stairs lower until she was only one deck above Louis’. There was no use in denying that she was ignoring her desire for a nap in order to see Louis, so she just pushed all thought of it from her mind. What nap? Harry was young and fresh as a daisy after too much to drink in the sun and several hours in the ocean. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was busy telling herself that when she knocked on Louis’ door, three short raps that seemed to echo down the hall. She waited for a moment, leaning in to see if she could hear the sound of someone stirring around, and then knocked again. When there was no response she dug a piece of paper out of her bag and scrawled a note out to Louis, signing off with two x’s and a too big H. She stopped herself from drawing a heart and slid it under the door, forcing herself to walk away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Back in her room, she stripped down for a shower and a nap, wincing when she saw that she’d definitely gotten sunburned from being out all day. Her nose was Rudolph red and her shoulders looked like they’d be pretty painful later. A cool shower definitely helped, and when she laid down she was tired enough that the irritation didn’t stop her from drifting off pretty quickly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sun wasn’t really out anymore when she heard a knock at the door, bolting up in bed with her mind stumbling to catch up, unclear for a moment if she’d slept all night and into the next morning or for a few short hours. “Just a minute,” she called, voice hoarse and throat dry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y’alright, love? I can come back if you’d like.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the sound of Louis’ voice, Harry smiled. “No, no, just gimme a sec,” she said, flicking the light on so she could find her water bottle and chug half the contents down in one go. She tugged on a robe, hissing at the sensation of terrycloth on her shoulders. She felt as though she was radiating heat from the inside out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, come in.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis was smiling softly when Harry opened the door. Her silver hair was styled again, not so soft as it had been the day before, and she wore a t-shirt and a pair of track pants that Harry might’ve judged on anyone else, but absolutely loved on her. Her eyes trailed down Harry’s body just once, slow enough that Harry could tell she was taking her in but not so slow as to feel lingering. Still, Harry blushed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure you’d like me to join you? You look ready for bed.” </span>
</p><p><span>“Well I</span> <em><span>was</span></em><span> napping. But I’m not now. And I was hoping you’d come by anyway.” Harry stepped back from the door, allowing Louis in fully, and closed the door behind her. “Stopped by to see you earlier.” </span></p><p>
  <span>“I got your note,” Louis said, tapping her pocket. “Thought I’d come and check on you before going to dinner. I think the big music act is tonight, wasn’t sure if you’d want to go.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t actually remember her name either, so that’s a no.” Harry sat on the bed, arranging the robe to keep herself at least a little decent, and patted the spot next to her. “Glad you came though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You told me you missed me. How could I stay away?” Louis stood, head tilted slightly as she studied Harry with a tender look on her face. She reached out and brushed a careful hand down Harry’s cheek. “Need to see my little lobster, don’t I?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry giggled, ignoring her desire to push her face into Louis’ palm and kiss it. “I’m that red?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Louis said, hesitating slightly as if she were stopping herself from saying something. “Must hurt. Did you forget sun cream?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Harry shrugged in response, she hissed in pain as her robe rubbed at her sunburned shoulders. “My shoulders are probably going to peel.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you need aloe? I’ve got some. Never missed a trip to the sea with my sister and her little ones, so I don’t travel anywhere sunny without it.” Louis’ concern was obvious and incredibly endearing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds good, actually. Should I--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just stay here, lie down and get comfortable. I’ll be back.” Louis leaned down and kissed the top of Harry’s head, giving her cheek another careful caress before leaving. Harry flopped back onto the bed, yelping when she actually made contact with the mattress.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sitting back up, she slid the robe off her shoulders and laid down on her stomach, trying to get comfortable. It wasn’t easy, but she was grateful that at least her stomach had managed not to get too burned while she floated in the ocean. That would’ve made everything much more uncomfortable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis returned with a tube of aloe gel and sat down on the bed, legs off the side and her body turned toward Harry. It was only then that it occured to Harry just how intimate this was, not unlike a massage (which was, in Harry’s experience, a very easy precursor to sex, at least when it wasn’t being done by a professional). Suddenly she was aware of how fast her heart was beating and how loud it sounded when she breathed, and she squirmed with the discomfort of it all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I keep it in the refrigerator,” Louis said, picking up the tube, the cap opening with a little click. “So it should be cold.” Harry nodded, hands at her sides and breath held in her chest. She couldn’t help the sound that escaped her at the first touch of Louis’ hands covered in the cool gel. It was somewhere between a moan and a gasp, and Louis stilled her touch for a moment before continuing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I thought I was ready for it.” Harry bit her lip as Louis slathered the gel onto her back, careful not to get it in her hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s cold. Always has that good and bad all at once feeling to me at first. It’s better now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry nodded as best she could with her face pressed against the mattress, hearing Louis’ quiet huff of laughter when she saw it. Louis took her hands away for a moment to get more aloe, this time rubbing a little farther down Harry’s back before moving her fingers back up in a single long stroke and then trailing lightly down the sides of Harry’s arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the aloe started to dry, Harry shifted a little, wondering if Louis was going to put more on or not. Before she could ask, she felt the brush of Louis’ shirt on her lower back and then a cool breath over her shoulders, Louis leaning down closer to blow on Harry’s skin. Her breath smelled like toothpaste, minty and bright, and it made Harry smile as she thought about Louis getting ready to come see her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Feel good, baby?” Louis asked quietly. She was still so close, and hearing her use ‘baby’ as an endearment made Harry’s heart and stomach twist inside her, not unpleasant but strange and sticky and surprising. Harry huffed a breath through her nose. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmhmm.” It wasn’t supposed to feel good for Louis to call her baby, was it? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want a little more?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, please.” Ideally she wanted more than a little. Wanted it now and had wanted it earlier. “I thought about you a lot today.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Missed me, you said.” Harry could hear the smile in Louis’ voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did.” Harry closed her eyes and let herself sink into the mattress at the feel of Louis’ hands and the cooling aloe gel on her skin. “Something weird happened, though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that?” Louis didn’t stop, but her touch slowed a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Liam tried to kiss me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis’ hands stopped for a moment, and then she went right back to rubbing the same careful, gentle circles she had been. “How’d that go, love?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry cracked one eye open, twisting her face into an exaggerated expression of disdain. “Well I didn’t want her to, for one.” Louis laughed, that bright and genuine haha, and Harry felt something inside of her chest release. “We did have a chat about it though, later. It was mostly a misunderstanding.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take it you’re not planning any more kissing sessions with her, then?” Harry couldn’t quite see Louis’ face, but there was a tightness behind the somewhat flip way she was trying to come off. Taking a deep breath and letting it go, Harry forced herself not to overthink her next words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. You’re the only one I want to be kissing this week, I think.” She closed her eyes again, unable to keep the smile off her lips. It felt good to admit it. Louis moved her hands away from Harry’s sunburned shoulders, resting them on her waist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmhmm.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” Louis’ touch tickled against Harry’s sides, and she shivered at the feeling. “When did you want to get started on that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now could work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Could it?” Louis giggled. “Come here, you lovely little menace.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry made the mistake of rolling over onto her back, groaning when her shoulders hit the bed. “Owwww, stupid stupid!” She stilled, breathing through the sting, and opened her eyes, looking toward Louis and finding her staring, tongue peeking out to wet her lips. It was then that Harry remembered she was wearing nothing but a robe that was currently twisted around her legs, barely covering her hips and leaving the rest of her exposed. She let out a shuddering breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So pretty,” Louis said, voice soft. “Can I kiss you, darlin'?” She still had her legs off the side of the bed, body turned to face Harry, waiting for permission. Harry nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis climbed onto the bed, positioning herself over Harry carefully. She somehow managed to keep from fully straddling Harry, not letting her clothed crotch rest against Harry’s body. It would’ve been frustrating if she hadn’t moved in to kiss Harry almost immediately once she was settled, meeting Harry’s lips in a kiss that sent just as many sparks through Harry as their first one had the night before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She trailed her hand up and down the side of Harry’s body, not quite groping her until they paused for a breath and Harry whispered, “touch me, please, s’ok.” The feel of Louis’ hand on her breast made Harry arch into the touch, whining at the sting in her shoulders but finding the pain outweighed by pleasure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis swore quietly and then went back to kissing Harry, pausing when she rubbed her thumb over Harry’s sensitive nipple, mouth open as Harry gasped at the touch. Harry reached up to put her hand around Louis’ neck, fingers rubbing against the short hair at the back of her head and the muscles in her shoulders. God, she was lovely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They kept kissing for a while, slowing down to breathe and then getting caught up in each other again in a delicious loop. Only when Louis pulled away with a slightly pained expression did they actually stop for more than a few seconds. She moved off of Harry, stretching her leg out in front of her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, sorry,” she said, flexing her knee carefully. “Got an old footie injury that acts up a bit.” She looked away from Harry as she said it, ears going a little pink. Harry reached out to touch Louis’ hip, fingers moving slowly up to her waist. She hadn’t undressed for their makeout-- and Harry definitely didn’t want to push her to --but her shirt had ridden up to expose a sliver of tummy, and Harry let her knuckle graze over it gently.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright,” Harry said, shifting over in the bed and wincing at the sting. “Lie down next to me instead?” Louis looked at her with a sly grin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Trying to keep me in your bed, eh?” Louis shook her head softly at Harry’s indignant snort. “Don’t worry, love, it’s working.” She laid down next to Harry, turning onto her side to face her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like that it’s working. Maybe it can keep doing that all night.” Harry swallowed back the bubble of fear that rose in her chest as she said it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, don’t know about tonight, love. That burn needs to heal. You really want my company that badly?” Her voice was light and teasing, and Harry blew a raspberry at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Obviously. Your company clearly promotes healing.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can't cover you in aloe if I'm asleep though, so my healing properties might be diminished,” Louis said with a laugh, leaning over to kiss Harry’s shoulder. Her lips felt nice against Harry’s skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, fine. I'll give you that. But what if I just want you here tonight, hm?” Harry studied Louis’ face as Louis considered it, finally giving a small shake of her head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll stay for room service. We’re obviously not going anywhere for dinner. Then we’ll see how we feel.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They ordered burgers and fries-- chips, Louis insisted --and Harry got a salad that Louis stole a tomato from and nothing else, and they sat together in bed, eating and chatting. When their food was done, Louis took their plates outside to be picked up and climbed back into bed with Harry, rubbing her down with more aloe and then settling next to her to watch Clueless on the television, holding Harry’s hand throughout it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they were done, it wasn’t really that late but it felt it, and Harry nuzzled into Louis’ side, inhaling the smell of her clean shirt and a bit of sweat. It was the kind of smell that made her feel like she was home, cuddled up in a mass of pillows on top of fresh sheets. Heavenly. She let herself sink into it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Baby, I’m gonna go back to my room now,” Louis whispered, her warm breath brushing Harry’s forehead. “Want to do one more aloe rub with you, yeah? Sound good, love?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry blinked her way from sleep, turning to look up at Louis in the dim lamplight. The television was off, and Louis’ eyes looked as tired as Harry’s felt. She reached up and brushed her hand over the crinkles by Louis’ eyes. “Wha’ time’s it?” she croaked. Louis chuckled softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Late, for me.” Louis scooted to the side of the bed, leaving a pillow in her place, and grabbed the aloe out of the mini-fridge. She gave Harry a sympathetic smile. “I’ll stay with you tomorrow night, if you’d like. But for tonight, one more aloe and then I’m gonna go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Groaning a little, Harry pulled off the t-shirt she’d hastily thrown on when their food came and turned over onto her stomach, this time starfishing her limbs instead of keeping them tucked close to her side. “Fine,” she said, feeling petulant. “Don’t want you to go, though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know,” Louis said as she flipped the cap on the aloe and squirted some into her hands. “But we can spend the whole day together tomorrow if you’d like. I’ll even come get you for breakfast.” At that, Harry smiled, pressing her face into the sheets so Louis wouldn’t notice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” she said after a moment of Louis carefully rubbing aloe onto her back. “Don’t know what I’m supposed to do tomorrow, but whatever it is it’ll be with you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do like the sound of that.” Harry could feel Louis lean closer, her t-shirt brushing against Harry’s skin, and then the gentle press of her lips on the back of Harry’s neck. She shivered as Louis moved away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Saying goodbye took longer than it probably should have, Harry and Louis taking turns making things more heated and then backing off, teasing one another a bit. For a brief moment, Harry even thought she might’ve convinced Louis to stay. But eventually Louis really did leave, kissing her soundly in the door to the room until Harry reached down and palmed her ass, Louis grabbing her wrists and carefully taking Harry’s hands off of her before giving her a single closed-mouth kiss on the lips. When she got to the stairs she turned and gave Harry a last look, mouthing “good night” when Harry waved to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was definitely late, but now Harry was awake-- at least awake enough that she didn’t feel like going directly to sleep --so she grabbed her laptop and started it up, opening her email immediately. She had a couple of work related things that she really ought to respond to, but she passed those by to open up a message to Zayn. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t waste time with pleasantries, diving into the events of the past couple of days and occasionally writing in all caps to properly convey her feelings. It was after 2 am when she finally hit send, and this time she waited for ten minutes or so to see if Zayn was awake and ready to respond or if she could go to sleep without getting an annoyed response from her best friend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she was satisfied that Zayn wasn’t going to see her message til the morning, she closed her computer and went about her usual getting ready for bed routine. As she moved around trying to get comfortable, she realized that the pain from her sunburn, while not completely gone, was much better. The aloe was behind it, sure. But she felt like the hands that delivered it held a magic of their own. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>after writing this chapter I wondered if I was overselling the healing properties of aloe, but then i got a pretty bad steam burn on my finger and completely healed the skin by keeping it slathered in aloe overnight. it works, folks.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Or We Could Just Stay In</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>this chapter contains smut! it kicks off post-pool if you need to skip it.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tags: lemon!; cunnilingus; strap on sex; fingering; discussions of polyamory and monogamy; fluff and sweetness</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>(Wednesday, Anguilla/the ship)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Standing in front of her bathroom mirror, Harry was shocked to see that her skin, while still a little pink and sore, was doing dramatically better the next morning. “Magic hands,” she whispered, remembering the feeling of Louis rubbing the aloe into her skin with a tender touch. She caught a glimpse of her reflection, a dopey grin on her face, and immediately groaned at herself and her silly, soppy crush. She couldn’t help it, though. Louis was pretty great. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry had managed to wake up earlier than usual, and took her time getting ready, rubbing a little more aloe into her skin where she could and then slipping on the softest dress she had with her, a fluttery floral thing that she’d spent way too much on as a gift to herself after graduating from college. It was the kind of purchase she knew she probably should regret, but never did. It was pretty and it felt good, and sometimes that’s just what Harry needed to feel right in the world. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat outside on her verandah, enjoying the still cool breezes coming off the water, and checked the itinerary for what was happening that day. The ship was docking in Anguilla, an island apparently known for its beautiful beaches. Olivia had a contract that allowed use of a private beach, which Harry took to mean there would definitely be nudity. Normally that would excite her, but with the state of her skin she couldn’t really imagine being out on a beach naked, even slathered with sunscreen. She hoped Louis wouldn’t mind spending the day on the boat instead of going ashore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t take her long to find out the answer. Louis came knocking about half an hour later, freshly showered and adorably soft in a loosely tucked in t-shirt and track pants. Harry kissed her good morning as chastely as she could, with just a soft press of her slightly opened mouth to Louis’, and she could feel Louis' smile spreading as she pulled away, knowing she was grinning too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wanna come in for tea? Maybe sit outside for a bit before breakfast?” Harry opened her door a little wider, stepping aside as Louis nodded and passed through. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The tea here is terrible, but the company makes up for it,” Louis said, stopping at the little coffee and tea station in Harry’s room and checking to see if the machine had enough water. She bent over slightly, and Harry only barely resisted the urge to give her ass a playful smack, holding herself back with a giggle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You lookin’ at my arse, love?” Even without turning to check, Louis had caught Harry out. She should be embarrassed, maybe. But she wasn’t. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what about it?” Harry flipped her hair, flouncing past Louis and sitting down on the bed to watch her from there. Louis straightened up a moment later, the sound of her water heating filling the room with gurgles and hisses of steam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that a yes, then?” she asked, turning to look at Harry with an eyebrow raised. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Maybe.” A blush spreading over her cheeks, Harry looked down and then back up at Louis through her lashes. “Yes.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis moved closer to stand in front of Harry, taking Harry’s chin in her hand and tipping her face up gently. “Nothing wrong with that, is there baby?” Harry shook her head as lightly as she could, not wanting Louis to move her hand away. “You like to stare at my arse. Think about touching it, maybe?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry nodded, slow and careful, breath catching in her throat as Louis’ tongue peeked out to wet her lips. “Was thinking about smacking it.” Her voice sounded strange to her ears, desperate and needy and soft. “So pretty.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re lovely, aren’t you?” Louis bent down, bringing her face closer to Harry’s, until Harry had to close her eyes. Her thumb tugged at Harry’s chin, the touch just firm enough to part Harry’s lips so that Louis could kiss her properly, tongue brushing up against Harry’s so soft that Harry whimpered at the sensation. When Louis pulled away, she dragged her teeth over Harry’s lower lip, giving it a gentle suck before backing away completely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very lovely,” Louis said quietly, brushing a finger over Harry’s cheek. “And a lot less burned than you were yesterday,” she said, trailing that same finger over Harry’s exposed shoulder. “Aloe worked, then.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The coffee pot beeped, signalling that Louis’ water was heated, and she turned to get it, leaving Harry missing her touch. It took a moment for her to respond, still feeling caught up in the moment she’d just had with Louis. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought it was your magic hands,” she said finally, glancing over to where Louis was frowning into her little mug of tea. “Along with the aloe, of course.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis looked up, a pleased smile on her face. “Well my hands are at your service, darlin'.” She held her mug in one hand and extended the other towards Harry. “Let’s sit outside for a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sat in silence for a moment, the cry of seagulls and the sound of water lapping against the boat as relaxing as any conversation they could have. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was thinking of staying aboard the ship today,” Harry said, turning in time to see Louis frown into her mug. “Oh, the tea’s that bad? Or you don’t want to stay on board?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s the tea, love. I’m happy to stay on board with you. There’s plenty to do, and your company is better than any day at the beach.” Louis reached out, brushing her fingers against Harry’s arm with a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know there’s entertainment on the ship, and if none of that sounds good we can just hang out somewhere. Or, god, I should probably work on my article!” Harry groaned at the thought. “That’s literally like, last on my list.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure we’ll think of some things we can do,” Louis said, a mischievous glint in her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, really?” Harry was getting ready to tease Louis into-- hopefully --expanding on her ideas about what they could do when there was a knock at her door. It was more of a pounding, really, and she briefly flashed back to a couple of parties she’d been to that had been broken up by the cops. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harry, we miss your ass! You’re comin’ to breakfast or else!” Niall’s voice was loud enough that Harry could hear her from the verandah without straining. If anyone nearby was planning on sleeping in, that plan had probably just been thwarted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wanna go to breakfast with a few incredibly loud but friendly millennials?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis laughed, pushing up out of her chair and giving Harry’s ass a little tap as she passed by. “C’mon then. Before they break the door down.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Niall had her hand raised to knock again when Harry opened the door. She immediately noticed Louis, and turned to Harry with a playful grin, raising her eyebrows as she greeted both Harry </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> Louis very pointedly. “So two more for breakfast, then? That’ll make our usual buffet trips even easier, won’t it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, it will,” Harry said, grabbing her things quickly with Louis right behind her. She locked her door and linked her arm with Louis’, turning to Niall. “You can thank me by letting me get the fresh fruit plate. I’m craving melons today.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ohh, I’ll bet you are!” Harry’s mouth fell open as Niall gave her a lascivious wink while Louis snickered beside her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Niall!” Liam pursed her lips, swatting at Niall’s arm before giving Harry an apologetic look. “You’re probably dehydrated after yesterday-- I know I am.” Liam turned to Louis, putting a hand on her shoulder. “I apologize for Niall’s rudeness, Louis. She’s gone feral without Allie around.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your partner, I assume?” Louis asked Niall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, she’s ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>my wife</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ as they say.” Niall said it in her best Borat impression, making Harry and Louis laugh and Liam roll her eyes. “I do miss her, but I swear I’m like this even when she’s around.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Liam sighed. “That’s true, actually. Can’t take you anywhere.” She sounded annoyed, but her smile was fond and Niall wrapped her in a one-armed hug, smacking a kiss to her cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You love me, Li. Now let’s go get Lis and Sash before my stomach consumes itself.” Niall led the way, Liam at her side with Harry and Louis following right behind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry if they’re a lot first thing,” Harry whispered. “I’ve only just met them on this trip but I think they’re kind of great, really.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re not too much.” Louis gave Harry’s arm a little squeeze. “Quite like the both of them, morning or not. And I’m interested in this buffet strategy you have. Tell me more, eh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry explained as they made their way down to pick up Lissa and Sasha, who were just coming out of their room as the group arrived. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harry! My girl is back!” Lissa gave Harry a hug and a kiss on the cheek, turning to give Louis a quick once over before looking back at Harry with a little quirk of her eyebrow. “It’s good to see you again too, Louis right?” Lissa gave Louis a hug, mouthing “I need details” to Harry over her shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Louis, lovely you remembered from karaoke. I promise I didn’t intend to keep Harry away from her friends.” Louis looked a little sheepish, and Harry reassured her with an arm around her waist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had a terrible sunburn after being out on the excursion yesterday, and Lou took care of me last night. I would’ve been awful company at dinner.” Harry turned her head, catching Louis looking at her with a soft smile and a glint in her eye. Harry couldn’t help herself; she leaned in and gave Louis a little peck on the lips, her nose scrunching up with fondness as she pulled away. “I’m much better today though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmhmm,” Sasha said. She cast a knowing look at Louis and Harry from her spot at Lissa’s side. “You look like you’re feeling pretty good today.” She and Lissa shared a look, Harry shaking her head at her nosy, presumptuous new friends. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Breakfast? Someone was practically starving five minutes ago.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was me,” Niall said, clutching her chest. “Hopefully I’ll make it to the buffet in spite of all the lesbians in love around me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry tried to ignore the way her cheeks heated at the idea of being in love. Niall was exaggerating, obviously. This was a fling, an allowed dalliance that she would take back to New York in memories and stories and nothing more. Louis’ hand at the small of her back, guiding her down the hallway toward breakfast wasn’t the tender thing her brain wanted to make it. She didn’t let herself think about it, anyway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The buffet was in full swing by the time they arrived, women lined up and waiting for plates. Liam spotted a table, so she swooped over to claim it while everyone else joined the queue. It took a moment before they actually got to the plates, but that gave them time to, as Niall said, “strategize” by assigning roles for who would get what and how much they wanted. When they left the buffet, it was with a loaded plate apiece. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay Niall, a savory carb plate </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> genius, I admit it,” Harry said once they’d sat down. She scraped a few homefries onto her plate and grabbed two slices of buttered toast before passing it to Louis. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be here all week,” Niall answered, tipping a couple of sausages onto her plate and grinning back at Harry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They passed the time at breakfast catching up about what they’d done so far this week. Apparently Lissa and Sasha had managed to meet someone around the pool and had gone on a date with her that ended very well. They were hoping to connect with her again, but were also trying to figure out how to connect with other people as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Basically we need a freak,” Lissa explained. She paused to take a sip of mimosa, and Harry took a moment to appreciate the reactions of everyone at the table: Liam was blushing, but looked interested to hear more; Niall had suddenly developed an interest in her coffee cup; and Louis had a wry smile on her face. She turned to Harry, catching her out, and quirked an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What sort of a freak?” Louis asked, not looking away from Harry until Lissa hummed, considering her response. When Louis turned back to Lissa, her hand found its way under the table to rest atop Harry’s thigh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You asking for </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, or someone you know?” Lissa looked amused, and Sasha snorted beside her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m busy, I’m afraid.” Louis gave Harry’s thigh a possessive little squeeze that made Harry shiver. “But I’ve been around a while, might have an idea of how to spot someone if I know what you’re looking for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Sasha said, nodding as she leaned into Lissa’s side and turned around to survey the dining room. “We want someone kinky. Couples are fine. But if we could get with an older butch/femme couple that would be fire. Got any potential leads?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis drew in a quick breath. “Putting me on the spot then, alright. Let’s see. That </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>a tall order” She craned her neck to look around the room, pausing once or twice to consider candidates and then moving on until she smiled, raising her eyebrows, and nodded her head to the other side of the room. A butch in a dark short-sleeved button down was down on one knee, talking to a femme in purple. “I’d put money on her.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Harry asked. As soon as the question was out of her mouth, she worried that it had been inappropriate or foolish, but Louis just shook her head and smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s dressed like the dykes I see when I make it down to a play party in London. I also saw her in the buffet line more than once, getting a plate for the woman she’s talking to and then going back for herself. Very, ahh-- service oriented, shall we say?” Louis shrugged. “I could be wrong.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, you’re right.” Lissa nodded as she watched the butch get up and offer her arm to the femme in a formal way to help her stand. “Don’t know if they’re open, but it’s worth a try.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll keep an eye out for them later,” Sasha added, watching them walk out the door. “Right, Lis?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah we will. Thanks for the tip, OWL.” Lissa winked at Louis, who threw her head back and laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were still lingering over their food and drinks a bit later, full but not ready to leave the table yet, when Harry felt Louis move beside her. She held her arm up to wave, and Harry followed her line of vision to see Eleanor and Olive standing at the door to the dining room. They weren’t seeing Louis, however, and so she turned to Harry, letting her know she was going to check in with them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she walked away from the table, Lissa leaned over and swatted at Harry’s hand to get her attention. “Alright, I’m sure I’m not the only one who wants details! Spill, femme!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry felt a friendly warmth in her chest at the endearment-- she didn’t have a lot of femme friends at home and there was something special about sharing that wink of recognition --and leaned in to tell as much as she could of how things between her and Louis were progressing. As she painted the narrative in broad strokes, she wondered if she was being too effusive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she talked about her day with Louis in San Juan, she found herself wanting to go off on tangents about the way they’d talked or how easy it felt to be with Louis in a brand new place. And somehow even talking about Louis coming over the night before-- the tenderness of her rubbing aloe into Harry’s sunburn and the heat of their kisses--felt like too much. Part of her wanted to hold it back, tug it close to her chest and keep it there instead of sharing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But wasn’t the point of a fling like this to have fun? And shouldn’t that entail wanting to tell everyone the story of it happening, holding up the details like shiny things and letting them catch the light, watching the eyes of the people around you gleam with just a bit of envy at all that sparkle you’d managed to grab hold of?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She still managed to do it, of course. As a writer she’d learned that most stories are better told, and that if you want to hold back, you can. But carefully, thoughtfully. So she didn’t mention how Louis made her heart race or that she wished they’d woken up together this morning. How she hoped they’d maybe fall asleep together tonight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, yeah, it’s, you know, a lot of fun so far. And she really is a fantastic kisser.” Harry bit her lip, waiting for the questions she thought would come. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm.” Lissa leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms to stare at Harry for a moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, Harry! You’re having the best possible Olivia cruise experience, I’d say.” Niall lifted her coffee cup, offering her congratulations. “I can’t wait to see the two of you at the Prom-- that’ll be a sight, I’m sure!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just so glad it’s working out,” Liam added, reaching across the table to pat Harry’s hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sasha, meanwhile, was craning her neck to look over at Louis, who was still chatting with her friends. “You weren’t lying, that is an </span>
  <em>
    <span>ass</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she said, nodding her head. “Damn nice. And I’d know.” She patted Lissa, turning her head with lips puckered to get a kiss. Lissa gave it to her, then gave her face a light smack. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t talk about my ass at breakfast, honey. You know better.” Sasha giggled in response, and the rest of the table tittered along. “Anyway, Harry and I have to take a trip to the bathroom. C’mon.” Lissa stood and Harry followed her, surprised and a little confused. Nobody else seemed bothered, though. Niall leaned over to ask Sasha her thoughts on the pool and hot tub, and Liam seemed content to listen in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are we actually going to the bathroom? Is this a secret mission?” Harry asked in a stage whisper. They weren’t actually doing anything that required quiet, though, so she couldn’t really explain why she’d done that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! Well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>, we’re going to the bathroom, and I might pee once we get in there, can’t say I won’t. But we’re doing it so you can talk to me about how you really feel about Louis. You like her, don’t you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry stopped walking for a moment, looking hard at Lissa, then started back again. “I mean...I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> like her.” She considered pushing forward with the kind of story she’d told at the table, but realized it was probably pointless. “Maybe a little more than I thought I would. Or could. I’m-- it’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>serious</span>
  </em>
  <span>, though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d made it to the bathroom by then, and Lissa went into one of the stalls while Harry looked at herself in the full length mirror. “What do you mean it’s not serious? Tell me more,” Lissa asked. Harry considered her answer and her reflection all at once, studying the way her face changed when she even thought about Louis. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean I have someone at home, right? Ash. We agreed to do this open thing, and so it’s not like I’m available to actually fall for Lou. And she knows that; I told her the deal with me and Ash and she’s okay with it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh Harry, babe. That’s not how it works.” The toilet flushed and Lissa stepped out from her stall, going to wash her hands. She looked at Harry through the mirror above the sink. “How do you feel about polyamory? Have you ever done it before?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry shrugged, then shook her head. “It’s not what I’d choose right away, I guess. But I’ve never really tried it before. And how can I know it’s not for me if I haven’t tried it, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Lissa dried her hands, she turned to look at Harry with a dubious expression. “You can say that. But it’s okay if it’s not for you, too. The queer police don’t come for you if you need to be monogamous, you know. That’s a myth.” They both laughed at that, but then Lissa continued. “I just think you should know that being in a relationship doesn’t mean you won’t fall for someone else, and if you do, you’ve gotta figure out what that means for you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not--” Harry sighed, worry lines crinkling her forehead as she frowned into the mirror. “I don’t think I’m going to fall in love with Louis in one week. She lives in England, for heaven’s sake. Even if we had some kind of magical connection, there’s no way we could make it work.” She swallowed back the pang of sadness that rose up as she articulated that thought. “And I have Ash. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> Ash.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay,” Lissa put an arm around Harry, opening herself up for Harry to embrace her if she wanted to. She did. As they hugged, Lissa spoke quietly in her ear. “It’s okay to have big feelings that you aren’t sure about. Just be honest with yourself, right? That’s the important thing.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry nodded, squeezing Lissa a little tighter before letting go and stepping back. “Thank you. I really don’t know about polyamory, y’know? It seems like it was easy for Ash to want to open things up. I mean, well, they </span>
  <em>
    <span>cheated</span>
  </em>
  <span> on me first, but--” Huffing a frustrated sigh, Harry shook her head. “I don’t want anyone to get hurt, I guess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s one place to start.” Lissa cocked her head to one side, a little smirk playing on her lips. “Also you know you want to bite that ass and you </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> we’re gonna want some details about it, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up!” Harry laughed as she opened the door to the bathroom so they could head back to their table. “I can’t promise anything, details wise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll get it out of you, I’m not worried.” Lissa bumped Harry’s hip with her own, and their giggles had Louis and Sasha turning in their chairs to watch them come back. Harry couldn’t be certain, because she’d made herself look away to stop from blushing, but she could almost swear that the look Louis was giving her wasn’t so different from the one Sasha had in her eyes for Lissa. She wasn’t ready to think about what that might mean. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With Niall headed for Anguilla to spend a much needed day at the beach and Liam tagging along to work on developing a tan, Harry was glad to hear that Sasha and Lissa planned to stay on board for the day, since she and Louis were free and had no real agenda other than to spend time with one another. They agreed to meet up there later, Sasha and Lissa joking that they planned to “take their time” getting to the pool, which Harry figured was a sort of code for sex. As they parted ways, Louis took Harry’s hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come down to mine so I can get changed? Then we’ll head to yours so you can put your suit on too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry scrunched her nose at Louis, leaning in to give her a kiss. “Taking me back to your place, huh? What kind of girl do you take me for, anyway?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The absolute best kind,” Louis said, poking a finger in Harry’s dimple. “Now c’mon, you’ve not seen my room yet. Time to show you what a party really looks like, Rose.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaw dropping, Harry stopped short to stare at Louis in wonder. “Did you just-- you made a Titanic reference?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why wouldn’t I? I’m a romantic, I’ve seen Titanic. And we’re on a ship.” Louis frowned. “Don’t tell me you don’t like it!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no! I do, actually, I’ve seen it an embarrassing number of times, honestly. Ash </span>
  <em>
    <span>hates </span>
  </em>
  <span>it, says it’s one of the worst movies they’ve ever been made to sit through. Although they did sit through it for me, so that says something, at least.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis shook her head. “Awful to have a completely wrong opinion of something, really.” When Harry laughed at that Louis looked at her and grinned. “Anyway I saw it at the cinema four or five times when it came out, and then I bought the two tape VHS as soon as I could. Haven’t watched it in a while, but I’m almost always up for it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All Harry could do was smile, forcing herself not to confess her undying love for Louis right there on the spot. She settled for leaning in and kissing Louis once, softly but with feeling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what was that for?” Louis asked as Harry pulled away. “Don’t tell me it was actually that I’d watch Titanic with you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if it was? You deserve it.” Harry shrugged, walking off safe with the knowledge that Louis would join her. She did, of course, her hand resting on the small of Harry’s back to guide her to the stairs that would lead them closest to Louis’ room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they got there, Louis opened up the door and let Harry walk in first. The room was much smaller than Harry’s, from the amount of space to the size of the bed. Instead of doors that opened out onto a verandah, Louis’ room had nothing more than a single porthole that allowed her a bit of natural light. Still, all the furnishings were the same, and Harry thought that if she’d gotten a room like this she wouldn’t have had a problem with it at all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>More important to Harry than the size of the room were all the indicators that Louis was living there. Her suitcase was open but mostly empty, only the clothes she’d already worn tossed back into it, and one of the dresser drawers was half open with a few pairs of boxer briefs visible. On her bedside table she had a box of Yorkshire tea and a pair of glasses alongside the lamp that she’d left on while she was out of the room. Her bed was made, but not carefully, the sheets and duvet hastily pulled up but not quite straightened. Harry sat down on the bed, taking it in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is how the other half lives,” Louis said, closing the door softly. “Not too bad though, is it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s really nice. Home-y.” Harry leaned back, spine cracking as she put her weight on her arms and stretched. “I like that I can tell you live here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis bent down, pulling something from a drawer, and turned back to Harry with an eyebrow arched. “What’s that supposed to mean, hm?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno, I like seeing your things around. Knowing you wear glasses, maybe?” Harry nodded toward the glasses and Louis blushed a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Those are for reading </span>
  <em>
    <span>only</span>
  </em>
  <span>, thank you very much. Bloody things.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure they look cute.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis hesitated for a moment, eyeing Harry carefully. “You want me to put them on, don’t you? Have a thing for a woman in glasses?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> want to see…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing, Louis grabbed the glasses and put them on her face. The dark frames made her hair look even more striking, and somehow the glasses themselves made her blue eyes pop even more than they did naturally. Harry chewed at her lip, trying to hold back any embarrassing comments. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do have a thing for glasses,” Louis teased, edging closer to her. “I won’t wear them during sex, sorry to tell you. Even if you beg.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry’s eyes went wide and she felt a ripple of desire surge through her at the images that brought up: Louis watching her carefully, just far enough away that Harry couldn’t quite touch her, simply making her beg. She had to remind herself to breathe. Louis seemed to notice, reaching out to stroke her cheek with the back of her hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you like that, baby? Wanna beg for me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry nodded, tipping her head back so she could look up at Louis properly. “Please? Please kiss me, at least.” The last thing Harry saw before she closed her eyes was Louis’ smile, sweet yet hungry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A moment later, Louis’ lips were on hers. It took a moment before Harry remembered herself enough to let her hands roam over Louis’ body, but once she did she was insatiable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started at Louis’ waist, fingers working under Louis’ shirt to pull it from its light French tuck so she could get at her skin. Louis didn’t squirm away-- if anything she responded by kissing Harry with a little more force and intention --and so Harry took the chance of moving to Louis’ back, feeling up the ridges of her spine and then dipping beneath the waistband of her pants. She could feel dimples there, just the slightest indentation but enough that she could picture herself licking into them, and she moaned into the kiss before grabbing two lush handfuls of Louis’ ass. Louis pulled away, giggling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do like my bum, don’t you baby?” Her lips were pink from kissing, and Harry wanted nothing more than to bite them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like all of you,” Harry said, her voice a bit hoarser than she expected. “A lot.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis grinned back at her, eyes crinkling up in a way that made Harry desperate to kiss every inch of her face. “I like you too. All of you.” She reached for Harry’s hand and brought it to her lips, kissing her knuckles before stepping away. “I’m going to get changed now, though. We’re supposed to meet your friends at the pool, in case you’ve forgotten.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe she had a little, but Harry was sure neither Lissa nor Sasha would blame her. “I’m sure they won’t care if we’re a little late.” Louis simply shook her head and went into the bathroom to change. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She came out wearing a pair of swimming trunks and a top that could’ve been a one piece or simply a sort of long swim shirt. Her arms were exposed, as was a bit more of her chest than usual, and Harry couldn’t help but stare at all the skin she was seeing. Louis was covered in tattoos, some of them familiar to Harry because the style wasn’t far from many of her own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll have to tell me about some of those later,” Harry said, trying to make out the words on Louis’ chest as Louis moved around, grabbing things and putting them into a small day bag to carry with her around the ship. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A lot don’t have stories, really. I had quite a few friends who were learning to tattoo when I was younger, and I have a few bad ones.” Louis paused, cocking an eyebrow at Harry. “I’ll have to ask for yours as well.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Most of mine do have stories,” Harry said, brushing her hands down her arms. “But a few I just thought were funny or cool, I guess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s your funniest one, then?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry examined her arms for a moment, considering, before finally landing on one. “Okay, do you know anything about football?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis sighed a terribly put upon sigh. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>American</span>
  </em>
  <span> football, or proper footie?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! American. Right, sorry.” Harry cringed a little, but Louis just laughed and shook her head fondly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright, love. You’ll get to know all about footie if you stick with me.” Harry smiled at the thought, and then looked down at where she was still touching her tattoo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right! Shit! American football--you know it?” Louis wobbled her hand in the air, and Harry nodded, giving a little more information she might if Louis had responded affirmatively. “So, there’s this team in Wisconsin, The Green Bay Packers. And I’m not from Wisconsin at all, but one of my friends in college was.” Harry smiled at the memory of her friend Jen Green (‘like the Green Bay Packers!’) decked out in a Packers jersey and a cheese hat, trying to get everyone on their hall to watch a game. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, she was obsessed with them, and she kind of got me into them as well?” Harry shook her head. “I never watched a football game at all before we were friends, and I don’t think I’ve actually paid attention to one since I graduated from college. Other than superbowl commercials, of course, but everyone watches those.” Harry was about to ask Louis if she’d ever watched the superbowl when she looked up and noticed that Louis had stopped what she was doing and was leaning against the bathroom door frame watching Harry with a little smile on her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry looked around, confused. “What? What is it?” Louis just shook her head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re really cute when you’re telling a story like this. Think if you hadn’t looked at me you’d be talking about your favorite commercial instead of your funniest tattoo.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, I’m glad you think it’s cute. A lot of people hate it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s part of being a writer, I’d say. You’re thinking about the story from every angle all at once. If you were actually writing, you’d get a chance to edit, but when you’re just thinking out loud--” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry nodded. “That’s it! Although I’ve told this story enough that I should be able to get it out by now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haven’t told it to me yet, have you? Go on, then. Your friend made you watch this team. Then what?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry flopped back onto the bed so she could stare at the ceiling instead of staring at Louis with what she knew would be a far too adoring expression. “Uh-- right, so --we’d watch games together all the time, yeah? Even after we stopped living on the same hall I’d go over to hers and watch. And then one year she calls me up the day before this big game the Packers had scheduled and she tells me she had a dream that we got matching cheesehead tattoos and they won the game and then they won their whole season.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you went and got a tattoo that night, and then they won?” Louis moved to the bed, sitting down on the edge and resting her hand on Harry’s knee, waiting for her to continue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d think, right? But I didn’t. I had a paper or something, I honestly don’t remember. But she called me in tears after their game the next night because they’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>lost</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and she was sure if we’d gotten the tattoos they would’ve won.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you get them then?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Harry giggled at the memory. “She calls me the next week just like she did the week before, and she tells me she had the exact same dream again, except this time we got the Packers logo. Same spot and everything. And then they won it all again.” Raising her arm, Harry pointed to the little Green Bay Packers logo. “We had to call around to find a place to take us that night, and we ended up on Staten Island. Got our Packers tattoos though.” The thought made Harry smile with triumph all over again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was she right? Did they win?” Louis looked at Harry expectantly, an open warmth in her eyes that made Harry feel like she actually cared what the answer was. Harry shook her head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They lost every game that season, I think. It was terrible! God, almost every week we’d get together and she’d say it was their time for a comeback, and then they’d play so badly. Those poor Packers.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your poor friend! Tell me at least they had a better season eventually.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah, they did. They’re a great team.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For American football,” Louis added, giving Harry’s knee a light, ticklish squeeze that made Harry squeak with surprise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Heyyy. It’s not our fault we messed up football.” Louis raised an eyebrow, and Harry sat up, giving her a playful shove. “Okay, maybe it is. But still.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But still,” Louis teased. She leaned in and gave Harry a kiss. “Come on, you. We need to get all the way up to your penthouse </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> get you changed into your suit before we can go meet your friends.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis stood, grabbing her bag and offering Harry a hand. Before they left, she scrawled a note on the Olivia branded notepad and left it in the bathroom that connected her room to Eleanor and Olive’s. Harry didn’t see what she wrote, but her hope was that the message was something along the lines of ‘don’t wait up.’ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they arrived at Harry’s room, Louis set her bag aside and toed her shoes off before lying down in Harry’s bed, arms behind her head and eyes on Harry as she closed and locked the door. “Someone’s getting incredibly comfortable considering I don’t have much to do before we leave again,” Harry said, trying to remind herself where she’d taken her bikini off the day before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take my rest where I can get it. This is a vacation, after all.” Louis crossed one leg over the other and wiggled against the bed, making herself cozy. The sight of her made Harry want to dive in beside her and toss their plans out the window. Maybe they could spend a few hours kissing before noon, or fuck outside in the sunshine from the privacy of the verandah. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry’s wanderings were cut short by Louis clearing her throat. “You’re staring awfully intently, darlin’,” she said with a sly smile. “What’ve you got on your mind?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just wondering if I should join you or not before I get changed. You make the bed look pretty inviting.” Harry tugged at her lip, pretending to consider her options until Louis cocked an eyebrow and she gave in to what she really wanted, crossing to the bed and crawling up it to lie down next to Louis. She hissed as she got herself settled, fabric scratching against her sunburn reminding her that she’d planned on being extra careful with herself today. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis touched her arm softly. “Need some aloe, baby? It’s still here, I can--” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s alright. I’ll be fine. But I might need to lie here for a while, you know. Just so I don’t aggravate it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm,” Louis propped herself up on her side, dragging her finger slowly over the tender skin of Harry’s inner arm, her touch just on the good side of ticklish. “So you’ll need to lie here for a while, right next to me. Wonder if I should do anything with that time? Read to you, maybe? Draw you like one of my French girls?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry barked out a laugh. “Too many clothes for that. And no sketch paper, I think.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yes, you’re right about that. But then what does that leave us?” Louis wrinkled her brow, pretending to be lost in thought until Harry finally gave in, shaking her head with a little frown. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Louuu, just come kiss me, please?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thought you’d never ask.” Louis wasted no time in moving to straddle Harry, her arms coming down to cage Harry in as she leaned down and teased Harry with a few feather light kisses. Harry chased after her lips as best she could, but Louis always pulled away at the last moment, blue eyes sparkling with mischief. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took a bit of careful maneuvering, but after a few minutes Harry managed to sneak one of her hands to Louis’ thigh, running her thumb under the hem of Louis’ swimming trunks. She could sense the moment when Louis felt the touch in the way that she smiled through their kiss, a little hum of pleasure buzzing against Harry’s lips until Louis pulled away again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want more, hm?” Louis sat back a bit, slowly sliding her hands into Harry’s and moving them carefully until they were pinned above Harry’s head. “Is that okay?” Louis said softly, eyes flicking to Harry’s hands beneath hers. Harry nodded, barely able to let out a quiet “yes” in response. Louis moved her hips, grinding down so that Harry could feel the pressure against her mound. “Don’t you want to beg for it, baby? Does that sound nice?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry’s throat went dry, mouth dropping open in a gasp at just how nice that sounded. “Please, kiss me and don’t stop, don’t go anywhere.” Harry bucked up into Louis, not minding that it forced her shoulders down and made them smart just a bit. How could she when it felt so good to have Louis on top of her? “Your mouth feels so good. So, so good, I just want it, please? Please, Lou?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis crashed into her like a wave, body rocking Harry’s back and her mouth warm and wet and perfect against Harry’s, dragging her under in the best way. When Louis tried to pull back a little, Harry would nip at her lower lip, pulling it into her mouth to suck until Louis sunk back down to kiss her again. They kept going like that, the gradual push and pull against one another, until both of them were breathless and sweaty. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Resting her forehead against Harry’s, Louis panted softly, trying to catch her breath, </span>
  <span>her solid warm weight still keeping Harry pinned in place</span>
  <span> to the bed. Harry sighed softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kissing you is very lovely.” Harry could hear the smile in Louis’ voice as she spoke. “You’re easily the sexiest woman I’ve ever fooled around with, fucking gorgeous and silly and smart. Needy in the ways I like.” Louis kissed Harry, lips just barely parted like she could only take a little sip from them. “Fucking phenomenal.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry giggled, her heart fluttering in her chest at Louis’ words. “You make me needy. Swear I’m not always like this.” Harry closed her eyes as Louis sat back, releasing Harry’s hands, and Harry wiggled her fingers a little before letting her hands rest on Louis’ thighs and giving them a light squeeze. “It’s like you touch this part of me that makes me want you so much it's hard to think of anything else. It’s weird. Good weird, I mean,” Harry said with a little shake of her head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like good weird,” Louis said, reaching up to brush a stray curl from Harry’s cheek. “Might like it that you’re feeling those things for me, too.” Her thigh twitched under Harry’s hand and Louis winced, shifting off of Harry’s lap and stretching her legs. “Sorry, baby, leg cramp. If I don’t change positions I’ll regret it later.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I get it, don’t worry.” Harry reached out, needing to have her hands on Louis’ skin again. “You do feel good on top of me, though.” She cast a hungry glance at Louis, who was already smiling back at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can have more of that later, love.” Louis wet her lips, eyes going a little dark. “Promise.” Harry rolled onto her side to kiss her, and Louis pulled her in close with a hand at the small of her back, holding her tight as their lips met. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry let her hands start to roam, stroking down Louis’ arm and back, shifting lower to graze her ass. She could feel Louis chuckle as she broke away. “You do still have to get changed, you know. We promised we’d go to the pool, and we’re still doing that.” Harry pursed her lips, part of her wanting to argue though she knew Louis was right. Eventually she huffed and rolled onto her back again, staring up at the ceiling for a moment before finally forcing herself to sit up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, okay. I know you’re right, but I don’t have to like it.” Harry got up and went into the bathroom, debating leaving the door open so Louis could watch her change but shutting it instead, figuring it might only serve to get Harry worked up while Louis exhibited shocking levels of control. She pulled her dress over her head, folding it over on itself until she could hang it up again properly and then slid her panties off. Without looking she knew they were slick from kissing Louis, but she dragged her finger through the wetness anyway, wondering if Louis had gotten as aroused as she had. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She set the panties aside and peed before changing into her bikini, giving herself a once over when she was dressed. The burn really did look better, but she planned on wearing a cover up and plenty of sunblock as a precaution anyway. Stepping out of the bathroom she found Louis still on the bed, now with her eyes closed and her arm flung over one of the pillows, looking perfectly endearing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not asleep,” Louis said, eyes still closed. “Just resting my eyes.” She opened just one of them to take a look at Harry, though, letting out a quiet yet appreciative groan. “You do look like a dream, though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still sure we should go to the pool?” Harry bent over, grabbing a cover up from one of her bottom drawers but hoping to draw attention to her ass in her bikini bottoms. “I’m sure we could have a really good time here, too.” She could hear Louis’ weight shifting on the bed, and smiled to herself, hopeful that she’d won. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh uh.” Harry frowned as Louis stood up, crushing her hopes. “We’re still going. You are a terrible tease, though, aren’t you love?” Louis stood behind Harry, one arm wrapping around her waist as she pressed a gentle kiss to Harry’s shoulder. Her hand drifted lower on Harry’s belly until it rested at the top edge of her bikini bottoms, and she rubbed her hand back and forth just above the waistband. Harry could feel herself getting wet all over again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re the one teasing,” she said, leaning back against Louis. “I don’t need to go to the pool to get wet when you’re here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis chuckled. “Sexual puns won’t get you anywhere, sorry darlin'.” She kissed Harry’s shoulder once more and then stepped away, leaving Harry craving her touch. Harry made a noise that was half whine and half sigh, rolling her eyes as she pulled her cover up on. She wasn’t angry, just frustrated-- sexually at least --and ready to let herself get swept up in whatever was developing between her and Louis. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had taken them awhile, but they finally left not long after, Harry carrying their essentials while Louis locked up. Halfway to the pool, Louis casually confessed that she, too, was wet from their fooling around, and it took an excessive amount of willpower for Harry to stop herself from turning them around and heading right back to the room. Louis wasn’t having it, anyway, and all Harry could think was that telling her about being aroused </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span> was a shocking kind of cruelty. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>None of that mattered when they stepped out into the sunshine, though. The day was hot, but a breeze blew along the uppermost decks that made being out in the sun far more bearable than it might’ve been otherwise. They spotted Lissa and Sasha immediately, the two of them standing out as brown skinned younger femmes in a sea of mostly white middle-aged dykes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hope you weren’t waiting for us too long,” Harry said, sitting down on the double chaise lounge closest to Lissa and making room for Louis. “Someone took forever getting ready.” Harry shook her head a little before turning to Louis with a sly smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it certainly wasn’t this one.” Louis laid a hand on Harry’s thigh. “Ready faster than anyone, and she came out looking stunning. Worth waiting for, though.” Harry turned to see Louis smiling at her, her pretty eyes crinkling. She puckered her lips and sent Harry an air kiss, which only served to make Harry draw her in for a real one, hand at the back of Louis’ neck and her fingers brushing against Louis’ short cropped hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t an over the top kiss, but it was enough to make both Lissa and Sasha ooh before dissolving into laughter together.  When Harry pulled away, she saw that Louis had been giving them the finger the whole time. She couldn’t help but join in laughing too, Louis following soon after. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d been sitting at the pool for a while, talking a little but not saying much, when Sasha sat up abruptly, slapping at Lissa’s thigh. “Look look, over there-- it’s the couple from earlier, right?” Harry followed Sasha’s sightline to a different corner of the pool deck where a group of women sat around a table playing cards and laughing, totally caught up in their own world. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah, that’s the couple from this morning,” Louis said, nodding toward the table. “And I do think I was right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The women Louis had spotted that morning were sitting together, their chairs pulled close, while the femme scratched soft, lazy patterns into her lover’s scalp. It was much more apparent now that the butch was wearing a collar; it was a thin leather strap that wasn’t tight across her neck with what looked like a lock in the center, and the swimsuit that she wore, though not revealing, made its presence obvious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck it!” Lissa stood, slipping her sandals on and adjusting her tits in her suit. “I’m gonna go talk to them. Can’t see what their deal is until they know we exist.” Sasha, still sitting on the chaise, looked nervous. Still, she gave Lissa an encouraging nod. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good luck, baby. Make it happen.” When Lissa stepped away, Sasha turned to Harry and Louis with a wrinkled brow, watching Lissa from the corner of her eye. “I swear you would not think that would work, but she has gotten us laid more by being blunt than I ever did on my own-- oh, damn.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry shifted to try to see what Sasha could see; from her vantage point she only knew that Lissa had put her arm on the back of the femme’s chair and was leaning over just a bit. “What? What happened?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think she’s getting their room number,” Sasha said, the awe in her voice apparent. Just then, Lissa turned and gestured toward their group, clearly pointing out Sasha to the two women she was talking to. Sasha plastered a smile on her face and lifted a hand in greeting. “Oh shit, she really did it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lissa bent down and exchanged a kiss on the cheek with the femme, lifting her hand to wave goodbye to everyone else at the table before she headed back to their group, a little skip in her step. When she got back to the chaise lounges, she made a performance out of kicking her shoes off and settling in, taking a sip of her cocktail as everyone watched her with anticipation. “Y’all need something?” She asked with a raised eyebrow. Sasha looked ready to pounce on her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Babe. You had better tell--” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ohh, you were wondering if I got us a date tonight with that hot kinky butch/femme couple over there? Because the answer to that is hell yes. Bitch!” Lissa lifted her glass in the air and then took a big sip. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry sat back and stared, too surprised and impressed to wonder what anyone else was thinking about Lissa’s success until Louis chuckled beside her. “I didn’t think they’d be open, if I’m honest,” she admitted. “I figured they were too old for taking on anyone else.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I teach people how to ask for what they want when they fuck so they can actually get off,” Lissa explained. “That’s the number one thing in running a sex toy store: getting people to just be honest about what they like. Never know if you don’t ask!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s pretty badass that you do it for dating too, love.” Louis gave Lissa an appreciative nod before shifting her gaze to Harry and raising her eyebrows, almost as if to ask what Harry’s thoughts were on all this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what would you have done if they said they weren’t interested?” Harry rested her chin on her hand, leaning in toward Lissa. “Like, what if they were really shocked or mad?” Lissa shrugged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I started out after introducing myself and talking to them by just telling them Sash and I thought they were cute. If they seemed mad about that I would’ve just told them to have a good day and moved on. But they took the compliment and asked what made me come over, so I told them.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She made it sound so easy, but the thought of doing all that sort of boggled Harry’s mind. “But what if they were monogamous? Do people ever get offended?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lissa pursed her lips, considering for a moment. “Not usually? I mean I wouldn’t walk up to someone at a Chili’s and ask them if they wanted to have a play date with me and my partner.” Harry stifled a bark of a laugh with her hand, glad to hear Louis and Sasha laughing too as Lissa smiled at her own words. “But usually people are flattered.” Lissa paused for a second before looking past Harry to Louis. “What about you, OWL? How would you feel about it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are ya offerin'?” Louis’ voice was light, clearly joking, but Harry felt a little flame of jealousy sparking in her belly until Louis’ took her hand and squeezed. “I don’t know, if I were out somewhere that I expected it I might say yes, might say no. Wouldn’t have done that when I was serious with someone though. When I fall for someone I tend to go really hard and never even think about anyone else.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry bit back a satisfied little smile, trying not to berate herself too much for liking that Louis was the faithful type. It didn’t matter that she was, of course, but it was still the kind of thing that Harry admired in a person. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what about you, hm Harry?” Louis poked at Harry’s side, almost hitting one of her ticklish spots. “What would you say?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You mean like, if it were just me, or me and someone I’m with, or--” Harry trailed off, pretending to think when in reality she was stalling, not really wanting to answer the question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s say both, alone and with someone.” Louis’ face was open and sincere, and Harry realized this wasn’t a trap. All she had to do was answer honestly; she only hoped that wouldn’t say too much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Swallowing back the fear that she was going to answer wrong, Harry finally spoke. “By myself, I’d say I’m a bit like you, Lou; I might say yes or no depending on my mood. With someone, uh, yeah…” Harry chewed at her lip, still stalling or just hesitating now she wasn’t sure. She looked to Lissa for support, grateful for the concern that she saw there as Lissa looked back at her, giving her an almost imperceptible nod. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess when I’m like, in love with someone, I usually only want them? Usually. Not always, I suppose, but like, pretty often I would just keep it to me and one other person.” Harry sighed, relieved to have gotten through her answer relatively unscathed. Louis squeezed her hand before leaning forward a little to address Lissa and Sasha. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that’s that, afraid you two won’t have much chance with us.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry couldn’t help it, she broke into a grin that almost made her cheeks ache, looking down at the ground because she couldn’t bear to have anyone actually seeing her so happy over such a small, probably meaningless statement. After a moment, when the worst of it had past, she leaned into Louis’ side, letting her head fall onto Louis’ shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their group continued talking and joking for a while, Lissa telling them all what she’d learned about the couple she’d talked to-- Peggy and Mac --before their talk shifted to favorite sex toys and then a bit of outfit coordination between Sasha and Lissa that gave Harry a chance to snuggle with Louis in the sunshine. They realized they hadn’t actually dipped a toe in the pool just as they were starting to get hungry, and Harry made Louis go down the steps with her, getting in waist deep and splashing one another for a few minutes before they got out, hair still mostly dry and suits only slightly damp after drying off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before parting ways, they all ate lunch together at the grill, continuing to chat about their plans for the next day. Harry had forgotten they’d be at sea for the day, and part of her regretted not going ashore to enjoy a new place even if her sunburn would’ve been a problem if she hadn’t been in the shade all afternoon. There wasn’t much use in worrying over it now, though, and of course her day was anything but wasted; she’d had a lot of fun with her friends and felt like Louis had enjoyed being with them too. When they said goodbye, it was with plans to meet up for breakfast the next day to have a full debriefing on how Lissa and Sasha’s date went. Louis seemed just as excited for it as Harry was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t you glad we went to the pool?” Louis asked, playing with Harry’s room key as they made their way back to Harry’s room. “Think of all we would’ve missed.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeahhh,” Harry said hesitantly, shifting the bag she was carrying from her hand to her shoulder. “But I do think we would’ve had a very good time </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> going, too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you?” Louis slid her arm around Harry’s waist. “Just what sort of good time would that be?” They’d just made it to the deck that Harry’s room was on and she squirmed at Louis’ touch, wishing they were already back behind a closed door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well we’re almost there, maybe I can show you,” Harry said, speeding up just a little. Louis kept pace with her, keeping her arm wrapped around Harry and a possessive hand at her side and giggling the closer they got to Harry’s room. They made it there quickly and Louis opened the door with ease, letting Harry in first before shutting and locking it behind her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was it you were going to show me, love?” Louis’ smile was fond and flirtatious, her eyes dancing in the light that streamed in through the open curtains. “Something fun, was it?” Impatient, Harry reached out to pull Louis toward the bed, surprised when Louis tugged her forward instead, drawing her close. “I could show you some things too, you know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis’ hands were hot against Harry’s bare back as she moved in to kiss Harry, her lips a little rougher than they had been earlier but no less sweet. Harry melted into it immediately, her arms wrapping around Louis to keep the two of them caught in the moment. Slowly, carefully, Louis walked them toward the bed, not breaking their kiss until Harry’s leg brushed against the edge of the mattress. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus Harry, the things I want to do to you,” Louis said. Her voice was rough and her breath hot and fast against Harry’s lips, enough to make her shiver with desire. “I want to take you apart, make you come until you can’t move. Show you how good you are.” Louis kissed her again, and Harry let herself sink down into the bed, spreading her legs so Louis could come with her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m dying for it, Lou,” Harry whispered when they took a moment to breathe. “You’re all I’ve thought about these past few days, all I’ve wanted.” Louis untied Harry’s bikini top, moving back to look at Harry as she did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I get you undressed, baby? You want that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, fuck, please.” Harry let Louis tug the top off as she wiggled out of the bottoms. They’d dried from the brief swim that she and Louis had taken, but they still clung to her skin until Louis helped her out of them, chucking them onto the floor and stepping back to look her fill. Harry whined, thighs tensing as she opened her legs wider. “I wanna see you too, please, please Lou, let me, let me--” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis wasted no time unsnapping her trunks and stepping out of them, hands flying to her swimming tank to pull it off over her head as Harry stared at her, open mouthed with awe. Her skin, even on her belly, was a bit more tan than Harry’s, warm and inviting with a golden glow to it. Her pubic hair was full but neat, the hairs there not as silver as the ones on her head but beautiful nonetheless, and they looked soft enough that Harry could already imagine wanting to bury her face in them and never come up for air. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She propped herself up on her elbows, watching as Louis lowered her arms after getting the shirt off. Her tits were pretty-- a compact handful that made Harry want to touch --and her tattoos were the sort that Harry would drool over on anyone, though on Louis they were somehow even better. She bit her lip and reached out her hand, silently begging Louis to come back to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So much I wanna know about you,” Louis said as she placed her knee on the bed between Harry’s legs. “The story of the rest of these,” she brushed her hand over the butterfly on Harry’s stomach, spreading her palm and moving down slowly as she spoke. “The things you want.” Her hand rested between Harry’s thighs, Louis watching Harry carefully as she dipped two fingers in to sweep through Harry’s wetness. “How you like to be touched.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry rose up into the touch, aching for more of Louis as she pulled her fingers away. “I liked that,” Harry said, desperate for more. “Would probably like anything you do.” Louis moved closer until she was right over Harry, the sunlight beaming onto her hair and making it shine like a white light halo. She brought her hand back to Harry’s cunt and repeated the motion, a sweep of two fingers between Harry’s folds. Harry whined, open mouthed, and let her eyes close. She wanted to be lost in the feeling, not knowing what was coming next. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she opened her eyes, Louis’ hand was just above her mouth, slick fingertips hovering over Harry’s lips as she watched, waiting for Harry’s response. In that moment, there was nothing Harry wanted to do more than suck them, and she kept her eyes on Louis’ as her mouth closed over Louis’ fingers, pulling them in deeper and then feeling them out with her tongue. She let Louis fuck them into her mouth, ring finger and thumb holding onto her chin and keeping her open just enough make her feel dirty in the best way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Biting her lip, Louis finally pulled out, pushing lightly at Harry’s shoulder so that she fell back onto the mattress. “Should’ve talked about this before, but do you-- have you ever used the traffic light system? Green means good, yellow you--” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Harry nodded, voice harsher than she meant it to be simply because she was so worked up. “I know it, I’m green, please fuck me, Lou, please.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that, Louis smiled, taking a step back to grab the bag that she’d brought with her earlier and left in Harry’s room while they were at the pool. Harry whimpered, only a little soothed when Louis reached out and stroked her calf. After a moment, Louis stood. She held a clear bag that contained a dildo and harness, what looked like lube packets, and a few other sex supplies. Harry giggled, sitting up on the bed and making grabby hands at Louis. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have to decide if you want my fingers first or my cock, love. Or my mouth, but I don’t have dams, so it might--” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry’s mind raced. “Tested, I got tested um, a month ago, and I haven’t,” she exhaled, trying to focus. “I want your mouth, your fingers, your cock, everything, it’s okay with me if you’re ok, so--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More than.” Louis smiled, looking some mixture of happy and relieved and grateful and aroused that only made Harry want her more. “I’m more than okay with all of that.” She leaned in and kissed Harry, licking into her mouth from above until Harry pulled away, desperate to get her closer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, I want you.” Harry scooted back onto the bed a little more, her heart racing with anticipation. She couldn’t remember feeling so needy, at least not like this. Looking at Louis made her cunt hungry for her touch, and kissing had only made it worse. She spread her legs a little wider, watching as Louis pulled the harness up her legs, tightening the straps so that her cock sprung out from her body, thick and inviting. Harry eyed it, licking her lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can change your mind,” Louis said, barely putting her weight on the bed. “Anything you want, anytime, it’s--” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry shook her head, confused. “No no, I want you, I want you please.” She couldn’t understand how Louis was misreading her obvious desire. Louis responded by crawling closer and kissing her again, deep but short, and pulling back with a smile on her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just liked the way you stared at this,” Louis said as she leaned back, one hand wrapping around her cock. “I’m gonna fuck you, baby, don’t worry.” All Harry could do was nod, utterly caught up in the moment and lost in a sea of want. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Every place that Louis’ mouth touched her felt like it was coming to life, all the nerve endings awakening for the first time in a long time. As Louis kissed her way slowly down Harry’s body-- lips on her neck, teeth against her nipples, tongue tracing down her stomach and over her laurel tattoos --Harry found herself getting more and more aroused, her legs wrapping around Louis to pull her closer, needing her right there more than anything else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she finally licked over Harry’s cunt, it felt like time stopped. Harry’s breath tumbled out of her in a moan, one hand flying to grip at Louis’ hair and the other twisting in the soft duvet underneath her. Louis gripped Harry’s thighs on either side and just tugged her closer, tongue flattening as she fitted her mouth over Harry’s clit and sucked, working her over relentlessly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took very little time before Harry could feel herself falling into the swell of an orgasm. She wasn’t quite there yet, but the sensation was familiar enough that she braced for it, muscles tightening as she thrust up into Louis’ mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The feel of Louis’ fingers sliding inside of her took her by surprise, the change happening suddenly and without warning. As she fucked into Harry, she eased off of Harry’s clit, Harry whining at both the loss of Louis’ mouth and the new sensation of her fingers. It was more than her brain could process at the moment. It wasn’t so different from anything she and Ash usually did, and yet it somehow felt completely new. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t put it down to not having had sex in a while either, because she remembered going longer without sex and coming back to it again, all the motions and emotions returning in a way that truly was a bit like riding a bicycle, easy and familiar. This wasn’t that. As she looked down at Louis pulling off of her, mouth messy with slick and fingers still pushing into her, a part of her cracked like a glass that’s too cold being hit with hot water. She squeezed her eyes shut, head thrown back as a few tears found their way from her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And God, she’d never cried during sex before. It felt like such a lesbian cliche, and yet here she was, tears leaking out of her as the handsomest butch she’d ever laid eyes on fucked her senseless. She opened her mouth and a laugh bubbled out, Louis squeezing her thigh tightly with the hand that wasn’t fucking her. With her eyes closed she felt rather than saw the moment that Louis moved up to kiss her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Color, baby?” Louis’ voice was rough and quiet as she brought herself face to face with Harry. Her movements slowed a little but didn’t stop as she waited for an answer, and Harry opened her eyes to gaze up at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Green, very green,” Harry said, her own voice sounding strange to her ears. “Don’t want you to stop, ever.” Louis kissed her, mouth tasting of Harry’s salt and bittersweet, and returned to fucking Harry as hard as she had been before, this time sliding her thumb up against Harry’s clit, rubbing against her in tight circles that quickly brought her right back to where she had been earlier. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not gonna, love.” Louis stayed close, holding Harry tightly as she watched her come apart. It felt as though she was enveloping Harry in every possible way-- her touch, her scent, the sight of her, her taste, even the sound of her rough, determined breath so close to Harry’s face --and it was different-- better --than anything Harry had felt before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis tugged at Harry’s earlobe with her teeth, her voice low and steady like whiskey. “Gonna come for me, aren’t you baby? Gonna come all over me, make a lovely mess?” It pushed Harry over the edge, her orgasm hitting her hard as she dragged her nails down Louis’ back, mouth open and Louis’ name right next to god’s on her lips. Louis waited til Harry was done to kiss her, teeth clacking against Harry’s accidentally so that both of them had to take a moment to shake it off before continuing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Normally after coming Harry would be begging for a cuddle and a kiss that she might or might not receive immediately. Ash would usually get up to pee pretty quickly, coming back for kisses after they’d brushed their teeth or made Harry brush hers. They’d spoon, or else Harry would fall asleep on Ash’s chest. It was immediately obvious that this wouldn’t be the case with Louis. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to--” Harry took a deep breath, still coming back down from her orgasm. Louis’ fingers still moved lazily inside her as Harry clenched around them, the sensation on the good side of too much. “You made me come, I can--” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh.” Louis pulled her in for a kiss. “Not done with you yet, am I darlin'?” Louis’ eyes shone with a tenderness that made Harry whimper. “Want you to ride me if you can.” Louis rubbed over Harry’s g-spot and Harry felt ready to jump out of her skin at the change in sensation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry nodded, her mind blank of anything other than yes and please. “That sounds so good, ahh--” The movement of Louis pulling her fingers out, as slow and careful as it was, stopped Harry from being able to think. She was suddenly empty and needy, teeth catching on her lower lip to stop herself from whining. Louis wore a little smirk as she scooted back on the bed, her eyes on Harry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon, baby, I’m still here.” Louis reached out and Harry moved toward her, resting her weight on Louis’ thigh before grabbing Louis’ hand and sucking on her still sticky fingers. Louis groaned at the sight, encouraging her, and it made Harry feel powerful and hot and desperate for more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t want to stop, but Louis finally bucked her hips and pulled her hand free, drawing Harry in for another kiss. It would’ve been easy to let herself get lost in it, but Harry could feel the heat coming from between Louis’ thighs, could feel her leg getting wet as she pushed it against Louis’ cunt. And of course her cock was there, hard yet buoyant as it brushed Harry’s side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want me to ride you, Lou? Want to watch me take that hot cock you’ve got?” Harry whispered the words against Louis’ ear before dragging her teeth over it slowly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Harry, c’mon baby.” Louis grabbed at Harry’s ass, giving it a light smack that made her gasp, and Harry sat back up, allowing herself to grind down into Louis’ thigh for just a moment as she took in all the little details she could about Louis’ body beneath her. She reached out, hand poised over Louis’ chest until Louis gave her a slight nod. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis’ nipples were hard between Harry’s fingers, and she found herself getting caught up in touching them as she palmed Louis’ tits, watching for Louis’ reaction. There wasn’t much-- she sucked at her lower lip, mouth still looking a little used from eating Harry out --and yet Harry could tell, could feel, that Louis liked it. Her whole body was twisted tight with it like a rubber band about to snap. Harry scraped her short nails down Louis’ side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, get on my cock, Jesus baby,” Louis finally said, her voice high and desperate. It made Harry moan, her clit throbbing with desire to do what Louis wanted and her cunt aching to be filled. She shifted positions, raising herself up over Louis' cock and guiding it inside as she sunk down on it, Louis’ long, satisfied “ahhh,” as she did enough to make her shiver. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t need to be told to move when she bottomed out, finding a rhythm easily as Louis gripped her hips, egging her on. Closing her eyes, Harry let herself get caught up in the movement, head falling back as Louis pushed up into her. When she looked down again it was to find Louis looking up at her, lips parted and panting, looking as though she was already close to coming. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry felt her chest clench as her eyes met Louis’. This didn’t feel like casual, throwaway sex, and she knew, even with her head clouded, that she wouldn’t be able to pretend it was. Stomach twisting with a combination of guilt and lust and something like love, she rolled her hips harder, grinding down onto Louis’ cock and taking in every twitch of her muscles and change in her face, the way her mouth opened up on a moan and then slowly formed Harry’s name as she came, hands gripping Harry tight enough to mark her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A moment later, Louis was pulling her down for a kiss, mouth open and warm and sensual as she held Harry close to her chest. Harry expected her to let her cock slip out, but Louis didn’t allow that to happen. Instead she bent her knees and angled her hips to keep fucking into Harry, the angle of her cock hitting Harry’s g-spot with every thrust. She managed to wring another orgasm out of her, bringing Harry as close as she’d ever felt to squirting and leaving her a breathless and sticky mess when Louis finally pulled out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lying in bed, her own heart thudding in her chest and Louis’ beating steadily against her cheek, Harry let herself breathe, relaxing into the moment. It was possible she’d just had the best sex of her life. At the very least it was in the top three. And it had happened with a woman almost twice her age who normally lived a literal ocean away from her. A laugh bubbled out of her, and she burrowed closer to Louis to quiet it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s funny, angel?” Louis’ voice scraped pleasantly at her ears, and Harry bit back another small giggle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re just really incredible,” Harry said, kissing the spot that was closest to her-- the side of Louis’ breast --and throwing one of her legs over Louis’. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At sex you mean? I have done it a few times, that’s true.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! I mean yes, that was really, really good sex. Stupidly good, like, uh, next level. But I didn’t mean just that.” The more Harry spoke the less coherent she felt. “I mean you’re like...the whole package, all the um, everything.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis kissed Harry’s forehead, gently stroking down her side. “You’re a bit loopy, aren’t you my love? Shall we get you some water, yeah?” Keeping Harry close, Louis stretched to grab at the water bottle on the bedside table, unscrewing it one handed and offering it to Harry before taking a few sips herself. “That’s better. We’ll have a bit more cuddles and then get cleaned up. Come back to bed after.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry hummed, pleased with the way all of that sounded. She laid her head back onto Louis’ chest and let herself sink into the comfort of Louis’ arms, eyes drifting closed. It felt like they stayed that way for a long time and yet no time at all when Louis shook her gently, bringing Harry back to reality. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready, baby? C’mon, up we go.” Louis shifted, turning onto her side so that her cock poked at Harry’s hip. It made Harry giggle, and Louis swatted at her playfully. “Stop it, menace. Don’t have another go ‘round in me yet.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I do either.” Harry set her feet on the floor, waiting for Louis to sit beside her so she could rest her head on Louis’ shoulder. “Pretty sure you fucked my brain out of me, honestly. It’s like-- no thoughts, head empty.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis laughed that adorable hahaha laugh of hers, wrapping her arm around Harry’s waist. “You still have plenty of thoughts going on in there. I could probably hear them if I tried hard enough.” Harry didn’t have time to ask what that meant before Louis was standing up and pulling Harry along with her. “Now come on, baby. We’re gonna shower.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After Louis slipped her harness off, they did just that. The shower wasn’t really a comfortable fit for two people, but it wasn’t impossible to navigate, and Harry found that if she leaned against the back she could raise her leg up to let Louis wash her. It was something Louis wanted to do, and it was shockingly tender, from the way she cradled Harry’s foot in one hand to the slide of her soaped hands up Harry’s inner thighs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Each careful and deliberate movement made Harry soften even more, and by the time she was clean she felt like her heart was in a puddle on the shower floor. Pulling Louis toward her for an open mouthed kiss, Harry let herself sink down a bit so she and Louis were the same height. It gave her an opportunity to run her hands over Louis’ back and down to grab the swell of her ass, squeezing it gently. Harry could feel herself getting worked up again, and she knew Louis felt the same when she pulled back and looked up into Harry’s eyes, her expression sharp and searching. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Knew you still had plenty of thoughts going on in there,” she said with a little shake of her head. “I will absolutely collapse if we fuck in this shower Harold.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry couldn’t help it; she barked out a laugh, her head falling back to bump against the shower wall. “Ow, fuck!” It didn’t hurt that much, but it was enough to startle her, which only made her laugh more. “Who’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>Harold,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> she asked, raising an eyebrow as she bit back a giggle. “I’m just Harry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, alright Just Harry, I’ll still collapse if we fuck in this shower right now, and I do not want to be dragged to some cruise ship doctor wet and naked. So if we could just--” she made a hurrying motion with one hand, and Harry scoffed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At least let me wash you too. It’s only fair.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis took a step back so she was under the shower spray, raising her arms above her head to stretch. If they weren’t in the shower, Harry would willingly offer to bathe Louis with her tongue. As it was, she settled for squirting shower gel into her hands and soaping Louis up from her shoulders to her toes, dropping to her knees to spend a little extra time on her lower half just because she could. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They dried each other off when they got out of the shower, Harry staying naked because she could and Louis pulling on a pair of black boxer briefs and a tank that she’d brought along in her little bag. They didn’t discuss taking a nap, but it happened on its own, the two of them snuggling up and drifting off quickly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they awoke they agreed to stay in, ordering room service just as they had the night before. Louis insisted on rubbing a bit more aloe into Harry’s shoulders even though all the stinging pain she’d felt that first night was completely gone by now, and Harry couldn’t find any reason to put up a fight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me a story about your life,” Harry said, eyes half-closed and cheek smushed into mattress. Louis was massaging her now, not just rubbing aloe in, and the sound of the ocean outside was enough to lull Harry to sleep if she didn’t have something else to focus on. Louis hummed softly, taking a moment to respond. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, let’s see. Have you ever heard of the Lesbian Avengers? Bit before your time, but--” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know about the Lesbian Avengers, obviously,” Harry scoffed. “They have the bomb logo.” Harry didn’t want to admit it, but that was pretty much where her knowledge ended. She vaguely knew that in New York they’d done a lot of protesting, and she’d watched a little bit of a documentary on YouTube at one point, so she remembered that they were kind of big on eating fire. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Louis chuckled lightly, giving Harry a tiny swat on her bottom. “Wanna tell me more?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry sighed. “No,” she said, raising her head so she could look at Louis properly. “Because I’ve just told you most of the information I know about it, so…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thought so,” Louis said, a little smirk playing at her lips. “So I didn’t get to do much with them, but I’d moved down to London around the time they got started, and I got to be part of the first zap they did.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Zap? Is that an acronym for something?” Really all Harry could think of was Zayn’s zap tattoo, and she knew that stood for ‘my friend is a comic book nerd.’ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s an action, not a protest, really, more like you show up, do something outrageous, and hopefully make people think. So a bit like a zap of electricity.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Makes sense. What was the action?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A couple of me friends had been involved in other activist stuff, a bigger group that was doing things. Ran into ‘em one night and they said I should skive off work and join their group the next morning, so I did. Had no idea what we were doing, but I knew it would be fun.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was it?” Louis stroked down Harry’s back, slowly walking her thumbs back up along either side of Harry’s spine. Harry lifted up to look at her, taking in her mischievous smile, and huffed, rolling her eyes. Louis cleared her throat, then continued with her quiet movements until Harry rolled over and stared at her, arms crossed over her chest. “No more touching til you finish.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rude!” Louis clutched at her chest and Harry reached up and pulled at her until she fell onto the bed, landing softly at Harry’s side and leaning in to kiss her forehead. “But since you really want to hear it, I’ll tell you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They both had motorcycles, and when we left in the morning I just jumped on the back with one of them and rode along. They still hadn’t told me what we were doing. It’s around nine in the morning, and we roll up near Buckingham Palace. One of them pulls out a Lesbian Avengers shirt and tosses it at me, and the other digs around in her bag for something. Other women start walking up, and I realize my friends aren’t just participants, they’re the organizers of this whole thing.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it was mad!” Louis put her arm out, making space for Harry to curl up next to her. “So we’re there to basically surround Queen Victoria’s monument, since she famously didn’t think lesbians exist. The other women who show up have a load of signs that they pass out, and we just march right up to it en masse and gather all around it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ahhhh that sounds amazing!” Harry slid her hand under Louis’ shirt to rest it on the warm skin of her tummy. “I’ve always thought it would be cool to be part of something like that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It really was,” Louis said, a fond, faraway look in her eyes. “We unfurled this massive banner that said Lesbian Avengers, and eventually someone came to break the whole thing up. It was small, maybe barely registered for some people. But for a queer kid from Donny it was one of the high points of my life.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How old were you then?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit, I can’t remember. 25, 26? Young.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry felt her face heat, and she curled into Louis’ side instinctively. She whined quietly until Louis poked at her cheek, right at the spot where her dimple would be if she smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong, love?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s just a few years younger than I am now,” she said, letting out a wry laugh to cover the rising sense of discomfort she felt. “It’s just-- you must think I’m such a baby.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh no, love.” Louis wrapped her arm tighter around Harry, pulling her in a little closer. “I mean I can’t lie, there’s a part of me that doesn’t think any of this should be working.” She gestured between the two of them with her free hand, and Harry nodded, moving the hand she had rested on Louis’ belly so that she could pull her just the tiniest bit nearer. “But it is, isn’t it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry bit at her lip, nodding again. “It really is. And I don’t-- I’ve had a few crushes on older women before, but I’ve never really clicked with someone the way I do with you. Like it didn’t ever really feel possible that I’d meet someone a lot older and actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>connect </span>
  </em>
  <span>the way we do?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t say I’ve had a lot of crushes on younger women. I’ve never actually dated anyone more than a few years off from me,” Louis’ brow wrinkled as she considered her statement for a moment before nodding decisively. “Yeah, never.” She quickly turned to look at Harry, face suddenly tight with worry. “Not that this is the same as dating--” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s okay, I understood,” Harry said, pressing her lips against the nearest piece of Louis’ skin. “I mean it’s not so far off from dating, I guess. If you think about it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis chuckled. “No, I suppose you’re right. It’s just compressed.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Fitting a whole bunch of dates into a few days on a ship.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are certainly worse things I can think of,” Louis said, turning onto her side so she was holding Harry firmly in her arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like what?” Harry was sure she could come up with ten disastrous romance plots in a minute’s time, but right now the time limit they were facing was all she could focus on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not meeting you at all, for one,” Louis said airily, as if she hadn’t just spoken something that Harry’s desperate romantic heart had longed to hear for a long time. The idea that Harry was worth caring for, even for a day or a week-- that someone’s life could be better simply because they’d spent any brief amount of time with her --that was something that she’d always wanted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry could feel herself blushing over it. “You have to stop being so good at everything,” she said, burying her face in Louis’ neck and pecking a kiss to her skin. “It’s like, too much.” The vibration of Louis’ laugh tickled against Harry’s nose. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could say the same to you, darlin'.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you staying over tonight? Will you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d like that if you want me to,” Louis said, leaning back a bit so that she could look Harry in the eyes. “But I have one very important question to ask.” Harry waited, looking back at her with bated breath. “On a scale of one to ten, how do you feel about being the little spoon?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ten is good, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ten means you love it, want it, would wear a t-shirt that reads ‘Little Spoon’ if given the chance.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry hummed, pretending to consider that. “Eleven, then.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they got ready for bed a while later, brushing their teeth next to one another at the small sink and bumping elbows playfully, Harry couldn’t help the feeling that everything with Louis was an eleven right now. It felt easy and right and good, lovely in a way that she couldn’t remember experiencing before. Maybe the thought should’ve made it hard to sleep, but as she laid there with Louis’ arms wrapped around her and Louis’ body warm against her own, she drifted off faster than she had in a while.  </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A little info on that <a href="http://www.lesbianavengers.com/chapters/london_england.shtml">Lesbian Avengers action</a> if you're interested! There's a story that Queen Victoria said that relationships between two women weren't worth mentioning in anti-homosexuality laws because lesbians didn't exist. This likely isn't accurate, but I'm never mad at ppl defacing monuments in honor of shitty white people! </p><p>Also here's the movie Harry mentions, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4o0tZPETAc">Lesbian Avengers Eat Fire Too</a>. The Lesbian Avengers grew out of ACT UP and did some really cool stuff, so if you've never heard of them/have only seen the bomb logo it's worth a watch!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Stay With Me, Stay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>this chapter contains smut-- if you need or want to skip it, it starts up when Louis joins Harry before dinner.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tags: social drinking; karaoke; poorly negotiated polyamory; poor/broken communication; Zayn &amp; Harry friendship/chat; queening/face riding; cunnilingus</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>(Thursday, At Sea)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry awoke that morning with Louis’ arms still wrapped around her and the duvet kicked off the bed. She wasn’t used to being held so close overnight, and had apparently decided to regulate the temperature by losing the bed coverings. Louis didn’t seem to mind, if her light snores were any indication. Harry had just closed her eyes, not having bothered to check the time, when a chorus of knocks sounded against her door. Louis startled awake, wrapping herself tighter around Harry as if to protect her from whatever the noise was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Haaaaarry, Louuuuuis, wake uuuuup!” It was Niall singsonging the words, but Lissa cackled a moment later and Harry was certain that Liam and Sasha were there too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hate your fuckin’ friends, love,” Louis had muttered, pressing her nose against the nape of Harry’s neck and nuzzling against her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You two are joining us for breakfast, c’mon get up lazybones!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took several rounds of cajoling before Louis agreed to get out of bed, slipping on a pair of grey sweatpants she’d brought along with her and wetting her hands to slide them through her hair, trying her best to tame it somewhat. Harry grabbed a soft romper and some underwear and got dressed as she watched Louis from her seat on the bed, leaning back and taking in the way that she moved in the morning before she’d had tea. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She wasn’t as tight or careful with her movements as she usually was, her hips swaying as she walked with one wrist flicked out to the side. All in all, she looked softer, and Harry found herself smiling dopily at the thought of getting to see all the different sides of Louis that she could in their short time together. Of course Louis caught her out, turning to look at her with eyebrows raised. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Staring at me like a hungry frog,” Louis teased, checking her hair one more time before crossing the room to stand in front of Harry. “Don’t eat me, I’ve not had my own breakfast yet.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll eat you if I want to,” Harry said, tipping forward so that her face landed in the softness of Louis’ belly. “I’m sure you’re delicious.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t think your friends would like that, love.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They chose that moment to knock again, Sasha telling them to hurry it up already, and Louis stepped back, offering her hands to Harry to pull her up. Harry gave herself a quick once over in the mirror; this was definitely the worst she’d looked at a meal on board the ship so far, but she couldn’t say it really bothered her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Of course breakfast was even more crowded than usual when they arrived, and Harry could not understand why until Niall reminded her that the boat was at sea for the day, having turned around so they could head back toward the Bahamas and then onto Miami for the end of the trip. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m starting to doubt you’re really getting the full Olivia experience here, Harry,” Niall said, gesturing with her half-full coffee cup. A bit splashed onto the table. “I mean don’t get me wrong, I think Louis is great,” she paused to smile beatifically at Louis, who she’d definitely taken a liking to, “but you’ve gotta spend some time really getting to know the ship. Check out a seminar, see tonight’s performance or something.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry stopped herself from rolling her eyes, but only barely. “I’m definitely planning on going to prom and doing karaoke night again, okay? And I spent a while at the pool yesterday, so that’s been checked out. And the spa, the excursion...I’ve definitely gotten to do some of the stuff Olivia has on offer.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Look, she got to do at least one fine ass OWL, and that is definitely something you wanna get on an Olivia cruise,” Lissa said, elbowing Niall. “Cheers, bitch! May we all get laid!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis laughed, turning to rest her head on Harry’s shoulder. “Have I told you how much I like your friends here? Because I do.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You weren’t saying that when they came knocking this morning, were you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, you’re right. They’ve just got themselves back to zero then. Hopefully they’ll impress me again later.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mind if we join?” Olive and Eleanor approached the table, looking wide awake and much more with it than Harry felt. Still, they seemed a bit nervous, and so Harry wanted to do her best to welcome them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please,” she said, nodding at Niall to move aside and make room. As Louis’ friends sat, Harry introduced the whole group, everyone offering a small wave or nod in greeting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s so crowded today,” Olive said, settling in next to Niall. “El and I weren’t sure where to sit til we saw that one.” She gestured toward Louis with her fork. “Knew she’d left us behind for the love of a certain young woman, though.” She waggled her eyebrows, causing a chain reaction of Louis tossing a balled up cocktail napkin at her, Niall busting out laughing, and Eleanor elbowing Olive. Harry bit back a laugh. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Louis told us she’d be staying with you, Harry, but she didn’t mention anything else,” Eleanor said, giving Olive a pointed stare. “Whatever you do together is your own business.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Unless you wanna spill some details,” Lissa added. “Because you know I’m here for it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eleanor sputtered a laugh, looking a little shocked and amused all at once, and nodded once in Lissa’s direction. "Ah well, I guess your business </span>
  <em>
    <span>does </span>
  </em>
  <span>have a few interested investors, if you've a need to go public. So cheers to that, yeah?" She lifted her mimosa and the rest of the table followed suit, clinking their glasses "to Louis' sex life." Louis leaned in close to Harry to whisper in her ear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Turns out I hate my friends too. Good thing I found you, hm?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry turned and kissed her, ignoring the sounds of the peanut gallery all around them. She was definitely glad she’d managed to find Louis too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Though it was a little awkward more than once, it turned out that sitting together wasn’t a bad thing at all. Liam and Eleanor had hit it off quickly the moment that Liam asked about the necklace El was wearing-- a gold chain with a laser cut out of her dog’s face dangling from it --and the two of them fell into a deep conversation about their love of dogs. Olive, meanwhile, had gotten fairly chummy with Niall, and the two of them were talking excitedly about their group’s buffet strategy of all things. At least it was keeping Niall from pushing for Harry to do more Olivia-centric activities. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It couldn’t last forever, though. As everyone finished eating, the conversation made its way back to what everyone was doing for the day, which meant that Niall was once again focused on Harry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, so Lissa and Sash are back to the pool again, Liam is going to catch the showing of lesbian short films, and Olive and Ellie over here are gonna take me up on my offer to get them in at the spa. What will you two be doing, then?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry could hear Sasha lean over and whisper “each other” in Lissa’s ear, and looked up to the ceiling, trying not to laugh. That was what she wanted to be doing, but she realized that she’d avoided writing long enough, and now was definitely the best time to get to it. She told Niall as much and Niall hesitantly agreed that seemed fair. She was placated by Harry promising that their group could meet up for dinner and karaoke that night, thankfully, but of course that meant Louis was on her own. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve actually been wanting to go to the casino myself,” Louis said before Niall could ask what she’d be doing for the afternoon. “I used to do pretty well with poker; won a fair bit of money off Olive at least.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> going to gamble, Olive, don’t try it,” Eleanor said, turning to Olive with a serious look. “We’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>getting</span>
  </em>
  <span> a couples massage.” Olive looked a little defeated, but she cheered up when Eleanor put a hand on her knee and leaned in to give her a peck on the cheek. Harry could feel Louis shaking with quiet laughter beside her at the exchange. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Niall stood, waiting for everyone else to follow suit before she clapped her hands together once-- a bit too much like Harry’s mental image of a cruise director, honestly --to get all eyes on her. “Dinner at 7, we’ll meet outside the Rainbow Room at 6:30. Sound good?” Everyone agreed and slowly went their separate ways, Louis walking with Harry back to her room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll just get my bag and leave you to it,” Louis said when they reached Harry’s deck. “I’ll come back for you before 6 if that’s alright. Give us a few minutes together.” She gave Harry’s hand a little squeeze before releasing it so Harry could open the door to her room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ll stay here tonight, though, won’t you?” Harry posed it as a question, but she wanted to demand it. Even having Louis with her for one night had spoiled her, and now she couldn’t think of spending another night alone if she didn’t have to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hoped so,” Louis said, wrapping her arms around Harry’s waist from behind and pulling her close. She rested her chin on Harry’s shoulder, her breath warm against Harry’s ear. “Was going to ask first, of course. But I’d like to spend the night with you again if you’ll let me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry sunk back into Louis’ touch, nodding softly. “I want you here with me, definitely.” Louis gave her a light squeeze and Harry turned so they could face each other. “I really do have to work, I hope you know it’s not an excuse or anything, I--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis shook her head. “No, I know, I understand. We’re on the same page here, promise.” Harry sighed, leaning in to kiss Louis and doing her best to resist the urge to deepen it and keep her here for the rest of the afternoon. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So I’ll work for a while and you’ll come back around…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How about 16:00?” That would give them a couple of hours together before they’d need to go to dinner, which felt like enough time to squeeze in a bit of sex if they were fast. Harry nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Perfect. And you’ll leave, um,” Harry looked toward the bathroom, where Louis’ strap on was standing on the counter where they’d left it after cleaning it the day before.” Louis barely held in a laugh. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, don’t worry, baby. I wouldn’t dream of taking that away from you.” Harry rolled her eyes, pretending to be annoyed. Something about the way Louis said it made her feel like they were talking about more than just her cock, and the thought made Harry’s heart flutter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took another fifteen minutes for Louis to gather her things and actually say goodbye, mostly due to the fact that whenever Louis would bend over Harry would grab her ass or try to give it a little slap. Finally Louis told her to sit on the bed with her hands under her legs or there’d be no goodbye kiss when she did finally leave. Harry begrudgingly complied. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With Louis gone, the room felt dull. For a moment, Harry considered taking her laptop somewhere else in the ship to write, but then she remembered that her room had internet access, which wasn’t a given throughout the rest of the ship. Also she knew she was just hoping for a distraction and missing Louis, which wouldn’t help anything. There was nothing to do but get started. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She got set up on the bed, mostly because if she was going to do work she figured she might as well do it from the most comfortable place in the room. Of course before she could work she had more important things to do-- namely read Zayn’s response to her last email. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There were actually three messages from Zayn, two from yesterday and one from this morning, and Harry started with the most recent just to see how annoyed Zayn was with her for not writing back sooner. The message was short-- not sweet --and to the point: </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>WHEN YOU GET BACK TO NY I AM GOING TO KILL YOU FOR PUTTING ME THROUGH THIS. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Answer. Me. Back. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry cringed, then clicked onto Zayn’s original response. It was longer, though not massive, and had far less yelling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>H--</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Okay that’s a LOT of development, babes!! This is happening and I’m fucking pumped for you. I can’t believe she left you after rubbing aloe all over you for hours though, I mean wtf? Classic lesbian foreplay and she bailed?!?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I assume that by the time you read this you’ll have more to tell me and I can’t wait</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The second message went a bit deeper, mostly wanting further details about Harry’s plans at pursuing Louis and telling her that he very much wanted a few details about their hookup, but only if it wasn’t some “basic sex shit,” which made Harry roll her eyes even though she knew what he meant. Not wasting anymore time, she opened up a new message and prepared to start writing when she saw that Zayn was online. She sent him a chat instead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>H: I’m here and I’m sorry!!!! Please forgive me?</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>H: I have a lot of details for you tho so uhhh yeah</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Z: BITCH start typing</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Z: Jamie just came back from some wolf woman workshop and she’s been trying to convince everyone to go on the roof and HOWL istg</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry laughed, the image clear in her mind of Jamie ending a morning meeting by guiding all the new staff up to the roof while everyone else ran to hide in the bathrooms. She shook her head and started typing</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>H: LMAO pls take pics</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>H: jk she’ll still be doing it when I’m back next week</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>H: okayyyy details...it’s gonna take me a minute to get thru it all don’t freak out on me</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry proceeded to recount as much as she could about the past couple of days, being as honest as she could and trying to give enough detail without making Zayn yell at her for TMI. As she wrote, it became obvious that she really was having some pretty big feelings about Louis. She hadn’t really been denying it, of course, but telling them all to her best friend really exposed the depth in ways she just hadn’t expected. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she was done, she said as much to Zayn and then leaned back, watching as he immediately began typing back a response. It was taking him a while, and Harry had to push down her urge to get up and do something-- anything --else but look at the screen and wait. Finally his first message came through. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Z: holy shit H...I’ve just gotta say this and hope u don’t get mad at me. We’ve been friends a long ass time now, and I’ve seen you with a couple of different people now. And uhhhh. This is serious, babe. Like. I’m a bit freaked at how serious it sounds</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>NOT IN A BAD WAY,, I actually think Louis sounds fucking amazing and I’m shocked you met her like this! But it sounds like you want this to go beyond a week, yeah? I mean I joked about you finding someone to shake you out of the shit you’re doing with Ash, but uhh yeah, I think you found it????</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>H: She’s British!! Like lives in the UK not even inside London??? It can’t be anything but this week. We both said that</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry put her head in her hands and tugged at her hair, squeezing her eyes shut at the sting. For some reason she hadn’t expected this kind of response from Zayn. She’d expected him to be excited about her getting laid. Expected him to probably say he hoped that meant Harry was going to dump Ash because she was too good for them anyway. But she didn’t think he’d read what Harry had to say and then come back with something like ‘you should date </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span>.’ She put her fingers back on the keyboard and went back to typing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>H: AND she’s almost twice my age, like she told me about doing a political action with the lesbian avengers in the 90s and all I could think was that I was LITERALLY playing with fucking building blocks when she was doing stuff like that-- </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sighing, Harry paused for a moment to collect her thoughts. She didn’t actually care about Louis’ age, was the thing. It was just something obvious-- not unlike her living in the UK --that served as an easy out, a kind of roadblock that allowed her to turn around without anyone really questioning her reasoning about why. Anyone but Zayn, of course. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Z: Come on asshole you know you don’t care about her being older than you. Nobody lusts after older butches the way you have ever since I’ve known you. I don’t believe that her age is an impediment</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Z: You don’t either</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All Harry could do was groan. Because unfortunately (or fortunately really) she had a best friend who knew her well and wouldn’t just accept whatever she decided to tell him if he didn’t think she was being honest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>H: idk what i’m supposed to say </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>H: YES i like her</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>H: YES she’s like. Fucking amazing!! </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry bit her lip, not ready to express what she was thinking but knowing she had to. Or at least that if she was going to, Zayn was the person she wanted to tell. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>H: I’m fucking falling for her ok</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>H: But that’s like, really not even possible in the space of a week, I mean WHO DOES THAT</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She could hear Zayn’s flippant response before he had a chance to start typing, and so she quickly added another thought. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>H: DO NOT SAY LESBIANS</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Z: LMAO i was about to hit send</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Z: Seriously babes, this kind of thing happens a lot. I mean when we spent those first few days together I knew we were going to be friends. Like real ones, not the ones you stop talking to after a few months. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry thought back on it, remembering how naturally things had shifted between her and Zayn. They’d hooked up, sure, but after a few days it was just obvious that wasn’t what they were meant to do and there’d barely been a conversation about it before they were friends instead of lovers or dates. Harry remembered a moment on maybe their second day together, Zayn coming into Harry’s dorm with deli coffee and samosas from the cart in Washington Square Park and plopping down next to Harry on her bed, handing her a coffee and bumping shoulders with her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even if she couldn’t explain it, couldn’t put her finger on the why or the how, she’d known they were going to know each other for a long time right then. It was different with Louis, for sure. When Harry tried to look directly at her feelings for Louis it was like staring at the sun, too much and too bright but still warm and good. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Z: I hate to ask this, but uhhhh</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Z: are you gonna tell Ash anything? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And if her feelings for Louis were some heavenly golden light, Zayn’s question was a blackout curtain being hastily brought down over everything. It was more than she thought she could unpack, and she longed to hear Zayn’s voice instead of chatting with him. Flopping back onto the bed, she put a pillow over her face and screamed-- not loud, but enough to release a bit of her tension --and then sat back up, not quite ready to respond but willing to try. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>H: I haven’t thought about it</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>H: They’ve said they don’t wanna know anything unless it’s serious</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>H: And they haven’t told ME anything about anyone they’ve been seeing, so FUUUCK i have no idea. How do I even tell them??</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Z: I mean I think you could wait and talk to Louis first, yeah? See what it would mean if it was something serious. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What Zayn was saying made sense, but it didn’t feel right, as much as Harry liked the idea of not having to talk to Ash yet. Putting Louis first instead of Ash felt like a betrayal of trust; in the end she wasn’t sure it would matter if she and Louis were on the same page if Ash objected. Ash was her partner, and Harry had committed to figuring this stuff out with them first and foremost. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>H: I have to talk to Ash first I think. If they feel uncomfortable with anything happening with Louis, idk if I can keep it going</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Z: ah fuck Harry that’s shitty</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Z: for you I mean</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Z: you deserve someone who treats you really well and who appreciates you. And maybe Louis feels like an impossible choice but I don’t know that she is</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry looked at the clock and realized it was getting close to the time that Ash usually came back to work from their early lunch. That meant that if she emailed them now, they might actually see it and respond. She quickly told Zayn goodbye, explaining she was going to try Ash, and he said he’d wait around to hear how things went. Opening up a new email message, Harry selected Ash’s contact and started typing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Hi Ash--</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Sorry I’ve been out of touch since the trip started...there’s so much to do and I keep being too exhausted to even think about email by the end of the day. I have loads to tell you about (and am coming back with a couple of gifts I think you’ll like!!) but I wanted to mention something kind of important, and I hope you can respond to me and let me know your thoughts. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I know we don’t really talk about anything related to hook-ups or whatever, but I met someone on the ship and I think she’s really amazing? We have a really deep connection developing and I just felt like you should know. I’m not sure yet, but it could turn into something that isn’t just a hook-up? And that’s kind of not anything we’ve dealt with yet. I mean she’s older and lives in the UK, so maybe it’s far-fetched to think anything could happen. But in case it could, I want to know how you’d feel about it. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Love you!!!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>H</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry pulled at her lip as she read her message over a couple of times. When she hit send, she immediately got up and walked away from her computer for a moment, first going to the bathroom and then stepping outside to watch the ship cruising through the water, the waves it made rippling the surface of the water far out in every direction. When she couldn’t take it anymore, she went back inside and checked her email, surprised to find a response waiting for her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Hi babe--</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s really good to hear from you. Things are quiet here, and I’ve been getting loads of sleep, thinking about how nice it’ll be once we get to Vermont and everything is more relaxed. I know you think you won’t love it but I really feel like you will. Anyway I’m glad you're staying busy and having a good time now. Knew u would!!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>As for the hook-up, I don’t need details but I’m sure it’s fine especially if she’s from another country lol. This is just new and you’re worrying about it too much. Have fun and be safe. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>xo-Ash</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Without a second thought, Harry forwarded the exchange to Zayn, sending him a chat message about it telling him to read. It only took him a moment to respond, and Harry laughed aloud at his first message. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Z: Did… did they pull a Mariah Carey?!? "Suddenly I can't read, I don't know"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Z: why are they talking about Vermont when you tried to bring up having feelings for someone????</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Biting her lip, Harry read through Ash’s message again. She wanted to think that they meant well. Harry’s ‘free ass pass’ as she’d called it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> new, and it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>something she worried about. She tried to put herself in Ash’s place, imagining how she’d feel if they reached out to her while they were away and told her something similar to what she’d told them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>H: I keep trying to put myself in their place but I can’t imagine not caring?? Like not about a hook-up, I understand that, I think. But it felt like they weren’t actually listening to me I guess? Does that make sense? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Z: YES</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Z: I think that’s something they do a lot with you actually</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Z: You try to start up a conversation to talk about how you’re feeling and they downplay it. That’s what they did with the cheating thing too</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Z: You know how I feel about it &gt;:-(</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>H: Yeah I do :/</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>H: Do you think I should write back? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zayn took a while to respond, though Harry could see that he was still active. Occasionally it would show that he was typing, but no message was sent. When he finally wrote back, his response stung like a sharp slap on the cheek, but Harry knew he was right. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Z: Do you really think that would change anything? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>H: no</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>H: I think they would probably be annoyed that I pushed it and just get mad. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Actually Harry could practically hear Ash responding, their voice laced with a kind of tired frustration. “We agreed not to share too many details, and you’re really pushing that boundary right now, hon.” Harry pursed her lips, hating herself for imagining Ash responding like that but also recognizing it was probably close to the truth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Z: I think you need to talk to Louis, see what she says</span>
  <span></span>
    <br/>
  
  <span>Z: And then uhh TELL ME IMMEDIATELY </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Z: Sorry but I miss u and I am very invested in this situation and need to know what happens</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>H: I MISS YOU TOO</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their conversation after that turned into more of the kind of catch up they’d normally have with one another if they’d gone the weekend without talking, Zayn filling Harry in on everything that had been happening in the office (not much) and his dating life (he was trying a new app and not minding it so much). Meanwhile Harry told him about all the other not-Louis aspects of the cruise-- her new friends, her plans for their final stop the following day, and how much food she’d eaten. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they said their goodbyes, Harry’s stomach was rumbling. She ordered room service-- a big chicken caesar salad --and ate it in bed, turning on the television to flip mindlessly through channels as she chewed. Somehow it was close to 2 when she was done, and although the last thing she wanted to do was make notes for her article, she forced herself to do it, anyway, typing up observations she’d scribbled down over the course of the trip and making lists of all the things she’d done onboard and would need to include in whatever she wrote. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t feel particularly good about any of it, but at least it was progress. After typing up a quick summary and status report to send off to Jamie (along with apologies for a lack of stable internet connection, a half-truth she guessed would pass under the radar), it was getting close to the time that Louis would arrive. The thought practically made Harry shiver with excitement, and she ended up making herself a cup of tea and sitting outside to try to chill out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Of course all that went out the window the moment Louis arrived. Though Harry had left her door ajar, Louis still knocked before letting herself in. She called out a soft “oi oi” that made Harry smile, and Harry waved her out onto the verandah. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’d obviously showered since leaving earlier, her hair lightly styled in a way that made Harry want to mess it up, and her outfit-- a fancy looking athleisure suit with a logo running up the sides and a tank top peeking out --was comfortable but cute. If it weren’t for her silver hair and the lines around her eyes and mouth, she could probably be mistaken for quite a bit younger. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you secretly twenty-five?” Harry asked after they’d shared a hello kiss. “You look more stylish than I have this entire trip.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis shrugged. “Like a bit of streetwear, is all. I do work with quite a few young people, though, and they do dress a bit like this sometimes. Mostly reminds me of home, I guess.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It suits you.” Harry smiled, looking away to hide the way her whole expression went soft as she said it. Of course Louis noticed. She wrapped her feet around Harry’s ankle and pulled softly, waiting for her to look up again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks, darlin'.” Her face held as much fondness as Harry knew her own had, and she took a moment to appreciate that fact. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wanna go inside, actually? It’s a bit loud out here and I wanted to talk with you about something.” The sound of the ship moving really was loud, but the truth was that Harry wanted to be closer to Louis for the talk they were going to have. If it ended with Louis not wanting to continue seeing her, she at least wanted the feeling of hearing her voice again, soft and sweet and low, not practically shouting to be heard. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They settled next to each other on the bed, Louis leaning against the headboard and opening her arms to Harry, who laid her head on Louis’ chest. It was an easy position to be in, especially when Louis leaned in to kiss Harry on the crown of her head. Harry hummed, nuzzling into Louis’ side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’d you want to talk about, baby?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry sighed, not quite ready to forge ahead but doing it nonetheless. “It’s actually, um, so I talked with my best friend for a while--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Zayn, right? How is he?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tilting her head back so she could look up at Louis’ face, Harry was somehow surprised to see her looking back with genuine interest. It was such a small thing, and yet it felt important in ways that she couldn’t quite define. “He’s okay,” she said with a little nod. “We miss each other, of course. And he needed an update on our situation.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did he now?” Louis raised her eyebrows, watching Harry with a playful expression. “And how was that?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry pushed her fingers into Louis’ side, trying to tickle her. “Stop it! I know what you’re doing.” Louis giggled, but it was out of amusement instead of Harry tickling her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s that? What am I doing, love?” Louis moved stealthily enough that somehow Harry wasn’t expecting it when her fingers landed right on Harry’s most ticklish spot-- the area between her armpit and the bottom of her ribcage, right around where her bra would hit if she’d been wearing one. Harry squealed, half in laughter and half in surprise, and curled  deeper into Louis’ side. She knew that wouldn’t protect her, but in the moment it seemed like the thing to do. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ahh stop, stop,” she said after a moment, grateful when Louis actually did stop right away. “Can’t believe you found my ticklish spot like that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I took a guess.” Louis shrugged her shoulder and leaned in to kiss Harry’s forehead. “Should’ve asked first, really, but when you tried to tickle me all my older sibling instincts kicked in.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t mind. Was kind of cute, honestly.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So my killer tickling instincts are cute, are they?” Louis raised an eyebrow and lifted her hand up, wiggling her fingers in Harry’s direction. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mmhmm, very, actually.” Harry was enjoying the way the conversation had shifted off of the actual topic she needed to address, but she knew she couldn’t let it last. “I told him all about the cute things you do and, um, how much I like you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sensing the mood change, Louis lowered her hand and reached out for Harry, thumb stroking lightly over Harry’s knuckles as she waited for Harry to continue. “That’s really lovely, baby.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, he was really happy and supportive, actually. He says you sound cool.” Louis chuckled at that, and Harry interlaced their hands together. “In talking I ended up realizing I should talk to, um, to Ash about you as well.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She could feel the way that Louis’ breath stopped for a moment and then began again intentionally even if Louis’ face or motions didn’t give much away. “How did that go?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s--it’s hard to say?” Harry sighed, sitting up straighter so she could actually look at Louis instead of focusing on the way their hands looked together, how they fit so easily. “They didn’t seem to think it was a big deal, I guess. I told them I’d met someone and that we were connecting on a level that felt really deep. And I said you live in the UK, and they just, um, brushed it off?” Harry let go of Louis’ hand so that she could tug at her own lip, a nervous habit she’d developed at some point that she’d never been able to ditch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Brushed it off how, love?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry rolled her eyes as she remembered Ash’s email. “They just told me I was worrying too much because this stuff is still new for me. I mean I guess they think there’s not anything to this if you live somewhere else? I don’t know-- they’re right that it’s new and that it’s not easy for me, you know?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis reached out and took Harry’s hand, pulling it away from her lip, and held it in her own. “These things aren’t easy to do, love. And they take a lot of talking. Any relationship does, but when you do something new there’s bound to be check-ins and moments where one person is scared or worried and needs to work through it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was like it didn’t matter to them, and I feel like it should have. I feel like it would’ve mattered to me. I mean I’ve just met you but I can tell I’m falling for you, it’s this big thing that doesn’t make any sense and I just wanted them to hear what I was saying, you know?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There were tears pricking at Harry’s eyes, but they only came out when she realized what she’d just said. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Falling for you. </span>
  </em>
  <span>They’d talked about liking one another-- about </span>
  <em>
    <span>feeling </span>
  </em>
  <span>something --but admitting this was something so much bigger, so much more. Harry couldn’t actually bear to look at Louis, too scared to see her reaction. Of course that only made her cry more. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, hey, c’mon love, head up and look at me yeah?” Louis’ touch was gentle against her cheek, tipping Harry’s chin up and thumbing away her tears. “It’s alright, baby, everything’s alright.” Finally Harry opened her eyes, soothed by how calm and present Louis seemed. Seeing Louis looking back at her, eyes bright and a little shiny as though she’d been on the verge of tears herself, Harry took a breath. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I just said that,” Harry said, wiping at her face with the back of her hand. “I didn’t mean to just throw it out there like that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not upset about it. So far from it, baby.” Louis brushed her thumb across Harry’s lips, the touch as gentle as a kiss, and smiled softly. “I can’t begin to tell you how much I like you, Harry. It’s more than I’ve liked anyone for a long time, that’s certain.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t expect anything from you. I know this is just-- it’s one week.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is, yeah. And it’s taken less than that for me to know that I’m lucky to have met you. I keep catching myself thinking about all the ways you fit with me. Your sweetness and your passion and your sense of humor, every new thing I realize about you-- it all adds up to something truly special.” Louis paused, her tongue peeking out to wet her lips, and took a deep breath before continuing. “It’s taken me less than a week to know that I’m falling for you, and hearing you say the same is easily one of the loveliest things I could’ve experienced.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry’s breath caught in her throat, and she felt tears welling up in her eyes all over again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know what can happen for us. I don’t know what the future holds or how any of this is going to work out. But if all we get is a week, it’s going to be a fucking amazing week, love.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was nothing for Harry to do but kiss her, so she did, taking Louis’ face in her hands and holding onto her like she was a life preserver tossed into a stormy sea, the one solid thing that Harry could count on. As they kissed, Harry’s hands drifted down to Louis’ clothes, tugging at them to get her undressed. She needed to feel Louis underneath her, needed to claim every piece of skin she was allowed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want you, Lou, need you, please. Can I-- what can I do? Please?” Harry was breathless and needy, and it was an effort to stop her hands from wandering over Louis’ body as she waited to know how she could show her how deep her feelings ran. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll take that lovely mouth on me any day, angel, so fucking sexy.” Louis put her thumb to Harry’s lips and Harry opened her mouth, sucking her in with her eyes locked on Louis’. Watching her react-- the way she moaned, mouth open and head thrown back, and the hunger in her eyes when she looked at Harry --was enough to make Harry impossibly wet. She pulled back with a little pop, licking her lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Need these off.” Harry rocked back, hands going to the waistband of Louis’ pants. She was almost frantic with the thought of getting to experience more of her, the realization that they only had a couple more days together making things even more intense. Louis grabbed at her hands, stilling them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll take them off for you, love. You can watch me.” Harry whined, a soft noise that she hadn’t meant to let out, as Louis let go of her hands and scooted off the bed. She shrugged her jacket off easily, her eyes locked on Harry’s and a smirk on her lips as she watched what Harry had to assume was her obvious suffering. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She pulled her shirt over her head in a single easy motion, letting it fall to the floor, and then tugged off her sports bra. If someone had told Harry even a few months ago that watching a much older woman taking off a sports bra would make her pussy throb, she probably would’ve laughed. And yet here she was, hands fisting into the sheets beside her as Louis made the act of undressing sexy without even trying. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thumbs hooking into the waistband of her trackies, Louis began working them down slowly. The only signs that she was as desperate for this as Harry was were her ragged breaths and the way her eyes kept sinking to Harry’s mouth, tongue slipping out to wet her lips like she was dying for a taste. Harry edged closer to her, rising up on her knees so that she was close enough to get a kiss. Louis watched her, lips twitching with amusement. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you want, baby? Hm?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry rolled her eyes, her frustration nearly getting the better of her. “I want </span>
  <em>
    <span>you,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Louis. Please, there’s not-- I wanna make you feel good. Wanna touch you and taste you and be so, so good to you.” Inching forward a little more, Harry felt her own clothed body brush against Louis’ half naked one, and she began to lift her hands slowly, almost but not quite allowing herself to feel Louis’ skin. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry to tease you, angel,” Louis said, still not stepping any closer. She pushed her trackies down, letting them pool at her feet, and then bent to kiss Harry, open mouthed and hungry. Harry moaned, rising up into it, hands moving to get Louis out of her underwear and into the bed, finally. She wasn’t expecting Louis to stop her, but she did, quickly taking Harry’s wrists in her hands and holding them still, her grasp not tight but firm enough that Harry didn’t fight it, only whined to express the ache she was feeling inside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis pulled out of their kiss for a moment to whisper “not yet” before putting her mouth back on Harry’s, leaving Harry’s head spinning more than a little. She still felt dizzy when Louis pulled away a bit later, mouth pink from all their kissing and looking a little dazed herself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wanna play with you a little, baby. Tease you a little before I give you what you want. Does that sound alright?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry swallowed, already certain she wanted to say yes but caught off guard by the softness in Louis’ expression. She didn’t doubt for a moment that if she said no, Louis would join her on the bed, still ready for sex if Harry was. And she knew it would probably be just as good as it had been the night before. But the idea of Louis playing with her-- slowly raising the stakes on her own terms as she had been --shot straight to Harry’s clit. She wanted it so much she had to close her eyes to say yes on a breathy exhale, head nodding fiercely. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want that, I like that. Green,” she managed to say, forcing her eyes open in time to see the way Louis’ breath caught at her enthusiasm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright then. Want you to lie back on the bed for me.” Harry complied, lying down so that her head was near the middle of the bed. Louis gave her an encouraging nod at that, and Harry preened a little, biting her lip to stop herself from smiling too hard. Louis kneeled on the bed, taking her time moving closer to Harry. Harry closed her eyes, heart racing with anticipation. “There you go. Want you to look at me now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis was right next to Harry on the bed, close enough that Harry could breathe in her scent if she tried. It made her mouth water. Louis still wore her underwear though, and Harry stared at the black cotton as if that would make it disappear. All she wanted was to have Louis closer, and she whined a little, forehead creasing with her frustration. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you know how much I want you, baby?” Louis’ hand trailed down her own body as she spoke, teasing her nipples and brushing over the fine hairs that made their way from her belly button and down into her underwear. “How beautiful you are and what you do to me?” She cupped herself over her underwear, fingers pushing up against her cunt as she spoke. “My clit is so hard for you right now, I’m so wet and you’ve not even been allowed to touch me, have you?”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry was mesmerized, staring at Louis rubbing herself off mere inches from her face. She could see Louis’ underwear growing wetter as she kept touching herself, alternating between letting her fingers slip over her folds, pushing up against her entrance, and rubbing at her clit with a pressure that had to be far too light to be satisfying. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not even sure I deserve you, really,” Louis said, voice tight. “But I want you, fucking hell baby. Can’t deny how bad I want you. Need you, even.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m right here, Lou.” Harry’s voice was nearly a croak, her throat dry from breathing so hard and staring at Louis open-mouthed. “Right here for you, please.” That was the motivation Louis needed to move, apparently, because she shifted quickly, throwing one leg over Harry so that her cunt was positioned right over Harry’s mouth. “Ahhh fuck, Louis,” Harry moaned, mouth flooding with saliva as the sweet spice of Louis’ cunt hit her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis moved down, one hand moving to steady herself and the other going to support Harry’s head, giving her permission to rise up to get a taste of Louis. She licked and sucked at the cotton, doing her best not just to tease her but to make her feel good, but it was hard to deny herself the pleasure of simply having Louis there, hot and rich against her tongue. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry could hear Louis’ heavy breathing, could feel the way her thighs clenched whenever Harry was able to suck her clit, and it made her desperate for more. She gave Louis’ thigh a little double tap, and Louis raised up, hand still cradling Harry’s head as she looked down at her, mouth a little slack but eyes sharp and questioning. “How are you baby? Do you need to--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Need you,” Harry said with a firm shake of her head. “Wanna make you come.” She felt raw with the desire to get Louis off, like she was exposing more of herself than she meant to. It felt good, though, to say it so clearly again and again, to spread herself open and let Louis see it. To watch her take it in and not look away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, Harry, you can, gonna let you now baby.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a bit awkward, Louis moving off of Harry and suddenly struggling, uncoordinated in her sex haze, to pull her underwear off without standing up. She managed it, though, Harry only laughing for a moment before Louis turned to her with a disapproving squint of her eyes that made Harry seal her lips closed, properly chastised. And then quickly enough Louis was back to where she had been, poised over Harry’s face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Looking at her up close, Harry felt the same kind of awe she always had when really properly seeing a new lover. But there was something special about Louis. Of course there was. It wasn’t anything particular about how she looked or smelled or tasted, but as Harry looked up at her she smiled, something light bubbling up inside of her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re gorgeous, fucking hell,” Harry whispered. She hadn’t meant to, but her hands moved to Louis’ hips on their own, squeezing gently. Louis hummed at the touch, thrusting forward a little, and the motion send a little flame of arousal through Harry. She didn’t want to wait any longer, so she rose up, nosing against the dewy wetness of Louis’ pubic hair and then slipping her tongue inside of Louis for a taste of her unencumbered by cotton. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That seemed to be what pushed Louis over the edge. She moaned, lowering herself onto Harry’s face and fucking against her open mouth. Harry gripped onto her hips, desperate to latch onto Louis’ clit and suck, and when she was finally able to she thought for a moment that she might come untouched right there at the sheer relief she felt. Holding Louis against her, Harry sucked as though she was drinking her fill after too long in the desert. She couldn’t be sure how long she kept Louis there, only that when she felt Louis’ thighs tensing around her and heard her breathy moans turn louder she thought it couldn’t have been long enough. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She whined at the loss of Louis’ weight against her as she moved off, reaching up to pull her back in for a kiss as soon as she could. Louis went easily, lying down next to Harry and kissing her long and languid, their tongues sliding more smoothly with the taste of Louis between them. At least that was what Harry thought. She could’ve stayed like that forever, just kissing and holding one another, but when Louis reached down and slipped her fingers up Harry’s romper, moving her underwear aside to slowly stroke her to orgasm, Harry definitely didn’t want to say no. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wrapped up in one another, they both dozed off for a bit, neither expecting the trill of Harry’s bedside telephone. Louis reached for it, answering in a daze and laughing a little at whoever was on the other end. After hanging up, she gave Harry a peck on the cheek and then moved to get out of bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That was Niall. She said we should stop having sex and start getting ready or we’ll be late.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry looked at the clock, hating how right Niall was. She sighed, reaching out to paw at Louis’ arm with a pout. “Come back for five more minutes, Lou. Please?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis flopped back down easily. “Yeah, of course I will baby. C’mere.” She opened her arms, drawing Harry close to her chest. “Only five minutes, though, yeah?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Harry said softly. Five minutes. A couple more days. Only a week, all told. She chewed at her lip, thinking about how none of it was enough. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Five minutes was actually turned into ten, but it still left enough time for both of them to get ready. Louis let Harry go first, assuring her that all she’d need to do was a tiny bit of freshening up. Harry still showered pretty quickly, leaving her curls unwashed-- they looked better like that anyway --and focusing on ridding herself of the day’s funk instead. Louis looked surprised when she stepped out in her towel only fifteen minutes later. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Done already?” Louis paused from shaking out the duvet. “You didn’t rush yourself for me, did you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry shook her head, moving to her closet to pick out what she’d wear for the night. Though she’d packed plenty of clothes, she’d really been letting herself present a bit more femme than she usually did on the trip, and that meant that some of the other things she’d brought didn’t quite fit her mood. She ended up settling on a loose button down short sleeved shirt and a pair of shorts-- not her best look for the week, maybe, but comfortable and cute. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was only when she turned to get dressed that she realized Louis hadn’t gone to get ready. Instead she was sitting on the bed, watching Harry with a serene smile. It reminded Harry a bit of the look her grandpa would get when someone switched the channel over to a program about World War II. Harry quirked an eyebrow at her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s got you looking so pleased?” Looking down at the towel she still had wrapped around her and then back up, she cocked her head, silently asking if Louis was simply waiting for her to get naked. She wouldn’t mind that at all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Honestly?” Harry nodded, wanting to hear the answer, especially if it wasn’t what she’d expected. “I’ve missed watching a femme get dressed. Lisa dressed a bit feminine, but she didn’t call herself a femme. It’s silly, maybe, but I rather like a woman getting dressed with me in mind. Taking extra time with little details.” A light blush covered Louis cheeks as she trailed off, shaking her head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s sweet, actually.” Harry sat on the edge of the bed, her outfit clutched in one hand as she reached for Louis’ knee with the other. “I’m not wearing anything exciting, though. I’m saving my best dress for prom tomorrow, so it’s shorts and a button down tonight.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Doesn’t matter what you wear, love. It’s more how you put it on. All the little bits of you that rub off when you’re getting yourself together. And it means more knowing you’ll be on my arm all night and going home with me.” Louis laid her hand over Harry’s and gave it a squeeze. “Make sense?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Of course it did for Harry. She could even imagine what it might be like to share space with Louis and watch her get ready, too-- how she’d style her hair or button up a shirt, maybe pulling a belt on with a nice pair of trousers --all that silvery shine that would only be for Harry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded back. “Yeah, makes sense. Will you have time to get ready even if you watch me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll make it work,” Louis said with a shrug. Her eyes danced as she looked back at Harry, waiting for her to get started. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry took a little extra care getting ready. She rubbed her favorite lotion into her skin, paying special attention to the backs of her knees and between her breasts and any place she thought might heighten the smell of vanilla and coconut as the night went on. She still had plenty of good underwear, and she grabbed a yellow pair with a little black detailing along with a black bra that looked good enough to show off. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hook it for me?” Harry sat on the bed with her back to Louis, bra undone. She heard Louis’ quiet chuckle and knew she was maybe being a bit much, but she couldn’t help it. Louis’ deft fingers clasped the bra and then she let her hands trail slowly down Harry’s back, pausing to trace the lace of her underwear. Only when she’d pulled her hands away did Harry look over her shoulder and whisper a quiet “thank you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The shorts Harry put on next were longer and looser than she remembered them being, and she turned, nose wrinkled in distaste, to get Louis’ opinion. “How bad are these? Embarrassing bad, or just, um, sad lesbian bad?” Louis rolled her eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop it. They’re a bit long is all. You could roll them up.” Louis narrowed her eyes as she stared at the shorts, clearly trying to work out some alternative plan. “Or you can just go with it, honestly. You’re still gorgeous, love.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry groaned. “I’ll try it with the shirt.” The shirt helped a little. It wasn’t perfect-- this was as close to grandpa chic as she’d gotten on this trip --but it wasn’t bad. “Passable?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mm, come ‘ere,” Louis said, scooting to the edge of the bed and spreading her legs so Harry could stand between them. “You look perfect. Bit like you raided my closet and pulled out the things I forgot I owned and wore them much better than I ever did. Quite sexy, actually.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop, it’s not.” Harry put her hands on Louis' shoulders, shaking her head fondly. “I’m sure Lissa and Sasha will both be totally decked out, and Eleanor will wear something fancy. I don’t have to look good, it’s really not a big--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis squeezed Harry’s waist, making her pause and pay attention. “Baby, it doesn’t matter what you’re wearing. It doesn’t make you more or less what you are. Not for me. Shouldn’t for you either, but I know it’s not that easy.” Louis’ hands slid a bit lower, wrapping around to rest on the swell of Harry’s ass. “Every time I look at you, what I see is the most impossibly gorgeous femme I’ve ever met, someone alluring and kind and funny and lovely. And the thought that you might be thinking about me for even a fraction of a second when you’re getting ready makes my heart feel like it’s about to thud out of my body.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry giggled at the image. “Do you mean like a cartoon character?” Louis bit her lip, looking up at Harry through her lashes, and gave Harry’s ass a little squeeze. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bit like that, yeah. Eyes popping out, heart pounding, tongue wagging. I look at you in this and that’s how I feel. And anyone who doesn’t isn’t living their life right.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was enough to make Harry blush and laugh and feel silly and pretty and cared for all at once, and she pushed hard against Louis’ shoulders, making her fall back onto the bed with a little huff so that Harry could quickly climb on top of her and shower her with kisses. After a moment of silly, over the top kisses, they settled into something more passionate, Harry licking into Louis’ mouth and nipping at her lower lip only to pull away in a slow tease. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They might’ve ended up having sex again if Harry hadn’t caught sight of the bedside clock and realized they were dangerously close to their reservation time. She kissed Louis once more and then rolled off of her, Louis muttering something about being glad she hadn’t cleaned up yet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two of them ended up sharing the bathroom mirror to finish putting themselves together, trading glances through their reflections as they brushed their teeth and made their hair look a little less sexed up. Harry skipped putting on makeup. She reasoned that they were going to dinner anyway and so there was no need for lipstick since it would just rub off, and she was too pressed for time to try properly winged eyeliner. But part of her was replaying Louis’ words, pushing and prodding at them as if to test them out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they walked up to the restaurant, they were met by Niall and Liam only, though the others showed up not long after. Niall had managed to get them a corner booth that gave them a bit of privacy and blocked much of the noise from the rest of the space, so their conversation flowed easily as they shared the courses of their meal. By the time they were done, Harry was a little wine drunk and sleepy, snuggling into Louis’ side and kissing her neck, then giggling when Louis squeezed her thigh to get her to stop. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If they hadn’t already promised to go to karaoke, Harry could easily see herself going back to her room instead. All she wanted was to take Louis’ hand and wave goodbye and not emerge until the boat docked in the Bahamas tomorrow. Even that would be challenging, really. But as it stood everyone was excited to go to karaoke, even Olive and Eleanor, who if Louis’ claims were correct had been in bed by 9:00pm every night so far. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their group was boisterous on the way down to karaoke, Lissa leading everyone in a singalong of Janelle Monae’s “Make Me Feel” that was mostly her, Sasha, Harry, and, to Harry’s surprise, Liam carrying the tune while everyone else tried to get into the spirit by shouting “that’s just the way you make me FEEL” whenever they thought it might be coming up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they rolled up this time they were not early enough to grab a table, and so they crowded by the bar for drinks before finding a spot that gave them a decent view of the stage. Niall grabbed a couple of songbooks, passing them to Lissa and Liam who were the most eager to sing. Though there were already a few people lined up to sing, Harry was content to wait, leaning into Louis’ side and sipping the specialty cocktail Niall had shoved into her hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After listening to three or four songs being sung by untalented strangers, Liam finally brought the karaoke book over to Harry, handing it to her with a grin. “I signed up to sing alone; thought you might have a duet planned with somebody else.” She looked pointedly in Louis’ direction for a moment and then turned back to Harry, waggling her eyebrows. “Have fun!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis leaned in close to Harry’s ear, her nose tickling a sensitive spot on Harry’s neck. “Should we?” Harry turned, Louis’ arm still around her but with enough distance that she could look her in the eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sing a duet? You really want to?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis nodded, squeezing Harry’s hip lightly. “I do! I really like to sing even if I don’t do it like this a lot. You’d be alright dueting with me?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes of course!” Harry bit back a grin. “I love duets.” In the low light it was difficult to say, but Harry felt like Louis was looking at her with even more softness than usual. She closed the distance between them, relishing the way Louis smiled into it when their lips met. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t mind if I choose the song, do you?” Louis asked once they’d parted. Harry hesitated for a moment before shaking her head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I trust you to choose something good.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Perfect! Now give me that, love. I’ll be right back!” Louis took the book with a quick peck on the lips, stepping aside where the light was better so she could find their song. She seemed to know just what she was looking for if her speed was any indication-- in only a minute she was back, sans book, a pleased smile on her face as she fitted herself right back against Harry’s side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That was much faster than I would’ve been,” Harry said, bumping her hip against Louis. “What’d you choose for us?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a surprise.” Louis raised her eyebrows, blue eyes dancing even in the dim lights. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Heyyyy! I said I trusted you to pick a song, not that I’d go in not knowing what it was!” Harry crossed her arms, stepping away from Louis just to eye her warily. “What if I don’t know it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure you will, though.” Louis reached up to brush her hand over Harry’s cheek. “I’d never want you to look foolish. Think you can trust me?” Harry turned to kiss her open palm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yes I do.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you change your mind and need me to tell you I will, but I’ve had this in mind for you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The thought made Harry blush even though it probably shouldn’t have been too surprising. They had started talking after Harry sang, after all. Still, it felt special to have a song that Louis thought of not just for Harry, but for the two of them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I think I’ll be okay waiting.” The look in Louis’ eyes-- one of fond, tender delight --was enough to make Harry feel completely at ease with her choice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They didn’t talk much more about it, not that they would’ve had the chance to, really. Their friends’ songs came up much faster than Harry had expected them to. Lissa was up first, bringing the whole place down with her version of Adele’s “Chasing Pavements,” then Eleanor and Olive took the stage to sing a terrible-- and hilarious --version of “No Scrubs” that had Louis scrambling for her phone to take a quick video. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A couple more people sang before Liam was called onstage to duet with Niall. The two of them sang “Under Pressure,” and it was good enough that when they stepped off Harry found herself asking if they’d practiced it at all. Niall said no just as Liam gave an enthusiastic yes, and Harry had to laugh when Niall rolled her eyes and elbowed Liam, clearly annoyed for having exposed them so quickly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m proud of our hard work, Niall! You and I have been singing before breakfast and dinner almost every day just to get this right, and I for one--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Liam’s speech was interrupted by Harry hearing her own name being called up to the stage along with Louis’, and suddenly the calm trust she’d felt a bit earlier seemed a distant memory. Louis took Harry’s hand, stepping onto the stage beside her and nodding toward the screen where the lyrics would appear. When Harry read the song title, a laugh bubbled out of her unbidden at how good the choice was. How good it made her feel. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Glad you trusted me?” Louis whispered, handing Harry a mic. The opening of “Leather and Lace” started up as Harry grinned back at her, nodding like a fool. She didn’t think she’d need the lyrics for her favorite Stevie Nicks duet, but she was grateful they’d show up anyway, especially since she felt like her brain was melting alongside her heart as she looked at Louis beneath the stage lights. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Harry sang the song, she tried not to let herself dwell on the lyrics too much. But it was difficult when they seemed to say so much. As she sang “I carry this feeling, when you walked into my house that you won’t be walking out the door,” Harry’s heart clenched tight, especially in light of the conversation she and Louis had earlier in the day. When Louis joined her on the chorus, her voice coming in soft and silvery next to Harry’s, the two of them singing, “stay with me, stay” felt big.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Louis’ verse came up, Harry watched her carefully, trying hard not to stare but appreciating the way that Louis held herself on stage, kinetic energy pouring out of her even on a slow song like this one and her face expressive and lovely. When she turned her eyes to Harry, it felt like she was pouring out a part of herself just for Harry to drink down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“First time I saw you, I knew with you to light my nights-- somehow I would get by,” Louis sang, stretching her hand out to take Harry’s for the final chorus. Her palm was warm against Harry’s, and the gentle squeeze she gave felt like being wrapped up in a hug. As their voices blended together, Harry felt the slightest prickle of tears in her eyes that she sent away by sheer force of will. She wanted this duet with Louis to be just right, and crying would not give her that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It probably looked cheesy to the audience, but Harry couldn’t find it in herself to care; by the time they reached the final “give to me your leather, take from me my lace,” they were two lovers face to face and hand in hand. They kissed when the song ended, Harry taking Louis’ face in her hands, cradling her like the precious thing that she was. The crowd was a mix of awws and cheers, but all that mattered to Harry in the moment was Louis. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stepped off stage and were greeted with hugs from their friends. Harry thought there may have been a few pointed looks directed at her from Liam and Lissa in particular, but she was too focused on Louis and the song to think about it. There was no doubt in her mind, now: she wasn’t falling for Louis. She’d fallen. And Louis had too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She wasn’t ready to focus on it just yet, the whole thing a little too much for her to deal with, and after another song she realized she didn’t really want to be amongst the noise or the crowd anymore. Louis seemed to notice, slipping a hand around her waist as she nodded toward the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ready to go, baby?” Her touch was soft, and Harry knew it would only be softer when it was skin to skin. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she said, nodding. They didn’t say any goodbyes-- they’d see everyone the next morning anyway --and as they slipped out and made their way back to Harry’s room she let herself focus just on the feel of Louis’ hand on the  small of her back, guiding her gently through the ship. That was enough for the moment. It had to be. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Prom Night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tags: fluff; cheesy romance; dancing; social drinking; implied Liam/OFC</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Nassau, Bahamas</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Waking up naked and wrapped in Louis’ arms was something Harry felt like she could get used to. They’d stayed awake talking-- and also </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>talking --for a while after returning to Harry’s room after karaoke the night before, eventually drifting off in the middle of a conversation about flowers. How they’d found their way to that topic was beyond Harry, but there was still something nice about it; she liked that they could meander through a variety of subjects without either of them getting lost or losing interest. It wasn’t all or nothing-- it was bits of everything along the way. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A little huff of breath against her neck and the soft press of Louis’ lips against her back were the first signs Harry had that Louis was awake too. She hummed at the gesture, pushing back against Louis so that their bodies were as close as they could get. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We should get up but I don’t want to,” Harry said, not lifting her head from the pillow. “S’too nice here.” Louis chuckled softly and squeezed Harry a little tighter, clearly agreeing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Those awful morning loving friends of yours will come banging down the door soon though, won’t they?” Her voice was fond and gentle, not holding the spark of real annoyance, and Harry giggled back at her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll pretend we’re already gone. Stay in bed all day.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s a very tempting idea, love. But you did say you wanted to see flamingos, and today’s our chance, yeah?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And that was how they’d gotten to flowers the night before-- they’d talked about what there was to do in the Bahamas, and Louis had mentioned something about flamingos at the zoo, which had reminded Harry that the zoo was also part of a garden that had a good variety of lush tropical blooms. That had finally led to them talking about gardening and flowers. Not as winding a path as Harry thought it might’ve been. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do want to see flamingos, you’re right. I’ve never seen them in person before and they seem so funny.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmm, alright,” Louis said with a sigh. She nosed at the back of Harry’s neck, placing a final kiss there before rolling away from her and sitting up in bed. “Up you get.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry groaned, not wanting to leave the bed and already missing Louis’ warmth. Still, she knew there was no escaping the inevitability of getting out of bed and visiting the island today. At least there would be flamingos. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Both Harry and Louis were able to get up and out without too many distractions, only getting sidetracked by kissing one another once, just after they’d finished brushing their teeth. Other than that, they were dressed and ready to go to breakfast just in time for Niall and Liam to knock at the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Breakfast was nice but mostly uneventful-- everyone was planning on leaving the ship today, but none of them were heading to the same places. Niall was joining in on the day’s excursion, which she was very excited about, and Liam had planned a visit to a few museums as well as a pedal bus tour of pirate spots around the island. Lissa and Sasha were going to an artist market and hunting for souvenirs, while Eleanor and Olive, who had taken quite well to the rest of the group, were headed to Paradise Cove to spend the day on the beach. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry and Louis rented a scooter when they got off the boat, Niall having advised them that it was the easiest way of getting around the island other than taking a taxi. Louis drove, climbing on and letting Harry get behind her. It felt good to wrap her arms around Louis’ waist and hold onto her tightly, the wind whipping around them as they rode the short distance to the zoo. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once they got there, they realized it wasn’t exactly what they’d hoped. Yes, it was a nice enough zoo, but like a lot of zoos it made Harry uneasy. She empathized with the animals very easily, and looking at them in cages sometimes bothered her, especially if there was only one animal or if she felt like it might be sad in any way. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’d seen that there was a flamingo show, and was excited to get a chance to watch them and learn a bit more about them. Being native to the Bahamas, she had imagined their habitat would be vast and that they’d look particularly happy. They didn’t look unhappy, per se, but they happened to catch the very end of the early flamingo “show”-- a literal parade with the birds marching and turning on command --and the whole thing was too close to a circus for Harry to feel at all good about it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She gripped Louis’ arm, a frown on her face as the man leading the birds guided them back to their enclosure. Louis sensed her tension and turned, studying her face for a moment before wrapping her own hand over Harry’s and moving both of them away from the parade just as the man began speaking to the crowd. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to go, love? We don’t have to stay here if you’d rather not.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The concern on Louis’ face made Harry feel a little more at ease, but she still nodded her head, not wanting to spend more time around the animals. “We can go to the gardens instead, I know that’ll be better.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Course we can.” Louis’ hand slipped down to Harry’s lower back, a gentle force guiding her toward the lush gardens that they’d passed on their way inside. It was immediately nicer for Harry, and she felt the twinge of embarrassment at having been so affected by something most people might not have noticed. As they entered the garden area, Harry saw a bench and sat down, Louis following her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry for that,” Harry said, gesturing toward the zoo. “It’s been a while since I visited a zoo and I guess I forgot that they bother me sometimes. Now I’ve wasted our time here and--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry, no.” Louis’ voice was soft and so was the touch of her hand on Harry’s knee. “I’m not upset, and we still have a whole day ahead of us. There’s still flowers to look at.” There was nothing hidden in her voice or facial expression, no subtle resentment or annoyance that Harry could detect. Part of her didn’t want to trust it, but she did anyway, leaning her head on Louis’ shoulder with a sigh. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You really don’t mind?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I really don’t.” Louis nudged at Harry’s side. “Now let’s go look at the finest tropical canopy in all of...this park.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry giggled, shaking her head as she got up and walked alongside Louis into the gardens. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They planned to spend the rest of the day taking in the sights and buying a few more souvenirs to bring home. However, Nassau was a bit more touristy than Harry had expected, and she and Louis eventually ended up heading to the beach to find Eleanor and Olive, spending their last hours before returning to the boat walking barefoot on the beach, hunting for shells and sea glass. They kissed with the gentle waves rolling in over their feet, sinking their toes into the sand, and Harry had a moment of wishing they could stay like that, soft and unbothered, for a long time. But they had a prom to get ready for.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t look burned, do I?” Harry asked Louis as they boarded the boat together. Louis kissed her shoulder and shook her head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I think you put enough sun cream on today to protect yourself. No aloe massages tonight, I’m afraid.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry scoffed, reaching back to poke Louis’ side. “Please, as if I’d settle for a massage tonight.” Louis wrapped a hand around her wrist and tugged her gently closer, a playful smirk on her lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Won’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>settle </span>
  </em>
  <span>for a massage! Can’t believe you’d insult me and my skills like that.” She clicked her tongue, pretending to consider her options as they walked, Harry biting her lip to keep from giggling. “I think my only option is to show you just what you’ll be missing once you haven’t got me around, hm?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry hummed, not actually wanting to think about that but not wanting to disagree. Louis eyed her carefully before leaning in, voice pitched lower as she spoke in Harry’s ear. “Gonna make you feel so good tonight, darlin'. Touch every last inch of you.” The thought alone was enough to make Harry whimper, eager to get back to her room so they could get started. When they reached the stairs a moment later, Harry assumed they’d both take the ones leading up until Louis stopped her short. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh! Sorry baby, I’ve gotta go to my own room to get ready for tonight. Wanna look my best for you, don’t I?” She still had that same teasing look on her face from earlier, and Harry was only just able to stop herself from rolling her eyes. Instead she set her jaw and fixed Louis with her best serious, stone cold, New York stare. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Seriously?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis, the little shit, actually looked like she was about to laugh, her lips twitching a bit until she looked down pointedly, clearing her throat. “Sorry love, but it’s prom, innit? Have to get suited and booted.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry laid her hands flat against the top of Louis' chest, pushing her so that she backed into the wall. “I’ll suit and boot </span>
  <em>
    <span>you, </span>
  </em>
  <span>you horrible tease.” Harry leaned in close, until her nose was brushing against Louis’, and then closed the distance between them to give her one short, dry kiss before pulling back with a little cackle. “Pick me up at 6 for dinner,” she said, taking a quick step back and then scurrying up a few stairs and out of Louis’ reach. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll be there, love, don’t you worry.” Louis still had a smile on her face as she looked up at Harry from the foot of the stairs, and Harry sent her a little kiss from where she stood, watching her walk away to take the stairs down to her own room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Harry made it back to her suite, she wasted no time stripping off her clothes and opening the door to her verandah, letting a soft breeze blow over her body as she stood, stretching and soaking up the sun. She wondered what the weather was like in New York, remembering the occasional springtime snow storms that would hit and wondering if she’d step off the plane at JFK and walk right into freezing air and snowflakes blowing past her or just a typical mild day in April. Whatever happened, it wouldn’t be this. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>didn’t simply mean the sunshine or the tropical locale, she realized. She let herself lie in bed, spread out like a starfish and staring up at the plain cream colored ceiling as she thought about what would really be different, missing; Louis. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She pictured Louis with her in New York, the two of them getting off the plane together and finding a way to hold hands as they walked out even if it was silly since they’d already spent the whole flight next to one another. She imagined subway rides, standing close on a crowded train, Harry reaching up to hang onto one of the straps as Louis kept a careful arm around her waist, both of them holding each other steady in their own ways. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was easier than it should’ve been, probably, and it only occurred to her how shitty it was to not consider Ash when she thought about taking Louis to her favorite dinner spot, the one she and Ash had visited just before Harry left on this trip. It was barely a week ago, and yet it felt like a lifetime and no time all at once. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On one hand, it felt like Harry had known Louis for so much longer than five days. She felt familiar and comforting and homey in a way that put Harry at ease. And at the same time it was almost as though her time with Louis had passed in a blur, a kind of blink and you’ll miss it moment that she could hardly tease apart into separate days in her mind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The boat’s horn blew, interrupting Harry’s thoughts and making her realize she’d spent a bit longer than she meant to relaxing. She jumped up, rushing into the shower and happy to put aside the thoughts she’d been having about Louis and-- in some ways --Ash. There would be time to dwell on all of it after the cruise was over anyway. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“One more dayyyy, one day morrrrre” she sang quietly as she showered, not caring if the Les Mis song actually fit her own circumstances exactly. The cruise only had one more day, and that was enough similarity. By the time she was out of the shower, she had mostly put her heavier thoughts of home away to focus on appreciating the moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The green dress that Harry had packed just in case there was something </span>
  <em>
    <span>a little </span>
  </em>
  <span>fancy was definitely the nicest thing she had with her, but as she put it on she wondered if it was really going to be enough. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She thought back to her own prom as a senior in high school, taking her best gay male friend as a date and then doing a switch-a-roo of sorts, his boyfriend bringing Harry’s girlfriend at the time. The photographer hadn’t let Harry and her girlfriend get their own picture together, so they did a couples shot with the boys behind the girls, the four of them stood next to each other in a style that Harry thought of as “heterosexual gothic.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At least she’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>a girlfriend at the time; she wondered how many women had been closeted or dating men when they were that young, as well as how many might’ve known they were gay or bi but felt like they couldn’t act on their attraction to women at seventeen or eighteen. Louis hadn’t, Harry remembered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It made her wish she had something that would make the night special for Louis-- a boutonniere or a token of some kind, maybe. At the very least, she wished she knew what Louis was wearing so that she could do something to complement it, even if that just meant a little eyeshadow or a piece of jewelry that brought in something similar. She might’ve looked for something if she hadn’t checked the clock to find that it was already after 5:30. They had a 6:15 dinner reservation at the same restaurant they’d eaten at the night before, and they really shouldn’t be late for it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few minutes later, Harry stood in front of the mirror, doing a quick turn in her dress and smiling at the way it moved, all twirly and lovely. She’d picked out a pair of earrings that looked a bit nicer than they really were, pretty little bees with teardrop shaped pearl-like beads hanging down from her earlobes. She had decided to pull her hair back from her face so that you could see them, and she liked the way they swung along with her dress, the pearls bumping gently against her neck. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was about to get her makeup on when she heard Louis knock at the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re a few minutes early, I’m not quite there yet,” Harry said through the door. “It’s bad luck to see me before our date starts.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh c’mon love, there’s not going to be any bad luck with us. Open up for me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry bit her lip at Louis’ words and teasing tone, a slight wave of arousal hitting her the way it often did around Louis. She opened the door, ready to make some sort of quip until she actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>saw </span>
  </em>
  <span>Louis and was rendered speechless. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t consider herself the kind of person to have a </span>
  <em>
    <span>thing </span>
  </em>
  <span>for women in suits. Yes, it was something she enjoyed, but she wasn’t someone who swooned over them unquestioningly. But Louis in a suit? That was something else altogether. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The suit was a brilliant, vibrant blue that made Louis’ eyes stand out that much more, and Harry could tell in a single look that it was tailored to fit her exactly, if not actually made for her alone. Louis spread her hands, cocking her eyebrow as she all but did a turn to show herself off to Harry. “Worth opening up for then?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“God you’re handsome,”Harry said, taking a step back to let Louis in and sneaking a look at her ass when she passed by. “And that suit fits you perfectly.” As Harry had suspected (and yes, hoped, really), Louis’ jacket hit at just the right point to accentuate the lovely swell of her backside. She giggled to herself at the thought of sneaking in little squeezes to it over the night, stopping when she realized Louis was watching her with a look of amusement on her face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Were you looking at me bum?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mayyyybe,” Harry said, not quite willing to give herself away for being a horndog just yet. Louis smirked, taking a step closer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you say yes I’ll let you have a cheeky little squeeze right now.” She waggled her eyebrows as Harry blushed, rolling her eyes in mock embarrassment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, god, I was trying not to be so obvious.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like it when you’re obvious, baby. Now c’mere.” Louis pulled her in, stretching up just a bit as Harry situated herself low enough to grab two handfuls of Louis’ ass, humming with pleasure at the feel of it. “It’s cute that you appreciate it so much, actually.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a really nice ass on a very lovely and attractive woman. Not sure how else I could feel about it.” Harry gave Louis’ cheeks a few pats, tapping out the rhythm to “We Will Rock You” until Louis groaned and stepped out of reach. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bum privileges revoked, sweetheart. I love Queen, but I don’t think we can have a proper concert right now, can we?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry grinned, shaking her head. “No, you’re right. I just wanna put a bit of makeup on if that’s alright.” She went back to the bathroom mirror, ready to dig through her makeup bag to look for the only blue thing she had-- a glittery liquid eyeliner. “I’ll hurry, though.” Louis stepped behind her, hands resting on Harry’s waist as she looked up at Harry’s reflection in the mirror. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Take your time, baby. There’s no need to rush yet. I came a bit early hoping I’d get to see you getting ready for me.” Louis sat down on the toilet, body turned to look at Harry. “Do you mind it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no-- it’s sweet, actually. Thank you.” Harry didn’t worry about getting fussy, simply swiping on a slightly thick line of the glittery liner and rubbing a bit of creamy blush onto her cheeks. She snuck a look at Louis from the corner of her eye and couldn’t hide her smile when she saw Louis looking back at her with a soft expression, lips pressed together lightly like she was going to start smiling any moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you don’t stop it I’m going to have to kiss you,” Harry said, turning her head from side to side to check that her eyeliner was even. “You’re being too cute.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me?” Louis laughed. “You’re the cute one, love.” At that, Harry leaned down and pressed her lips to Louis’ in a soft but lingering kiss. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like it when you call me cute. And love. And baby.” Harry picked up her tube of lipstick and swiped the color on. It was a soft mauve-y pink that she chose because she knew she wanted to be able to kiss Louis all night without leaving lipstick marks all over her face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well you’re very cute, baby love.” Louis stood, turning Harry in her arms so they could look at one another. “My gorgeous girl, absolutely stunning.” The way her eyes shone was intense, and Harry stared back at her feeling dazed and happy for a moment before Louis pressed a thumb to Harry’s lips. “Princess,” she whispered. “Angel.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry smiled without really meaning to, the pet names feeling like kisses as they tumbled from Louis’ lips. She kissed Louis’ thumb, wanting to tell her how she felt but more than a little afraid of what might come out of her if she actually let herself speak. Her mind was awash with emotion and softness, and part of her knew that she could easily tell Louis she loved her right now and it wouldn’t be a lie. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis’ hand slid from Harry’s mouth down to her waist, slowly guiding her backwards out into the room. “Bit of dance practice,” Louis said as they navigated toward the closet. “It’s been a while since I’ve gone dancing like I assume we will tonight.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t think we’ll have a prom mosh pit?” Harry stepped from Louis’ grasp to slip on her shoes. “Maybe a prom conga line? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh god, don’t even say it! We might! Bit of a retro throwback!” Louis laughed. “I’ll be happy getting a good old fashioned dance with you, though. Can’t lie about that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well I’m looking forward to it too,” Harry said, grabbing her purse and doing a last quick check of her makeup in the mirror. “Now-- dinner?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They made it up to their reservation just in time, and Harry was pleased and surprised to see that their table was set with candles and a bottle of chilled sparkling wine. Louis confessed to having asked for a bit of special treatment for their meal, wanting to make their final night aboard the ship one to remember. As the server poured their drinks, Harry reached out to squeeze her hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“As if there’s any way I could forget a night with you.” Even in the soft candlelight Louis’ blush was evident. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their meal was even better than it had been the night before, courses coming out one after the other. Louis had ordered the tasting menu, and the dishes were some of the fanciest that Harry had eaten in a while. But looking at Louis made the food feel almost irrelevant, really. They could be eating hot dogs from a questionable street vendor and Harry would probably still feel like it was one of the best meals of her life: Louis across the table, hair shimmering like a silver halo in the light and her smile so soft and warm that Harry felt it around her like an embrace. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>By the time they finished, Harry would’ve happily gone straight back to the room-- and she guessed Louis felt the same --but she knew that this would be a last hurrah with the friends she’d made and she really didn’t want to miss out on that. She also guessed that Niall would show up at her door and find a way to drag her and Louis out kicking and screaming if they skipped out, and she didn’t actually want to test her theory. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As they approached the room where the dance was being held, Louis paused, taking in what was around them, and said to Harry, “I suppose if we didn’t know where the prom was happening we’d have a few clues, yeah?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The hallways and atrium were strung with twinkling lights and rainbow streamers, and a shimmery gold walkway was set up leading into the doors of the room. A professional photographer was set up by the entrance, a double rainbow backdrop hanging amongst high quality lighting. A couple posed in front of it, both dressed in tuxedos with rainbow cumberbunds, each with a huge grin on her face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is definitely more than I was expecting,” Harry said, still noticing new details every time she looked around. “I mean I thought there might be pictures, but I didn’t think there’d be a whole </span>
  <em>
    <span>theme.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Inside?” Louis asked, holding out her arm. Harry nodded, taking it. “Inside.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Though they thought that the outside was a lot, the inside of the room was so much more. Surveying the room, it occurred to Harry that this must be the theme of every prom that they held on their cruises, so it made sense to go heavy on certain things as they’d get a good bit of use over the years. Still, it was the height of gay decadence. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The gold colored walkway led to a now rainbow colored dance floor, bright tiles laid out in a circular rainbow pattern. In the center of the dance floor, a woman was suspended from the ceiling, performing with silks like something out of Cirque du Soleil, and her costume and makeup, even from afar, looked very rainbow themed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The walls were covered with rainbow flags, along with rainbow flag cloths on the tables with different little rainbow themed centerpieces decorating each one. Off to one side of the room there was a photobooth with a variety of (again, rainbow) props and wigs that had a line of people waiting to get in and take their own informal shots. The other side housed the DJ booth where another costumed woman was playing music. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is </span>
  <em>
    <span>a lot </span>
  </em>
  <span>of rainbows,” Harry said, turning to find Louis with an expression of both awe and horror on her face. “I mean I like rainbows! I do! But this is--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like a bad night at rainbow Studio 54?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry honked a laugh, quickly slapping a hand over her mouth to cover the sound. “Christ, Lou, that’s perfect. I was going to say it feels a bit like that moment when you’re tripping and things are about to go badly. Like it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>right there, </span>
  </em>
  <span>but you’re not totally lost yet. Yours is much more succinct.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yours works too, though, I mean it’s really--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry! Louis! I’m glad I didn’t have to go drag you kicking and screaming from your room!” Niall wore a pair of black suit pants with a somewhat subtle rainbow pinstriped shirt-- definitely more toned down than the ship’s decor --and a not so subtle tie with the word “LESBIAN” from top to bottom in a big font. Harry smiled at the simplicity and boldness of it, understated yet loud all at once. It felt right for Niall. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We weren’t going to miss this!” Harry reached out to give Niall a friendly punch in the arm, only to be pulled into a side hug instead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re really cool, Harry. Don’t think I’m gonna let you stop talking to me just because you’re finished with that story of yours. Hope you had fun this week,” Niall said, her flushed cheek pressed against Harry’s. From this close, Harry could smell the whiskey on Niall’s breath and figured that she’d had a few and was feeling extra affectionate, so she gave Niall a full bodied squeeze, assuring her that she would certainly keep in touch and that she had, in fact, really enjoyed her time on the cruise. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they parted, Niall pulled Louis into a hug as well, saying something to her that made Louis smile quizzically, her eyes narrowing a little as if she was trying to piece it all together. Louis clapped her on the back and stepped away, wrapping an arm around Harry’s waist before Niall herded both of them over to the bar to get drinks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Armed with fresh cocktails-- Harry’s a floral gin drink called “The Lavender Menace” and Louis’ a vodka/Redbull/fruit concoction named “The Bulldagger Swagger” --Harry and Louis followed Niall over to a table where most of their friends were sitting. Sam, an Olivia employee Harry remembered from the millennial mixer, was next to Liam, chin resting on her hand as she leaned in to listen to her, and Harry smiled at the scene, nudging Niall to make sure she noticed it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They’re flirting Niall, oh my god! Did you make it happen?” Niall shook her head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah, Li ran into her earlier and asked her to come tonight. I was as surprised as you are! But our girl might just get laid yet.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry spluttered a laugh, covering it quickly when Liam noticed she and Louis had arrived and stood to greet them. Liam gave her a hug and Louis a friendly pat on the arm, welcoming them to the table before she went back to her conversation with Sam. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eleanor and Olive were there too, and Harry made sure to greet both of them after Louis had said hello. They didn’t look like they’d last much longer at the party, El resting her head on Olive’s shoulder as Louis started to say something to the two of them in a voice that was a little too quiet for Harry to hear over the music. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you have a good dinner?” Liam’s question startled Harry, and she turned quickly, blinking for a second while her brain processed it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh! Yes, dinner! It was really great, actually. Louis got the tasting menu for us and it felt really special.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow!” Sam leaned in, her hand coming to rest on Liam’s knee, making Liam’s eyes crinkle in a smile. “That’s no joke! She must really be into you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh yeah, she is,” Liam said, nodding. “Can you believe they only met this week? It’s pretty amazing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry smiled, glancing at Louis from the corner of her eye. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>She’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> pretty amazing, actually.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aww that’s really cute!” Sam’s enthusiasm was a lot, but it seemed genuine, and Harry shrugged, glad it wasn’t obvious she was blushing thanks to the party mood lighting. She decided it was worth shifting the conversation, knowing that the more she talked about Louis the greater the chance was that she’d simply start gushing over her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, what about you two? Dance partners?” She raised her eyebrows at Liam and Sam, giving Liam a little nudge. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh we’re definitely having a dance later,” Sam said, patting Liam’s leg. “She promised.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I did.” Liam turned to give Sam an adoring smile, and Harry felt a little burst of happiness that Liam had at least found someone to flirt with properly. She deserved that sort of attention. “As soon as the DJ starts playing a few slower songs. It’s been ‘80s dance hits so far.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry was about to respond-- just keeping the conversation up --when someone squeezed her from the side, kissing her on the cheek with an exaggerated “mmmmwah” sound. She could tell it was Lissa without even looking, and reached up to return the embrace. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Was wondering where you were! Is Sasha with you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s getting us more drinks! We were on a date with Peggy and Mac, and we’re having a little break before it continues later.” Harry scrunched her face in thought, trying to remember where she knew those names from. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh! The couple from the pool! Is this your first date with them?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah, girl. We got together that night and had a good time, so we had dinner with them before coming down here. We’ll meet up at the end of the night, too.” Lissa smiled, looking quite pleased with herself. And honestly, Harry understood it. It wasn’t how she felt about Louis, but the level of pride was probably similar. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you think you’ll see them after this?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lissa shrugged. “It turns out we know a few of the same people, so never say never. They’re a lot of fun, that’s for sure.” She leaned in closer to Harry, lowering her voice a little. “I wanna hear about you and your OWL, though. How’s it going with her?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Biting her lip, Harry let all the things she could say swirl around in her mind a bit before finally settling on, “it’s really amazing and really confusing at the same time. Kind of more than I can talk about now? But, um, yeah, I-- I like her a lot and she feels the same.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mmhmm.” Lissa nodded in a way that made Harry feel like she actually got more than just what Harry had said. “Well you’re getting my number and my email if you need to talk about it, okay? You’re gonna figure that shit out and it’s gonna be really good.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sasha arrived with drinks then, giving Harry a kiss hello and whispering something to Lissa quickly before pulling over a chair to sit beside her. “Sorry Harry, just reminding Lis that we wanna get pictures tonight before we get too sweaty.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, don’t worry about it! Louis and I are planning on it too, actually.” Scooting her chair back a little to include Liam in their conversation, Harry presented the idea that their whole group should go together, getting a shot of all of them as well as their own individual pictures. Liam and Sam agreed, as did Lissa and Sasha, and when Harry got Louis’ attention it was easy to get Eleanor and Olive in on it too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We just have to find Niall and we’ll be set,” Liam said, looking around to see if she could spot her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s at the bar, probably,” Sam said, standing on tiptoe for a moment before she spied Niall. “Yup, right there. When she comes on cruises she usually lets loose on prom night.” Sure enough, Niall was lifting a shot glass with the woman next to her, giving a cheers before downing it when her friends rolled up to get her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeahhh pictures! Haven’t done that in a while, sounds like a good time. Let’s go, lesbians!” Niall charged off, leaving almost everyone in the dust and making Harry wonder if she’d been referencing the comedy bit or if she was just being her own weird self. Louis’ gentle touch at the small of her back stopped her from thinking about it any more. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, a picture with just the two of us?” Louis asked as she guided Harry through the crowd, following behind their friends. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course a picture with just the two of us! And one with our friends, too. But if I don’t get a cheesy prom photo with you then what was it all for, anyway?” They reached the door and Harry stepped to the side, pulling Louis along with her. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>You </span>
  </em>
  <span>want a picture with just us, don’t you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis scoffed. “Yes, baby, obviously.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good.” Harry sighed with relief. “Because I was really looking forward to doing at least a couple of prom poses.” Louis cocked her head to the side, one eyebrow raised. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you having me on?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What? No!” Harry batted at Louis’ shoulder. “Prom poses, you know? Like where one person stands behind the other with their arms around the person’s waist, or...you really don’t know?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We had a dance, but I didn’t go to it. I’m sure Olive and I got together and had a few beers, probably listened to records instead. Didn’t miss much, I’m sure.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I went to mine, but I couldn’t bring my girlfriend, and when we tried to dance together to just one song a chaperone separated us.” Harry rolled her eyes at the memory. “So stupid.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, you’ll show me your prom poses and I’ll make sure we get our dance. C’mon, baby, everyone’s waiting for us over there.” Louis took Harry’s hand and the two of them joined their friends in line. The professional photographer worked quickly, and even with multiple poses for each couple or group it felt like hardly any time had passed before it was time for Harry’s group to have their turn. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All nine of them crowded together, first doing a serious group shot with genuine smiles and then a much less serious shot where they all pulled faces. Louis flipped off the camera and Harry threw up a peace sign, and Sasha and Lissa stuck their tongues out. Meanwhile Liam and Niall had Sam in front of them doing jazz hands while they put rabbit ears up behind each others’ heads </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sam’s, and Eleanor kissed Olive’s cheek while she pretended to swoon. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After their group photo, they began to take separate shots as couples and small groups. Louis put her arm around Harry’s waist and pulled her close, asking if she thought they should watch their friends go first to get some ideas for poses, and Harry said yes; she wasn’t certain what sorts of poses people would do, but she liked the idea of watching them anyway. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eleanor and Olive went first, opting for a fairly basic arm around the waist until the photographer directed them to turn toward one another. They looked a bit like they were dancing together, and from where Harry stood it turned out to be a pretty lovely shot. They followed it up with standing cheek to cheek, both grinning, and Louis nudged her, nodding toward her friends. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cute, but not right for us.” She was right, of course, and Harry told her so. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Sasha and Lissa stepped up for their pictures, it was clear things would be different. They’d clearly thought about it, and asked the photographer if they could do five or six shots. When she told them yes, they high-fived and immediately went to get into position. They went through a couple of poses where one of them got to show off a little-- one with Lissa bending down and looking over her shoulder, ass up and a coquettish smile on her face as Sasha pretended to rest and elbow on her lower back and gaze at her adoringly and another where Sasha stood in front, Lissa behind her with her hands splayed over her girlfriend’s stomach possessively. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do Americans do that for prom?” Louis smirked, clearly amused, and Harry shook her head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, this is extra. Pure Lissa and Sash.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They did do one traditional prom pose, bodies turned toward one another with Sasha stepping into Lissa’s space and laying a hand on her belly, both of them smiling at the camera. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>That’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>a typical prom pose,” Harry whispered. “But not the one I was thinking of doing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well we’re up soon, love.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They were up next, actually. The photographer gestured for them to come up, and Harry bit her lip, suddenly a little worried until she felt Louis’ reassuring touch against the small of her back, guiding her forward. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Couple of goofy ones and then a serious one, hm? Sound good?” The photographer looked through her lens, waving Louis and Harry onto the mark for couple shots. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They turned to face one another, Louis looking into Harry’s eyes with a soft smile, and Harry heard the click of the shutter. “We weren’t actually ready, I think--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well it’s a good shot, though. Promise. Go ahead and do whatever else you wanna do.” The photographer waved her hand at them, face hidden behind the camera, and Harry shrugged. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve got an idea,” Louis said, taking Harry’s hand in hers and bringing it to her lips to kiss it. Harry felt her cheeks heat, and she turned her head, looking down and trying to hide the grin that came to her unbidden. The shutter clicked again, and she turned to give Louis a searching look. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Was that on purpose?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Absolutely. Hoped to catch a picture of your pretty blush, didn’t I?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry scrunched her nose, trying hard not to smile like a complete lovesick fool as the photographer clicked the shutter again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ooh sorry, that turned out wonky. Looks like I caught you about to sneeze. Try again?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah, ok Lou-- here.” Harry positioned Louis on the back edge of the mark and then stood in front of her, their bodies turned to the side. She drew Louis’ arms around her waist and clasped their hands together, and then looked to the photographer, asking her to confirm that they looked alright. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Little closer together aaaand, yes, hold on,” she said, clicking the shutter one last time. “Oh that’s perfect. Olivia will want this for future promo pics I bet.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis exhaled into a little laugh. “Can’t imagine they’re that good with me in them,” she said, shaking her head. As they stepped away from the mark to let Liam and Sam step in, Harry pulled Louis aside to kiss her soundly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What was that for?” Louis was the one blushing now, and Harry smiled, pleased with herself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just wanted to kiss the hottest, sexiest butch here and remembered I can. So I did.” Harry shrugged, and Louis reached up to caress her cheek, a cloud passing over her features for just a moment before she leaned in and gave Harry a single soft kiss on the lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A very lucky butch who happened to catch your eye, baby.” She looked back to the photographer, who was taking a picture of Niall and Liam now. “Think we should wait for everyone, or go back in now?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s wait. It’ll be nice to go back in as a group.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It didn’t take long for everyone to finish, and then they headed back inside together, laughing and talking about how they thought their pictures would turn out. El and Olive said their goodbyes, admitting that they were both too tired to stay out any longer, and promised to meet up for breakfast the following morning. As they were leaving, the DJ came over the microphone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ve had a lot of fun dancing fast, but now I’m gonna slow it down for you. Find a lover or a stranger and come out to the floor for some love songs, ladies!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry laughed at the absurdity of breaking a dance apart into fast and slow songs, but noticed that nobody else seemed to mind it, lots of women heading to the floor for a song that Harry didn’t recognize but that some of the older women clapped for as it started to play. Louis was at the bar ordering a couple more drinks, and so Harry simply leaned back in her chair and watched as more couples trickled onto the dance floor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As the song was ending, Louis returned with fresh drinks, setting them down on the table and holding her hand out to Harry. “May I have the honor of the next dance with you, angel?” Harry slid her hand into Louis’. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes please,” she answered. As they made their way to the dance floor, the next song began to play, the first notes immediately familiar. “Oh, Eternal Flame!” It was an 80s classic, and while Harry didn’t think it had been played at her own prom, she couldn’t think of a more fitting prom song to have her first dance with Louis to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fitting her left hand against Harry’s waist, Louis raised her right hand so that Harry could clasp it.“I haven’t danced properly in a long time,” Harry whispered, eyes darting to Louis’ raised hand. She didn’t want to be the one who ruined their nice moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s alright, darlin'. It’s a waltz-- </span>
  <em>
    <span>one, </span>
  </em>
  <span>two three, </span>
  <em>
    <span>one, </span>
  </em>
  <span>two three --I’ll lead and you’ll follow.” Louis tightened her grip just enough that Harry noticed it but not too much. “Eyes on mine, and just feel where my hands tell you to go. Okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry nodded, trying her best to do as Louis said. It was tricky at first-- she took a few wrong steps and had to quietly count to herself for a moment --but soon it made sense. As Louis moved forward, her palm would press against Harry’s, guiding her in the right direction, and in the set of her shoulders Harry started to sense her movements. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>By the first chorus, it started to feel natural, easy even, and Harry relaxed into it, listening to the words of the song as she looked in Louis’ eyes and feeling how right the words felt. Louis was sunshine through the rain, and Harry didn’t want to lose her. Her own heart thrummed in her chest and she imagined it was in time not only with the music but with Louis’ heartbeat as well, the steady rhythm of their bodies moving together so easily. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis pulled her a little closer, her breath coming fast as she smiled at Harry. “I’m going to spin you,” she said quietly, voice a little rougher than usual. “Alright?” Harry gave her a little nod and before she knew it, Louis lifted her right hand a little, the hand she had at Harry’s waist giving her the slightest push so that she twirled once, twice, and then a third time, her skirt fluttering out around her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She heard someone aah at the sight, pride swelling in her chest because it wasn’t just her they were pleased with-- it was her and Louis, the two of them together doing something special and beautiful. As Louis pulled her back in, Harry drew herself as close as she could to Louis, their bodies pressed together as the Bangles made Harry ask herself if she was only dreaming. It felt like she might be. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As the song faded out, she leaned in so that her lips could meet Louis’, their bodies coming to a stop at once so they could truly focus everything on sharing a kiss. It wasn’t deep, but it was passionate, Louis’ mouth opening to Harry as her arms wrapped around Harry’s waist, holding her close and tight. When they pulled apart, a woman who looked a bit older than Harry but younger than Louis leaned over to them from where she was dancing with her partner. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Congrats, honey,” she said with a wink. It wasn’t really clear who she was talking to, and as she danced away, Louis and Harry shared a look that had both of them dissolving into giggles. Still, they stayed on the dance floor, this time just holding one another and swaying to the unfamiliar song that played. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a couple more dances-- including one more waltz --they decided to go back to the table to rejoin their friends. Lissa and Sasha were gearing up to leave, ready to head to the second part of their date with Peggy and Mac, and Niall was trying to get Liam to do a shot with her. A moment later Sam returned from the bar, three bottled waters in her hands and no shots, much to Niall’s chagrin. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took a bit of work, but eventually Niall agreed to drink the water and head to the grill with Sam and Liam for a bit of greasy comfort food. After they’d all said their good nights, Louis turned to Harry with a gleam in her eye. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you like to take a walk with me before we head back to yours, love? I have a little something in mind.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry giggled, thinking back to Zayn telling her to get lido dick. Of course her laughter only made Louis look at her with a curious quirk of her brow, so Harry felt she had to tell her what was funny. Louis looked up to the ceiling, shaking her head slightly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wasn’t planning on going all the way to the lido deck, sadly. Too bad, that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think your, um, lido dick is still in my room, anyway, so…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is that, it is!” Louis said, reaching out to tickle Harry’s side. “No, but I did have something that...would you come with me? It feels weird to say.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, Lou. Let’s go.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They took their time walking to the promenade deck though it wasn’t too far to go, their hands entwined between them and their bodies bumping against one another like waves against a boat, steady and oddly soothing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Might be too dark to really enjoy it,” Louis murmured softly as they stepped out into the night air. Though there were plenty of people inside, the deck was almost entirely empty as Louis led them toward the bow of the ship. They reached a gate, and she looked both ways before taking a key out of her pocket and unlocking the bolt, quickly swinging the gate open and pulling Harry inside with her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lou! What are we doing here?” Harry looked around, certain they’d be caught any moment. There was no way that Louis was supposed to have a key to any gate on the ship. “How’d you get a--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Niall gave me it earlier tonight."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ohh, is that what she was whispering to you about earlier? That makes se--" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yes, baby." Louis' voice was soft but emphatic. "Now hush and come with me, yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry clamped her mouth shut, taking Louis’ hand and following behind her. When they reached a second gate-- this one with a simple latch instead of a lock --Louis opened it, helping Harry up the couple of steps that were there and then pausing a little dramatically. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you trust me?” Louis asked, her hands moving to Harry’s waist. Harry nodded, answering with a soft yes. “Close your eyes?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Doing as Louis asked, Harry waited until she felt Louis grip her a little tighter, guiding her up. Louis turned her around, their bodies pressed close together. The wind whipped around them, blowing Harry’s hair and filling her ears as she felt her belly press against the metal rail. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It hadn’t really hit her until that moment what Louis was doing, and as Louis’ hands skimmed up Harry’s sides, slowly lifting her arms away from her body and out like wings, Harry felt a little sob bubble up from her chest. She was getting her Titanic moment, and not in some half-assed way. Louis had actually planned it-- had gotten a key from Niall and probably come up here herself to make sure it was safe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Open your eyes,” Louis said, breath warm against Harry’s ear. The wind was loud around them, but everything felt quiet somehow, as if they were contained in their own special world. Harry opened her eyes and looked out, the lights of the ship shining out to illuminate the ocean around them. Even in the dark, the water churned and spun as the boat cut through it, deep blue and foamy white that felt infinite in the darkness. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m flying,” Harry managed to say, her eyes tearing from more than just the wind. Louis squeezed her tighter, kissing her at the top of her spine and then laying her head against Harry’s back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unable to keep from looking at Louis any longer-- desperate to take Louis’ face in her hands and thank her and kiss her --Harry turned, back pressing into the rail as Louis held onto her tightly. She did as she wanted, thumbs gliding over Louis’ cheekbones as she looked into her eyes. Even in the low light they seemed to shine, and Harry thought that even if she never had another moment this good at least there would be this that she could never forget: Louis’ eyes, looking back at her with more tenderness than she thought she could ever deserve. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they kissed it felt more than anything like they were transported from the bow of the ship and into somewhere warm and safe and close. It was as if their lips touching buffered them from the rest of the world, giving them a place to call home. Harry’s hands drifted into Louis’ hair, soft as silk under her fingers, and she sighed as Louis’ touch moved up her body, thumb and finger finding her nipple and teasing at it until Harry had to break out of the kiss to moan. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please let’s-- I need you now,” Harry said, breathless. Louis nodded, guiding her down from the bow of the ship and back out the way they’d come. When they stepped inside, Harry paused, drawing Louis close to her and wrapping her up in a tight embrace. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it, love?” Louis whispered, her breath warm against Harry’s neck. Harry shivered, both from the wind and the moment, and pulled back to look at Louis. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just. I have to thank you, Lou. For this, for all of it, really. Everything. You’re just so </span>
  <em>
    <span>good, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and I don’t-- I don’t want it to be over. I really don’t.” Tears spilled out and Louis brushed them away, kissing Harry’s cheek. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shh, it’s okay baby. Tonight’s not the time for that. Come back with me, yeah? I’ll take such good care of you, princess, promise.” There were tears in Louis’ voice, half choked and aching, and Harry watched as a few trickled out before Louis shook them away, looking up to keep herself from crying. “Come on, baby.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, ‘course Lou.” The two of them crying right there suddenly felt ridiculous even though Harry knew in her heart it was anything but. “Let’s go.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This might be their last night together, but it wasn’t going to be sad. Not after everything that Louis had done just this evening to make Harry feel special and wanted and loved. They made their way back to Harry’s room, not falling asleep until they’d said everything they could with their bodies and the night was almost gone. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. One More Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tags: emotions!; mild angst; fluff; bathtub time; daddy kink; more tags to be added</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>(Saturday, Miami--again)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though she wanted to stay in bed with Louis until the last possible minute, Harry knew there was really no way that could happen. The boat would dock at noon and everyone was expected to be ready to leave the ship by then, even if they still had about an hour to clear out once all was said and done. Harry hadn’t packed her things and doubted that Louis had either, and she knew they both wanted to make it to breakfast to say proper goodbyes to their friends. So when her alarm went off at 8:00 am, as much as she didn’t want to, Harry forced herself to sit up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mornin’ baby,” Louis said, voice still soft and scratchy from sleep. “Come ‘ere for a cuddle.” She held her arm up and Harry scooted down to bury her face in Louis’ neck as Louis wrapped her in a warm embrace, kissing the top of her head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t wanna get up,” Harry mumbled against Louis’ skin. She threw her leg over Louis’ and sucked a kiss onto her neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll lie here for five more minutes, then get up to shower. You’ve got time, love.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry leaned back a bit so she could look in Louis’ eyes. “I just wish we both had one more day together, y’know? No boat, no obligations, just us.” She sighed, resting her head on the pillow next to Louis’ and running her hands through Louis’ sleep-mussed hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What time do you leave, then? Maybe we can have lunch or dinner, spend a few more hours with one another.” Louis’ fingers trailed over Harry’s skin, tracing over a hickey she’d left on Harry’s side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not till tomorrow, actually. My flight leaves in the afternoon I think. What about yours?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis surprised Harry, rolling her over so that she was on her back and Louis was on top of her, their hands twining together. “You’re serious, love? You’re staying in Miami until tomorrow?” Harry nodded, confused, and Louis leaned down to kiss all over her face. “My flight’s tomorrow,” she said, pausing in between kisses. “Doesn’t leave till the afternoon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry’s grin felt like it was going to crack her face open. “No!” Louis lowered her face until her nose was just touching Harry’s before answering her with a whispered “yes” and kissing her soundly, the two of them too excited at having their wish granted to care about morning breath or getting out of bed just yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They might’ve stayed like that-- kissing in bed and starting to make plans for the day --if Niall hadn’t called to make sure that they were up and would make it to breakfast by 9:00. She was adamant that they be there promptly, mostly because “we’re not just eating, we’re saying goodbyes. That takes time!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And suddenly time-- though still a very precious commodity --seemed to have gotten a little refill. It wasn’t quite so scarce any more, and so Harry and Louis both got out of bed and showered, Harry packing up the things she knew she wouldn’t need before leaving (laptop, dirty clothes) and Louis gathering the essentials that she’d brought along with her and shoving them into her little bag. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They made it out the door and down to breakfast right on time, their friends arriving all at once seemingly from all different directions. Hurrying through the food lines-- they’d gotten it down to a science by now and didn’t even need to discuss who was getting what or how much they wanted --Niall grabbed them a table and waited until everyone was seated to raise her glass and clear her throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, alright,” she said, clearing her throat. “As you all know, this isn’t my first cruise and it won’t be my last. Working for Olivia is a lot of fun, and I never have a bad time when I get to come out here for work. But this time around? It’s been the most fun I’ve had in ages. You lot reminded me of how much fun it can be and why I’m lucky to work here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She reached down, grabbing a bag that she’d been carrying with her while still keeping her glass in the air. “I know it’s cheesy, but I got all of you shirts. Just as a way to say thank you and hopefully help you remember this trip too.” She patted the bag that was now in her lap. “So here’s to you-- a great group of people I’m happy to call friends from now on. Cheers!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone clinked glasses with as many people as they could, exchanging nods and smiles with one another before taking a sip of the celebratory mimosas Niall had insisted they order. “They’re all personalized, of course, so just pull yours out and pass the bag along,” Niall said, handing the bag to Liam. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The shirts appeared to be basic Olivia tees at first glance, but when Niall said they were personalized she wasn’t kidding. Though the back had the Olivia logo and their cruise dates, across the front each one was airbrushed with some sort of beachy theme along with the person’s name. Lissa’s had a pair of champagne flutes by a pool and Liam’s was a tropical fish swimming by some coral. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somehow Niall managed to get something unique and fitting for everyone, and Harry was excited when the bag came to her and Louis. Pulling out the shirt with her name, Harry unfurled it and had to stifle a giggle. A picture of a cruise ship dominated the design, but at the bow she saw a pair of figures, one with their arms lifted out on either side like wings and the other holding onto their waist, keeping them steady. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is amazing, Ni. Thank you. What’s Louis’?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis pulled her shirt out, holding it in front of herself to reveal it to the group. The design was a match to Harry’s, the only difference being the coloring of the background and waves-- hers was tinted slightly greener while Harry’s was a bit bluer. She shared a glance with Harry and cackled before turning to Niall with a grin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s pretty perfect, mate. Thanks!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Niall shrugged, obviously trying to look nonchalant but landing a bit closer to a self-satisfied five-year-old who’s just been told they might just get a pony at their next birthday party. “Louis gave me the idea,” she said, giving Louis a little wink. “But I’m glad it worked out so well.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all talked about their travel plans over breakfast, most of them taking flights back home that evening or early the next morning. The exception-- other than Louis and Harry --was that Eleanor and Olive were renting a car and driving up to Orlando to go to Disneyworld, their first visit there ever. That got a lot of the table talking, and it turned out that Sam had worked at Disney and had a few insider tips to offer them about what rides to take when and the best spots to eat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, so you’re not going with them Louis?” Liam asked as Olive engaged Sam in an in-depth conversation about the countries that were most worth visiting at Epcot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’ll fly back tomorrow. Up to New York and then to Heathrow.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which airport?” Harry asked just as Liam tried to ask Louis if she’d have to go right back to work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“JFK, I think. Is that yours too?” Harry nodded, grabbing Louis’ hand and giving it a squeeze. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if we get to fly together, Lou?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis kissed Harry’s cheek and then her hand. “I hope we do. Cuddle up under a blanket, put on a film. Happy days indeed!” Just the possibility of it made Harry beam, and she had to force herself to stop thinking about it and put herself in the moment with the rest of her friends. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the room began to clear out, leaving only their table and a few others occupied, Harry knew that they were all just delaying the inevitable. Sam was the first to go, giving Liam a kiss before she left that landed right at the corner of her lips and caused her to blush furiously. Niall left soon after, but only once she’d taken a selfie with everyone and made sure they’d entered her contact information into their phone and that she had theirs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Liam followed pretty much right behind her, but only after she’d pulled Harry aside and made her promise to try to visit California at some point so they wouldn’t lose touch. “I’ll come out to New York, too! Or, you know,” she cast a glance in Louis’ direction, “wherever you end up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I doubt I’ll have a spare room for you, but my couch is perfect for guests, and you’re always welcome. Niall too! Just not all at once, I’m afraid.” Liam laughed, pulling Harry into a tight hug that she held for just a bit longer than Harry expected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eleanor and Olive left next, taking Louis with them and promising Harry that they’d meet up with her around noon so that she and Louis could get off the boat together. They seemed confident that they’d see Harry again, and when they exchanged email addresses instead of phone numbers Olive commented that she was sure Louis would have everything anyway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Louis walked away, she gave Harry a lingering kiss, pressing the pad of her thumb to Harry’s lips after she’d pulled away. “I hate to say it, but I’m going to miss you while I’m packing my things.” Louis rolled her eyes at her own comment. “Afraid I’m a sap.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like that, though. And I’ll miss you, too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Louis if your room looks anything like it did a few days ago we need to leave or else you’ll never be packed in time,” Eleanor said, arms crossed and a serious expression on her face. Louis leaned in and gave Harry one last peck on the lips before jogging off to follow Eleanor and Olive back to their suite. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That just left Lissa, Sasha, and Harry at the table, and Harry flopped down onto a chair, leaning her head on Lissa’s shoulder. “I’m really glad I met you two,” Harry said, her own sentimentality getting the best of her. “Think if I hadn’t seen you at that millennial mixer I would’ve assumed that there was nobody here that was really worth getting excited over, which would’ve been awful.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We take full credit for your OWL,” Sasha said matter-of-factly. “So you’re welcome.” She grinned, a laugh spilling out, and Lissa turned to kiss her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do give both of you a lot of credit, actually. I’m serious when I say that I don’t know if I really would’ve even been aware enough to </span>
  <em>
    <span>see </span>
  </em>
  <span>Louis if it weren’t for you two.” Harry brought her legs up underneath her so she could perch in her chair. “And it’s probably silly but I already can’t imagine my life without meeting Louis, if you can believe it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lissa and Sasha both scoffed, almost in unison. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ohh, I believe it alright,” Lissa said with a laugh. “Look, Harry, that woman is in love with you. And I think you’re just as in love with her.” Harry opened her mouth to protest weakly, but Lissa put up a finger to silence her. “And I know you’ve got a boo back home, and you probably love them too. You’re gonna have to be honest with yourself and with them. But you’ve gotta do what’s right for you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry sighed, closing her eyes and dropping her head to the table. “I don’t knowwww,” she whined, cheek pressed into the tablecloth. “I don’t know what’s right for me at all.” She sat up and shook her head, laughing at herself. “I can’t see a way to make everything work.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you can still try.” Lissa shrugged and patted Harry’s shoulder. “And bitch you better text me an update because you know I care what happens.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Group chat it,” Sasha said, leaning over so she could pat Harry’s hand. “Cause I wanna know too and this girl gets too busy to tell me shit sometimes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got your numbers. I promise I’ll keep you both in the loop.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, get up and give us a hug then. We still have a lot of crap to shove into suitcases.” Lissa and Sasha both stood, opening up their arms and wrapping Harry in a tight embrace. “Gonna miss you, Harry. You got a couple of femmes in Minneapolis now, any time you wanna come through.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you both,” Harry said, giving them one last squeeze before she gathered her things and headed back to her room to pack. She’d managed to keep everything pretty organized over the week, and though she quickly realized she might need to add a carry on to accommodate some of the things she’d bought along the way she was able to get everything packed up in ample time.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span> It was easier to meet up with Louis than she thought it would be, too. They hung back a bit, letting the other passengers leave ahead of them. The mood on the boat was so different than it had been, most of the excitement replaced with the somber end of vacation energy and a heavier sadness from some of the women who seemed like they might be returning to lives where they didn’t have much in the way of LGBTQ+ community. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s weird, isn’t it?” Harry leaned against the wall, eyes on the people walking past. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that, love?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno, leaving this, I guess? Thinking about where everyone is going. I guess when I came I was expecting this whole experience to be different than how it ended up? And looking at all these women I didn’t meet I can’t help wondering what it was like for them.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm, yeah, that’s fair.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean it’s obvious, maybe, like there’s not one singular queer experience. It’s not like I didn’t know that coming here. It’s just sad, though.” A couple wheeled their suitcases past, their door decorations sticking out of a reusable grocery bag, and Harry paused to watch them with their matching haircuts and farmer’s tans. “I kind of thought I’d be happy to be heading home. And now I’m just really not.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think I know what you mean. I didn’t know what to expect, but I wasn’t sure I’d have an amazing time here. And some women probably thought they would and didn’t, some already have plans to come back next year. It’s a bit weird, I guess.” Louis’ shoulder brushed Harry’s and Harry felt a lump rise up in her throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe I’m going to literally start crying right now,” Harry said, voice cracking a bit as she held back tears. “Over watching lesbians leave a fucking cruise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ohh, baby,” Louis’ voice was tender, but lightly tinged with laughter. Not that Harry could blame her. “C’mere.” She opened her arms and Harry rolled into them, leaning down a little so she could tuck her head into Louis’ neck. “It’s a little like nostalgia, I think. Can get you when you least expect it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?” Harry lifted her head just enough to give Louis a questioning look before returning back to nuzzling her neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis rubbed a gentle hand over Harry’s shoulder, leaning her head against Harry’s before she spoke. “Well all of us want community, yeah? People who know us and see us and understand who we are. We pretend at it here, try to ignore whatever separates us, but leaving like this reminds you of it. Some of us go home and it’s alright, maybe it’s great. And you look here and wonder if it couldn’t be better for everyone.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d meant to stop herself from crying, but instead listening to Louis just made Harry’s tears fall more freely. She sniffed, trying to at least keep her nose from running. “Sorry,” she mumbled. “But you definitely brought these tears out.” Louis laughed, wrapping both arms around Harry and holding onto her tightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t mean to, but it’s alright to let them out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry could hear the gentle smile in Louis’ voice, and she took a breath, focusing on the smell of Louis’ skin, clean and refreshing, beneath her. “I’m pretty sure I’m going to cry </span>
  <em>
    <span>a lot </span>
  </em>
  <span>tomorrow so I’d kind of like to limit myself today,” she said, leaving a kiss on Louis’ collarbone and moving back so she was standing next to Louis instead of curling up against her neck. She dabbed at her eyes with the back of her thumb and shook her head to clear the rest of her tears away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you won’t be alone in that, baby. I’m a bit of a crier, to be honest.” Louis took Harry’s hand. “But we have a whole day together now, and we’re not going to spend it being sad, are we?” Harry giggled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t think we should.” The bulk of the passengers had cleared out, and Harry stepped away from the wall, bringing Louis with her. Grabbing her rolling suitcase with her free hand, Harry nodded toward the exit onto the dock. “Hotel instead?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like a plan.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d realized earlier that they both had a reservation at the same hotel-- the same one that Harry had stayed at before the trip --and it wasn’t terribly difficult to cancel one reservation when they arrived, especially when they asked about upgrading to a nicer room for the night. They were a little early for check-in, but the desk clerk was gay and slid them their room key along with drink vouchers for the hotel’s bar, telling them to go on up and to call down if they needed anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The upgrade was worth it. The bed was king sized and the bathroom had a spa-like feel with a jetted tub that was definitely big enough for the two of them. There was a small terrace off the bedroom with a table and chairs, and they were on a high enough floor to have a view of the beach, albeit not a great one. They’d only been there fifteen minutes or so when someone knocked at the door with a small bottle of chilled champagne. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The front desk alerted us that you’re here for your honeymoon tonight,” the man with the champagne bottle said. He held a pair of champagne flutes in his other hand, and Harry took them, trying her best to keep a straight face. “Our staff congratulates you.” They thanked him, Harry slipping him a tip before he left, and he was barely gone before the two of them looked at one another and burst out laughing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Finally reaping the benefits of my homosexuality,” Harry said, raising a hand to her forehead. “I thought I’d never see the day.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe we’re on our honeymoon and I never even got the chance to marry you.” Louis ran a hand through her hair, shaking her head in disbelief, and Harry smiled at the softness of the gesture. It felt a little like she meant it, and part of Harry liked that more than she wanted to admit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s still all of today left, I suppose,” Harry replied, trying for nonchalance. “Though we’re allowed to do things out of order too, you know. Pretty sure it’s why we fought for gay rights.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The right to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>get married, then?” Louis said, playful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry lifted the champagne bottle up in the air. “The right to say fuck how the straights live and do what we want, when we want, how we want.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing, Louis took the bottle from her and set it aside before pulling her in for a kiss. “How would you feel about taking a bath with me in that massive tub, then? Pour ourselves champagne and get up to some incredibly gay activities together?” Harry’s eyes widened comically. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is. The most perfect idea I’ve ever heard. I’ll run the bath, you pour the drinks.” Harry leaned in until her nose was almost touching Louis’. “Deal?” Louis smiled and placed a tiny kiss at the tip of Harry’s nose. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Deal.”   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry grabbed her shower gel from her suitcase while the tub filled with water. It wasn’t exactly the same as bubble bath, but she figured it would work alright, and the idea of being surrounded with its light floral aroma was definitely appealing. She didn’t add much-- just enough to get a few bubbles forming --before going back into the room to strip her clothes off. Louis had just popped the cork on the bottle of champagne, and smiled when she saw Harry getting naked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bath preparation is going well, I see.” Louis raised her eyebrows, a little smirk on her lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What can I say? I love a bath. And I’m very good at them.” She crossed her arms over her chest, giving Louis a once over. “If you need my services I can, um, help you out a bit.” Louis cocked her head toward the bathroom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In there, so I can set these down. Then I’ll happily accept your services.” Louis led the way with Harry following behind, and Harry couldn’t resist giving her butt a little slap. “Rude!” Louis said with a gasp, feigning shock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just helping!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their timing was just about perfect; the tub was lightly bubbly and full enough that they could both get in without water sloshing over the sides. True to her word, Harry helped Louis get undressed, which really meant that Louis stood still, letting Harry undress her piece by piece as she looked on, seemingly amused and aroused in equal measure. For Harry it was less amusing and more arousing, and she struggled not to kiss every inch of bare skin as she exposed it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis leaned back into Harry with a sigh once they’d gotten settled in the hot water. “You put your shower stuff in here, hm? The water smells like you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, thought some bubbles would be nice.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S’perfect.” Louis let her head fall against Harry’s shoulder and Harry smiled down at her, hand skimming back and forth over the water for a moment before she moved it down to rest on Louis’ belly. They laid there for a moment in silence, just the sound of their breathing and the occasional soft pop of a soap bubble between them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have a bathtub at home?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis nodded. “Do, but I don’t use it often enough. I get bored in the bath after a few minutes usually.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could read or something though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah I’ve tried it, can never get comfortable.” Louis laid her hand over Harry’s. “Just needed the right person pillow I guess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Heyyyyy, I’m more than a bath pillow!” Harry laughed, wiggling a little beneath Louis so that the water splashed around them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Loads more, baby! Of course you are!” Louis raised Harry’s soapy hand to her lips and kissed it. “But you’re exceptionally comfortable too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll allow it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about you? Enjoy a good bath?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The tub at our place is terrible, but yeah. I probably take one a week at least. More in the winter.” Louis answered with a little hum that Harry took as a sign to say more. “I have this collection of bath stuff, like-- the bombs, salts, bubble baths --enough to get through a year without buying more probably, but I can’t resist it anyway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you got a favorite?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry shook her head. “Nooo Lou, I can’t pick favorites! The others would </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>and then how would they feel about it? Terrible.” She could hear Louis trying to hold in a giggle, and leaned in to nip at her shoulder in retaliation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry love, sorry. It’s sweet is all! Your little bath babies.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do love them like children, I guess. Sort of. If it were normal to have eighty children and constantly think about going to Lush for more.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eighty is a lot.” When Harry scoffed, a little offended, Louis was quick to continue. “For children I mean! You’re allowed all the bath products you want, Princess.” Harry smiled at the endearment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I think for children I’d want two or three. Might have to settle for one or none, of course. But not eighty. Or eight, even.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you made any plans for it? Getting pregnant, I mean?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really,” Harry lied. It was easier than explaining that Ash didn’t really want kids and that whenever Harry brought up the possibility of it they shut her down quickly with arguments about population density and what it meant to bring children into a world riddled with climate change. That hadn’t actually stopped her from researching pregnancy options, nor had it kept her from tentative plans to do artificial insemination in a few years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s hard to plan for it sometimes. Want it to feel right, and it can’t be just for you. It’s not easy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you want kids?” Harry felt Louis tense for just a moment reflexively, and she winced at her own question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh, I did, yeah. But I didn’t want to do it alone, and I didn’t think I’d met the right person to do it with, really. Plus me sister had kids around the same time, so I spent a lot of time being Aunt Lou. Worked out alright.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did-- sorry for asking, but --did your ex want kids? Or just you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lisa? She wouldn’t have minded kids, I think. If we’d met when we were younger...she would’ve been supportive enough.” The hesitation in Louis’ voice was familiar to Harry, and she pulled Louis a little closer to her in response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ash doesn’t want kids, really. They don’t even like talking about it. I think they hope I get over wanting them eventually.” She hadn’t intended on admitting any of that, but something about Louis made her feel like she could. And miraculously she hadn’t burst into tears with the admission, already soothed by the heat of the water and the sensation of Louis’ body so close to her own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, love.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s scary to think of just getting pregnant on my own, though, y’know? A lot of my friends talk about wanting to live together on farms and co-parent each other’s kids, but it’s like-- nobody’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>doing </span>
  </em>
  <span>it.” Harry sighed, thinking about all the conversations she’d had half-drunk at bars in the city with friends praising her for moving to Vermont with Ash to ‘get shit started.’ “Me included.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is a big thing to take on, it’s true.” Louis rubbed her thumb over Harry’s hand in comforting circles. “I’ve realized though, if I’d done it a few friends would’ve stepped up for me. Olive, for one. My sisters of course. A few others I can think of, too, but you’ll meet more on the way. Other single mums and queer parents.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry considered what a good uncle Zayn would be-- he loved kids even if he wasn’t sure he wanted his own --and thought about Jamie wearing her baby into the office when her wife went back to work and her own parental leave was up. “Co-parenting on a farm sounds pretty amazing, though, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis chuckled softly. “Sounds a bit shit to me. Taking care of animals </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>raising children? It can’t be that good.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But baby goats! Kids playing with kids, Lou.” Harry flicked her fingers against the surface of the water, imagining a goat jumping off of hay bales. “Could be pretty fun.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well we’ll go on the weekends then, won’t we? All the fun and less of the work.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>We. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She didn’t catch her slip up, but Harry did, and it curled up around her heart like a cat in the sun, soft and delicate and lovely. “Sounds like an ideal plan. All the good things of the city and weekends in the country.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Someone </span>
  <em>
    <span>else’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>farm, that’s the key.” Louis scooted up a little bit so she could turn her head to steal a kiss from Harry, humming softly when she pulled away. “Shall we try out the jets now? I love the company but the bath itself is a bit boring, still.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry scoffed; she felt as though no time had passed at all even if the water was a little cooler than it had been when they got in the tub. She stretched her arm as far as it would go, finally sitting up a bit to reach the switch for the jets. When she flicked it, they roared to life, one of them sending a burst of water into a ticklish spot on her side so that she squirmed a bit, giggling til she got used to it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It became obvious very quickly that the small amount of shower gel Harry had used to make bubbles while running the bath was more than enough to create a sea of foam once the jets were turned on. As Harry and Louis rearranged themselves to sit against the jets, taking sips of their no longer chilled champagne, they also covered themselves in bubbles. Louis gave Harry a bubble beard while Harry made a bubble hat for Louis, both of them blowing the bubbles up into the air once they were done. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They played like that for a while before even Harry had to admit that the bath was getting cold and the jets a bit too intense to be fun, at which point they drained the water and got into the shower together, washing the soap off and standing together kissing under the spray. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a brief nap once they were dry, Louis suggested they go out for lunch somewhere other than the hotel, and they walked around until they found a little Cuban restaurant that was bustling in spite of being a bit past lunch time. Sharing their meal made Harry think back to being in San Juan with Louis, sitting across from her and feeling so much promise but being entirely unsure where anything would go. Less than a week later, she still didn’t have answers, but the promise she’d felt was fulfilled. Or on its way at least. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In any case, she wanted more of this with Louis. More eating the pickles off Louis’ sandwiches because she didn’t like them and more sips of shared orange soda and more holding hands walking down streets. She thought she might not mind more hard things too, already finding herself wondering what Louis was like when she was angry. Ash turned cold and distant usually, hating the stereotype of the couple who processes everything to death, and Harry’s response to it was typically to shove as much aside as possible, trying to find a way to draw Ash out instead of just forcing them to retreat deeper. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It rarely worked, but it was something that Harry was familiar with now, like a pair of pants that doesn’t fit quite right anymore but are such a staple in your wardrobe you can’t see getting rid of them. She wondered if she’d shut down like that with Louis or not. Not that she’d even get the chance to find out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’d you go, love? Lost you for a moment there.” Louis squeezed Harry’s hand, kissing her shoulder as they walked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Harry said with a slight shake of her head. “I’m just going to miss you, I guess. Or I’m missing you even though you’re here with me? God that sounds stupid.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It really doesn’t.” Louis paused, worrying at her lower lip for a moment before she spoke again. The two of them stopped walking, moving to stand in front of a boat tour place that was already closed for the day. “You mean a lot to me, Harry. I know it’s been hardly any time at all and I probably sound foolish, but this thing that's happening between us really is special, and so are you.l” Louis sighed, stepping closer to Harry. “I keep thinking about having you in my life-- what it would look like, how it would feel to take you down to the pub on a Sunday or wake up with you in my bed on a Thursday morning.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why Thursday?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis cocked an eyebrow as an exasperated laugh fell from her lips. “I’m saying that and you ask </span>
  <em>
    <span>why Thursday?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>She shook her head, rolling her eyes, and Harry rushed to explain herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, sorry, I just meant, um, me too, but in my life. But I didn’t have a certain morning in mind, so--” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, love, alright, you don’t really have to explain.” Louis brushed her thumb over Harry’s cheek, sliding it into the dimple that formed when Harry smiled at the action. “Thursday because the week’s almost done, but you still have a ways to go. And the thought of seeing you there would feel like a weekend. Lovely and bright and full and easy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t say that,” Harry said, raising her eyes skyward to stop herself from crying. It didn’t work, and she felt a couple of tears make their way down her cheeks before she could dab them away. “I’m a mess, honestly. I’ve got a partner and this whole life and I’m twenty-eight and so, so lost. I mean I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>not, </span>
  </em>
  <span>I know I’m not, I’ve got things more together than a lot of people my age. But I just--” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, hey, shh.” Louis pulled Harry into an embrace, holding her close and letting her cry on the street like it wasn’t completely embarrassing. “Baby?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Harry mumbled, head down and cheek pressed to Louis’. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis huffed a laugh. “You know I’m a mess too, yeah? Split up with my partner not long ago, fifty years old, decent job but I’ve only been doing it for a few years now. I’ve not got a huge savings and all the things I assumed were settled aren’t.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry sniffed, pulling back to look Louis in the eyes. “You know what I mean though, Lou. I really like you, like a lot. And I don’t know what will happen when I go back home, but I can’t imagine just cutting everything off.” Sighing, Harry wiped the last of her tears away. “Just now I was thinking about what it would be like to fight with you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?!” Louis clearly hadn’t been expecting Harry to say that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know, </span>
  </em>
  <span>it’s really weird. I was just imagining how you’d be and how it would feel to me. And like, not feeling scared about it, really. Just. Wanting to know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I get it,” Louis said softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You get it, and it’s weird.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little weird, yeah.” Harry shoved Louis’ shoulder, pursing her lips in grumpy frustration, and Louis bit back a laugh. “Sorry, sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you like then?” Harry raised her eyebrows, unsure if Louis would answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In a fight? I get a bit righteous, if I’m honest. I don’t shout, mum always made sure we didn’t raise our voices in a fight, said it kept things calmer. But I go on the defensive. Gotta prove I’m the winner, I’m right.” Louis shook her head, judging herself. “More, I’m sure, but that’s what a good bit of therapy has taught me anyway.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry bit back the smile that she felt on her lips at Louis’ honesty. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about you then?” Louis asked after a moment. “S’only fair you share too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh, I like being right too, actually I guess. And when I’m really wrong it’s like the last thing I want to do is say I’m sorry? I mean I will, I do. But, uh, I hate it. Sometimes I just won’t say anything, though. And other times, um,  I guess I want to process too much.” Harry shrugged. “I might not have had as much therapy as you yet, because that’s what I’ve got.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis laughed, bumping the toe of her shoe against Harry’s. “There’s no wrong answer, though. And no telling what will happen till it does.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. I didn’t even mean to let all that out, I just--” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you can, baby. Sorry to stop you, but you need to know it. You can let out whatever you’re thinking and we’ll talk about it. Or maybe we won’t right away, maybe we’ll have to wait to work through something. But telling me what’s on your mind? I want that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hearing that was a lot for Harry, and she took a deep breath, trying her best to take it all in and believe it. “I want that too, I think.” It sounded like so much, and she tried to consider if she really felt that way with anyone else. Maybe Zayn. He often knew what Harry was thinking already-- and the same was true with her for his thoughts and worries too --they just got each other. But she didn’t have it with Ash, neither from them or, perhaps more alarmingly, </span>
  <em>
    <span>towards </span>
  </em>
  <span>them, she realized. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then you should have it.” Louis’ smile was gentle and easy, and Harry reached out to trace it with her finger, which only made her smile harder, eyes crinkling as she ducked her head and looked up at Harry through her lashes. Harry tipped forward to kiss her, their lips meeting soft at first and then a bit more insistent the longer they kissed until finally Louis squeezed Harry’s hip, pulling back from her to say, “I can think of something else you should have, actually.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It made Harry bark out a laugh, and she shoved Louis away, shaking her head as Louis grinned back at her. They made it back to the hotel-- and to bed --in record time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few hours later, they were lying in bed together, watching the sky slowly shift from orange and pink to the quiet purple of evening with little but the sound of their heartbeats and the noise of the air conditioner surrounding them. There was something precious in the quiet that made Harry wish she could bottle the moment and pull it out in the future whenever she felt anxious. Having the sights and smells and visceral sense of a time like this with Louis could only make her feel at ease, even if she knew difficult things were awaiting her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her hand trailing softly up and down Louis’ chest, Harry pressed her nose against Louis’ neck, inhaling her scent and exhaling warm and wet on her skin, making Louis laugh quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tickles,” Louis whispered, turning toward Harry to drop a kiss to the crown of her head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m making a memory,” Harry murmured, lips on Louis’ neck. “Scent memory is one of the strongest you can have, you know.” Louis hummed, the vibration tingling against Harry’s lips. “And you smell really good. All warm and sweet and spicy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I probably smell like sex right now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That too.” Harry nipped at Louis’ neck, burying her face there a moment later and sniffing like a cartoon hound catching a scent. “Reaaaally good sex,” she said, reveling in Louis’ laughter. “The best sex.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry was too distracted to notice Louis sneaking her hands up to Harry’s sides to tickle her, and yelped when Louis flipped their positions and rolled them over to straddle her. “I had help in having excellent sex tonight, and I’d like to thank the person who was there with me all along,” Louis said as she dug her fingers into Harry’s ribs while Harry flailed and laughed beneath her. “Harold, take a bow.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Louuuu,” Harry whined through her laughter, “I was being sweet!” Louis collapsed on top of her, pinning her wrists at her side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, angel.” Louis paused, lacing her fingers with Harry’s, and leaned in a little closer. “You’re made to be sweet. And I love it. Love everything about you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no way Louis had said it on purpose, and Harry held her breath, heart racing as she did her best to hold back the smile she could feel wanting to spread itself out over her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” Even to her own ears Harry’s voice sounded soft and vulnerable, and she closed her eyes for a moment, not wanting to look up at Louis. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do, yeah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And if Harry’s voice was vulnerable, she didn’t know quite what Louis’ was. It was cracked open and tender, raw and emotional. Harry opened her eyes to meet Louis’ gaze. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I--” The sun’s light had almost faded, and in the twilight Louis’ face was softened, laugh lines and eye crinkles gone and an open, hopeful expression on her face. Harry loved her. Of course she did. She loved her and was in love with her, and she wanted more than they’d had; she wanted a </span>
  <em>
    <span>future </span>
  </em>
  <span>with Louis. Still, she couldn’t quite let the words out, so she settled for the next best thing. “I feel the same, about you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis squeezed Harry’s hands, lowering herself down to share a kiss before rolling off of Harry’s lap and lying back on the bed. “Can’t believe it’s already evening. Day’s flying.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry wrinkled her nose at the thought. “Don’t talk about it! Pointing it out just makes it worse.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s nothing to be done about it, love.” Louis splayed her hand over Harry’s belly, moving to slowly trace circles around Harry’s navel. “Just enjoy what we can, yeah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They laid in bed for a while longer before Louis' stomach rumbled and they realized it had been a while-- and a lot of physical activity --since they’d eaten. Louis insisted they get dressed and go down to the hotel restaurant for one last dinner, her treat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The restaurant was a little more crowded than Harry remembered it being from her previous stay, but they still didn’t have a problem getting a table, and dinner was lovely in spite of the heaviness that Harry felt about their time together almost being over. Louis must’ve felt it too, her energy louder and brighter than usual, almost as if she was trying to buoy the two of them with just the force of her will. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you excited for when you get back to New York?” Louis asked her when the dessert they’d ordered to share arrived at the table. The question caught Harry a little off guard, and she took a bite of the cake, giving herself time to really consider her answer. Louis didn’t seem to mind, taking a sip of the tea she’d ordered to close out her meal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay it might sound weird, but I’m actually kind of excited to go back to work?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?! Just to see Zayn, or?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not just for Zayn, no. I guess I really like it there, if I’m honest. I mean it’s still a job and it frustrates me sometimes, but I have a lot of good coworkers and I feel like people are actually listening to what I have to say when we have meetings and whatnot. It’s just, um, I dunno, it’s kind of queer and homey?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Makes sense to me.” Louis shrugged, taking a sip of her tea. “I mean not everyone gets to work with people who are like minded. Or gets to actually put ideas out there and have them listened to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about you? For Doncaster, though obviously.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Family, I’d say. I see at least one of my sisters or talk with them at least once a week, and one of my nieces just started working for the same company I do, so we’ve been having lunch together sometimes. She’s a smart one, too.” Harry recognized the smile on Louis’ face, having been at the receiving end of it a lot over the past week. It was her softest smile, a sweet pursing of her lips that slowly spread over the rest of her face. Harry had to bite back a smile of her own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like it. And of course it runs in the family.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, too right,” Louis said flippantly. “I do wish I could call them from here, but the timing is just off enough that I didn’t want to try to figure it out. Plus we’ll have dinner together once I’m back.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should probably plan to have dinner with Zayn. He’ll want to see all my pictures.” Harry sighed, rolling her eyes at herself. “Shit, that reminds me-- I haven’t checked my phone all day.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have it with you? I don’t mind--” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry waved her off. “It’s fine, it’s upstairs. Let’s finish and go up.” Louis looked back at her, a little puzzled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’re sure?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t until they were on the way back up to their room a bit later that Harry realized why Louis had been surprised at her answer. “Oh shit, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ash!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Harry hadn’t called or texted them all day, and for all she knew they’d been messaging her since the afternoon, unsure of where she was or if she was safe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, baby?” Louis placed her hand low on Harry’s back, the warmth of her palm a point of comfort even as Harry had a mild freakout. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just realized I haven’t even checked to see if Ash has called or texted. I would be so worried if it were me, fuck! I just feel so stupid.” Harry tugged at her lower lip, focusing on the sting where her fingers pinched the skin so she wouldn’t get any more upset. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s the same time zone, right? It’s not quite 21:00 here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took Harry a moment to do the math-- 9:00pm. The thought calmed her a bit; Ash went to bed early but not before 10. And it was a Saturday night, so they might even be awake and thinking of going somewhere. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she and Louis got back to the room, Harry immediately pulled her phone out of her bag and turned it on, watching as notifications filled her screen after not really having full service all week. She let the phone buzz and ping in her hand, huffing out an exaggerated breath as she waited, Louis watching her from the bed. When it finally stopped, she tapped on her texts, quickly reading through them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was one from her dad, making sure she was still planning on visiting for Mother’s Day the following month. There were two from Zayn, one from earlier in the week telling her to check her email and another from earlier in the afternoon reminding her to call as soon as she could to talk. She had a few other miscellaneous messages, people following up on things or inviting her out. And there was nothing from Ash. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat down on the bed, frowning as she opened her missed calls and looked for Ash’s number. Even knowing it wouldn’t be there-- Ash hated making phone calls and avoided it unless they had no other option --she still had a moment of hope that was quickly dashed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not giving herself a moment to think about it, she opened up Ash’s contact and began to type a message. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>H: </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hey, only just turned my phone on after a few hours off the boat. Coming home tomorrow late afternoon/evening. I hope you weren’t worried about me. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t what she wanted to say. She wanted to be angry or annoyed or hurt. She wanted to ask what it meant that they didn’t think of each other when they’d been apart for a week. And she felt a little like exploding even though she knew that it wasn’t exactly merited. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis’ hand on her knee shocked her out of staring at her phone. “Baby?” Her voice was gentle, and she rubbed her thumb lightly across Harry’s kneecap almost to match it. “Everything okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No?” Harry didn’t entirely know where her tears came from, but they started spilling out immediately. “Why didn’t they think about me? Do they care? Do </span>
  <em>
    <span>I? </span>
  </em>
  <span>What am I even doing, Lou? What-- why am I even </span>
  <em>
    <span>crying, </span>
  </em>
  <span>god this is so stupid!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, hey, love? Come ‘ere, get in,” Louis opened her arms, letting Harry sob against her, and Harry felt like nothing more than a silly child. “S’alright, baby. You can cry about it, don’t need a reason to, yeah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m supposed to love them, though. And that means thinking about them when they’re not there and missing them and... </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanting </span>
  </em>
  <span>all of that.” Louis held her, not saying anything in response, and Harry took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down a little more. “I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know what it means.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What what means, darlin?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry sighed. “If I haven’t missed them and I didn’t think of them, is it because I don’t care enough? Because I don’t love them, or--” She paused, taking a shuddering breath. “I don’t know if falling in love with you made me stop caring about them, or if I just can’t love two people at once, or... I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>know.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, angel. You don’t have to have all the answers yet.” Louis kissed her head, turning so that she could tip Harry’s chin up and look into her eyes. “I love you, baby, I do. And you don’t have to know if you love me yet. You don’t have to walk away from someone you’ve been building a life with for me. I’m not expecting it, yeah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But what if I did want to? What if I want to walk away from them and be with you?” Harry searched Louis’ eyes, wanting to find an answer there. A way to make everyone-- including Louis, including herself --happy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then you’ll still feel it a month from now. You’ll still want it after you go back to Ash and talk with them. None of it will change the way I feel. That’s all I can be sure of right now.” There were tears in Louis' eyes that she blinked away, leaning in to kiss Harry softly on the lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do love you now, though. I can’t imagine not missing you, Lou.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to miss you, because I want you right beside me.” Louis ran her thumb across Harry’s cheek, wiping away the remains of tears and allowing her to cup Harry’s face. “I haven’t felt a connection like this before, Harry. Not even with the woman I was married to for ten years. You're so thoughtful and attentive and warm, and it--" Louis paused for a moment, trying to figure out how to put her emotions into words. "We fit in a way I didn't think I could with anyone. But as sure as I feel, I understand it’s not the same for you. It is what it is.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have a tattoo of that,” Harry said, letting out a weak laugh at what an odd thing it was to say in the moment. “Sorry--” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I do, you’ve made a fair point, love. I got it when Lisa and I realized we weren’t getting back together for sure, so not that long ago.” Louis shook her head at a memory, a far off look in her eyes for a moment. “Shit can happen in life that you don’t want or expect, but focusing on it won’t change it. All you can control is yourself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sound a little like a therapist.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, pretty sure I stole that from her,” Louis said, cocking her head to the side and giving Harry a teasing, squinty smile. Harry giggled back at her, turning to kiss Louis’ palm. “It took awhile for me to get it, s’why I got the reminder. Does help a lot, though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll try to think of it when I’m dealing with... everything, I guess.” Harry picked up her phone, looking for a response from Ash. There was nothing there, so she tossed it aside with a sigh. “All I can control is myself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your actions, your responses.” Louis chuckled to herself, putting on a serious face and mimicking a British accent that sounded much more proper than her own. “And what would you say to her if she were </span>
  <em>
    <span>here </span>
  </em>
  <span>Louis? Let’s practice.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s your therapist I assume?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The one and only. I gave her five stars on some website or other. She really is quite good.” Louis shrugged, rolling her eyes at herself. “Helps me, anyway.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry thought about the idea of going to couples therapy with Ash-- the process of deciding to go together and finding someone followed by the weeks of hashing everything out. It sounded awful, but necessary, and she could sense the moment that her face soured enough for Louis to notice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, was thinking about all of this, really. I really don’t want to be, though. I wanna be here with you right now, just right here and just us, you know?” Harry stood up, setting her phone on the bedside table and toeing off her shoes as Louis watched her from the bed. When she turned back, Louis raised her eyebrows expectantly. “What?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So be here, baby. Be here with me. You aren’t going to come up with answers to anything right now, and we both want to be together tonight. Let me take care of you, hm?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A lump swelled in Harry’s throat and she swallowed around it. “Yeah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Louis laughed, nodding her head in an emphatic yes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What were you thinking of doing?” Harry tipped her head down, looking at Louis as coquettishly as possible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm, let’s see. I wanna start with undressing you, don’t I? Taste your lovely skin.” Louis wet her lips, eyes roaming up and down Harry’s body. “Get my hands on you once you can’t stand it anymore. Touch you just how you like it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s that?” Harry bit her lip, hand skimming over her clothes. The look in Louis’ eyes was open and hungry, and it made her want to give herself over completely. It took restraint to keep the distance between them, but she made herself do it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis huffed a little laugh. “Not gently, angel. You like to feel me all over you even once I’m gone, don’t you?” Harry nodded, nostrils flaring as she pressed into a finger shaped bruise Louis had left on her hip. “I’ll give you some reminders, baby, don’t worry. Won’t let you forget what it feels like to be mine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whining softly, Harry took a couple of steps toward Louis, reaching out for her. “I won’t forget. Fuck, Daddy I could never.” The name had slipped out a couple days before, and it gave Harry a thrill to say it. She’d danced around it with others, mostly, and with Louis it had just come to them both like breathing. Louis bit down on her lip hard enough that Harry could see the pale indentations there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Princess. Of course you couldn’t. Come a little closer for me, yeah?” Louis spread her legs, tipping her chin up and beckoning for Harry to step between them. She went easily. Once she was close enough, Louis undressed her with slow, careful hands, her fingers never resting on Harry’s skin long enough for her to feel any relief. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt like it took ages for Harry to get mostly naked, and by the time she was left in her panties she was aching with the need for more. Still, Louis teased her, bringing her lips to Harry’s stomach and brushing them over her laurel tattoos, up and down one and then the other, not kissing her so much as letting the delicate skin of her lips and the warmth of her breath act as her hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She licked a stripe from the top of Harry’s panties to her navel, and Harry wobbled, unsteady on her feet and wanting nothing more than to have Louis move lower to feel how wet she was. When Louis gripped the backs of her thighs to steady her, fingertips almost-but-not-quite reaching between Harry’s legs, Harry finally gave in to what she wanted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t tease me any more,” she begged, voice rough and needy. “Please let me feel you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis loosened her grip on Harry’s thighs, hands moving slowly till they were on the front of her legs now, close enough to Harry’s cunt that she could barely hold herself back from bucking her hips to try to get Louis to touch her. Watching as Louis pulled back, Harry whined, catching her lip between her teeth and waiting to see if Louis would give her what she wanted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not quite done yet though, love.” Louis clicked her tongue, shaking her head softly as she brushed her knuckles over Harry’s panties with hardly any pressure at all. “Do you know what it does to me to watch you like this? All needy and desperate, just for me?” She pushed her hand forward just enough to give Harry some relief, and Harry toppled forward, steadying herself on Louis’ shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does it make you wet, Daddy?” Harry asked in a choked whisper. “Does it make you wet like it makes me?” It was as close as Harry wanted to get to asking-- begging --Louis to touch her, and she moaned when it was just enough to make Louis slip her fingers beneath the fabric of Harry’s panties and press into the wetness there with a deep sigh of contentment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It does, baby. Fucking hell.” Louis held her hand steady and let Harry rock against it, watching her with awe. Harry was almost so lost to her own pleasure that she didn’t realize it, but the moment she caught Louis’ gaze there was so much behind it-- desire and hunger and love --that she forced herself to slow down, rubbing herself off against Louis’ hand slower and with intention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t know how long they were like that, Louis watching her come undone, but it felt like forever and no time at all when Louis stilled Harry’s hips and pulled her panties off, tossing them aside so she could replace her fingers with her lips and tongue. The change set Harry aflame, and soon enough her hands were tangled in Louis’ hair, not letting her stop her ministrations. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sensation of Louis pressing into the bruises she’d left before was what tipped Harry over the edge, coming with a long moan that was probably loud enough to be heard out in the hallway. She couldn’t hold herself back and didn’t want to, not with Louis holding her like that and still sucking at her clit, softer but no less insistent</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis lowered her to the bed a moment later, stripping her own clothes off faster than Harry liked, but obviously hurrying so they could lie against one another skin to skin, which he couldn’t complain about. Harry reached out to her anyway, making grabby hands until Louis was there beside her, naked and warm at her side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not done yet,” Harry said as she curled into Louis’ neck. “Just need a rest.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what if I’m done?” Louis couldn’t make herself sound serious now if she tried, and Harry giggled, kissing her collarbone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not done and you know it. Can’t fool me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not, you’re right,” Louis curled protectively around Harry, their bodies damp with sweat and sticking together in a way that should’ve felt gross but really just made Harry feel like she was sunwarmed and sated. “Haven’t finished with you by a mile.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry hummed. “I can’t sleep through the night without fucking you. Need it.” She closed her eyes, feeling a soft throb of desire at the thought of having Louis under her again, spread out like a feast. “Need you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you, baby.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry didn’t mean to fall asleep, and if she’d been thinking clearly she might’ve set an alarm at the very least to make sure that she and Louis didn’t end up missing their chance to keep making love. As it stood both of them were so at ease in the moment-- guards down fully and wrapped up in their own open hearts --that sleep washed over them without either realizing it was happening. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i'm running out of steam and will do minimal tagging on these last few chapters-- but will hit all the big stuff</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Leaving on a Jet Plane</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tags: fluff; mild angst; bittersweet moments!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Sunday, traveling)</p>
<p>
  <span>It was midnight when Harry woke up, bleary-eyed and confused. The lights were on in their hotel room, and for one terrible moment she thought that maybe they’d slept till morning and would need to leave right away. Reading the time on the clock at the bedside table made Harry feel like the universe had given them a gift, and she kissed Louis awake to share it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Time’sit?” Louis muttered, still half asleep. When Harry told her it was midnight, she smiled, eyes still closed, and tightened her grip on Harry. “Good thing, if it were morning I’d give it a bollocksing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That gave them the rest of the night to be with one another, and Harry wasted no time in fully waking Louis up with her mouth and hands, eager to have Louis’ taste on her lips again. They took their time with one another as much as they could, sharing touches and kisses that worked them both into a frenzy and then rocked them back down to earth and each other’s arms. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was nearing 5am when they finally made themselves stop, exhausted from the kind of sex marathon neither of them was properly used to. Head on Louis’ chest and one hand resting between her sticky thighs, Harry felt as though she was miles away from the worries she’d been having earlier in the night. Whatever happened, there was this night. This day. This whole week with Louis. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In her dreams she and Louis were on the ocean together in increasingly smaller boats until eventually they ended up on a door like the end of Titanic. Both of them fit, though, and they clung to each other fiercely even when the water got choppy. When they were tossed from their door, Harry heard dream Louis whisper, “you’re a bird, I’m a bird,” reaching her wing arms out to pull Harry from the water. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The image of the two of them flying off together was the last thing Harry remembered when she woke up. She touched her bird tattoos, closing her eyes and smiling at how dreadfully sappy it was to have dreams referencing The Notebook right now. She didn’t care though. It was lovely in its own way. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Getting ready to leave the hotel was easier than leaving the boat had been in a lot of ways. They were already basically packed, and once they’d shoved toiletries back into their appropriate places and made sure they weren’t leaving anything, all that was left was to check out and go to the airport. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That meant they still had a little time to lounge before needing to leave, so they ordered room service breakfast and sat on the unmade bed together sharing bites of eggs and toast, Harry sipping coffee and Louis with her tea. It was as domestic as they could get in such a short time together, and Harry wanted to soak it in as much as possible. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I put something in your suitcase,” Louis said, taking their breakfast tray and setting it outside the room to be picked up. “Don’t peek until you’re home and settled.” Harry started to protest, but Louis stopped her with a little shake of her head. “It’s nothing fancy, just something I thought you’d like.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, okay.” Harry tried to play it off as if she wasn’t totally pleased, but she couldn’t hide her smile. “I put something in yours too. Also small. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Also </span>
  </em>
  <span>no peeking.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>have to go through customs. You aren’t trying to get me held in the states, are you baby?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry gave Louis a gentle shove. “Oh god no, I wouldn’t risk that with anyone. I promise it’s fine. But it’s in your toiletry bag if there’s any problem.” She’d slipped a small, travel-sized bottle of her body wash in next to Louis’ toothbrush and shampoo and such, hoping that Louis would find it when she got home and use it when she wanted to think of Harry. Never had being an over-prepared traveler who brought along extras of everything been so useful. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I won’t look unless legally bound to, promise.” Louis linked her pinky with Harry’s, kissing it to seal the agreement. Of course Harry trusted her, but the gesture still made her heart swell just a little. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis went to use the toilet and Harry flopped back onto the bed, grabbing her phone to check it for messages. She’d sent word to Zayn that she would call him after Louis’ flight left so they could talk, and she had a response from him saying that he was looking forward to it. But that was all the messages Harry had. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’d assumed that she’d wake up to a text from Ash, but there was nothing. Just a read receipt that showed her Ash had seen her text at 10:30pm Saturday night and said nothing back so far. No missed you, no call me, nothing. Unfortunately her mind was just enough of a mess that she couldn’t really tell if that was normal for them or not. Would Ash usually message her? Would they normally be worried? Or was that something that was Harry’s typical behavior that she was simply craving in return? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Checking your texts, baby?” Louis ran a hand through her hair, messing up the front and fixing it again. Harry had noticed it was a habit when she was antsy. She smiled up at her, setting her phone aside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Was, yeah. But I don’t have to now. Come sit with me. We’ve got a few minutes.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s always a few minutes with you, love.  Five or ten or fifteen.” Louis laid down next to her on the bed, thumb stroking across Harry’s hand. “I like it, how you always want us to have those extra moments together. It’s quite sweet.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We should have them if we can.” Harry rolled onto her side, scooting over so she was closer to Louis. “I plan on staying with you at your gate till your flight leaves, so that gives us a few more. Would steal some from somewhere else if I could, too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis’ contented sigh at that idea made Harry want to get even closer, fitting herself against Louis’ side and throwing one leg over Louis’ so that there was hardly any space between them. They laid like that quietly for a few minutes, just breathing each other in. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The buzz of Harry’s phone was what disturbed them, and she knew that it was a text from Ash without even looking. Louis kissed her forehead, leaning back a little to let Harry grab her phone, and she did it begrudgingly, reaching behind her and fumbling for a moment until she laid her hand on it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A: </span>
  <em>
    <span>Cool, see ya ltr </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Out of all the responses she thought she might get, it wasn’t the worst. But it made her roll her eyes, tossing her phone behind her and not even caring when she heard it thump onto the floor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, baby? Wanna tell me what they said?” Louis’ face was etched with concern, and Harry leaned forward to kiss a little crinkle on her forehead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s so dumb, honestly. Doesn’t even make sense.” Harry let out a wry laugh, moving back to snuggle with Louis. “I can show you on the way to the airport, since we probably shouldn’t be all over one another in a taxi at midday.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Whatever you want, baby. But if you think a little thing like being in a taxi would stop me from touching you I’m afraid you’re in for a bit of a shock.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their taxi arrived just when it was supposed to, and their ride to the airport was relatively uneventful. The driver didn’t say much to them, just helped them with their bags and confirmed where they were going before setting off, his own choice of music playing softly so that he could ignore them. They didn’t do much talking, though, content to just hold hands and lean on one another instead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they got to the airport they had to separate to check in. Of course Harry knew what gate Louis would be at and planned to meet her there, but standing in line to check her bags the reality of this being possibly her last time with Louis ever actually hit her. She balled up her fists, trying to will her tears away, but it didn’t work; when she walked up to hand her bags over to the clerk it was with damp cheeks and red eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The woman looked at her with sympathy but didn’t ask if she was okay, and Harry was grateful for it. She couldn’t think of a way to explain that the woman who’d wandered into her life as a possible fling had turned into so much more, or that being parted from her felt as devastating as any of the breakups or challenges she’d ever dealt with. Instead they both spent the interaction at the counter with uncomfortable smiles plastered on, each trying to make everything go as quickly as possible. It made Harry appreciate the usually alienating process of security that much more at least. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry managed to beat Louis to her gate-- she checked the departure screens multiple times to make sure she hadn’t gotten the wrong one --and so she sat down and waited, purposefully not pulling out her phone. If she had it out she’d only want to look at Ash’s text or send a message to Zayn, and neither of those things was something she wanted to be doing once Louis was there with her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was ridiculous to think it, but Harry could swear she sensed it when Louis was near. One moment she was watching the local weather report change from one to seven days on one of the tv screens that was mounted near the gate, growing bored. The next, it was almost as though she warmed just from Louis’ eyes being on her. Smiling, she turned around, making eye contact with Louis. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’d only been apart for thirty minutes at most, but already Harry could feel herself smiling so hard she thought her face would break as she sprung up from her seat and went to Louis. Arms wrapping around one another, the kiss they shared was probably a little too heated for the airport, but neither could be bothered to care. When they pulled apart, Harry found herself just staring at Louis with a dopey grin on her face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I feel like it would be easy to spend a long time just kind of admiring what you’re like.” Louis ducked her head at the compliment, looking up at Harry through her lashes. It made Harry giggle, scrunching her nose to stop herself from smiling too hard. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d let you do that if it meant I could spend all that time doing the same for you.” Louis leaned in to kiss Harry’s cheek, the corners of their lips only just touching. “Thinking about what a lovely person you are, thoughtful and kind and funny. Clever. Se--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry pressed a finger to Louis’ lips, cutting her off. “Stop telling me wonderful things about myself,” she said, raising her eyebrows as if daring Louis to try to defy her. “I wanna be admiring </span>
  <em>
    <span>you, </span>
  </em>
  <span>not the other way around!” She took her finger away slowly-- only after Louis had puckered her lips and kissed the tip --finally lowering it when she was satisfied Louis had stopped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sexy.” Louis cackled when Harry gave her a teasing glare, hands moving to Harry’s waist to pull her in and kiss her. Beside them a man in a suit cleared his throat and coughed, clearly trying to give them the signal that he was uncomfortable; both Harry and Louis shared a look immediately, seemingly on the same page. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know Lou, I was just thinking about how great it is to be a woman who loves other women. Like, isn’t great?” Harry raised her voice just enough that she was certain the man who’d cleared his throat could hear, though she didn’t bother turning to glance at him. “Just being queer and like, kissing and touching?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is, baby!” Louis matched Harry’s volume and tone, loud and little saccharine. “Being a dyke and just--” Louis clenched her fist for emphasis, “getting to love other women in public and private as we like. Wouldn’t have it any other way, would you love?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No! I absolutely wouldn’t!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shall we kiss again, then?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before Harry could respond, the man in the suit huffed past them, probably glaring if they’d cared to look. “We should absolutely kiss again,” she said in her usual voice. “And again and again and again, as much as you want to.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I want to quite a lot.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They found a pair of seats that were tucked away next to a gate that wasn’t currently in use and sat down next to each other, Harry turning so her leg was up in the chair underneath her and she was able to face Louis, who was currently double checking that her passport and boarding documents were in the right place. It gave Harry a chance to watch her in profile, hair soft and falling around her face and eyes squinting in concentration. When she finished and turned back to Harry, the smile that came to her face almost left Harry breathless. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Love you,” Harry said, reaching out to touch Louis’ face. For how hard it had been to let herself say the words, they came so easily now that it surprised her. And yet it was true. “I’m going to miss you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis inhaled, holding her breath and leaning into Harry’s touch with eyes soft and half-closed. “I love you too, angel. And I’ll miss you like you won’t believe.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s going to happen?” Harry whispered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We don’t know, do we, love? But we’ll figure it out piece by piece.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sighing, Harry leaned forward, falling headfirst into kissing Louis like it was the only source of comfort she’d ever know. As she dipped her tongue into Louis’ mouth she let herself really appreciate the experience, from the earthy taste of milky tea that mixed with the lingering brightness of minty toothpaste to the luscious warmth and softness of Louis' mouth. She hummed into the kiss, rising up on her knee so she could cup Louis’ face, holding her there like she was the most precious thing Harry had ever touched. She kind of was, maybe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pulling back, Louis ran her fingertip across Harry’s lips, touch light and reverent. “I’m going to dream about kissing you, y’know? I’m not looking forward to not being able to do it, but I won’t mind having you in my dreams.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Harry nodded, mind drifting to her dream from the night before. She wanted to fly away with Louis right now. “Yeah.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey. We still have an hour before my flight starts boarding. Let’s not spend it sad, alright” Louis booped Harry’s nose, making her giggle. “Why don’t you tell me the thing you liked best about the cruise?” Before Harry could respond, Louis jumped back in to add, “other than meeting me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>going to be my answer.” Harry paused, considering the past week. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And then tell me what you think you’re going to write about for your article.” Louis’ eyes gleamed a little wickedly as she spoke, and Harry’s mouth dropped in response.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh! That’s really hard, I haven’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually </span>
  </em>
  <span>planned anything yet, just sent a couple of bullshit lists to my editor. Okay…” Tugging at the ends of her hair, Harry thought about everything that had happened this week, trying her best to focus not simply on Louis but on the entirety of the cruise. It was a lot harder than she wanted it to be. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Take your time, take your time, got all day,” Louis teased, waving her hand dismissively. Harry swatted at her, shaking her head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m trying! Bossy!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh I thought you liked it when I was bossy, love. Didn’t seem to mind it yesterday one bit.” Louis’ voice was low and raspy in Harry’s ear, and she felt a blush rise to her cheeks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know how I feel about that, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Daddy.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>It was Louis’ turn to blush a little, clearly turned on not only by Harry’s use of the title but also the way she’d pitched her voice deep and honey-sweet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“God you really are perfect, angel.” Louis ran her hand through Harry’s hair, gripping at the base of her skull and giving a light tug that made Harry gasp. It was subtle enough that nobody would notice-- especially given the distance between them and any other travelers --but having Louis touch her like that in the airport made Harry’s belly twist with desire. Louis kept her hand there for a long moment, pressure tight against Harry’s skull, only releasing her hold when Harry’s eyes drifted closed. Harry whined softly at the loss of tension. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, love. I really shouldn’t tease you right now, but you do make it easy. And fun.” Harry leaned her head back against Louis’ palm like a cat, and Louis appeased her with gentle scratches to her scalp. “Now-- favorite things.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, right. You distracted me!” Running through the week, her mind kept returning to the karaoke nights on board. Yes, they’d been made better by Louis’ presence, but they weren’t fun simply because of her. “Karaoke nights, both of them. It was nice getting to see everyone in our group up there having fun, and, um, yeah, I guess I just really like karaoke, but haven’t done it in a while in my real life. So that’s the best part of the cruise for me. What about you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Turning it around on me, then!” Louis’ hand stilled at the back of Harry’s head, her palm sliding down to rest on the back of Harry’s neck in a way that felt comforting and just possessive enough to make Harry squirm a bit. She liked the idea of anyone looking immediately thinking she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>with </span>
  </em>
  <span>Louis, not just a friend. She smiled at the thought, turning her focus back to Louis when she started speaking again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a tough choice, but my favorite part other than meeting you was San Juan. Not just us spending the day together, though it didn’t hurt matters,” Louis clarified when Harry gave her a bit of side eye. “It was really lovely as a city, and all the things we did-- walking around the city, just talking and taking it all in without any sort of plan --felt a bit like what I always thought a proper vacation should be like, yeah?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry nodded. “I know what you mean. It had that romantic comedy feeling to it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It did, didn’t it?” Louis beamed, eyes sparkling back at Harry. Even if Harry hadn’t been feeling good, she’d have smiled back at that grin. “Do you remember part two, or were you hoping I’d forget?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I knew you wouldn’t,” Harry said, rolling her eyes fondly. “You wanted to know what I’m going to write about. And, um, I still don’t know?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not a single idea?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean there are a few ways I could go, right? The basic angle that Olivia would love, just hyping up their cruises and putting in some stuff to try to attract a crowd that will make it more inclusive and kind of move it forward a bit.” Harry held out a finger, counting off her ideas, and Louis nodded for her to continue. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s a more sort of, I dunno, jaded millennial approach? Kind of looking at all the ways they’ve not worked to keep up with the times, maybe chat with someone who runs a more inclusive queer getaway as a contrast.” Harry shrugged even as she counted it off, knowing that while she’d probably include a bit of that she wasn’t going to write an article bashing the company. They weren’t great, but with the right influence they could certainly be better. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What else?” Louis asked, bringing Harry back into the moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uhh, profile angle? I didn’t do any interviews but I could, including my own experience. Kind of like-- here’s this multigenerational cruise, and here’s how it was for a person in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and so on.” That angle was one she doubted Jamie would go for; she always bristled at things that separated LGBTQ+ people by age for reasons that Harry kind of didn’t want to know. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And, I mean-- there’s the personal angle.” Counting it off, Harry looked to Louis, wondering how-- or if --she’d respond to that one. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you-- what do you mean, love?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>us. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It’s a compelling enough story, and I could probably weave in elements of all of the other ideas I had. It’s tricky, of course, and I wouldn’t, um, I wouldn’t put anything in that you didn’t want me to. Plus I would change your name if you wanted and just-- are you upset?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis shook her head, but her expression made Harry think she wasn’t being entirely honest. Her lips were turned down, and her eyebrows drawn together so that instead of her usual squinty eyed smile she was all tight and serious. “Not upset, just, well, surprised, I guess.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s surprising?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis looked away from Harry for a moment, eyes turning down to the floor as if she was considering the terrible airport carpet. “I didn’t think we were just a story. Or, yeah, didn’t think I was.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Immediately Harry realized she’d said something wrong-- somewhere she’d made Louis think that the story was somehow more important than their actual relationship, and while she was sure she couldn’t pinpoint exactly where, she knew she had to make it right. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lou, no. You’re-- I’m literally in love with you, okay? It’s not just some story to tell for clicks. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You’re </span>
  </em>
  <span>not that, you’re-- fuck, you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything </span>
  </em>
  <span>to me right now. I promise. I do.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jesus, yeah, of course, I’m--” Louis gave a heavy sigh, leaning back in her seat. “Sorry, baby, I know you’ve been nothing but genuine with me. I just didn’t think about being the focus of your story, I guess?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If it bothers you at all I won’t do it, like I said I have other angles and I--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no, you should do what works best.” Louis stroked at the back of Harry’s neck with her thumb. “I just-- stories have an ending, yeah? That’s where my mind went. If the cruise was just a story about us, then it ends with the article. And of course it could, it can,” fixing Harry with a serious look, Louis shifted closer, “if that’s what happens, I’ll sort myself out.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But I don’t want that,” Harry pleaded, forehead scrunching with displeasure. “We don’t know where we’re going, Lou, but it’s not nowhere.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Course it’s not, love. I just. I’m scared too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re allowed that.” Harry brought Louis’ free hand to her lips and kissed it. “We can both be scared a little.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a shit time to bring this up, but have you considered what you’ll say to Ash? How you’ll talk about me, us? If you’ll talk about it at all?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry leaned back, a little affronted. “I’m going to talk to them about us, Lou.” Even as she said it, she could hear a little voice inside her head calling her a cheater, telling her she’d fucked up and there was no talking her way out of it. Her chest tightened at the thought of losing everything and </span>
  <em>
    <span>everyone </span>
  </em>
  <span>after all was said and done. No Ash, no Louis, probably a pariah among a lot of her friends. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course you will, baby. I’m sorry, I--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, you’re right to want to talk about it. I mean either they didn’t get it when I tried to bring it up, or they didn’t care. I guess I won’t know until I see them.” Harry chewed at her lip, thinking through possible scenarios with Ash and feeling her stomach turn with each one. “Fuuuck,” she swore softly. “I do </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>want this to be hard.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It might be, love.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It </span>
  <em>
    <span>will. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I already know.” Silence fell between them for a moment, Harry’s mind filling up with worries and doubts. She took a deep breath and tried to push through them, not wanting to get bogged down with negative thoughts. “Right, you said yesterday all I can control is myself. What I do.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I did, I suppose. Makes me sound smart.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are, so yeah. Anyway, I’m going to talk to them. Tonight, I guess? I don’t think I can leave it.” Behind them, at the gate Louis’ flight was set to leave from, the speaker crackled a little before a woman began talking about boarding procedure, her voice making Harry’s throat go dry as the reality hit her that Louis’ departure was imminent.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Passengers for flight 441 to New York, JFK airport, your boarding will begin shortly and we will call you by zones. Please have your boarding passes ready, and thank you for flying with us today.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit shit shit, that’s your flight, Lou.” Harry’s heart started racing as she realized that not only was Louis leaving, she was leaving with this awful, stupid conversation as her last memory. “I don’t want this to be the last thing you talk about with me.” She could feel tears pricking at her eyes and she wished that she could will them away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, hey. I don’t have to go til the last call, love. I’ve got my assigned seat, one little bag-- it’s alright, yeah?” Louis pulled Harry closer, kissing her once on the forehead, then the temple, then the cheek, and finally on the mouth. “We still have a bit of time.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want you to leave me, though.” Harry’s voice cracked as she spoke, tears spilling from her eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want me to leave you, either, love.” Louis’ eyes shone with tears too, and Harry reached up to touch the creases by her eyes. “We’ll figure it all out. We will. I love you, Harry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was what pushed Harry from crying to sobbing, and Louis immediately responded by making Harry move onto her lap where Louis could wrap her arms around Harry and just hold her. Harry was sure that people were staring, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis held her until her tears stopped, and then refused to let Harry up when she tried to move back to her seat. “I’ve already got you here, and if we were going to be embarrassed it’s already happened. Might as well enjoy being as close as we can, baby.” Harry couldn’t argue with it and didn’t particularly want to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The plane started boarding while Harry was still crying, and by the time she stopped they were part way through, still calling out zones as more passengers crowded around with their carry-ons, waiting for their turn. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you,” Harry said, resting her head against Louis’. “It’s weird that it was hard to say it at first and now it’s just-- yeah.” She sniffed, nose still stuffy from crying. “Really easy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I like that it’s easy. For you and for me, too. I didn’t expect any of this, baby, but I feel so lucky to have gotten this time with you. Really do.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They held onto each other for as long as they could, until the woman at Louis’ gate made the final boarding call and they couldn’t avoid it any more. Hand in hand, they walked to Louis gate and shared one last kiss before Louis turned to go. Harry kept her eyes on Louis all the way down the jet bridge-- or at least as far as she could see --managing to smile and hold up her hand when Louis turned to give her one last look. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t stay to watch Louis’ plane move away from the terminal, and she didn’t linger by the gate. Instead she moved at a New Yorker’s pace through the airport, making her way to her own gate. When she found it, she immediately walked past and found a bathroom, sitting down on the toilet and crying like a child. She was certain people could hear her, but she didn’t really care. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a while before she left the bathroom, seeking out a coffee stand and indulging in a cloyingly sweet frozen coffee drink that made her teeth and stomach ache even from looking at it. Finding a spot next to an outlet, she plugged in her phone and immediately called Zayn. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank fuck, finally,” Zayn said when he answered, not even bothering with hello. “I cannot believe you’ve kept me on the line like this for so long, and I need to know ev-er-y-thing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry couldn’t help it; she started crying again immediately. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ohh babes, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>you, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Z. It’s Louis. It’s Louis being gone and me probably never seeing her again and everything being ruined and stupid and it’s all my fault.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hey. </span>
  </em>
  <span>That is so not happening, just not on at all, okay? Tell me everything.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She tried to do just that, picking up from Saturday even if that wasn’t exactly when she and Zayn had last talked. It took her a good twenty minutes to get everything out, Zayn responding as he listened, though mostly she could just hear him puttering around his apartment, fridge door opening and closing and water running sometimes. If she closed her eyes, Harry could almost pretend she was just sitting at Zayn’s tiny kitchen table, waiting for him to join her so they could get lost in conversation for a while. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she was finished, she could hear Zayn flop down on his bed, mattress squeaking softly. “And then I called you. After I got a giant coffee thing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, sickie treat? I’m sorry, that’s really bad.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Harry nodded, chasing her straw with her tongue and sucking down too much icy coffee for one swallow. She hissed at the brain freeze it gave her. “I’m going to feel disgusting.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zayn chuckled sympathetically. “You will. Are you working tomorrow?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes? No? I honestly don’t remember. Guess I should check, huh?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you can’t, just text me and I’ll tell Jamie you caught something on the plane.” Zayn paused for a moment, and Harry closed her eyes, trying to ready herself for whatever he might say even though she had no idea what it could be. “So, uh, you may not want to hear this, babes. But I think I have to say it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can break up with Ash any time. Tonight, tomorrow, whatever. But you need to end it. I know I’ve said it before, and you always find ways to explain why you want to be with them. But listen-- it’s all bullshit.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry scoffed, annoyed with Zayn even though a part of her felt the same way. “I know you think we need to breakup, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>you don’t like Ash, and I just--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry! Listen to me, please. Fuck sake.” When Harry didn’t interrupt him, Zayn continued. “I can’t tell if Louis is just a catalyst for this or what. I don’t think she is, but without meeting her it’s like-- I dunno babes, I mean you haven’t always had the best taste in dates, have you?” Before Harry could say anything, Zayn was quick to shut her down. “Don’t argue that point with me, we both know your dating history here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine. What’s your point, though?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, let me just ask you something. Can you remember the first week or two you started seeing Ash?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry thought back to it. She’d met Ash at a friend’s birthday party where they’d been seated next to her. They talked through dinner, and Harry remembered feeling special that someone so effortlessly attractive would be interested in her. When they exchanged numbers at the end of the night, Harry didn’t expect them to call. Their first weeks of dating weren’t much different. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Every time they went out, Harry pushed herself to impress Ash, worried that they’d lose interest if she wasn’t pretty or shiny or clever enough. She wasn’t a doormat or anything-- she expressed opinions and ideas and she and Ash disagreed on a few things --but especially early on she’d been careful to step outside herself and make sure she was staying within the lines of what Ash seemed to like. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean. Yes?” Harry said hesitantly. She wanted to hear what Zayn thought of her in that time, since they hadn’t really spoken about it before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zayn sighed. “You really squeezed yourself into some kind of mold that you thought Ash liked. It was weird! You dressed different, got like, really focused on things they liked or wanted to do.” Zayn waited for Harry to agree, and when she did he continued. “And I don’t know how you saw it, but from my perspective, it was like they noticed it and kind of leaned into it a little? Like when you’d do something that was ‘right’ they really would give you more attention for it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry tried, but couldn’t quite see what Zayn was saying. “When you get together with someone there’s always that period of trying to figure out what the other person likes, though, and like, fitting around it. There’s nothing wrong with that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you have that with Louis then?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I--” It only took a moment’s consideration for Harry to realize that she hadn’t. She and Louis had fit together in a way that meant she didn’t ever feel like she was supposed to be impressive. She was herself, and Louis liked that. Loved it, even. Loved </span>
  <em>
    <span>her. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“No,” Harry said finally. “We really didn’t.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t think so.” Zayn sounded so sure of himself, and if he wasn’t Harry’s best friend she’d definitely hate him a little for it. “And maybe things won’t work out with Louis, but they’re not working with Ash either. Have you two even talked at all?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I forgot to text them until like 9 last night and they hate talking on the phone, so they just texted me back.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god babes, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Do you hear yourself?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry rolled her eyes, half at Zayn and half at herself. “Yes,” she sighed. “And I’m talking to them tonight. That’s all I can think about right now. Well, that and the fact that I have no idea when I’ll see Louis again, which is honestly making me a lot sadder than anything about Ash, so. Yeah.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stayed on the phone awhile longer, talking things through until Harry’s flight began boarding. She got a window seat and tried her best to get comfortable, leaning her head against the window and watching heat rise up off the pavement as the plane filled up around her. When the plane started to taxi, she pulled out her sleep mask and put it on along with headphones to drown out the ambient noise. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she woke up the flight was nearly over. She’d managed a dreamless sleep somehow, but the moment she woke up and realized just how close she was to home all her worries came rushing right back to her. As the plane touched down, each bump in the landing felt like it was shaking another anxiety loose and moving it through her system. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As she waited to leave the plane she turned her phone on, sending a quick text to Ash to say she’d landed but didn’t know how long getting home would take. They sent back a thumbs up emoji, and Harry sighed as she pulled up Zayn’s contact and called him again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you sure you can’t meet me at my place and stand beside me while I talk with them?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello Harry, have a good flight?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I slept. But Zayn I’m serious! I don’t know if, um--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry’s hand fell from her face and she almost dropped her phone. Because Louis was at her gate. Their eyes met and Harry felt like laughing and crying hysterically all at once, and it was all she could do not to shove past the people in front of her just to close the distance between them. Louis’ arms were open and Harry nearly tackled her jumping into them, letting Louis lift her off the ground a little before they stopped to kiss. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you doing here? I thought your flight--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It got delayed. I realized yours would get in before mine left, and I had to come see you one more time.” Louis’ smile fell for a half second and she turned around as if looking for something. “Is someone saying your name?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit!” Harry held the phone away from her ear to almost shout an apology to Zayn. “Zayn I’m sorry! But it’s Louis!” When she heard Zayn stop yelling, she put him on speakerphone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s Louis doing there?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi Zayn! Harry’s told me good things about you! My flight got delayed and I had to see her one more time. Mind if I steal her away?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zayn laughed, and Harry could picture the way his face was lighting up with it. “Yeah, have at it. She’ll call me after I’m sure. Take me off speaker now, Harry?” Harry did, bringing the phone up to her ear again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ash would never,” he said, once again so smug that Harry wanted him to be wrong even though she knew he wasn’t. “Tell me I’m right.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Love you too, talk to you later,” Harry said, ending the call. He’d forgive her for it. Because Louis was right in front of her, looking beautiful even under the fluorescent airport lighting, a smile on her face and her hands at Harry’s waist. “Hi.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, love.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry let herself fall forward into Louis’ arms, wrapping herself around Louis as tightly as she could. “How long do we have?” She whispered, face squished against Louis’. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Half hour, I’d say. My gate’s in this terminal too, just down the other end.” Louis stepped back and took Harry’s hand. “Walk down there with me?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” Harry said, giving Louis’ hand a squeeze in return. As they made their way through the airport, Harry couldn’t keep the smile off her face. “I needed this.” Turning to look at Louis, Harry watched as a smile took up the half of her face that was visible in profile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too. I got on the plane to leave you and just wanted to be able to hold you one more time. Tell you I love you. Give you one more kiss.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry squeezed Louis’ hand again, her own quiet way of saying she’d wanted the same thing. “I practically ran once you were out of sight and just, like, cried in the bathroom. I don’t want you to think I don’t love you, or that this isn’t huge for me, what we have. Because it is, Lou.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, my baby.” Louis steered Harry out of the flow of people walking through the airport to stand against a wall, facing her. “I know it is. I think I was holding back a lot of my worries this past week, just shoving them aside instead of voicing them or working through them on my own. And they just-- exploded?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Was that-- did I make you feel like you couldn’t tell me anything?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s on me. And I just didn’t want to think about it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry nodded her agreement. “Even when it came up for me it was the last thing I wanted to think or talk about. So I get it.” She bit her lip, unsure if she should hold back what she was thinking or not. The open look on Louis’ face told her that she shouldn’t. “I was on the phone with Zayn trying to get him to come talk to Ash with me, actually. I feel like we’ll break up tonight, and, um I don’t want you to feel obligated, but if you wanted me to-- I mean if </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>wanted to --I feel like we could really do this. You know?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know baby. I’m here.” Louis reached out to put her hand on Harry’s chest, right over her heart. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A smile spread over Harry’s face. “Does that mean I’m here?” she asked, resting her hand on Louis’ chest as well. “Right there in your heart?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Always, baby. Always.” Louis pressed her thumb into Harry’s dimple, smiling back at her. “Now come on, we still have some time before I board. And I want to spend every second of it soaking you in.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This time they did things the way Harry imagined they should have in Miami. Instead of worrying about their future, they appreciated each other in the moment. Louis showed Harry a few pictures that one of her sisters had sent at her request of the two of them as children-- one in matching dresses and a second that was taken later the same day with Louis’ skirt replaced by a pair of shorts, her hair wild from running and playing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They ended up talking and laughing together until Louis had to get ready to board, at which point there became decidedly less talking and a lot more kissing. When Louis finally had to go, they shared one last kiss. Though tears sprang to Harry’s eyes again, this time they felt bittersweet instead of sad. She also stayed to watch Louis' plane pull away, letting herself imagine that Louis could see her as she looked out the window from the plane. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>An unusual sense of calmness settled over Harry after that, and when she got to baggage claim to take her bag-- the last off the carousel --she opted to take a car instead of the train because she liked the idea of being mostly alone, Louis the last person she’d have on her mind or in her head before talking with Ash. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she settled into her seat, giving the driver her address, Harry pulled out her phone to text Ash. She told them she’d gotten hung up at the airport and was just leaving, but that it shouldn’t take too long to get home. That was going to be the extent of what she said, but at the last moment she added on that they should talk about a few things when Harry got home. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ash didn’t respond right away, so Harry texted Zayn as well, telling him that she’d probably call later but that seeing Louis had been the perfect thing. He responded right away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zayn: Of course it was the perfect thing. You are so into her LMAO</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zayn: Seriously though do call me later if you need me to come over or anything else. I mean it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry: I will. Promise. And thank you for everything/not letting me stay on my bullshit too much</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry: So glad I have you in my life</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After that, Harry put her phone away and leaned back, watching as the twilight around her darkened and the city began to light up. Louis was over the ocean now, all these lights too far away to see, but Harry could feel her everywhere, her presence solid and unmistakable and comforting in the calm before a very certain storm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Call It</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tags: angst; some fluff; lots of Zayn &amp; Harry friendship; fighting/break up</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>(Sunday night, Brooklyn)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The car pulled up outside of Harry’s apartment building much faster than she’d expected it would, and suddenly much of the peace she’d been managing to feel evaporated, leaving her restless and anxious. She did her best to think of Louis and to remember that what she could control in this situation was always and only herself. It wasn’t the way she often approached things with Ash, but she knew she owed it to herself to do it now, at least. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she opened the door, Ash was in the kitchen, fridge door wide open as they leaned in to get something out of the back. There was something familiar and comforting about the sight that made her smile softly, thinking of times when they’d cooked dinner together and had to navigate their tiny kitchen without running into one another. Her hands on Ash’s hips, moving them to one side so she could open a drawer; Ash steadying themselves on Harry’s waist as they reached up to get something from a high shelf. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, you’re back finally,” Ash said, bumping the fridge door closed with their hip. “I ordered Chinese for dinner from the place we like, but it’s kinda cold now so you might have to heat it up. Do you want a drink?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, if there’s wine in the fridge, thanks.” Harry set her bags down by the door, taking her time as if that might actually make talking with Ash any easier. She knew it wouldn’t. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I figured you’d wanna tell me about your trip, so I didn’t make any plans for tonight. C’mon, come sit.” While Harry scooped out servings of lo mein and salt and pepper shrimp to heat up, Ash poured her some wine and opened a beer for themselves, picking at the label with their thumbnail while they waited for her to finish. “So how was it?” They asked after realizing Harry wasn’t going to start talking unprompted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was really great, actually. I met a couple of people around my age who were really cool, and the woman who was my liaison, Niall, was great. Her friend, too. Liam.” The microwave dinged and Harry pulled her food out, sitting down with Ash and taking a large swallow of wine. “And there was, um, the person I emailed you about.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ash grimaced. “Yeah, your hookup. I’m really glad you went for it, H. I still don’t want details, though.” They laughed, clearly uncomfortable, and took another sip of their beer. “Didn’t you go on some kind of diving trip or something?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Harry said, trying to figure out how to bring things back around without making Ash feel like she didn’t hear them. “I did, and it was fun. Well, weird, but fun. And I got an awful sunburn, thought I’d be miserable all week.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It doesn’t look bad at all.” They pressed their thumb into Harry’s forearm. “Yeah you’ve got a base tan, looks good on you actually.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, it healed really well. And, um. A lot of that was because of Louis, who I was trying to tell you about. The woman I met?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ash’s face changed from one of discomfort to annoyance. They huffed softly. “Okayyyy. I mean if you really feel like you have to tell me something about her you can, but I’ve been really clear about my boundaries with this stuff and I kind of feel like you’re stepping all over them right now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So-- that’s sort of the thing? We were only going to talk about things that were possibly serious, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, that’s exactly why I’m kind of getting annoyed right now, you--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This was serious, Ash. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Is </span>
  </em>
  <span>serious.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Ash giggled, shaking their head in confusion. “How is someone you hooked up with on a boat serious?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It wasn’t just a hookup. We met and hit it off, and then we kissed, and-- we saw each other every night. And, um, yeah, I’ve uh, got--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god, spit it the fuck out Harry,” Ash said, not raising their voice but clearly frustrated. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I fell in love with her.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The silence around them was immediate and heavy. For several seemingly endless moments, neither of them moved, neither of them breathed. Instead they sat there each in their own individual swirl of thoughts, Ash’s face shifting from hurt to angry to sad to annoyed and Harry feeling a mix of guilt and shame and pride and love that made no sense at all to her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Finish eating and we can talk about this, I need a minute.” Ash stood, stalking off to the bathroom and leaving Harry staring down at her plate. She wasn’t really hungry at the moment, so she covered her food and stuck it back in the fridge, figuring she’d eat it later if she felt like it. She took another gulp of wine before deciding she needed water instead. She was pouring herself a glass when Ash came back, sitting down on the couch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean you fell in love with her?” They waited til Harry sat down to ask her, arms crossed over their chest. “How do you fall in love with someone in one week?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” Harry said, drawing her legs up onto the couch and hugging her knees to her chest. “It just happened, really. We met and got along, and every time we were together it just felt better.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And she felt that way about you, too?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s mutual. We discussed it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So what do you plan to do about it?” Ash fixed Harry with a hard look, jaw clenched. They weren’t crying, but she could practically feel the hurt and anger and sadness radiating off of them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Talking to you is the start. Honestly. I haven’t known what to do about this since I started having these feelings, and I don’t know now. I just need to get it out. Or maybe we do? Both of us?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When did you start having feelings for her?” Ash narrowed their eyes at Harry and it felt like a challenge. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When I emailed you. I thought we’d talk a little then, but you didn’t seem to want to.” Harry could feel herself getting defensive, and she wasn’t sure how to stop it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ash huffed an angry laugh. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>That? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Hon that was not an email telling me you were falling in love with someone. That was you being weird about the polyam stuff.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It wasn’t!” Harry’s chest felt full and tight with emotion, and she took a large sip of water, trying to give herself a little time to calm down. “And even if it had been, you don’t just get to dismiss my feelings about it. You know that it’s not been easy for me. I haven’t been going on dates or being with other people.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I thought you were just freaking out a little about it, so I tried to change the subject and make sure you didn’t think I was worried about you having fun with someone.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suddenly Harry felt bad about her reaction in that moment, how annoyed she’d been with Ash for bringing up Vermont instead of addressing anything Harry had talked about. “Why Vermont though?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because we’re doing it together? It’s like, the next phase of our relationship or life or whatever.” Ash sighed, rolling their eyes and letting their head fall back for a moment. “Or it was, anyway. Why wouldn’t you be happy about that?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know why,” Harry said, growing frustrated with the way Ash was responding to everything. It felt like their conversation was a battle that Harry had started by accident and was losing, but she couldn’t explain why or how.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, what why? Why wouldn’t Vermont make you happy?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry shifted, bringing her legs down and leaning forward a little, reaching out to Ash but not getting close enough to touch them. “Because Vermont is what you want, and I wanted to do what you wanted for you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ash’s jaw dropped, and they laughed bitterly. “You wanted to do what I wanted for me? Are you kidding, Harry? That’s like. Be less of a doormat, babe.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The comment stung, probably because Harry knew there was truth to it. She’d done things for Ash without them asking for it, always assuming it was what they wanted. And now she was finding out she’d just been wrong the whole time. “You know when you brought it up that I wasn’t for it. But you wanted it so bad. I just wanted you to be happy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s bullshit, Harry,” Ash said with a sigh. “You barely fought me on it at all. We had maybe three or four conversations where you said you didn’t want to move to Vermont, and then you were onboard.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But you weren’t budging on it, so one of us had to.” Harry threw her hands out in an exaggerated shrug. “I like my job. I like New York. But I would’ve made Vermont work. Because it would’ve been for us, and that would’ve been enough.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two of them sat in silence for a moment, Harry because she wasn’t sure what to say. Ash looked as though they were too frustrated and upset to speak, which didn’t make Harry feel any better. She put her hand over her heart and thought of Louis, imagining her right there with her steady presence and warmth. It couldn’t make things magically better, but it helped a little. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So you don’t want to move to Vermont. Did you not want to be in a polyamorous relationship, too? What else did you decide not to tell me because you thought it was what I wanted?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wasn’t deliberately keeping things from you, and I’m not trying to hurt you, Ash; I just have to figure things out. I didn’t stop caring about you. I didn’t stop loving you because I started loving Louis. I just. I have to try to be with her. I have to at least try.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure, okay. Try with her but not me, it’s fine.” Ash stood abruptly, walking into their bedroom. From the couch, Harry could hear them moving around the room, opening and closing drawers. They emerged a few minutes later with an overnight bag. “I’m gonna go stay somewhere else and we’ll talk about the rest of this later.” They grabbed their keys and phone, shoving both into the pockets of their sweats, and opened the door, ready to leave. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They hesitated for a moment before leaving, almost closing the door and turning to Harry with a serious expression. “Can you at least do me a favor? Don’t talk with her while we’re figuring stuff out. It’s the least you can do.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry didn’t have a chance to respond before they were gone, and she sat stock still on the couch for a while, mind racing but unable to process anything that rushed through it. It was later than she thought it would be when she called Zayn. He answered on the first ring. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come over?” She sounded weak and pitiful even to her own ears, and Zayn’s only response was to say he was on his way before hanging up. He arrived at her door not long after with an overnight bag of his own, dropping it to go to Harry on the couch right away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They didn’t talk about anything that had happened between Harry and Ash earlier, mostly because Harry wasn’t ready. Instead Zayn made Harry show him pictures from her trip and tell him a couple of stories about the people she’d met. After a while, he got out the Chinese food and made sure Harry ate, stealing lo mein noodles from her plate as he told her a story about Maureen the not-quite-an-intern pitching a story about her drag king troupe. It wasn’t that funny, but the way Zayn told it had Harry laughing at least.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they went to bed, Zayn cuddled up to Harry, falling asleep fairly quickly. It was comforting and familiar-- she’d missed him, and they hadn’t had a sleepover in far too long --but it made her miss Louis. Who she wasn’t supposed to talk to, apparently. She couldn’t begin to think about how hard that would be. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next morning Zayn made coffee for both of them, bringing Harry hers in bed. She sat up to drink it, letting her head fall against the headboard with a dramatic thunk after taking her first sip. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“S’too early,” she said, glancing out the window at the overcast sky. The grey morning was nothing like the blue she’d woken up to every morning on the boat. “And I’m too bleh.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thought you might say that.” Zayn patted her leg through the duvet. “If you come in, I’ll make sure we get out early. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And </span>
  </em>
  <span>I’ll treat you to the deli you like for breakfast, the one with the good bacon, egg, and cheese.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why do you do these things to me, Zaynie? Why?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What, treat you well and care about you? Because I love you, asshole.” He smiled, and Harry reached out to pinch his cheek. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I love you. You’re not an asshole though.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Course I’m not. Now get up so we can beat the line at that place.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry stripped off her pajamas in the bathroom, taking a look at herself in the mirror there. The top of her nose was a pinky red and she had tan lines from the day that she’d burned, the pale skin of her breasts contrasting with her chest and shoulders. If she wore something with short sleeves people would only see that her skin was a shade or two darker, of course. Without talking to her, they’d think she’d just gotten back from a great vacation. They’d be jealous, even. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As she stood under the shower spray, she wondered how she’d talk about the trip. Would she have to include that she’d gone straight from the plane and into a breakup with her partner? Would anyone understand it if she said she’d met someone and fallen in love, or would they think she was just impulsive and stupid and reckless? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once she was clean and dry and dressed in the easiest thing she could find that was work appropriate, Harry pulled her still wet hair up into a knot and grabbed her things. Zayn was on the couch waiting for her, coffee transferred to a travel mug. She didn’t think she would’ve made it up and out the door without him, and she told him as much. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’d have done the same for me. And I’m not all good,” he said, waiting for Harry to lock the door so they could start their walk to the subway. “I’m going to make you tell me about your fight later y’know.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry tried to give him her most pitiful look, brow furrowing when he shook his head in response. “After breakfast later or end of the day later?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not sure yet. But if you tell me sooner I’ll try to get us out earlier.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zayn was true to his word. All of his words, actually. He bought Harry her favorite sandwich, helped keep her least favorite people away from her, and somehow managed to get them out of work by the early afternoon without even sneaking. She could only assume he’d promised a limb or a first born to the right people, but she didn’t want to ask for details. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>However that meant that he expected to hear about what had happened with her and Ash, and so as they left work they headed to a nearby park to sit and talk. It had rained in the morning, but the clouds had left before noon, replaced with sun and humidity. They sat in the shade on a bench, Harry tucking her feet underneath her and looking at her phone while Zayn got both of them an iced coffee. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright,” he said, handing Harry her coffee and mirroring her posture as he sat. “Tell me what happened.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry did the best she could to recount everything-- Ash’s anger and frustration and her own feelings of hurt and failure as well as the end result of Ash heading out to stay somewhere after asking her not to talk with Louis. Looking back at it in the daylight, Harry hoped she’d be able to see a few ways that she could’ve done better. She still wasn’t sure. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to talk to them again?” Zayn rested one arm on the back of the bench, laying his head on it as he looked at Harry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Harry said automatically. She couldn’t imagine just walking away from their relationship without more than a single conversation, especially one that ended the way theirs had the night before. “I can’t just take a match to our whole relationship like that and pretend it’s fine.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mon, babes. It wasn’t all you. They can pretend they did everything right but we both know they haven’t.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course they’ve messed up too, but like, I should’ve done better, you know? If I had told them outright things were feeling serious with Louis or--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zayn sat up, shaking his head. “I know what you said to them, and if you’d said it to me I would’ve at least asked you more about it.” His voice was firm but quiet, a sign that he was very serious about what he was saying. “Because I know you and I know how you communicate. And they’ve been dating you for a few years now and still don’t get it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But they thought I was just having a hard time with the polyamory stuff, and that’s not so far off, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” Zayn sighed, closing his eyes and tilting his head back as he composed his thoughts. “You were having a hard time with it. But shouldn’t that make them want to talk with you about it? From the start you were clear that it scared you and you didn’t know if you could do it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, but--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry. No buts.” He nudged her foot with his own when she looked away from him. “You deserve someone who wants to talk with you about this stuff, not just push you into agreeing and then use that to absolve themselves of ever dealing with the fallout.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She looked back up at Zayn and nodded, slowly letting his words sink in. She couldn’t picture Louis dismissing her or not taking her worries seriously. Couldn’t imagine a conversation about moving that had gone like the ones she’d had with Ash, constantly pushing until Harry had given in and agreed because she didn’t see any other way to keep them. She was still thinking about it when Zayn spoke again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Speaking of talking, you have to call Louis.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Zayn, I promised--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you? Because it sounded to me like they gave you a directive and then walked out the door.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was true, but it still felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong </span>
  </em>
  <span>in a way. Ash had been so upset about Harry not trying with them, and to do something that went against what they’d asked for explicitly-- it wasn’t an easy thing to decide to do. “If I talk to Louis, I can’t lie to Ash about it, and they might just see it as me completely ignoring them. I don’t want them to think I don’t care.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, I get that. But think about it like this-- if Louis were the one going home to someone to have the kind of talk you were going to have with Ash, what would you think if she didn’t talk to you about it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Putting it like that made Harry’s gut churn. “God, I’d be a wreck. Just-- I’d be certain she’d changed her mind and didn’t care about me anymore.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. And I know I only talked to her for a few seconds on the phone last night, but I don’t think she deserves to have communication cut off with you without even knowing why it’s happening. She seemed too nice for that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Zayn she came to my gate at the airport to see me one last time, god!” The memory of it hit Harry full force and she felt herself getting choked up. “It was thoughtful and sweet and I’m sure a lot of people would’ve liked it, but for me? It felt huge. And she knew it, too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Laying his hand over Harry’s, Zayn gave it a squeeze and fixed her with a serious look. “Please call her right now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry opened her phone to WhatsApp and messaged Louis, asking if she was free. Her call came through only a moment later, and Harry’s mouth parted in a pleased gasp of surprise at the sight before she answered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi baby!” Just hearing Louis’ voice made Harry’s heart soar in her chest, and she couldn’t believe she’d been debating not calling Louis to tell her what was happening. If it were possible Harry would absolutely go back and smack some sense into her recent self. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi Lou! I’ve missed you!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, you’ve missed me, have ya? How do you think I’ve felt? Nobody to hold last night at all. And I found your little present, too. Put it in me shower this morning, closed my eyes when I used it and thought of you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My shower gel! I’m glad! I was worried you wouldn’t see it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you find what I left for you?” Louis’ voice was eager, and Harry found herself giggling as she answered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No! Lou I’m so sorry, I didn’t have a chance to unpack last night at all.” Harry’s face fell as she remembered why she’d called Louis in the first place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, love. How did things go? Y’alright?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not bad, but, um, things didn’t go well.” Harry did her best to explain what had happened with Ash without going into too much detail. After she’d finished describing their fight, she finally admitted the reason she’d called. “Before they left, Ash told me not to talk with you while we’re figuring things out.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis was silent on the other end of the phone, not even the sound of her breath in Harry’s ear. Harry waited for a moment, about to ask Louis if she was still there when she finally spoke. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“God that’s shite,” Louis said quietly. She sounded like the air had been punched out of her, and Harry bit her lip, wanting more than anything to be there with her, wrapping her up and telling her everything would be okay. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I, um, I think I can give them a week at most. Of not talking with you, I mean. They can’t have known what they were asking, it’s like-- not talking to you is going to feel like I’m missing part of myself.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, baby, it’s going to be hard for me too. But you owe it to yourself to do what you think is best. That’s what you’re in charge of, yeah?” Harry could feel Louis’ gentle smile and feel the warm touch of her hand even from so many miles away. She curled into herself, closing her eyes and letting herself pretend she was in Louis’ arms. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you. I’m going to figure it out, I promise. Whatever my future looks like I know you’re in it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stayed on the phone for a few more minutes, both of them pretending they were together in their own little bubble and not an ocean apart. After trading a few more I love yous, they both hung up, promising to talk again in a week. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry sat staring at her phone for a moment afterward, smiling as she let herself imagine seeing Louis again. She was startled by the sound of Zayn clearing his throat, nearly dropping her phone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You forgot I was here, didn’t you?” He laughed when Harry blushed, giving her a little shove. “You loooove her, you want to kiiiiiss her--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut uuuuup!” Harry yelled, slapping her hand over his mouth. When she felt him laughing against her palm, she pulled back, embarrassed because his teasing was so incredibly true. “No quoting romcoms at me right now, I’m in a fragile state!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, but just so you know I took a video of you when you first started talking to her and it’s so comically obvious how much you like her.” Zayn turned his phone toward Harry and hit play, and she watched herself light up on the tiny screen, her face happier than she’d ever actually seen in a picture or video since she was small. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Send me that?” Harry asked, a little sheepish. She wanted it for herself as a reminder of how happy she was just talking to Louis. But she also wanted to send it to Louis, too. To let her see. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Iced coffee done and afternoon turning into early evening, Harry and Zayn got on an overcrowded subway and ended up at a bar not far from Harry’s subway stop, getting happy hour drinks that came with a terrible cheese pizza once you’d ordered at least two cocktails. They walked back to Harry’s arm in arm, tipsy and laughing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For some reason it hadn’t occurred to Harry that Ash would be home, and so when she opened the door to see them sitting on the couch eating a giant bowl of Annie’s mac and cheese with peas she kind of tripped over her own feet, stumbling into the room and making herself appear much drunker than she was. Zayn went to help her up, exchanging a look with her when Ash looked back at the two of them and then silently turned back around. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want me to go?” Zayn whispered. Harry shook her head. She didn’t relish the idea of talking with Ash right now, so either she’d leave and stay with Zayn, or they’d leave and she’d ask Zayn to stay over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Could you wait outside for a second? I should check in with them.” Nodding, Zayn stepped outside the apartment, pulling the door closed behind himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Ash, sorry-- I didn’t expect you to be here tonight or I would’ve tried to come home sooner.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You didn’t think I’d come home to talk to you tonight? Wow H, thanks for the vote of confidence.” Ash scowled into their bowl, pushing their pasta around and avoiding looking up at Harry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean I’m kind of not ready to talk yet? I’m still processing everything, and I thought it would be good to have another day before we start figuring out what we’re doing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ash set their bowl down on the coffee table a little too hard, heaving a put upon sigh. “So we’re just going to wait and let things blow over or something? I’m not going to stop being upset with you just because we don’t talk for a couple days.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t expect that at all! I’m just not ready to talk yet. I can stay with Zayn tonight if you’d like and you can stay here.” Harry sat down on the couch, not close enough to be touching Ash but close enough that they could reach each other if they wanted to. “Look, I really care about you and I want to be ready to talk to you when we do. And I just need one more day to think.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you talk to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Louis?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ash asked, voice laced with venom. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I called her to tell her you’d asked me not to speak with her and told her I wouldn’t be in touch for at least another week.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god Harry what the fuck?” Ash moved quickly, turning so they could face Harry. “You fucking talked to her? After I specifically asked you not to?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I did, yeah.” Harry’s heart raced. They weren’t in the right space to talk about this-- at least she wasn’t --and she worried that she’d shut down if Ash kept pushing. “We’d planned to talk this week, it wasn’t as if I could just ignore her completely. We barely spoke at all.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Whatever, you’re such a fucking hypocrite.” Ash stood, walking into the bedroom and throwing things into the same overnight bag they’d had the night before. Harry sat on the couch, stunned and listening as they muttered something about polyamory and cheating in the other room. “Anyway, I’m going to stay with Jocelyn,” Ash said as they came out of the room, bag slung over their shoulder. “She’s someone I’ve been sleeping with regularly.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh-- okay,” Harry managed to say before Ash grabbed their keys and left, leaving the door open behind them. She’d never heard the name of anyone Ash had dated or slept with or whatever, and it stung a little even though she didn’t want it to. That had probably been Ash’s intention of course. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” Zayn stepped inside the apartment, closing the door and locking it before going to Harry on the couch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What? Yeah, fine. It’s,” Harry sighed, in a daze. She turned to stare at the door, wondering if she could’ve done anything differently to keep Ash from getting so upset and leaving. “Sorry, that was just, uh, really weird and intense?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I couldn’t hear most of it but what I did hear sounded like that. Sorry, babes.” Zayn opened his arms, letting Harry fall into them. She didn’t feel like crying, really. It was more that everything felt heavy-- her heart and head and body --and she was suddenly ready to sleep even though it was barely 8:00pm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just wanna go to bed, I think.” Harry said, leaning back from Zayn’s shoulder. “Will you stay again?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Obviously. C’mon, let’s get you to bed.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry didn’t remember Zayn joining her in bed. She fell asleep almost immediately and had dream after dream, some of them about Louis and some about Ash and some where she was running and falling and wishing she could fly. When she woke up the next morning it felt as though she’d done a triathlon in her sleep; she was tired and more than a little spacy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next day was a blur, Harry too caught up in her thoughts to really pay attention to anything other than her nerves about talking with Ash later. Zayn helped a lot, not only making sure she kept herself “fed and watered” but also by simply being there, sneaking away from his own desk with his laptop to work alongside Harry for most of the afternoon. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He even accompanied her home, hugging her at the door and telling her he planned on coming over later unless she told him not to and that if she needed she could obviously stay with him. Harry was grateful, of course, thanking him and promising to text him no matter what before she took herself inside to get ready to talk with Ash. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They hadn’t actually agreed on a time to talk, and so when Harry found the apartment empty she texted Ash to check in about when they thought they’d come over. Their response was a quick “OMW” text, which Harry figured could mean anything from five minutes to nearly an hour depending on where they were, so she laid on the couch, arm over her eyes, and waited, trying once again to sort through her feelings. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Ash walked in half an hour later, Harry hadn’t really made any headway in thinking about how to talk with them. She knew that she didn’t want them to think she didn’t care, and she knew she wanted to be with Louis somehow, and she couldn’t quite work out where the middle ground was without actually having Ash there to work through it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi,” Harry said, sitting up on the couch. Ash raised their hand in greeting, setting their things down and filling their water bottle before joining Harry on the couch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” they said after finally sitting down. They didn’t look much better than Harry felt, and she sighed, wishing there was some way to press a button to fast forward through what was to come so she could reach the resolution. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, um, hi.” God this was awkward, and Harry struggled to think of how to start talking. She simultaneously wanted to pull everything apart piece by piece and say absolutely nothing about any of it. “Do you want to start, or should I? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll start, I guess.” Ash folded their legs to sit on the couch, looking like they were trying out a new form of lotus pose, too tense to be actually comfortable. “I’m pretty pissed that you talked with Louis after I said I didn’t want you to. When I came home yesterday I thought you’d be here, and knowing you were talking to her instead of me fucked me up a little.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry started to speak, but Ash looked up at her, stopping her short. “I had kind of started feeling a little bit of like, empathy, maybe? Just thinking about how I would feel if I’d hooked up with someone really cool when I was gone for a week. And so I could kind of see how you’d gotten excited and hadn’t known how to tell me. But then when you went against something that I stated </span>
  <em>
    <span>explicitly </span>
  </em>
  <span>I wasn’t cool with, I really freaked out.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They relaxed a little, sitting back and giving Harry a small nod as if encouraging her to respond, and she took a breath, steadying herself before speaking. “I hate that you thought I was trying to be disrespectful of your wishes yesterday. That wasn’t at all what I was doing and if I had known you wanted to talk I would’ve come home to talk with you. But I won’t apologize for calling Louis-- it was the right thing for me to do, and I think if you’d been in my position or hers you’d agree.” Ash looked like they wanted to say something, but Harry cleared her throat and kept talking. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Also you can’t just give me a command and expect me to follow it, which is exactly what you did. Even if it was a boundary or a need, I didn’t agree to it. It felt like you were </span>
  <em>
    <span>ordering </span>
  </em>
  <span>me not to speak with Louis, and that’s not alright at all.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Things devolved from there. They’d definitely gotten stuck on the calling Louis thing, not able to reach an understanding about it, and when they moved on to talking about their polyamory-- or lack thereof --the conversation only devolved from there. Ash felt disrespected and so did Harry, and neither of them was able to see where the other was coming from. Harry tried her best to listen and to make herself heard, but after talking for an hour or so she was ready to shut down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This was usually the moment in their disagreements where Ash would push Harry to keep talking. Sitting on the couch with her knees to her chest, Harry realized she was bracing herself for Ash to repeat the things they’d already said, trying for some new or different response from her. And she knew it wasn’t what she wanted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m done talking about this today,” Harry said in a moment of silence between them. Ash looked back at them, eyebrows raised in a mix of surprise and confusion. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re not done, Harry-- we’ve barely even started talking.” Harry could feel the tension and frustration radiating from them, and it made her tired. She leaned back and closed her eyes, collecting herself before she spoke. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You might not be done, but for today-- I am. We’ve said the same things to one another over and over, and I don’t have anything else to add. I don’t think you do either.” Harry shook her head, willing away the lump in her throat. “I can’t always be the one to give in to whatever it is you want, Ash. And I’m not going to let you push me until I’m too tired to do anything but agree with you tonight.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t do that. At all.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry sighed. “You really do though.” The two of them sat in silence on the couch, the sounds from the street below them drifting up into their apartment, and Harry wondered if it was worth reminding them of their last fight about Vermont. She finally decided it was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Remember the last time we talked about Vermont, when I finally said yes?” Ash nodded, and Harry continued. “I kept suggesting that we go there for the summer or the weekend, maybe rent a cabin. And you kept talking about how it was going to be so much better for us to slow down and leave the city. Every time I brought up work or said I wasn’t sure about leaving, you had an answer for it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because it’s a great place. We could afford a house there, not a shitty one bedroom. And it’s not like you have to be in New York to write. You could freelance, you could--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I could, but I told you I didn’t want to. And it was like-- I realized it didn’t matter if I wanted to or not, because </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>wanted to, and I couldn’t stand to fight you on it anymore.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, but--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Ash. No but. You called me a doormat for it the other night, and you weren’t wrong. I have to do what’s right for myself. And right now that’s not continuing to go in circles about talking with Louis or what either of us should’ve done to communicate better about being open to other people. We can talk again tomorrow.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And what if I don’t want that? What if I want to talk all night? We have to get through this Harry, fuck!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Honestly Ash if you want to talk all night you can do it to yourself. I’m going over to Zayn’s for the night.” Harry stood, taking a deep breath and wiping at the tears that had started to fall from her eyes without her even realizing it. “We can meet up tomorrow if you want, same time. I’ll be here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry left the room, hastily throwing her things into an overnight bag and hoping she didn’t forget anything important. When she came back out, Ash was still sitting in stunned silence. She sat back down on the couch, bag at her feet, and reached out to them, leaving her hand on the empty space between them on the couch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I still care about you. A lot. And I’m not trying to walk away from </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>right now, okay? I just can’t keep rehashing the same thing over and over tonight.” Waiting for Ash to respond-- and not knowing if they would at all --was almost physically painful for Harry. She wanted to get them to say something. She wanted them to tell her it was fine and they weren’t mad and that the two of them would figure it all out tomorrow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Instead Ash stood after a long moment of silence, not meeting Harry’s eyes as they said, “You stay here, it’s fine. I’ve got someone to stay with.” They picked up their bag on the way out, not even saying goodbye before shutting the door and locking it behind them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Defeated and exhausted, Harry went into the bedroom, tossing her overnight bag on top of her still packed suitcase and crawling into bed to cry for a bit. She’d text Zayn, of course, telling him he could come over if he felt like it-- he would, she knew --but for the time being she just needed the quiet of the empty apartment around her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t know how long she’d laid there alternating between crying and staring blankly off into the middle distance lost in thought, but the sound of a car backfiring outside shook her from it, making her sit up in bed and scrub her hand over her face. She wanted a bath. That was the thing that would set the world right again, at least a little. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She thought about going to her bath stash, but she knew what she really wanted was to use the shower gel she’d taken on the cruise, the same stuff she’d used for the bath with Louis at the hotel. She’d felt so safe and cared for then, wrapped up with Louis in the hot water. She needed that again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Harry unzipped her suitcase, she realized the TSA must’ve gone through it; things weren’t in their proper places and for a moment she worried that she’d somehow left her toiletry bag in the hotel. Thankfully it was just shoved into the bottom of her suitcase along with a note saying the TSA had searched her suitcase. As if they hadn’t made it obvious. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beneath the toiletry bag, Harry spotted an unfamiliar shirt. She’d packed a couple of t-shirts, but she knew them well-- they were some of her favorites --so she was certain this wasn’t one of them. Pulling it out, she turned it around to look at the logo. It was a Live Aid t-shirt, soft from years of wear but with its design still vibrant. A note fluttered out as she shook some of the wrinkles out, and all at once she realized what it was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis had said she’d left something in Harry’s suitcase. This had to be it. Bringing it to her nose, she inhaled deeply and immediately knew she was right. The shirt smelled like Louis, clean and warm and homey, and she hugged it to her chest like she was holding a person instead of a piece of fabric. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Picking up the note to read it, Harry smiled at Louis’ handwriting. She’d tried to keep it neat, but her letters were still a little chicken scratchy. Harry held her breath as she read the note. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Baby--</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I can’t be with you right now, but I hope this helps keep the memories you made fresh in your mind until I can hold you again. I’m lucky to have gotten to spend even one beautiful week with you-- here’s to loads more</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Love,</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>
      <br/>
    </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>Louis</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After her bath, Harry texted Zayn to tell him to come over and put on the shirt Louis had left for her. Having it so close almost felt like Louis was there with her if she closed her eyes, and laid on the bed with her skin still overheated from the water and just breathed in the comforting smell, letting it mix with the aroma of her shower gel as she pretended they were meeting on some other plane of existence. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zayn let himself in, sitting beside Harry on the bed and pointing out her shirt. “Don’t recognize that one. It’s pretty sick!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Louis left it for me. Smells like her,” Harry said through a soft smile. Most of the awful feelings her talk with Ash had brought up were gone, washed away by the bath and Louis’ gift.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re in love with her,” Zayn laughed. “It’s cute.” He paused, pursing his lips for a moment as if considering what he was going to say next. “And you should just break up with Ash, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s headed there, I think. I want to give them another chance though. We’re supposed to talk tomorrow, and if that doesn’t go well then--” Harry sighed, rubbing her hands over her belly, the soft fabric of the t-shirt bringing her an unusual sense of calm. “We’ll see.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next night’s conversation didn’t go any better, and it felt like every time Harry and Ash tried talking they just kept rehashing their previous talks and fights. Every night she decided to give Ash one more chance, but by Saturday she knew it was time to end things between them. It went better than Harry expected. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They met up that night like they had most others for the past week, Harry arriving before Ash and promising Zayn she’d call if she needed anything. He’d stayed with Harry every night that week, offering to come over even when Harry didn’t ask. She knew she’d probably need him tonight especially. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Ash got to the apartment, Harry thought she could feel their resignation as if they knew it was finally time to call it. The two of them hugged hello-- they’d finally hugged goodbye after their last talk ended in tears, and it felt right to Harry that they should start with it now --and sat down, both of them a little more rigid than usual. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wanna start off tonight, okay?” Harry took a sip of water, waiting for Ash to signal they were fine with that. “We’ve talked through a lot of things the past few days, and I feel like we keep coming back to the same place over and over again. I don’t think we’re going to get through it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not going to apologize for knowing what I want and asking for what I need,” Ash said, shifting uncomfortably. “And I know you don’t agree with me on anything--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ash, that’s not--” Harry stopped herself, taking a deep breath before continuing. “This is what I mean. And I don’t want to do it anymore. I care about you a lot, but I have to do what’s right for me right now.” When Ash didn’t cut her off, Harry steeled herself and decided to say it plainly so there wouldn’t be any confusion. “I think we have to break up.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s really what you want?” Ash furrowed their brow, looking at the ground instead of Harry as they spoke. “You don’t want to be with me anymore?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t, Ash. I’m so sorry. I just don’t anymore.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They sat back on the couch, the tension in their body releasing in a snap, and exhaled breathily, tears in their eyes. “I fucked up Harry. I fucked up and I’m sorry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn’t something they’d said a lot during their conversations so far, and it hit Harry like a fist to her solar plexus, making her crumple a little. “I know I didn’t do everything right either. But I think we did the best we could, yeah? I didn’t mean to fall in love with someone else. And I didn’t know it would end up hurting us this much, but it did. I know it did.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m gonna miss you,” Ash said, body rocking toward Harry like they wanted to close the distance between the two of them. Harry opened her arms to hold them, and Ash went to her, their tears making Harry’s own worse. Even as she cried, a sense of relief grew inside Harry like the first shoots of a seedling in spring. This was the right thing to do. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took a while for both of them to settle down and stop crying, at which point Ash proposed that they get together to figure out logistics the following week. Harry knew that neither of them could afford the apartment alone, so they’d have to discuss breaking their lease and dividing up their shared things-- mostly furniture pieces they’d bought together as their first “adult” purchases. It wouldn’t be easy, but looking around she felt okay about letting Ash take what they wanted. Especially if they were still planning to go to Vermont. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Ash got ready to go, Harry offered to let them stay in the apartment if they needed to. They hadn’t asked about it at all, but she still felt like offering. Ash turned to her, hesitant, and admitted that they’d been staying with a friend for most of the week and not someone they’d been seeing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You remember Beth, from the Halloween thing a couple years ago?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The one who hosted the party in fake tuxedo cuffs, velvet boxers, and a dickie with her tits out?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, sexy butler Beth. Her housemate’s doing this three month thing in Amsterdam for work, some kind of special project? Anyway, I’m staying there.” Ash shrugged, then grabbed their bag off the floor. “The rent is already paid up so it’s not any trouble really. I just do their dishes every night.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s a good set up.” Harry didn’t say it, but she almost wanted to add that it was a lot nicer than what Ash had told her before. It just didn’t feel worth saying now. “So we’ll get together next um, Wednesday or something? Yeah?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Ash put up their hand in an awkward wave. “Take care H.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once they were gone, Harry went to the bedroom and flopped onto the bed, scooting until she was in the middle of the mattress. She stretched her limbs out like a starfish and let herself lie diagonally, taking up all the space there was and almost but not quite laughing about it. She couldn’t explain it, but she felt a little like she was in the middle of the field after a storm, the sky brightening to a clear blue as the air moved around her in a cool, gentle breeze that stirred up all the living things that had taken shelter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She wanted to call Louis more than anything, but it was already 9 o’clock at night in New York which meant it was very much the middle of the night in England. She pulled out her phone, opening her chat with Louis, and typed out a message asking her to call when she was awake. Hopefully not when it was the middle of the night for Harry, but she figured that went without saying. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was less than a minute later that the app alerted her to Louis’ call, and she nearly dropped the phone in her surprise and excitement. She managed not to, thankfully. She sat up as she answered, scooting back to lean against the pillows. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Louis?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi baby,” Louis said, voice a little lower from sleep. “Was getting ready for bed and saw your message. Of course I had to call you right away.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You weren’t sleeping? Really?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, might’ve been sleeping. But on the couch and with the phone right next to me. Bastard lit up and woke me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry giggled, not just at Louis’ choice of words, but how lovely it was to hear her speaking them after several days of not speaking. “You sound so </span>
  <em>
    <span>British </span>
  </em>
  <span>right now. S’cute.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oi! I sound </span>
  <em>
    <span>Northern </span>
  </em>
  <span>if anything.” There was no heat to Louis’ protest, just fond amusement, and it felt so nice to hear that Harry could barely talk with how hard she smiled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Northern. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sorry,” she said, switching the phone to speaker so she could lie down with it next to her instead of holding it to her ear. “I missed your voice this week.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I missed yours too. Missed you.” Harry could hear Louis moving around now, probably getting herself ready to get into bed. “I’m really glad I woke up for you, though. Would’ve hated seeing your message and knowing you’d be asleep if I called right away.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thought about that when I called. I’m glad it worked out like this.” There was a moment of quiet between them, and Harry listened to the sound of Louis breathing, just enjoying how nice it was to feel close to her again. “I broke up with Ash. Tonight, finally.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh! How was-- how do you feel? Do you want to talk about it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was okay, actually. Felt like time.” Harry picked at a piece of lint on the pillowcase for a moment, unsure how much she could say-- or how much she wanted to. “I realized from talking with them this week just how much wasn’t working. All these ways I kept thinking I needed to be smaller with them that they didn’t ask for but also, like, didn’t mind? Things that, um, served them in some way if that makes sense.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, it does, sadly. I’m so sorry, angel.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no. Don’t be. It was really important to figure it out. To like, see it in myself so I can try not to do it anymore.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s good, baby. It helps to not have someone else taking advantage of it, too. You deserve better than that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry hummed softly. “I deserve you. Right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, you do. And you have me. All that you want.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They were quiet again, but Harry swore she could feel the warmth of Louis’ smile through the phone. “I wanna hear about your week,” Harry said, curling up to get comfortable. “Will you tell me what you did?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Other than miss you? Hmm, not a lot I’m afraid.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Louuu, c’mon.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well I meant it, but alright, alright. Let’s see, went to work every day. Realized I’d gotten far too used to the warm weather when we had a typical spring day, bit of rain and 7° in the morning. Awful!” Louis paused for a moment, taking her time to think of what else she’d done while Harry listened and smiled. “Right! Had dinner with my sister and her kids on Friday night. Watched some telly, read a bit. Had a row with someone on facebook for all the Tory bullshit they decided to leave on a post I made. That’s about all.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A full week!” Harry said, pulling the phone a little closer. “Where are you now?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wellll, I’m in bed, but didn’t brush my teeth at all, so not really ready to go to sleep. You?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“In bed, not about to sleep. Wishing I could be next to you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mmm, you are though, aren’t you? Bit far, but still right here where you’ve been all along.” Louis yawned, which made Harry remember just how late it was there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why don’t you go brush your teeth-- take me with you on the phone --and get back in bed? I’ll talk you to sleep.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis chuckled, and Harry imagined she could feel it against the back of her neck along with the tickle of Louis’ nose as she shook her head. “If I have you talking to me I hardly want to fall asleep, love. I’d listen to you for hours.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Even when I talk slow?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Especially then. Love it when you sound like syrup, all slow and sweet. So perfect, baby.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry practically purred at Louis’ words. It was astonishing to her that she’d gone through a week without Louis, especially because it was combined with so many difficult conversations with Ash. If she’d been talking with Louis this whole time, would it have taken her the week to end things? Or would it have made it somehow easier to work through everything with Ash? There was no way of knowing, of course. And Harry realized she didn’t want to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, I’m brushing my teeth now,” Louis said as Harry heard the water run for a moment and then shut off. “Cahn tak wi a toobrush tho,” Louis said, making Harry laugh. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m picturing you standing there in your underwear with a mouth full of toothpaste, looking so gorgeous I can barely keep from touching you. And when you’re all done we’ll kiss like we did on the boat, all minty.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis hummed around her toothbrush-- Harry could imagine her smiling --and then spit, rinsing her mouth. “Always love kissing you, minty or not. Back to bed?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes please,” Harry said, pulling the duvet out from under herself and shimmying underneath it. She put a pillow behind herself and tried to think of Louis’ body being there instead-- her slightly smaller frame still managing to fit over Harry’s like they were made to go together. Of course it wasn’t the same, but it was something. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh!” The thought came to Harry seemingly out of nowhere, though she assumed it was from getting comfortable and talking with Louis. “Your shirt! Louis I loved it so much!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You found it then? Good, I was a little nervous since we couldn’t speak and you hadn’t gotten it yet.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s perfect. Smells like you. Well, like us now I guess.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing better than that, is there?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, there’s not,” Harry said quietly. She could see the shirt draped over a chair on the other side of the room, and she wished it were closer so she could smell it now, maybe close her eyes and really pretend for a second that Louis was with her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Missed you, baby. Missed you so, so much.” Louis’ voice was soft, sleep creeping in around the edges. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I missed you too. Wanna talk every day from now on if we can.” Harry held on to one of her hands with the other, rubbing her thumb over her knuckles like Louis might have. “Can we?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want that too. Wanna talk every day til we see each other again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seeing each other again. That thought took Harry’s breath away. Of course she knew they would-- they’d have to --but she hadn’t let it enter her mind for the past week and now that it was there it felt like a light that made everything else shine a little brighter. They laid there together, Louis on the edge of sleep and Harry floating in a good place of her own, for a while. Longer than they would have if they’d been keeping track of the minutes, maybe, but neither of them were. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Harry heard Louis snuffle a little, the way she often did when she was drifting off, Harry realized it was time to say goodnight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lou?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm? What is it, angel?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m gonna let you sleep. I love you, okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you too, baby. Talk soon, yeah?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They traded good nights and hung up at the same time, though a part of Harry knew they were absolutely the sickeningly sweet kind of people to play the “you hang up/no, YOU hang up” sort of game with one another. She just hoped Zayn wasn’t around to hear it, because she’d never hear the end of it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That reminded her that she needed to text Zayn, who said he was already on his way and armed with “plentiful snacks” just in case Harry wanted to drown her feelings in Big Gay Ice Cream or Doritos. That made her laugh, but she really didn’t feel like she needed it. She was sure she’d be sad about her breakup sooner or later-- that her emotions would hit her when she didn’t expect it, probably --but for the moment she felt good. Clear. Better than she had since getting home. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Those Cruise Lesbians</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tags: pride celebrations; dyke march; trans march; fluff; GOOD VIBES ONLY!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The good feelings she had from resolving things with Ash and moving forward with Louis didn’t hold up once Harry went back to work the following week. On Monday morning, Jamie cornered her by the coffee pot, Notorious RBG mug in her hand and a serious expression on her face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ve barely checked in since you got back, Harry. How was the cruise? And when am I getting your article on it, hm?” Jamie raised her eyebrows over her mug as she sipped her coffee, and Harry fumbled the mug she’d just taken from the rack, nearly dropping it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh! Um, sorry about that. It’s, uh, definitely coming together. Just had some, um, trouble? At home?” Harry knew she was floundering, and just hoped it wasn’t as apparent as it felt. Unfortunately when Jamie lowered her mug and gave Harry her best ‘concerned mom’ look, she knew she didn’t have a chance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why don’t you come to my office in fifteen, hm? Get some coffee in you and we’ll figure out how to move ahead.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry nodded, thanking Jamie as she turned and walked away. And then-- after pouring herself some coffee --she went to talk to Zayn. He was just leaving the bathroom when she found him, and she quickly pulled him over to her desk. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, so I need your help figuring out what to tell Jamie.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“About what?” Zayn asked, blinking back at Harry in confusion. The two of them might’ve had a little too much to drink the night before. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She wants to know what’s up with my article and probably why we didn’t check in last week and--” Harry groaned, frustrated. “I don’t know what to tell her.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The truth, obviously.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Zayn. I can’t go in there and basically pitch my breaking up with Ash as part of my cruise story. I mean who’s going to want to--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry was interrupted by Zayn’s laughter, and she rolled her eyes at him. “Literally like, every lesbian who can read, probably. I assume you were going to ask who’d want to read it, yeah?” Harry nodded and Zayn gave her a smug smile. “You met the hot older butch of everyone’s dreams on a lesbian cruise. Please tell me you wouldn’t read that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few minutes later, Harry stepped into Jamie’s office and sat down across from her, laptop out and notes pulled up. She was ready to start when Jamie leaned forward and tapped at the back of the computer, shaking her head. “Uh uh,” she said. “Tell me the real story. Cruise or not. We’ll go from there.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So Harry did. She wasn’t sure where to begin, what exactly to cut out and what to keep, so she told Jamie pretty much everything. Jamie had met Ash at a party the magazine had the previous summer, and she remembered them enough to nod when Harry mentioned their name. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jamie’s reactions to Harry’s story were perfect, her incredibly expressive face giving away her thoughts and sort of egging Harry on in a way, making her consider what to reveal and what to keep for herself. When she talked about Louis approaching her at karaoke, Jamie’s eyes widened and she leaned in, clearly wanting to know what would happen next. She laughed and gasped and clapped her hands together, and at one point she cried. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Harry got to the end, Jamie leaned back in her chair with a satisfied smile. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“That,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> she said, crossing her arms over her chest, “is your story. We’ll do it in print and as a digital feature. You’ll have to add in some Olivia history and cut a few things here and there, but get it down. I think it could go viral, honestly.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you-- you’re sure?” Harry didn’t quite understand Jamie’s enthusiasm, though she couldn’t argue with a feature. It had the potential to get her more stories, higher pay, even the kind of name recognition that could result in a book deal in the future if she was lucky. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Very sure. Now go write. I need a draft by Thursday.” Jamie shooed Harry out of her office, and Harry gathered her things before making her way to Zayn’s desk. He was pretending to work on something when she set her laptop on his desk and forced him to go with her on a coffee break outside the building. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once they were outside, Harry gripped his arm and told him the news about the feature, trying and failing to keep her voice at a respectable volume. She may have gotten a couple looks from passersby, but she really didn’t care. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This could actually be really big. Like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>big.” Zayn looked back at her, biting back a smile as she talked. “But I’m worried about how Louis will take it. And Ash, ugh. I mean I don’t wanna say too much, right? But I’ll have to talk about everything, and--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Harry.” Zayn put his hand on her shoulder, giving it a little squeeze. “Stop freaking out. Just check in with them, I bet it will be no problem. Sooo are you going to call Louis </span>
  <em>
    <span>now </span>
  </em>
  <span>or on your lunch break? Just trying to decide if I should get our coffees and let you wait outside or if we’re actually going in together.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Quickly, Harry did the math in her head for the time difference between New York and the UK. Louis would still be at work, maybe getting off if she’d gone in early but that wasn’t likely. “We’ll go together and I’ll call her at lunch. Come on, I’m buying.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, iced coffees for everyone! She’s a regular moneybags,” Zayn teased. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can get any drink you want, thank you very much.” Harry rolled her eyes, pushing him in the direction of the coffee shop. “We should hurry though. I have an article to write.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Harry took her lunch a couple hours later, she went outside with her little container of cold sesame noodles and sat down on one of the concrete benches that surrounded the building to eat and call Louis. The sun was out, and if Harry closed her eyes-- and shut out the ever present sounds of traffic --she could almost pretend she was somewhere in the Caribbean, talking with Louis in person. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello there, angel,” Louis said, voice bright and familiar. Harry grinned into her phone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi Lou. Is it an okay time?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s alright, yeah. Just pulling together a bit of dinner.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis’ words made Harry think of what it would be like when they saw each other again-- all the domestic things they hadn’t had a chance to do together and would eventually get to --and even though her time was limited she kind of had to know more. “What’re you making?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ahh let’s see.” Harry could hear the sounds of rustling, cabinets opening and closing, and she took a bite of her noodles as she listened, waiting for Louis to continue. “Believe it’ll be mushy peas and the remains of a roast chicken I had a couple nights ago. Might do a bit of mash on the side, but I might not. Nothing fancy, I’m afraid.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh but peas! That’s a good choice.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They’re a favorite of mine,” Louis said, a staticky sound coming through a moment later that made Harry picture Louis holding the phone with her shoulder so she had both hands free, twisting her neck uncomfortably.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can put me on speaker, you know. I won’t mind the noise and I don’t want you hurting your neck.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis huffed a little laugh at that before saying, “very well,” clearly setting the phone on the counter and turning the speaker on. “Can you still hear me?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can, just fine. Now you can cook your </span>
  <em>
    <span>peas </span>
  </em>
  <span>in </span>
  <em>
    <span>peace,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Harry said, biting back a laugh at her pun as Louis groaned over the other end of the line. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That was terrible, baby. I loved it.But isn’t it early there for you? Are you skiving off work to have a call with me?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Noo, I’m calling with news, actually. Kind of wanted to run it by you, see what you thought.” Harry stared down at the ground, moving a penny with the toe of her boot. She hadn’t worried about it until this moment, but suddenly she felt trepidatious about how Louis would feel about the article being a bigger deal that Harry had expected. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it, baby? Good news, I hope.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, it is, I think. So my boss called me into her office to talk about my story, and she kind of got me to talk about the personal stuff that’s been happening too. And she wants the story to be more than just a travel piece, like I’ll get to tell it as </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>story, not just a bit of fluff about the cruise? Anyway she’s thinking of making it a digital feature, which would be really big if it happens.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, love. That’s amazing!” Louis’ genuine excitement immediately boosted Harry’s spirits, and she kind of needed to confirm that she wasn’t just imagining it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you said you didn’t want to be an angle, and I promise this won’t be that--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, baby, I know! It’ll be your story, like you’ve just said. Have you started writing yet?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a part of Harry that couldn’t believe that Louis had been so wholly excited for her, but mostly as she began talking about the little she’d gotten down since earlier that day, Louis asking questions to keep her talking about it, she remembered that Louis was just like this. She wasn’t perfect-- nobody was --but she wanted Harry to do her best, and she seemed to genuinely want to be there along the way. It felt good to be supported like that. Especially now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After wolfing down her lunch, Harry hurried back up to her desk, energized and excited to write with Louis’ encouragement. The rest of the week seemed to fly by, Harry working diligently on her draft while also writing up a couple of local events for the magazine’s website and attending the usual staff meetings along with making time for Zayn at work and Louis at home. She also met up with Ash to discuss how the two of them wanted to divide up their stuff, but it went more smoothly than she’d expected. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The lease on their apartment was set to end in June, and Ash agreed to pay a portion of the rent for May-- less than usual, but it meant Harry had a little more time to find a new place --in exchange for taking the couch and television that they’d bought together. Harry was glad to learn that Ash was still planning on moving to Vermont, maybe even trying to buy a house they’d found that was small and a little more rural than Harry had ever agreed to look at. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unfortunately they weren’t very happy about Harry’s article possibly getting more attention and digital circulation, and made it clear that they didn’t want their name in the story at all. It was understandable, and Harry agreed to it easily, also promising to send a draft of the parts where they were mentioned so that they could tell Harry if there were things they were uncomfortable with.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thursday-- and her deadline --came much faster than Harry would’ve liked, but when she sent her draft off to Jamie in the afternoon, she was feeling pretty good about it. She didn’t expect to get notes on it until Monday at the earliest, so when she found it waiting in her email inbox on Friday morning, it came as enough of a surprise that she immediately needed to get up and make herself a cup of tea to avoid looking at it. Of course that ended with talking to Zayn, but as soon as he found out the reason Harry was away from her desk he refused to talk to her until after she’d read through Jamie’s comments and done a little editing. So she texted Louis instead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry: I just got my article back &lt;upset emoji&gt;</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis: Why the face? I know it had to be excellent, love. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry: I haven’t read it yet but I’m freaking out</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Harry: I poured A LOT into it and if she hates it I’m gonna feel really bad about it</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis: You haven’t even looked yet! Read first, then react. I’ll be right here if you need me baby &lt;kiss emoji&gt;</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She decided to imagine Louis really was right there, pressing a kiss to her cheek and kneading the tension out of her shoulders. It worked well enough that Harry was able to open up the document and start reading. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jamie’s comments were mostly about cutting a few bits here and there-- a couple of things about her friends and a lengthy description of the prom festivities --and clarifying questions about some of the moments with Louis that she felt “would really resonate with readers,” which Harry took to mean the things that would be most likely to make them want to share the story on Facebook and Twitter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She also highlighted the part about Louis surprising Harry at her gate in the airport just to write, “this is still unbelievable. But I’m glad it’s true!” It made Harry laugh to herself, because as she’d written it she knew it seemed made up, exactly like something that would happen in a romantic comedy. That was part of what made it so special to her, though. Just in choosing to do it Louis had shown that she got Harry. That she loved her. And that sweeping gestures of that love were something she valued as much as Harry did. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Though Harry couldn’t finish all of her edits by the end of the day Friday, she was excited to work on them at home over the weekend, emailing the file to Jamie on Sunday night before her regular call with Louis. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’d settled into a schedule for calling one another pretty quickly, and Harry loved how talking with Louis often felt a little bit like a cuddle date even with the physical distance that separated them. Every night they’d check in to see if it was a good time for talking. When it was, one of them would call. They usually talked for an hour or so, sometimes more. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On that Sunday night, it was Harry who called Louis, excited that she’d just sent her article to Jamie. Of course Louis was excited for her too, asking about what Harry had changed or added and which parts of the article she liked best. It led to Harry talking about the moment in the airport, a smile coming to her face unbidden even when she thought about it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It really was the most amazing thing. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.” Harry was laid sideways in the bed, back against the pillows at the headboard so that she could pretend Louis was behind her. It wasn’t anywhere near as good as the real thing, but having Louis in her ear helped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wish I had a picture of your face at that moment. But I wouldn’t have put anything between us there, not even a phone camera.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry hummed softly, thinking back to the look on Louis’ face then. She wished she’d had someone filming it too, really. Zayn was there in spirit; he would’ve done it if he could. That reminded Harry of the video he’d taken of her the other day. She still hadn’t sent it to Louis. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh! I have something you might like. I’m gonna send you a video, ok?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What sort of video, baby?” Louis’ voice turned hungry around the edges, sending a little thrill through Harry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Not </span>
  </em>
  <span>that kind of video, but now I sort of wish it was,” Harry said as she tapped the video, watching it slowly upload to WhatsApp. They’d skirted around phone sex, a little dirty talk making its way into their conversations once or twice, but they hadn’t actually gotten off like that together yet, and the thought of it made Harry’s heart and mind race in tandem, trying to figure out what she could do to facilitate it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When the video was ready Louis watched it, coming back with a laugh that made Harry feel warm inside, that light staccato ha ha ha that she’d loved since she heard it for the first time from across the ship deck the afternoon when she'd seen Louis outside the spa. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s just lovely, baby! Pretty close to your face that night, but less surprised, I’d say. Love your smile. And how green your eyes are even over video-- they’ve no right to be so gorgeous.” Louis sighed, and Harry tried to imagine it tickling the back of her neck from where Louis would be holding her if they were together. “Miss my baby.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I miss you too. Want you here with me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis was quiet for a moment before answering, a little hesitation in her voice. “Actually thought I might come visit in the summer, if you’d like. There’s a conference in New York City that I should be able to go to if funding doesn’t fall through. It’s at the end of June, so timing might not be the best, but--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes! Come! I’ll be all moved into the new place by then! What are the dates?” Harry began to open her calendar app as Louis laughed over the other end of the line. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, alright, enthusiastic response. I like that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course enthusiastic response! I want to see you every day, Lou! All the time! You could tell me you were coming tomorrow and I’d be ready.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d do it if I could. I wasn’t sure if I should tell you since you’ve not figured out where you’ll live and all that. But I’m glad you’re excited about it no matter what.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ok so, end of June-- oh my god, will you be here for Pride?”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will I? I don’t know, love. Don’t think we have ours the same time as yours, do we? The conference is 25 to 28 June, believe it ends on a Friday. I could come the weekend before it begins and stay through the weekend after if you’ll have me that long.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry checked the dates for Pride, nearly squealing with delight. “Trans March is the 28th and Dyke March is on Saturday, the day after. Plus the parade, obviously. Lou! You’re gonna spend Pride with me. We’re gonna spend Pride together!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well the conference funds have to come through then, don’t they? Can’t let my baby be alone on Pride weekend.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They talked a little more, not just about Pride but about how things were in their lives and what their plans were for the week ahead. Harry was starting the process of finding a new place to live and Louis was knee deep in a work project that she’d taken over from a slacking ex-coworker. Even with slightly busier schedules, they planned to keep up their habit of talking nightly for as long as possible. It wasn’t enough to keep them from missing one another, but it definitely helped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>April turned into May, and with the new month came the release of Harry’s article. She’d gotten approval from Louis and Ash as well as her other friends from the cruise on anything they were mentioned in, and felt pretty great about the article as a whole. Still, on the morning that it released her stomach was in knots. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She waited until almost noon before giving in and checking out the online response. At that point the article had only been up for a matter of hours, but its shares were rising faster than any other article from the issue. Steeling herself, she scrolled down to the comments section, skimming over the first couple that she saw. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is so beautiful I’m kind of tearing up,” the first comment read. “You and Louis sound like such a good fit for one another, and the photos of the two of you are so sweet!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jamie had asked for pictures, and while Harry didn’t have a ton of the two of them, she did have a couple from the prom photographer as well as some candid shots that Liam had taken without her even noticing. Even with them being included, Harry hadn’t really expected anyone to comment on them. It made her scroll back up and give them another look-- Louis’ smile as she looked at Harry, fond and sweet, was enough to make Harry feel like she could burst. But this time she noticed herself, too. How happy they both looked standing there together and how open and adoring her own features were when she was looking at Louis. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The other commenters wanted updates and more details. They wanted Harry to start a blog about her relationship with Louis so they could have a peek inside of it. She laughed into her hand at the ridiculousness of it. And then she went to call Louis. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was still afternoon there, and Harry knew she was at work and probably wouldn’t be able to answer, so when Louis picked up on the second ring Harry was surprised. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi baby,” she said, voice hushed. She paused for a moment, and there was a shuffling noise in the background before she spoke again at a normal volume. “Everything alright?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes-- god I hope I didn’t worry you calling like this. It’s just the article came out and I, um, the response is really good? I didn’t expect it, I guess.” Harry twisted a strand of hair between her fingers, pulling at it as she spoke. “Almost everything is positive, so far.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, of course it is my love. I read some of it myself already when I finished the article earlier.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You read it? Already?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Louis said with a laugh. “Soon as I could. It was beautiful, angel. Just perfect. Knew it would be from the parts you let me see, but reading it as a whole made me feel even better.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry could feel herself blushing. “You really thought so?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Baby! You need to realize how good you are. Talented and smart and very capable. I’m lucky to have you be my girl.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Louuu. I’m the lucky one!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Someone bumped into Harry’s shoulder and she turned to see Zayn at her side, a smirk on his face as he whispered “Louuu” in a perfect mimic of Harry. She poked him in the stomach, trying to shoo him away, but he didn’t move. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hold on a minute, okay? Zayn is standing here begging for my attention.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who wouldn’t?” Louis teased as Harry lowered the phone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes dear?” Harry turned to Zayn with eyebrows raised, feigning more annoyance than she really felt. Zayn laughed, moving to sit on the edge of Harry’s desk. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re about to be late for a meeting. Saw you blushing into your phone and thought you might need a reminder.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit! I forgot. Um--” Harry turned back to her phone, ready to apologize to Louis. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s alright, I heard him. We’ll talk tonight, yeah? Usual time?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course. Call me when you’re winding down for the night. Love you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Love you too, baby.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“God, you two saps really are made for each other, aren’t you?” Zayn asked, shaking his head fondly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hush!” Harry gave Zayn a weak shove as she stood from her desk to follow him into the monthly staff meeting. She tried, but couldn’t quite keep herself from smiling the whole way through it, thinking about Louis. Maybe they both got to be the lucky ones. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As the day went on, Harry started to hear from more people who’d read the article. Ash was one of the first, and Harry breathed a sigh of relief when they said they’d appreciated the way Harry talked about them and their breakup. Of course she’d sent parts to Ash along the way, taking in their feedback and doing her best to represent them positively, but she was still glad that they weren’t upset now that the whole thing was out there for the world to see. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Niall sent her two emails: the first was a short, business-like response thanking her for being honest and still positive about her time on the cruise, and the second was a longer personal check in about how things were really going with Harry. She said she wanted to make sure the breakup had been as smooth as it seemed, and if things were still going as strong with her and Louis. Harry was happy to respond positively, making sure to tell Niall that they should catch up over the phone soon. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Liam texted just as Harry was leaving work. The two of them had ended up keeping in touch the most out of their little group of friends from the cruise, mostly because Liam was just the sort of person who thought to send simple “how are you?” texts every few days, and Harry was someone who appreciated that. Harry had worried about including the story of their awkward kiss, deciding it was best to leave Liam’s name out of it even though Liam said she wasn’t concerned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Liam: HARRY</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Liam: The article is great! I was there for the whole thing and you still kept me excited the whole time I was reading. You have a really great talent!!! WOW!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aww, Li,” Harry said aloud as she read Liam’s message. She smiled to herself as she wrote her reply. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry: You’re so thoughtful!! Thank you! Did you catch your photo credit? The pics you sent really helped complete the story-- I owe you one! </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They chatted back and forth a bit, making plans for an actual phone date later in the week before Liam had to head back to work. Time zones had very quickly become something Harry was hyper aware of between Louis and all of the other friends she’d made on the cruise. It was almost funny to her that she hadn’t really thought much about them before when they played such a big part in her life now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she got off the train, she had a voicemail from Lissa. Apparently the toy store she and Sasha owned had gotten an uptick in business even from the brief mention in Harry’s article, and Lissa had already printed it out and left a copy in the break room so that the staff could read it. Sasha jumped on the message near the end to thank Harry for including the things she’d said during the millennial meetup about the importance of making the cruise welcoming for trans women. She’d already talked to her moms about coming on a future cruise, and said she hoped Harry and Louis would be there too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry texted both Sasha and Lissa back, sending a string of excited emojis along with making a joke about being the store’s future PR writer, getting their name out to the masses. She considered not mentioning the cruise thing. She wasn’t entirely sure she’d really want to go on another one when the first had brought Louis into her life-- what could ever top that? --but in the end she promised to at least consider it. If nothing else she liked the idea of reliving some of her best moments on the trip with Louis. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>While she made dinner that night, Harry thought a little more about the cruise. In spite of just having written about her experiences-- and having lived them not </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>long ago --they still felt like they’d happened ages ago, as if Louis was just a natural part of her life. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Most of it came down to how easy it was to be with Louis. Even with the physical distance, there was just something warm and sweet and fun about the love they shared. They fit together in all these ways that Harry hadn’t expected would ever be possible, not just in bed-- though that was obviously true --but in the ways they affirmed each other and the kinds of conversations they wanted to have. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It stayed on her mind as she ate, letting an episode of Friends play while she waited for Louis to call, and didn’t leave when she decided to take a bath after dinner. By the time Louis called, Harry was soaking in a hot bath that was tinted pink from a rose bath bomb, deep in a daydream about what it would be like the next time she saw Louis. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m in the best bath right now,” Harry said when she answered the call. “Wish you were here soaking with me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I do too. Or at least sitting beside the tub to talk with you instead of an ocean away.” Harry listened as Louis adjusted the phone, making all the sounds that were now a familiar part of their conversations as she settled into bed. “You had such a busy day. If I were there I would have drawn your bath. Got you all set up to relax.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mmm, I bet you would have. Always so good to me.” The heat from the bath was making Harry languid, thoughts and movements and words turning syrupy and soft. “Can’t wait til we can touch each other again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that right?” Harry could hear the slight challenge in Louis’ voice, and she wanted-- needed --to rise to it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes Daddy. I miss the way you fuck me. I miss feeling you come. I miss how you taste and smell. How you’d tease me with it.” Harry let one hand sink into the water, brushing over her nipples and belly and coming to rest on top of her thigh, fingers almost reaching between her legs but not quite. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You tease yourself with it, baby. I can’t help but give you what you want, can I?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just want </span>
  <em>
    <span>you, </span>
  </em>
  <span>though.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know I feel the same. Do you need me to help you right now, angel? Remind you of all the things we’d do if we were together?” Harry could hear Louis shifting in bed, breath coming a little faster, and it only made her want more. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please?” Harry’s hand tensed against her leg as she fought the desire to touch herself without Louis telling her to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Louis began to talk again, voice soft and hungry in her ear, all Harry had to do was close her eyes and they were together again. She made Harry move slow-- slower than Harry would’ve chosen for herself --but it made Harry’s release that much sweeter in the end, lips parted as she came with Louis’ name on her tongue next to god’s. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She could hear Louis touching herself to get off on the other end of the line, breath catching as she got closer to coming. Through her own post-orgasm haze, Harry let her head rest against the back of the tub to talk her through it, her voice echoing in the bathroom acoustics as she whispered, “know how wet you are now, I can feel it. Taste it. Come for me Daddy, please?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis’ answered with a growl and a loud “fuck,” followed by steady panting that made Harry want to sink against her, feeling the warmth of her breath hot against her skin. The two of them were quiet for a while after, just breathing together like they would in bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They ended the call only after Harry had left her now cooling bath to get in bed, talking about how much they wished they were together now. Harry could feel the ghost of Louis'touch on her skin as she drifted off later, even an ocean away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The end of May saw a spike in shares of her article-- it made a round up of queer personal essays that got it in front of a whole new audience --and a move into a studio apartment not far from Zayn’s. Harry hated leaving her neighborhood and knowing that she wouldn't have any respite from future out of town guests who weren't Louis, but the place was within her means and a short walk away from her best friend, so she couldn’t complain. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then came June. Pride month was big for their magazine, kicking off with a booth at Brooklyn Pride. Harry hadn’t worked their table for any more than an hour in the past, but this year she was expected to be there for several hours. She went through her ritual of visiting the Lesbian Herstory Archives sale first, walking out with a reusable shopping bag full of lesbian books and magazines and t-shirts and surprised that she’d actually been </span>
  <em>
    <span>recognized </span>
  </em>
  <span>there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It happened all day at the magazine’s booth, too. Women would walk up and ask if she was “the lesbian cruise lesbian” and she’d say yes, letting people have their moment of gushing about how much they loved the story or asking if Louis was really as lovely as she seemed in the article. A couple of women seemed to flirt with her, and she could only respond by giving them a confused look and offering them their complimentary copy of the magazine. At one point in the day she messaged Louis to ask, “who reads an article about someone finding the love of their life and thinks ‘ah yes, I’m going to flirt with the author’? Apparently wayyyy too many women!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis wrote back almost immediately. “Please tell them you are taken by a big strong butch named Louis and that she would fight for your honor.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry laughed, shaking her head at the image of Louis with her silver hair and slim but sturdy build, puffing up as if spoiling for a fight with a 30-something Park Slope lesbian. They wouldn’t know how to react. “I’d rather just have you here holding my hand. No need to fight for me. Though I’m sure you’d win.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Knowing how busy Harry would be through most of Pride month, she and Louis had decided to message one another more regularly and skip evening calls when needed. It wasn’t what either of them wanted, necessarily, but it didn’t make sense for Harry to rush off from events where she was supposed to be working or networking, even if it was for what she considered the most valid reason of all-- her love for Louis. Of course that meant that Harry spent a lot of time looking down at her phone or sneaking off to the bathroom to send saucy pictures of herself with her shirt half undone, bra peeking out, or shots of her underwear if it was extra cute. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zayn called her out on it a lot, but he also covered for her when needed so she could tell he wasn’t too mad. Even without really knowing Louis, Zayn had decided he liked her, and the feeling was mutual. After the way Zayn had soured on Ash-- he'd never been wild about them to begin with, but the cheating thing had pushed him solidly into dislike, and Ash felt pretty much the same --it was nice to imagine going out with her best friend and girlfriend and having everyone actually enjoy themselves. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was part of why Harry planned to include Zayn in her first New York dinner with Louis. She met Louis at the airport, taking the AirTrain and waiting impatiently in baggage claim as she watched new streams of people arriving without Louis among them. When Louis appeared, their eyes met immediately, almost as if she’d sensed Harry’s location without even trying. Harry ran to her, the two of them colliding in a tight hug and a hello kiss that garnered a few stares from the people around them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After dropping Louis’ bags, they met Zayn for pizza at a favorite spot of Harry’s. It was still daylight out and the place wasn’t crowded yet, so the conversation flowed easily between the three of them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you usually go to London Pride?” Zayn asked as Louis set her pizza crust down to drink her beer. “Sorry--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no, s’alright.” Louis waved him off, taking a small sip before answering. “I try to make it down there, but not always. It’s a bit commercial for my tastes now, if I’m honest. Doncaster Pride is a good one, though. Helped get it started, actually.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No shit! That’s cool. And Dyke March?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ours only got started a few years back, so I haven’t really done one of those yet.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zayn raised his eyebrows, turning to Harry with a grin. “Well, well Ms. Dyke March herself will be happy to introduce you to it, won’t you H?” Louis turned to Harry with a questioning look. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I really love the Dyke March okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She hasn’t missed one yet,” Zayn said, giving Harry a little poke in the arm. “And she used to be one of those, uh-- what are they called? Safety patrollers?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Marshalls! I used to be a marshall. Once or twice.” Harry crossed her arms over her chest, shooting Zayn a glare. “You know what they’re called.” She turned to Louis, shaking her head. “Zayn thinks my commitment to the Dyke March is silly and old-fashioned. Even though I have explained to him he’s not allowed to have an opinion on it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Across the table, Zayn snickered, trying and failing to reign in his amusement. “I don’t actually think it’s bad,” he explained to Louis. “She just gets so worked up I can’t help teasing her about it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis watched their exchange like a tennis match, head turning between them as they spoke, and at Zayn’s explanation she turned to Harry with a shrug. “You are incredibly adorable when you’re worked up, love. I’m afraid I’ll allow it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry scoffed, shoving at Louis’ shoulder. “Heyyy! You’re supposed to be on my side. You’ll be at the march with me no matter what, so prepare to have your mind changed.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh don’t worry darlin,” Louis said, leaning over to kiss Harry’s cheek. “I’ll be the proudest butch in the march, and I’ll love every minute of it. But until then--” she turned to Zayn, eyes twinkling with mischief, “I’m afraid you’ll have to suffer a tiiiny bit of teasing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes!” Zayn sat back in his seat, a satisfied smile on his face as Harry scrunched her face in displeasure. “Louis, you and I are going to be great friends. I can already tell.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they parted ways later that night, Zayn and Louis had already exchanged numbers and began a WhatsApp chat of their own. Harry was pleased about it, obviously, but that didn’t stop her from retaliating just a little. “That,” she said, slapping at Louis’ ass on their way inside her apartment, “is for ganging up on me with Zayn!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oi! Careful there, baby, or you’re the one who’ll be getting spanked.” Louis grabbed at Harry’s hands, pulling her closer to kiss her. “Though I bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” The rush of heat that Harry felt was written across her face, and Louis licked her lips before leaning in and kissing Harry again. “You’re the most fun I’ve ever had,” she said, moving down to kiss Harry’s neck. “Hope you realize that, love.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As they cuddled that night, naked and sweaty in spite of Harry’s window unit air conditioner cooling the apartment, Harry brought Louis’ hands to her lips to kiss it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re </span>
  </em>
  <span>fun,” she said. “So sweet and sexy and funny and smart. All the good things in one person. Love you.” Being able to feel Louis’ contented hum against the back of her neck made Harry smile. They fell asleep wrapped up in each other. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Spending the week together not in vacation mode only made Harry’s feelings stronger. She and Louis still fit the way that had that week at sea, even if they weren’t spending hours upon hours having sex and being lazy. They were both driven and cared about their work, and neither of them expected the other to ignore their responsibilities in favor of hanging out, though they both preferred to focus on each other when they were together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry had already been pleasantly surprised by how supportive Louis was of her work, but having her physically present made it even more noticeable. She didn’t just ask how Harry’s day was as a matter of course. She asked and then listened to the response, wanting to know more and challenging Harry when she tried to downplay what she did or call any of her work stories boring. Even when Harry rambled or got lost in a tangent about something someone had said in a meeting, Louis still listened. She still cared. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Harry found that it was the same for her. Louis often didn’t want to talk about her work, but because she was at a conference she had a lot more to say about it, and Harry enjoyed watching her get excited when she talked about a certain type of coding she was working on or sharing what she’d learned from a speaker earlier in the day. Though she hated to admit it, Harry recognized that she’d never really enjoyed hearing about Ash’s day. She’d asked because she should and listened because it was what she wanted in return. With Louis, she cared because Louis did. As cheesy as it was, she felt like they were a team. And it made her heart sing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unfortunately, each day that passed brought Louis’ inevitable departure closer. Though she tried to avoid thinking about it, Harry gave in on Friday night. She and Louis met up for lunch in Manhattan after Louis’ morning session, then Harry did a bit of work in the lobby while Louis attended the closing speaker’s presentation. When it let out, the two of them headed out to the Trans Day of Action protest and march to support Zayn. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sense of community and resistance was powerful, and as Harry stood between Louis and Zayn in the crowd of people she felt surrounded with love and the power of all the queer and trans people who’d come before her. Louis fit in seamlessly, and when it came time to march they walked alongside Zayn chanting along with the rest of the crowd. It wasn’t until near the end of the route that they ran into Ash. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ash was marching with a group of people Harry didn’t recognize, and so she didn’t expect it when she heard their voice calling her name. She turned around to find they were marching just behind her, and she smiled, hoping that things wouldn’t be awkward.  She could see Zayn’s expression sour when he heard their voice, though, so she knew she might not be able to control it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Haven’t seen you in a while. You look good, H,” Ash said, giving Harry a small side hug as they moved to walk next to her. “How’s the new place?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s good, I really like living so close to Zayn.” Harry nodded to him and he turned to acknowledge it, giving Ash a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And, uh, that’s--” Ash looked at Louis, who was still looking ahead, marching with the crowd. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Louis, yeah, it is. Did you want to meet her, or is that--” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, yeah, that’s cool.” As Ash spoke, Louis turned to them, as friendly and approachable as ever. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello there-- Ash, is it? I’m Louis. Lovely to meet you.” Unlike Zayn, the smile that Louis gave was genuine, if not as eye-crinkly as most of her smiles were when she was with Harry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s good to meet you too. I’m, uh, glad you could make it out here for Pride.” Ash ran a hand through their sweaty hair, ducking their head and giving Louis a look that Harry knew was their nervous and intimidated smile. It would’ve made Harry laugh if she hadn’t been so focused on making sure nothing took a bad turn. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too,” Louis said, squeezing Harry’s hand. It hadn’t even occurred to Harry that they were holding hands, but she realized that didn’t really matter now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ash chuckled, the awkwardness getting to them, and Harry chewed at her lip, trying to think of what to say. She was stopped from having to think of anything when someone walked up to Ash, lacing their fingers together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mon babe, you’re gonna get left.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry’s eyes widened and she saw Zayn turn his head so fast she thought his neck might snap. The person taking Ash’s hand was tall, with dark curly hair, and though she didn’t look exactly like Harry there were enough similarities for Harry to notice it. She had a pin with “she/her/hers” on it and wore a crop top that said “DOWN WITH CIS” in neon pink bubble paint. And Harry was shocked to find she didn’t feel the slightest bit jealous or hurt or upset. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At any other time in her life, she probably would’ve burst into tears at the sight of a recent ex with someone new. Even as the person doing the breaking up, she usually still had a swell of residual, ‘what if’ feelings that would rise up when she saw that she’d been easily replaced. Instead she felt the emotional equivalent of a shrug. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, Jocelyn, I’m coming.” Ash turned back to Harry, giving her a little wave. “It was good to see you, H. We should catch up some time.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, before you move for sure,” Harry said automatically. She wasn’t sure either of them meant it, but she thought it might not be the worst idea. Jocelyn tugged at Ash’s hand, pulling them forward to join the group, and Harry looked between Zayn and Louis, wondering who would speak first. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You doing alright, my love?” Louis squeezed her hand again, gentle smile on her face. Harry felt the bit of tension she’d been holding release as she nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. Yeah, I am. That was actually pretty good, I think?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zayn pursed his lips, checking to make sure Ash and their friends were out of earshot before commenting. “You traded so far up, Harry. And they knew it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry gave him a little shove, shaking her head, and Louis piped up from beside her. “Now Zayn, that’s not really fair. You know I’m a top tier human. It’s nearly impossible to do better than me, isn’t that right Harry?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She couldn’t help but agree. Louis was better than Harry ever thought she’d find, let alone deserve. As they continued marching hand in hand, chatting back and forth with each other and with Zayn, Harry just felt lucky and content. She didn’t know how, but she’d managed to end up with someone who was truly right for her, and it felt a little like getting away with something. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After dinner, Zayn went to a dance party and Harry and Louis headed back home, planning to save a little energy for going out on Saturday and Sunday nights instead. It wasn’t til the subway ride that Harry started to come down from her earlier high. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was already Friday night, and Louis was set to leave on a Sunday red eye flight. They had the next day together and part of Sunday, but then Louis would be gone again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Laying her head on Louis’ shoulder as the train crossed from Manhattan into Brooklyn, a heaviness settled around Harry, making her wonder if she’d really made the most of the time they had together and thinking about all the ways they could stretch the remainder of Louis’ visit out and make it last longer. She felt Louis’ head rest against hers and sighed at the touch, hand squeezing Louis’. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright baby?” Louis asked. Harry shrugged, then went back to cuddling up with Louis in silence, not really sure how to articulate what was wrong. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they left the train and started walking back to Harry’s, Louis waited for other passengers to pass them before she stopped, leaning against the brick of a closed coffee shop with open arms, beckoning Harry to come closer and putting her hands on Harry’s waist when she did. “Wanna tell me what’s bothering you now? I can tell something’s wrong, but I don’t know what.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re leaving on Sunday,” Harry said, voice quiet and a little broken. “You’re leaving and I hate it, because I won’t get to see you until I fly there in the winter, and that’s ages from now. And I know we’ll talk a lot and have video calls and text every day, but it’s not the same as being with you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis tipped her head down, looking at Harry through her eyelashes. It was just beginning to get dark, and that only served to make Harry sadder with the realization that the day was basically over. “Is that all?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want you to think that I expect you to keep visiting me, either. It’s not fair for you. I mean I know it’s expensive and difficult, and this was all able to happen because of the conference, but-- I don’t know. It’s silly.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“First off I wanted to come visit you, baby. Would’ve figured something out if not for the conference, I promise.” Louis kissed the tip of Harry’s nose, making her smile in spite of herself. “And second, don’t you think I’ve been having these thoughts too? I haven’t shown it, I guess, but every day that’s passed has just made me think more about how good it is to be with you. How much I want that, always. Want to be in your life physically and have you in mine.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>how, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lou? I didn’t want to go with Ash to Vermont, and it’s totally different with you but I don’t think I can go to Doncaster either. I mean if I thought my job would let me I’d try because I want to be with you, but I don’t think it’s the right place for me? And I hate that, I really do. Because wherever you are is where I want to be. Should I just do it? Say fuck it and move?” Harry threw her hands up, frustrated. “I hate that it’s not an easy, obvious decision. Because I love you, and that should be enough, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis cupped Harry’s cheek, bringing her focus back to Louis instead of her own racing thoughts. “Hey. It’s okay, darlin. I’m here and you’re here. Let’s go home to talk about this, yeah? Come on.” With that, Louis took her by the hand, leading her back to the apartment. Once they were inside, Louis sat on the bed, waiting for Harry to join her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wasn’t sure if I should bring it up or not,” Louis said once they’d settled into each other, Harry in Louis’ arms with her head on Louis’ chest. “But the company I work for has an office in New York. That’s part of why we were sent out for the conference, to connect our teams.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry looked up at Louis quizzically. “Does that-- what does that mean?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s a chance I could transfer to the New York team, and I’ve been considering it. It’s something that I’d thought about before we met, but having you here has made it a lot more tempting.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tears pricked at Harry’s eyes, but they were happy ones. She willed them back, too many questions on her mind to lose herself to crying. “When? Would you really want it? And what about your family, your friends, all of that?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It would take a while. There’s likely to be a spot opening up early next year, and I think I’d be a top candidate. I’d plan as though it was definitely happening, get everything in order to make it easier. I could still travel back home-- would have to, actually, the teams get together every four months or so --and my sisters like to visit the states. My niece could live in my house, I’m sure she’d like that better than the flat share she’s in.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You-- have you been thinking about this already?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis raised her eyebrows, smirk on her lips. “Said I have, love. Meeting you made me think about it more, and this trip settled it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How can you know, though?” Harry thought back to her own talks of moving with Ash, and how it had seemed like something she had to do if she wanted the two of them to stay together. “I don’t want you doing this to keep me. I promise I’m yours no matter what.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, baby.” Louis shook her head softly, looking down at Harry with so much love that Harry could feel it pouring out of her. “I know you’re mine. And you know I’m yours. But I know what I want. I’ve been alive for an entire half of a century, and I was never indecisive. I can’t promise that moving back will never be an option for me in the future, but whatever happens I want it to be with you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want that, Louis. I want it too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come here, angel.” Harry was already in Louis’ arms, already close to her, but she understood what Louis wanted, moving up until they were able to kiss, long and slow and deep, taking their time with it as if they had forever, probably because it felt like they did. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They woke up Saturday to grey skies and drizzle, the air thick with humidity. It was the worst kind of weather for Dyke March, but Harry didn’t even care. She made brunch for herself and Louis, thinking to invite Zayn when she realized she’d made way too much waffle batter. As they all sat down at Harry’s tiny kitchen table, mimosas in hand, Harry felt like she could burst with happiness. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zayn noticed, of course, teasing her about it a little, and Louis broke in with her news. They exchanged a high five and a hug, and Harry had a vision of regular brunch dates with the three of them once Louis moved. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had moments like that throughout the day-- getting dressed for the march, both of them holding up clothing options and weighing in for one another or sharing an umbrella as they walked to the train later --when she flashed forward to a future where these things would just be part of their shared lives. The thought of waking up with Louis every morning and sitting down for dinner together at night, simply experiencing all the little moments that made up life-- it kept making her pause in the middle of doing things to just smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stepping out of the subway to join the crowd that was gathering for the Dyke March she had to stop, looking around from underneath their shared umbrella, and just hold on tight to Louis’ arm, smiling so hard it felt like her face could break. Louis noticed, of course, and leaned in to kiss her cheek. She heard a couple of people nearby “aww” at the display. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Happy, my love?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Harry nodded. “Couldn’t be happier.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not even with decent weather? Because I wouldn’t mind a bit less rain.” Louis wrapped her arm around Harry’s waist, giving her a squeeze, and Harry squirmed at the touch, giggling a little. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, maybe less rain. But still, I wouldn’t trade anything else.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The march stepped off a while later, Harry pointing out the marshalls to show Louis what she’d done when she used to volunteer. Louis told her she’d be cute like that, linking hands with other dykes to keep traffic blocked so the marchers could move through the street unhindered. Harry knew Louis was teasing a little, but that she meant it too. She’d think Harry was cute doing just about anything. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It started to rain in earnest about halfway through the route, the sky bursting open in one of the summer storms that Harry usually loved to watch from inside but hated to get caught out in. This time, she embraced it. The humidity dropped and the rain cooled everything around them, and Harry stomped through the streets. Louis lowered the umbrella, joining her and laughing as they splashed in the quickly forming puddles, still chanting loudly along with the crowd, “we recruit!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They kissed in the street and in the park when the march was done, soaked to the bone and giddy. Louis insisted they grab a taxi back to Harry’s, worried that they’d get on a train with air conditioning and catch colds, and they found one that took them in spite of their wet clothes and Harry’s now see-through vintage “In Dykes We Trust” t-shirt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The rain was still coming down when they made it back to Harry’s, and Louis got the shower started, watching hungrily as Harry peeled off her wet clothes. Once they were under the hot spray, Harry wrapped her arms around Louis and held her close, drinking in the sensation and feeling of being with her. They kissed for a while, getting one another worked up until Harry dropped to her knees and started eating Louis out, the taste of her sweet and warm and already so familiar. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was no way they were going out for the night-- the rain was still coming down, even if a little less hard and heavy than it had been.  Instead they put on music and made dinner together. While the food cooked they danced around the kitchen, kissing as a Prince song played in the background, and it felt as good in the moment as if they’d been out in a sea of dykes, sweaty and bouncing around together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they finally fell asleep that night, Harry’s dreams were filled with moments from their day, played out again like a movie that her subconscious created as a treat just for her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sunday morning-- Louis’ last day visiting --the skies were a clear blue and it was hot and sunny. Beach weather, really. They ended up skipping Pride and going to Riis Beach instead, lying in the sand and pretending they were back on their cruise for a few hours. It wasn’t hard when most of the other beachgoers were queers who’d opted out of Pride in order to spend the afternoon at the gay beach. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they got back to Harry’s there were still hours til Louis needed to be at the airport, and she and Harry spent most of them wrapped up in one another. Harry had figured that with Louis visiting her neighbors would hate her thanks to all the noise they’d make together but, it was worth it. And there was no reason for her to hold back now, surely, so she let herself be vocal as Louis made her come. It was Pride weekend and she was proud and happy and queer and in love. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Epilogue: Three Years Later</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tags: references covid-19/pandemic briefly; still it's pure fluff!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>(Three Years Later)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If anyone had told Harry in March of 2019 that she was on the verge of having her entire life changed, she only would’ve pretended to listen to them. And yet by June of that year she was irrevocably different and her life was too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis moved at the end of December, her new job starting the second week of January. She’d found out while Harry was visiting her in the fall, and the two of them had announced the news to Louis’ friends and family together over dinner. There were a few tears shed over it, but most of them were happy-- Louis had been talking about the possibility of moving for a while, so everyone had known it was only a matter of time --and when Harry flew back to New York she did it safe in the knowledge that Louis’ friends and family didn’t hate her or think she was stealing Louis away. If anything, they loved her for how happy she’d made Louis; several of them pulled her aside to tell her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry expected that living together would be a challenge. She remembered when she’d moved in with Ash, how some of the things she’d thought were cute or quirky when they were just dating quickly became frustrating points of contention between the two of them once they’d started sharing the same space day in and day out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She kept waiting for it to happen with Louis; every day she’d wonder if this was the day that Louis would reveal some terrible habit that Harry hated. Would she clip her toenails in bed without cleaning up? Leave the bathroom a wreck in the mornings? Conveniently forget to take out the trash every time it was full, letting Harry do it instead? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Three months in Harry realized it wasn’t going to happen. Yes, Louis left her socks wherever she took them off. But when Harry pointed it out, Louis had just gone out and bought a few little bins that she kept in obvious places so that she could throw the socks in instead of letting them sit. She frequently kept half-full glasses of water around the apartment, taking a few sips and then forgetting them. After Harry knocked them over a couple of times, she bought a few reusable bottles and asked Louis to use those instead. And she did. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It went on like that. They argued, of course. Both of them could be stubborn and hated admitting they were wrong, and so there were times that they’d hit an impasse, sitting silently next to each other in a funk for a while. But eventually one of them would break and they’d start talking through it, and suddenly Harry started to understand the people who advised never going to bed angry. They weren’t talking about shoving their feelings away or covering things up-- they meant you worked through it. That’s what she and Louis did, and though it felt strange at first it was the good kind of strange.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They went through a lot together in that first year, from a quarantine that kept them both inside for months to protests that took both of them out to the streets. Every test seemed to make them stronger, and when the shape of the world shifted entirely, they made it through together, loving and fighting as a team. They’d already been in love from the start, but by the time they were entering their second year together neither of them had any doubts. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their talks about their shared future got more serious, and soon it wasn’t a matter of if but when-- when they’d try for their first child, when they’d want to get married, when they’d move to Doncaster to raise their kids. Knowing that they were on the same page was something that Harry would think about at night, lying in bed with Louis’ arms around her. Even though things weren’t happening in the moment, she knew they were looking toward the same place in the distance, and put her more at ease than she would’ve expected. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Louis suggested going on an Olivia cruise to celebrate their anniversary, Harry was a little bit wary. The pandemic had changed so much about the way she-- and so many people --moved through the world that it was hard to imagine being in an enclosed space with so many people. But after careful reading and a long phone call with Niall, Harry came to the conclusion that Olivia’s new guidelines were enough to allow her to feel alright about doing it. They booked a room that week for a Caribbean cruise that was happening almost three years to the day of the one where they’d met. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On the first day, there was a huge wedding ceremony onboard. Couples gathered around holding hands as someone who was ordained married all of them in one fell swoop. Harry leaned over to Louis to whisper in her ear, “let’s never get married in a group like this, okay?” Louis had to stifle a laugh. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Darlin I would never. It’s just going to be you and I standing there when we do it. As much of a fairytale as you want it to be or not.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Still, when the minister said “you may now kiss as a celebration of your love,” Harry and Louis shared a kiss right along with all the other couples. Married or not, they were always ready to celebrate their love. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When the ship docked in Puerto Rico, Harry was brought back to the time three years earlier that she and Louis had spent there</span>
  <span>. It was the city where they’d first gotten to know one another, and her memories of it had always been fond. They started walking in a direction that seemed familiar to Harry, though she wasn’t paying close attention to the route. Mostly she was taking in the way that the city had changed and listening as Louis talked about what she wanted to do together that day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Harry only realized something was a little off when she thought she saw someone who looked like Zayn walking up ahead of them. She craned her neck, trying to keep track of the man, but he was swallowed up by the crowd. Harry squeezed Louis’ hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lou it’s so weird, but I saw someone who looked just like Zayn?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Louis looked back at her with an odd expression on her face that quickly slipped into a frown. “That’s really weird,” she said, shaking her head. “Must’ve been a coincidence.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They walked a little bit longer until Louis stopped in front of a restaurant. They’d eaten a lot at breakfast, and so Harry was about to say that she didn’t feel hungry when she swore she saw Lissa walking up the street. She was about to say something about it to Louis when she spotted the Zayn look-alike once again, also walking toward them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then she realized-- it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>Zayn. And Lissa. And Sasha next to her. Liam was there, as was Niall. One by one, Harry saw more and more people she knew walking up to them-- Eleanor and Olive, Louis’ sisters, Harry’s parents --and her mouth fell open in shock. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lou-- what’s going on?” Harry finally turned to look at Louis and saw that she was on the verge of tears. When their eyes met, Louis broke into a smile that made her face crinkle, all her beautiful smile lines on display. A lump grew in Harry’s throat though she couldn’t say why. “Lou?” Harry turned to see friends and loved ones gathered around, all of them watching and smiling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She turned back to find that Louis had lowered herself to one knee, and she sobbed, heart full enough to burst. She already knew she’d say yes, and so did Louis. The future was there for them, one adventure after another, along with the steady comfort of a love they’d wandered into by accident that had turned out to be deep and strong and true. This was one more beautiful moment in so many they’d had together, but Harry knew for sure that it wouldn’t be the last.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I couldn't have written this-- or anything, really --without the support and brilliance of my beta, <a href="http://statementlou.tumblr.com">statementlou</a>. She brings so much to everything I do and I can't express how grateful I am! In particular, I'm not sure I'd have made it at the end without her dedication and hard work, so seriously-- big thanks</p><p>My incredibly supportive BB Panic group chat also deserves some love-- they have all been amazing and inspiring and have truly helped me get through this writing process. Thank you all! </p><p>I also had a cheerleader while writing this fic, and there were so many times when <a href="http://and-id-marry-larry.tumblr.com">and-id-marry-larry</a>'s comments refilled my heart meter so I could keep writing-- THANK YOU! </p><p>Finally, big thanks to the BB Mods. Y'all are amazing, always. </p><p>If you enjoyed this fic, please consider leaving a comment or kudos or reblogging the fic post (coming soon)! Thank you!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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